“Every mother should tell her son………..!!”
Email forward shared by Mr GVjee. Author’s name was not mentioned in the forward – do share if you know who wrote this ‘piece of advice’.
What do you think of this attempt at good will for deserving Indian daughters in law? My attempt at better advice in italics.
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Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven’t, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
IHM’s Better Advice: Getting married does not mean either of you leaves behind your families and friends. And don’t ask or expect her to take your family name. The obsession with carrying forward of family names via male heirs is the reason why we have a skewed gender ratio.
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
Better Advice: Don’t expect your relationship to work if you ‘sleep oblivious’ and expect her to be in a ‘predicament’ in the kitchen. This is why Joint Families don’t work. Be there with her in the kitchen.
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain;
to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn’t want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times …
Ek Sawal: She is expected to do all this by Who?
Answer: Only by Patriarchal Misogynists.
Better Advice: Don’t expect her to be a servant or a cook. Or a Mother unless if she wants to.
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : and knows that you won’t like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
Better Advice: You are an adult. She is not competition. You do not need to pretend to always know better, and she does not need to pretend she thinks you always know better. Let me not raise you to expect a slave who treats you like a badly brought up child.
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
i. Friends are a support system. You may find that you don’t like some of her friend or she doesn’t like some of yours. Do discuss and deal with this if it really bothers either of you, but don’t expect to get along perfectly with everybody either of you knows.
ii. If you remember you are an equal partner, and not a Protector and Provider/Lord and Master, you will find it easier to be free from ‘
your inherent’ any ‘insecurities’ which might lead to ‘unnecessary competition’ and ‘irrational jealousy’. Do read: Man’s Man? No thanks. by Cynically Engineered
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won’t, simply Because you won’t like it, even though you say otherwise
Better Advice: Respect each other as individuals and adults – don’t expect to make her give up something (even while saying otherwise) she enjoys doing and don’t expect her to enjoy the same things you do. You will do somethings together, and somethings one of you will enjoy more than the other.
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her little and trust her;
IHM: If she sees this marriage as the ‘most important relationship in her entire life’ then she will expect you to do the same.
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house – your generous support, your sensitivities and most importantly – your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
But not many guys understand this…….
Please appreciate “HER”
IHM: Nobody should be forced to live in a Joint Family.
Every mother should tell her son………..!! : Send this to all girls to make their day and to all guys who can handle it.
Man’s Man? No thanks. – Cynically Engineered