Is it also possible that the ones whose disapproval is dreaded the most are those who are most likely to express disapproval (and occasional approval)? (As in, ‘comment’, ‘advice’ or a ‘timely compliment’ as they deem appropriate)? If this is the case, then how is this controlling any different from other manipulative and controlling relationships?
So does it also mean that expressing an unasked for opinion on other people’s personal lives can in a way empower those who wish to control or manipulate?
Sharing an email.
Dear Sir / Madam
I am Indian, 25 Years Male ( Unmarried ), work in *** Group of companies. Since last 7 years I have been working in different organisations and with good experience. From last two years I am in relation with a girl of different caste ( She is 23 years, her family already approved our relation ), but we are from same state. In my family there is Mother, Grand Mother, two elder brother ( Both Married ), Uncle, Aunty, Cousin sisters. We are joint family. Father & Grand Father got expired 4 years back. My family ( Specially my Mother and Eldest Brother ) is very strict against Inter Caste / Love marriage. The day I put my opinion in front of them, all went against my favour. I was and still being Criminal as per their understanding, Just because of three words ‘’’’’’’ Log kya Kahenge ??? ‘’’’’’ ( What Society / relative will think )………… all this is made me very upset and sad day by day. They are thinking about such society and relative, who don’t have any rights to comment on my personal life, and if they are commenting on the same, I don’t even care, because I know I am not doing anything wrong, Inter Caste / Inter Racial Marriage was already been approved in 1954 by Constitution of India ( Supreme Court ).
I will share point to point that my Mother & Brother taunting / blaming me every day, even till date.
-I can’t show face in to our society / relative / friends etc.
-Society will boycott us forever.
-I will go to ANATH ASHRAM ( NGO’s ) if you are not interested in listening to us
-I will suicide if you elope with girl of another caste / race.
-Society / relative / Parents happiness are more important that child happiness. Because they will only support us in future. ( This was Bullshit )
-How can you think about her without our consent ??.
-If you want to marry her, you have to leave house and go to some other place, we can’t tolerate any one going against culture of our SAMAJ ( community )
-Mother gone on hunger strike for some days.
-Emotional blackmail, daily Torture, hours of crying. Making sad faces.
-Mother claims that I broke her heart, she will die early because of my nonsense.
-Mother and brother also claims that my father passed away because of same problem (My 2nd elder brother did inter caste marriage, after 4-5 months my father got expired, which they think is because of my brother, and everyone knows that was wrong news).
-Now after your father, you are planning to make me die as soon as possible.
-People will laugh on us just because of you.
-We have done so much for you since birth and you are showing me these days.
-If I would have known that you will do such nonsense, we would have killed you at the time of birth.
And many other blames.
After listening to all such blame and daily drama, I agreed to go for arranged marriage as per my family wishes. They even approved of one girl of our own caste and made me say ‘’yes’’ in front of everyone by blackmailing be of suicide. I eventually said ‘’’yes’’.
Since last 1 month I am upset because all such nonsense…….. and I don’t like to talk to anyone in my family or friends etc. I feel to stay more time alone in silent places. Now my family is again using same procedure of blackmail and asking me to laugh and be happy in front of everyone, so that everyone one around me think that I am happy from inside. But this is what I can’t do forcefully. You can’t keep any person happy forcefully.
I need suggestion from readers, is that all blame valid as per my mother and brother ??? ….. also please help me with your valuable suggestions.