Sharing an email.
I wrote you a mail few days ago but wasn’t very clear on my problems I guess. In this mail I am giving you a complete picture of myself and my issues. Please publish it on your blog as I really need sound suggestions from all the people who comment here and in most of whom I see a reflection of my thoughts and opinions.
I am a 28 year old working and married woman. As with most urban girls these days, I have been raised with non traditional values and never had marriage as the only and ultimate aim of my life. I am the youngest in 4 siblings and was relatively pampered as compared to my other siblings. Since I was the last kid in the family I am extremely attached to my parents and led a very, very, almost unhealthy, protected life. Due to this I became a very emotional person and I have always had trouble dealing with my emotions. I soon realized the downside of this personality attribute, esp when I started working and worked on it to show my emotions only to my family and very close friends.
My husband and I met when I was 18 years old. After being pursued by him for almost 3 years, I said yes to him when I was 21. After almost 5 years of relationship, we got married 2 years ago. This information is relevant because I wanted to point out that my DH and I have practically GROWN together. We know each other inside out. By God’s grace my PIL’s are also nice people and my MIL is a very simple woman. Although she has irritated me at times with her illogical demands (like wearing the fanciest sari for a small function etc. ), she is not an evil woman. She cooks my favorite dishes when I visit them or vice-versa and has always treated me with love and respect. No restrictions on what I wear, where I go, whom I meet or how frequently I have to call them up. So I’m blessed that way I believe. Similarly, I have adjusted and kept quiet as per the need and have never disrespected them. We share a sweet bond and we genuinely adore each other.
Now the problem – My DH has been my support through all thick and thin. We have loved and supported each other unconditionally all these years. I have been completely emotionally dependent on him. My professional frustrations, my insecurities, my hopes, my dreams, he has been privy to all. He supports my decisions and has never ever forced me to do anything against my wish. Likewise, I have trusted his decisions and respected them, sometimes even when I didn’t like them. In spite of sharing a close bond, we have had terrible fights and arguments in our relationship on the most trivial of issues. He is also the youngest in his siblings and is quite pampered. I felt that both of us used to behave very immaturely and hence the frequent fights. To resolve this, I thought I would try to restrict my emotional outbursts and would let go of my need to have the last word in our every argument. I did exactly this and the arguments and fights did reduce. However, stifling my emotions did not help me very much. I started having feelings of resentment towards my hubby and did not feel myself with him anymore. He sensed this and he also turned to silence so that things don’t turn ugly. This has taken a huge toll on our relationship. While I cry and let out my emotions secretly, he feels that I could never grow up. Few days ago I had been crying non-stop for almost 2 hours (amalgamation of issues in office, some problem with my parents’ health and emotional disconnect with DH) and he could not take it any longer and said he is going out or a walk. I felt all the more hurt and then we had a very emotional conversation. I told him that since I could not share my pain with him anymore, could not tell him how he has been hurting me (knowingly or otherwise), I feel very suffocated. He let out a sigh and said in a very sad tone that he could not handle my emotions anymore. He could not handle my frequent emotional ups and downs and the fact that I refuse to grow up. Since that day we have been living a very normal, emotionless life. I am not finding any utility in staying married to him. I married him for love (which was an EMOTIONAL REASON). I don’t know if I am overreacting or this is worth calling the marriage quits. We have loved each other madly all these years and it pains me to see US like this. I also don’t know which is better, horrible emotional fights that would end within the day itself and we would be passionately back in love or the silent resentment that hangs for days and days between us.
Divorce is not a taboo in my family and I know my parents, even if it pains them terribly, will support my decision. The only sad part is that both the set of parents (mine and DH’s) have seen one of their kids getting divorced and it has broken them from inside even though they supported their kids’ decision. One more divorce in the family and it will be too much for both the parents to take. Also, I do not want to take such a strong decision without believing that it is the only way out.
Please help me make a sound decision.