Sharing the response from the email writer who was accused of betraying her “…parents, country and culture by not having an arranged marriage”
Many hanks for posting my email on the blog and for your kind supportive words. I am very grateful to you for doing that. I would like to thank everyone who has responded too for their very empathetic responses. I will follow the advice and not speak with my parents till they treat me like an adult and respect my wishes. That is the only sensible solution to this and giving up my life for this is not worth it. Like one of the respondents said ” that would be an easy way out”. I would also like to take this opportunity to address some comments made by some respondents:
1. Yes, I would like to get married but I want to choose my own partner.
2. I have spoken to my parents on numerous occasions directly and through my siblings to explain what kind of guy I would like for a partner. They refuse to listen and claim that they don’t understand what chemistry, compatibility and similar outlook to life means. If a guy they pick is fair, 6 feet tall, earning more than me in a decent job, has well educated parents with good financial background then what is my problem?
3. My parents have been to see me in UK once but they are refusing to come again because the society in India will think that they are “having time of their life by travelling instead of thinking about getting their 3 daughters married”.
4. I did think about not speaking to my parents but then thought what kind of life would be that and it’s better therefore not to live to relieve them of all the pain I have caused in 11 years.
5. When I came to UK all those years ago, I was staying with very close relatives initially, who paid for my first degree . One of them in the family (who was married) tried to sexually abuse me. [IHM: Study finds 98% of India rape victims knew their attacker.]
I was worried that he would attack me again as he was always following me around, so in-spite of my parents asking me to not say anything, I told other members of that family about him. No one believed me. I was beaten up, called names etc etc and the abuse didn’t stop for 6 months. I finally found the courage to leave that house and have not spoken to these people again. I went through 2 years of intensive therapy after that. All this happened between the age of 21 to 25. Long story short- my parents decided to stop speaking with these people. I did not ask them to but they did. I also offered to pay back what this relative spent on my education. So now my parents are calling me ungrateful and blaming me for breaking this relationship. My dad also insinuated in his rage that perhaps I bought all that pain on me, even though he knows the truth.
6. After I left the terrible house I mentioned in point 6, I told me parents then that I don’t want to marry yet because I need to sort myself out emotionally after what I have been through. But no one understood it and kept still going on about marriage. I actually fainted at my work and they though I was having an heart attack, which was a catalyst for therapy fully sponsored by my work. After I met my ex boyfriend, I didn’t have the energy to start thinking of defying my parents and loose them too. So when I said I am tired and I see no way out, its because I feel like I have been fighting one battle after the other ( with no fault of my own) and I just can not do it anymore. Not being alive seems like the easy way out to end it all. Yes I am content with my life in UK, if I ignore all this and I am proud of what I have achieved on my own but I just never thought it would come to all this with my own family. Thank you very much again. Hopefully one day I will write again to tell you that I have found a wonderful man of my liking and my parents are very happy for me and enjoying my happiness with me. Here is to hope and staying positive. Happy New Year.