Sharing an email.
I never knew that one day I would be requesting you to post this letter of mine, but, here I am. I am an avid follower of your blog and have been impressed at the advice that your followers provide. Here is my story, or rather, my sister’s story. My sister and I are from a middle class indian family. Both our parents retired from leading national banks. We were both above average in studies and did well. I am happily married for 15 yrs and live and work in US with my 2 kids. My sister is having a really harrowing time. She married this guy 9 years ago. It was an arranged marriage. A month before marriage, he confessed to my sister that he is actually from a different caste. I am not so bothered about the inter caste thing, but I feel he cheated by lying. The other thing is that, my sister and I had decided that if we marry, we will marry someone who stays abroad, that way, we don’t have to face in-laws jhunjat. I got lucky, however, my sister’s husband, told her that he has an assignment in Malaysia and that he will stay there for at least 5 years. In reality, he didn’t stay there for even 3 months, he had already submitted his resignation papers and he wanted to stay with his mother. This was a second lie. Still, my sister tolerated all this and lived with him. She literally became the servant maid of the house. She washed and cleaned the house, cooked 3 times a day, even had 2 miscarriages due to all the strenuous work. Her MIL is straight from hell, doesn’t want her son to move out, wants her DIL to abide by her rules. My sister was even called a “defective piece” because she had 2 miscarriages. Once, she was supposed to join my parents on a holiday to Europe, her MIL poisoned her son’s mind and he made sure that she did not board the flight.
Her husband is a total momma’s boy. He lives by her rules, gets very easily influenced. A few years ago, her husband and in-laws even threw her out of her house in the middle of the night. My parents are very supportive, yet, are still in the “Log kya kehte hain” mind set. I, on the other hand, have always asked her to leave that husband of hers. I was branded “extreme feminist”, “radical”, “overly progressive” and what not for asking her to leave him.
Last month, my sister’s husband picked a fight with her as he felt that my sister was not doing enough for his parents. She is a part time lecturer, cooks thrice, takes care of her 4 year old all by herself and still supports her husband’s family business by working there as well. My sister also lost her cool after 8 long years and lambasted him as well, he got mad and hit her badly. My parents and I asked her to leave him, I even came up with some alternatives that she could consider. Her husband begged forgiveness and she went back.
Her husband has severe temper issues. Once when they were newly married, for a very silly reason, he left my sis and went and slept in his mother’s room next to his mom. There was some family function and all her relatives who were staying overnight were shocked. My sister felt very embarrassed. He goes without talking for days, while my sister will be left wondering what caused this anger. He has severe inferiority complex as well. He is an MSc in polymer technology, which I think is very impressive. For some reason, he thinks he is under qualified and he feels that we act high and mighty with him, which is absolutely untrue.
Recently, I invited her to come visit me in US. Her husband had also agreed. Her MIL poisoned her son’s mind yet another time and he picked a fight with her and called her names. He gave her an ultimatum that if she ever decides to go to US, she is not welcome to live with him. My sister calmly said that she needs to pack her clothes and take all her documents (certificates, NSCs, passport, educational score sheets etc) and she just went to get them from the almirah. He pushed her to the floor, kicked her and hit her black and blue. She has a split lip, bluish marks on her neck, face and near her eyes. She has extreme pain in her ribs as well. We lodged a police complaint, got doctor’s certificate, took her pictures etc. The police guy was a nice guy and he counselled them both and sent them back, however he told my BIL that he is only doing this because my parents didn’t want any action to be taken and to just give him a warning. My sis is living with my mom for some days and she will decide on her next course of action. I strongly feel that she will go back to that *******. I told her again to not go back. I also told her that I will support her and my niece. Still, I feel that she will go back. Her husband is financially very sound. Has 2 homes, 3 plots of land in and is drawing a good salary. She feels that she alone will not be able to provide financial stability to her daughter. I still think that this should not be a reason to go back to an abusive *** ****. Please post this on your blog and I would like to request your readers to post their views.
Should she go back or should she run? I would like her to read the views expressed in your blog.
Thank you so much!
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