Sharing an email.
What do you think should she do? Also, why do you think did this man get married to her?
Should she have, even the right to deny him a ‘no fault divorce’? If yes why? If not why not?
My friend and I went to the same college. She truly is an amazing person. Studious, friendly, polite, empathetic, cheerful, and loved by everyone, even at other majors. Back then she always had dreams about the kind of husband that she will have. Someone who would love her, and appreciate her for who she is. She has been talkative person. Very. I’ve spent hours then, listening to these, but none of that has come true now, which bothers me a lot.
Right after her post-grad, she worked at a well-known multi-national, and was a much respected employee and colleague. Three years into this, her parents thought it was time for her to get married. She was ready for an arranged marriage.
In a few months she called to say that they’ve chosen a guy, whose family is from the same town, and that he works in the US. The families met over dinner during an evening, and my friend and the guy were given time to speak to each other. The guy was happy with her, and same with her. They married in 2012. She left for US and initially she was getting accustomed to her new surroundings and her new life, but sounded happy indeed. But within months she started saying that he was so aloof, that they had problems having a conversation. She used to start something, and he would either nod, or would just answer in a single word. When she sat close to him, or tried to touch him, he would tell her explicitly that he didn’t like being touched.. He always said he needed time. Every effort she put in to understand him was futile, as either he said he is just not comfortable with her, or about how badly dressed she is, how ugly she is, or how bad her English grammar is (none of this is actually true).
They came here twice to have all this sorted out with elders. Both times he told her father that he will change things around, and would try to be happy with her once they go back. But he wouldn’t even try.
Once in between these visits, her MIL visited them, and when she left after a month, he became even more stubborn and started asking for a mutual divorce. Her family suspected he might either have an affair, or that he might be impotent. My friend undoubtedly says that the first is not true, as he never goes out at odd hours, talks, or texts often, or anything that could be signs. He proved the latter wrong by having a test done to prove himself. They were both asked to visit a psychiatrist at their town, where after 4 sittings, the doctor lady said she cannot force him into this, and he was extremely adamant, and never wanting to try. After this, he clearly told my friend that he would never change his decision, and that its only for convincing her, that he visited the psychiatrist.
He has provided for her well. Takes her out, buys her essentials. His Indian friends and acquaintances all like her much, and always invite her to eat out or to movies. They’ve even advised him to change, and pointed out that she is a good human being, and that he must be lucky.
All the while, my friend has tried, tried, and tried to make the marriage work. Been patient like no women in that situation can be. Now she has become extremely depressed, self-doubting, and thinks she has a bleak future. She wants answers to so many questions from him before she can think of obliging him. She wants to know what wrong she did to be treated this way, why he chose her, but repents his decision immediately after marriage, what remedy he has towards her 1.5 wasted years, of her young, precious life.
Her parents (her dad is assistant commissioner of police of a city) have always been supportive and patient and are only waiting for her to say that she is tired of waiting. She is afraid to come out of this unproductive marriage fearing of community, and her divorcee status. her parents want him to go through hell for how easily he treated (or handled) their daughter like an object. They are guilty, though they definitely did not force her to choose him. A single ‘no’, or ‘I don’t want to’, on his part would have saved her from this hell-hole.
Her well-wisher that I am, I want her to ditch this undeserving guy, and to be her usual self again, and find someone who is absolutely worth her. Enough is enough-of sleepless nights, and teary days. Kindly let me know what you, and others think, as i have come to trust your blog so much.