15 Things That Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do

15 Things That Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do [Shared on facebook]

Do read this amazing list – do you agree that emotionally strong people don’t do these fifteen things? Do you consider yourself an emotionally strong person?

I think some of our Indian Family Values might disagree with this list.

Take a look at points 4, 7, 11, 12 and 14 below. Many would consider these irresponsible, because we are expected to be responsible for other people’s happiness.

Happiness is also seen as something that other people give/owe us, for example by sacrificing their own happiness or by their display of respect for us, or by approving of our choices etc.

Are Indian women and men brought up to respect themselves and to take responsibility for their own lives and happiness?

I think many of us go out of ways to teach children to find happiness in what will people say (not all the people, but some chosen, more powerful or higher-in-social-hierarchy people) – when we tell children to score better than their class mates, or when we run (or dance, or create, or work) to win, not for the joy of running, dancing or creating. Even the definition of Success for many seems to involve competition with other people😦

I think this list is about people who choose Happiness over Success (when success is not defined as happiness). What do you think?

4. They Never Stop Doing Their Own Thing

Emotionally strong individuals do what they do because they love doing it. They don’t plan on slowing down or stopping for anyone who deems their happiness inappropriate.

7. They Know Better Than To Let Just Anyone Into Their Lives

The emotionally strong are emotionally strong for a reason: They don’t expose themselves to people who break down their defenses and crush their morale. Most people in the world are lost and will be more than happy to take you along with them. Don’t let an awful acquaintance ruin your happiness.

11. They Don’t Do Things They Don’t Want To Do

We all do things that we don’t love to do, but we should never do things that we don’t want to do. The emotionally strong understand that and almost always manage to figure out a way to focus on what they love, which allows them to figure out what they need to do, in order to do what they love. Although they may not love every second of it, they like doing what they are doing because it’s bringing them one step closer to what they would love to do.


12. They Have No Problem Saying “No”

If you can’t say “no,” you will get abused. You’ll be considered a pushover and no one will ever ask you for your opinion or take it seriously when you give it. Saying “no” reminds people that they don’t have control over you.

14. They Don’t Feel The Need To Fit In

The stronger you are emotionally, the more independent you become. You don’t feel the need to fit in because you fit in where it matters: the world. People form smaller social groups that are often skewed and unhealthy. Wanting to fit in doesn’t say much more than “I’m afraid to be myself.”

And here’s why I loved this list:

You’re going to be with your in-laws for only a few days in a year so why can’t you live the way they want and keep every one happy?

Is it possible that the ones whose disapproval is dreaded the most are those who are most likely to express disapproval (and occasional approval)?

Display of respect to those in power, in Indian culture.

“But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy”

“I had written an email about being a DIL in the joint family, I am happy to share my current state …”

“Wives..well they are awesome! They will cross heavens to make you and the family’s lives happy.”

I could not sing after my marriage and I am really sad about it, but women have to ‘adjust’ to see their family happy…

An email: He says what am I expecting out of this marriage if I cant even make him happy.

Some happy relationship rules. Add yours?

Eleven questions the family elders ask women in unhappy marriages.

An email: Is it fair for parents to say that their happiness depends on who their kids marry?

19 thoughts on “15 Things That Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do

  1. Don’t know about traditional families, but “happiness is a choice” sounds like a load of crock to me. Try telling that to people suffering from depression. If they could “choose” to control their emotions they would. That statement reeks of privilege. There are people whose life situations are so hard, they are understandably unhappy. I refuse to think they can choose mind over matter or whatever.

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    • @Bride: I feel being emotionally strong makes dealing with everything easier. Nothing can make life perfectly happy, but how we deal with challenges depends on how strong we are emotionally. Some of it is within our control, some of it is beyond control, but many of us are made to feel guilty for wanting to own ourselves and our lives.

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      • “many of us are made to feel guilty for wanting to own ourselves and our lives.” I agree with this and I know where you are coming from. I am just tired of hearing these mantras ‘happiness is a choice’ or ‘do what you love’ with no caveats about how they only apply to a certain category of people.

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        • This I so agree with especially “do what you love”! I mean, how can you “do what you love” if you don’t know what is it you love or if the thing you love doesn’t exactly pay the bills or support your other dreams…

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    • I totally agree with this list, and actually when you battle with depression, chosing to be happy does help and is a form of therapy.

      See, what happens in depression is that your brain reacts more intensely to unpleasant news/emotions than the brain of a person who is not depressed, it’s a chemical reaction. Therefore chosing not to watch sad news 4 times a day, and trying to do pleasurable activities at least 2-3 times a day even if it seems selfish to others, is very helpful and a method to get rid of depression. It is also used in cancer therapies.

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  2. I would take into account the name of the Site – Elite daily. Which means these are about people who have the education and the financial means covering their basics and MORE….Therefore all of that advice cant apply to people not in that “elite” category.

    Happiness and Success are very relative…I Feel I am Successful if I am Happy and my Happiness has a lot of factors which other people may call as a “measure of success”.

    For this discussion, lets take the Healthy Adults and I mean Mentally and Physically Healthy adults with a healthy dose of common sense in understanding what is their own priorities without becoming JERKS…Its about achieving a delicate balance its about being there for others without compromising yourself. I would agree with all of those points with a little tweaking.
    4. Yep, you shouldn’t stop doing what you do…examples would be not giving up studying just because your husband doesn’t like an educated wife ; give up working on your talents, building your career, having friends of your own, having a life of your own just because your In-laws don’t want you to ; giving up things that are a means to empowering yourself.
    7. Yes. Have healthy boundaries, don’t just let in people to barge into your life like they have the right to…Draw a line, right at the beginning, push lines back slowly only after the other has proved they respect you and your boundaries. examples would be not going on with the relationship when you see that the person you are involved with is possessive, jealous, critical of you or the kind that is dominating…it might seem very cute in the beginning of a relationship but it will erode your confidence…Ask for advice but work on it yourself, understand that the moment you let others do things for you, you have signed away your power…so Yep Boundaries are very important. Keep everyone out of the Sacred Space occupied by YOU.
    11. Yep, you can make exceptions to do something you don’t like(it might be needed at times as a negotiation in a relationship) with a full knowledge that you are making an exception but NEVER make it a habit to do the things you don’t want to do cause “someone else needs it”.
    12. This is a RESOUNDING YES!!!! You have to know to say NO! and Mean IT! Its the first thing a parent should teach a child. Saying NO is a way of setting boundaries…So don’t say YES when you mean Maybe, its always better to say NO and make an exception later on…So Learn this Powerful Mantra of Saying NO! without any feeling of guilt or obligation attached to it.
    14. As sad as I feel saying this…I haven’t yet met a person who at some point of time or other didnt feel a need to fit in. So right now, with what I have observed and experienced, I feel this is a skill you learn over time. Depending on a person’s awareness they will get here quickly or slowly or never at all…most of us will want to fit in at every twist and turn, especially if we are looking outside for a stamp of approval for who we are. But this need wears off as you Learn to get Comfortable in your own skin and your approval of yourself surpasses any need for an Outsiders approval of you.

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  3. @Bride,

    Happiness is a choice and DG learned it when she hit the rock bottom. One has to create their own happiness within them no matter how adverse the life situations are. The day we understand our happiness is our responsibility and nobody owes us our happiness it is then we start start on the path to happiness and make required changes.
    http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/happiness-a-work-in-progress/

    http://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/1272/

    Peace,
    Desi Girl

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  4. Pingback: Random Things › <b>15 Things</b> That Emotionally Strong People Don't Do | The Life and <b>…</b>

  5. And Yes I agree with 15 too, again only if the person is healthy emotionally, financially, physically and mentally, then in most everyday events of your life(I had to make exceptions for those things out of our control like say a war or an epidemic or a catastrophe of some kind). Your attitude to the event really defines how you feel. You can choose to take things in your stride or to make a major drama of the event. How you react and what the results of that reaction would be will depend on how you handle yourself. In that choice is your potential for happiness.

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  6. Hmm… all those points are great but they speak of an ideal situation. Even the best of us cannot be emotionally strong all the time – eastern or western. Or else, why would you have all these articles.

    Of course, eastern cultures would call this against our culture and this does not apply only to Indians. It applies to east as a whole.

    But then, there are westerners also who can’t be emotionally strong if I were to judge based on these 15 points, though they have an option of being strong.

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  7. These points definetly donot apply to those who face problems such as depression & also those who have limited resources but most of these points are kind of a reminder to those who have too many “feeling blue” days.
    I would also add that sometimes even the, emotionally, strongest person in the world, needs at least one person who would care for them, even when they feel thay don’t need it or deserve it. It kind of makes you feel stronger when you know there is someone who would vouch for you.

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  8. I agree with the list, Indian Home Maker and No. 14 defines me. But, can’t say No to people. I must say that if we go along with the list I will get lotsa happiness in my life. Believing in our individuality doesn’t mean that we disrespect our elders and show no love to them. I find it stupid, unfortunately.

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  9. I concur with The Bride’s dissent. The list might work when somebody who has a ‘low’ moment because of their state of life (or what they perceive their life to be). However, it means very little to those who might suffer from a clinical depression or a mood disorder.
     
    No offence to the blogger, but it is pop-psychology tripe like that makes a lot of people who genuinely need psychiatric help, reluctant to seek help. They believe that if they can’t battle their demons and ‘be happy’ on their own effort, they are emotionally weak and fragile – a state that no self-respecting person wants to be in. Sometimes you need a dose of SSRI to be happy and no amount of trying to ‘make yourself happy’ is going to work.

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  10. Pingback: ” My mom (a doctor) left her MD midway because my dad and his parents wanted her to ‘come and be their bahu’. “ | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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