All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said.

Kasim told his mother that his friends had come upon the couple embracing in the mill, and “they thought: ‘What is she doing with this boy here? She must be loose.’ ”

“Obviously, the fault is the girl’s,” she said. “Why did she have to go to that jungle? It’s her fault, too. Also, she was wearing skimpy clothes.”

Read the entire article here: Gang Rape in India, Routine and Invisible, In Mumbai Case, a Group of Assault Suspects Had Little Fear of the Law.

Link shared by Reenee.

Here is the biggest reason why rapes ‘happen’.

One problem is that perpetrators may not view their actions as a grave crime, but something closer to mischief. A survey of more than 10,000 men carried out in six Asian countries — India not among them — and published in The Lancet Global Health journal in September came up with startling data. It found that, when the word “rape” was not used as part of a questionnaire, more than one in 10 men in the region admitted to forcing sex on a woman who was not their partner.

Asked why, 73 percent said the reason was “entitlement.” Fifty-nine percent said their motivation was “entertainment seeking,” agreeing with the statements “I wanted to have fun” or “I was bored.”

Ram Singh in Delhi bus gang rape had gone out with the intention to have some fun – by robbing and sexually assaulting those who he was sure would not report. These young men in Noida did the same thing – and always they find voices in support and sympathy.  This cab driver was sure he would not be reported and the survivor would be blamed. They sense that patriarchy doesn’t really see rape as a crime, patriarchy sees rape as a warning threat and punishment to those who do not fear its blatant misogyny.

“It’s just frivolous; they just do it casually,” she said. “There is so much abject poverty. They just want to have a little fun on the side. That’s it. See, they have nothing to lose.”

I didn’t understand the ‘so much abject poverty’. All those who live in poverty do not become rapists, in fact most of them don’t become criminals. Also, it’s not just the young men who are living in poverty, women live in ‘abject poverty’ too. And sexual crimes are committed by men from all classes, wealth or literacy does not change criminal tendencies .

Are all rapists misogynists? I think yes because rape is a crime of hatred and disrespect for the victim.

Are rapes caused by women’s successes hurting men’s pride?

If this was true then potential victims who appear confident and capable of retaliating/reporting would not be safer than those who are likely to be blamed or can be shamed and silenced.

The men had done the same thing a month before, said Mr. Roy, the police commissioner, taking turns raping an 18-year-old call-center worker who, accompanied by her boyfriend, had sprained her ankle and was trying to take a shortcut through the mill. They had done the same thing with a woman who worked as a scavenger in a garbage dump, and a sex worker, and a transvestite, Mr. Roy said.

Patriarchy gives the rapists fearlessness to use the proof of their crimes to silence the survivors.

Before releasing her, they threatened to upload video of the attack onto the Internet if she reported the crime, a strategy that had worked with previous victims.

What happens when a survivor refused to be shamed into silence?

But this one did not hesitate. The two caught a cab to the nearest hospital. There they reported the crime, and the woman’s mother arrived. “I went inside. I saw her there crying,” her mother told the police later. “She told me in English, ‘Mummy, I’m vanished.’ ”

“The same man who rape a girl… respect his mother… ”

Mr. Sheikh, too, saw his mother for a few moments that night. He discussed the rape with her, she said, and tried to explain why it had happened.

“I asked Kasim, ‘Son, why did you do this to her? If it happened to your sister, would you come here and tell me or would you beat him?’ ” said his mother, Chandbibi Sheikh. He told her that his friends had come upon the couple embracing in the mill, and “they thought: ‘What is she doing with this boy here? She must be loose.’ ”

Who teaches potential rapists that they can get away with blaming the people they rape?

… She said far too much onus was being put on the men.

Which is why only girls were allowed in the audience here.

“Obviously, the fault is the girl’s,” she said. “Why did she have to go to that jungle? It’s her fault, too. Also, she was wearing skimpy clothes.”

Who teaches Indian men that “Such mannequins will excite men…” and what kind of myths cause a huge number of people to agree with – Why we think women activists should change their attitude of “wear what you like”?

No wonder we hear of molesters being forgiven after an apology, and One rapist let off with a few slaps, another rapist allowed to kill for family honor.

She did not deny that he had done it. “He must have,” she said. “He told me that they tied up the boy who was doing bad things to her…

Why did he say the boy was doing ‘bad things to her’? Because girls who allow ‘bad things’ to be ‘done to them’ are seen as deserving of being raped. And because patriarchy condemns consensual sex between people who are not married to each other (married with or without consent) – and Rape Culture permits sexual crimes to be used for ‘teaching a lesson’ to women who attempt to own their bodies and their sexuality. Which is why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.

… and said, ‘Madam, let us also do it.’ The madam said, ‘Don’t do it to me, take my mobile, take my camera, but don’t do it to me.’ Her body was uncovered. How could he control himself? And so it happened.”

What kind of society permits an obvious, planned, heinous crimes to be excused with the survivor was Provocatively Dressed? It’s almost like we are training them to commit crimes.

And here is what happens when a crime is taken seriously. And this is a result of the protests that followed Delhi bus gang rape.

Mumbai’s top officials, who had told themselves that the Delhi gang rape could not have happened here, were horrified and initiated a broad, high-level response, as if an act of terrorism had taken place.

The police lighted up their networks of slum informants and all five were arrested and gave confessions in quick succession.

All criminals hope to face no consequences while planning their crimes; Rapists don’t just hope, they expect it. “Hearing that he will face the gallows, Vinay started crying in court…”

In this case,

Several made pitiful attempts to escape. Mr. Sheikh went to the visitor’s room of a nearby hospital and covered himself with a blanket, trying to blend in with a crowd of relatives. He was caught with 50 rupees, or about 81 cents, in his pocket.

Instead of focusing on the rape survivors’ clothing and lifestyle, the media is finally trying to make an honest attempt to understand the crime. Was the gang rape the first act of violence the gang rapists have ever committed?  Were they violent otherwise? What does –  ‘like any husband is to his wife’ mean? Is violence and marital rape a part of being ‘any husband to his wife’?

Shahjahan Ansari, the wife of the oldest accused man, … The whole story baffled her; she said she had no idea who her husband’s friends were or what he did during the day when she went to work cleaning houses. All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said.

I felt the article seemed to see abject poverty as one of the things that make men rape, when we have powerful, sometimes well known people, committing similar crimes and frequently getting away with them.

Related Posts:

What makes Men Rape?

This is what rapists do when there is no fear of punishment.

How Victim Blaming confuses rapists, police and the society about when exactly does non-consensual-sex becomes a crime.

The rapists often don’t see their actions as crimes, the police said, and don’t expect the victims to report them.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

Where Consensual Sex is Rape, and Forced Sex a legal right.

43 thoughts on “All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said.

  1. So well said, IHM! In both the Delhi and Mumbai cases the perpetrators were caught and brought to justice precisely because they belonged to the so called lower strata of the society. Now another myth seem to be getting formed – men rape because of poverty!!!
    And we all know how far from truth this is. There are so many atrocities that are being committed every day behind closed doors and not coming to the light of the day because of the size and strength of those doors. The latest case of the MP and his wife who has been continuously abusing their maids.
    The real change will happen not just when these culprits are also brought to justices, but when their victims from the same background start bringing those into light


  2. IHM, totally agree with you. The article focuses on class divide, while we know that most of the rapes happen where the victim knows the perp. The article reads it as a class crime. Like you point out, it is sort of misleading to only portray the poor men raping working urban women narrative when ‘ we have powerful, sometimes well known people, committing similar crimes and frequently getting away with them.’


  3. Pingback: All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said. | indianfeministdotcom

  4. Pingback: All she knew was that until his arrest, he came home for dinner every night, “He was to me like any husband is to his wife,” she said. | Indianfeminist101

  5. ha! so much focus on indian men and his manners. but what ur idols i.e. western men are doing. they do rapes 10 times more (per 100000 population). but no words about them.
    why ??? because u want indian society to be as corrupted as theirs. only indian tradition helps in stopping rapes and when this tradition breaks and society gets influenced by west such as porn, films etc, then rape happens.


    • //only indian tradition helps in stopping rapes//

      Which Indian tradition helps in stopping rapes? How does it achieve this?

      And why has it failed so miserably that Indian is today amongst the most unsafe countries for women? So much that many Indians do not want to have and to raise girl children.

      I hope you do not mean ‘the tradition of denying these crimes even happen’?
      Denial and blaming the victim or claiming other cultures are worse are not a tradition that ‘helps in stopping rapes’.
      Silencing the victims doesn’t stop crimes, it prevents the crimes from being reported and makes it easier for rapists to get away with their crimes.

      Ignorance about sex or consent doesn’t prevent rapes.

      Treating male children like gods doesn’t help prevent rapes.

      Treating women and girl children like ‘paraya dha, ghar ki izzat’ and keeping them in dependence doesn’t help prevent sexual crimes. 98% sexual crimes in India are committed by people known to the women and children, frequently friends, teachers, neighbours, relatives (husbands are probably not included, since marital rape is not seen as a crime).

      Not making any effort to understand a crime doesn’t help in preventing rapes.

      Having a voice is empowering and unfortunately our traditions do not approve of women and children having a voice.

      Shaming and blaming, honor killing, staying at home after dark, not working, not traveling, being told to change the way women/girl children dress, walk, talk, laugh, eat, drink, work, love and live (etc) doesn’t help prevent rapes.


    • Sorry, but you surely can’t blame “the west” on this one. Which “West” are you talking about, exactly? Because that’s 60+ countries.
      Please do give specific examples of which Indian tradition that apparently stops rapes, and how the specific rapists were given these uncontrollable urges of violence by “Western” films.
      So, for IHM to speak openly about such issues, you are saying she “wants” Indian society to be “corrupted”? She’s not the one doing the crime here.
      Jai hind ‘A male’, you’re really trying to make India a better place, aren’t ya?


    • Dear Mr. Male,

      Please to be providing the source of your impeccable statistics on western men. Would a “PUNCH INTO GOOGLE SEARCH” work?

      Dear IHM,
      I truly admire your patience.


    • //”ha! so much focus on indian men and his manners. but what ur idols i.e. western men are doing. they do rapes 10 times more (per 100000 population). but no words about them.
      why ???”//

      The rapes are happening in India and are committed by Indians. So why should the focus not be on Indian men?!!


    • I’m going to go out on a limb here and take a wild guess that you’ve neither been to the “west”, nor do you have any reliable information about it. Rather, you must be listening to people who want to feel good about themselves. No one – I mean no one who’s actually lived in the US or the UK imagines that the plight of women there is worse than it is in India.

      God, not only are people ignorant, they’re proud of it. How the hell can be so sure without seeing for themselves??


      • I truly agree with you. This man is just quoting “west” thinking that he will get support when he uses such words.
        I live in UK(I am Indian) and in my last 9 years here, I have heard about only a few cases of brutal rape here and in all the cases, court cases were fast tracked and culprit punished appropriately.

        I felt so ashamed when after Delhi gang rape case, my collegues asked me questions/made comments like:
        Oh, can this happen to any woman in India or to only unmarried young girls?
        Oh, I suppose this is quite common in India, isnt it?
        and many more.

        According to me, he appropriate punishment for rapists is to cut their private parts and hands and leave them on the road to die.
        I know we live in civilized society and which demands us to be civilized even to such brutal people. But I would applaud the law if someone gets this punishment, in whatever country it is.

        Has anyone seen the movie “The girl who played with Fire” or read the novel.
        I love it, when a man rapes the girl in the movie and she comes back for revenge next day. Assaults him physicaly and then tattos on his chest something like I am a rapist, don’t remember the exact words.

        I love that sequence in the movie. I wish all the women in this world had that kind of courage.

        Sorry, for such a long rant. I was disgusted by “west” quote and wnated to reply on that but I have gone off topic quite a bit.
        BTW, today only I stumble upon this blog and loved it. I am going to be a regular visitor now.


        • Okay, I have to respond. You really think that the way to stop rape is to have more rape? That’s not courage, that’s desperation. There is a law and the right thing to do is to implement it properly, not go about raping people. That’s disgusting!


        • @Fem,
          I am not suggetsing that the way to stop rape is to have more rape. According to me, the ideal way would be for all rapists get death penalty. But does that really happen? How many women have courage to report to authorities that they have been raped? Even if they report it, in how many cases it is taken seriously by police? My point is, if system is failing the victims, then I wish victims had the courage to take matter in their own hands and punish the person(I know, its unlawful and I am a law abiding peaceful person). But if we forget lawful and unlawful for a minute and assume even if 1% of women start punishing men like this, then I am sure it will have some effect and number of rapes will come down. (I know, this can backfire as well, men might kill women after raping them with the fear of revenge)
          Also, Come to think of justice in terms of law. I am very happy that all men except one were given death penalty in Delhi gang rape case. But did it have any effect? Did no of rapes go down in India, because mentality is – that case becames high profile and got media attention, so they were given death penalty which is not going to happen in every case. If men had fear of law- justice, then it would be ideal. Implementing law properly is going to take a long time. In the mean time I believe if only men have that fear in their mind that they can be punished by women immediatley, then there might be decrease in number of rape cases. I am by no means encouraging violence or rape. This is just an exmaple that it happened in that movie and I really admired it. Best way forward is that all men are reported and are punished by our justice system


    • “they do rapes 10 times more (per 100000 population)”

      It is impossible to prove this. There is no true statistic on level of rape in Inida or even in the ‘west’ (‘west’ is not a country you know), the vast majority of rape is not reported. Please take your nonsensical ramblings elsewhere.

      What is possible to prove is how much MORE harassment women face simply walking down the street in India than, for example, in the UK. I could prove this any day of the week by simply carrying a recording device with me. Most women won’t need this proof because they live it.

      Indian tradition of silencing victims, blaming victims, telling victims to marry their rapists and encouraging rape to ‘teach her a lesson’ is what causes rape FAR more than any western influence.

      “so much focus on indian men and his manners”

      Raping is matter of manners? Are you out of your mind? Is murder just ‘bad manners’ too?


    • Why would i care about western men and their culture when I’m living in india and getting harassed and attacked in india? of course I’d blame the indian men. why would i even care to talk about western men. Are the said westenrm men coming in large numbers and harassing and raping indian women? NO? then let the women and law in their countries write, talk and deal with them..
      What an idiotic comparison.


    • A male, have you lived in the West? I’ve lived the first 20 years of my life in India and the next 20 years of my life in the US. I frequently visit India and spend substantial amounts of time here. I’ve walked alone at odd hours down the streets of the ‘pornographic West’ in my running shorts and have never been bothered. On the other hand, in India, I’ve done such mundane things like grocery shopping wearing a loose salwar kameez and I’ve been groped and sqeezed and brushed against. I’ve always felt safer in the ‘corrupted West’ at midnight than I ever did in India in broad daylight.
      And please stop putting all Indian men in your category. Not all men prescribe to this thinking. Please stop making this a men versus women issue. Any sensible man or woman should condemn rape culture.


    • i.e. western men are doing. they do rapes 10 times more (per 100000 population). but no words about them.
      Ah what do we have here, yet another moron suffering from denial syndrome is clueless

      Rape report rate is higher in progressive countries. And that’s a good thing. Women feel secure enough to report rape without any fear or facing stigma associated with rape. Rape survivors still lead lives, their virginity is not linked with their self worth or honor. The laws are way more robust.
      Oh and meanwhile we don’t yet have a law criminalizing marital rape.

      Or you must be seriously deluded if you think countries like Sweden are far worse than us when it comes to misogyny and rape, going by the mere statistics without context. Well thinking is hard to be fair.

      And don’t even get me started on the “traditions”.


    • So Mr. Ha, which western country do you live in that is so horrible? Maybe you can inform the UN about the human rights abuses in this place so they can take some action. Maybe they can implement Indian traditions in this imaginative horrible western country of yours.

      I bet you watch porn secretly, don’t you? Come on, out with it! Don’t be shy, you from the west!


    • “they do rapes 10 times more (per 100000 population)”

      Okay. Let this be true. The sad fact of the matter is that rape and rape culture is as prevalent in other parts of the world as it is in India. Even within the liberated culture of the west, victim blaming and erasure occurs at an equal level. One only needs to look at cases like Steubenville for confirmation of that fact.

      Two rebuttals. One, there have been plenty of words being said about this fact. There has been plenty of noise raised about rape in the West as much as rape in India.

      And secondly, HOW in the WORLD does the fact that rape occurs out West negate or diminish the problems the problems that our society has with rape? Are you actually suggesting that Indians needs to stop discussing it, and stop trying to actively put an end this disgusting trend, just because it happens out west and therefore it’s “normal”? If everyone jumped into a well tomorrow, would you go ahead and do it too? Because hey, EVERYONE is doing it, so therefore, it must be correct, right?

      “only indian tradition helps in stopping rapes”

      The “Indian tradition” you speak of? Also a “Western” colonial import. Also, Indian tradition and culture has existed for thousands of years. And rape and sexual assault have existed right alongside of it for just as long. Just because you haven’t heard about it doesn’t mean that it magically doesn’t exist. Don’t pull the history card here, because you’re clearly uneducated in the subject.

      “then rape happens”

      Rape has ALWAYS happened throughout human history, regardless of access to pornography. Rape has always happened through human history, because a constant trend throughout human history is the active disenfranchisement and dehumanization of the victims. That is why rape happens. Not because of porn, not because of influence “by the west”, but because people simply don’t have the brain capacity to understand that others might be as human as they are and deserve the same inalienable rights as they do.


  6. “patriarchy sees rape as a warning threat and punishment to those who do not fear its blatant misogyny.”

    There lies the problem. I was reading the comments in one of the articles regarding the woman who’s been caught for beating her maid to death–one of the commenters stated something along the lines of ‘we could use the Delhi rapists help in teaching her a lesson.’

    I don’t think the article is saying that poverty causes rape or that poor people who rape should be excused because their actions were influenced by poverty.


    • There is mention of there being ‘nothing to lose’ for the rapists because they come from homes that are extremely poor. The mother of one of the rapists is being interviewed, the place they live in is described as a shelf,

      //She related this exchange from the family’s home, a sort of shelf wedged between a gas station and a garbage dump; as she spoke, a rat the size of a kitten clambered over containers stacked in a corner. She said far too much onus was being put on the men. //

      Another victim rapist has been without a job and was a happy, nice man before he lost his job; how his family is affected by cardboard making the factory being closed is described – many such descriptions are included, there is a lot of pointing out the abject poverty of the rapists.

      //Much news coverage over the next days zeroed in on the defendants’ poverty, but Mr. Roy shrugged off that line of inquiry. After interrogating the five accused men personally, he said they were “social outcasts,” not indicative of any deeper tensions in the city.

      But in a constellation of neighborhoods around Mumbai, people are still trying to match up the crime with the ordinary men they knew. //


      • I think it’s important to make a distinction between rape and gang rape (like the Delhi case)–for the former, most perpetrators are known to the victim. For the latter, gangs of men roam around looking for an unknown victim or an opportunity that may lead to an unknown victim. Perhaps the article was solely talking about the latter (I do think they should have done a better job defining all of this though).

        I do think poverty/personal circumstances plays a role here in terms of consequences. People who are very, very poor (or very, very rich conversely) are less likely to care about consequences–which is why a stable, growing middle class is necessary to maintain law and order in any society.


  7. W.r.t to your recent comment, I would like to forward a link:

    There is also an excel sheet link available UN statistical for download/viewing – I am not trying to downplay the enormity of situation in India but this sheet gives data with regard to western countries too and not just other Asian countries (per 100,000)

    Three countries – Australia, Botswana and Lesotho
    top the list with one being a ‘western one’

    Though I do agree that the no. of cases that go unreported may be higher in India as compared to AU because of the social stigma attached, but then we also need to have a look at the other 2 African nations which also have strong stigma attached just like India and yet they top the list.

    What I am trying to say is that crimes against women are also prevalent in other developed/western countries and they need to be addressed everywhere.


    • Are women more unsafe, less valued and less free to choose who they marry, when and where they work, travel, live, shop, eat, drink… what time they wake up and sleep etc – even when and how many and which children they have?


    • Issues of violence against women have to be addressed everywhere but this myth the ‘western influences’ causing rape in India HAS to be debunked because it’s the first resort of people like ‘A male’ here. And it is FALSE. I am sure you are not a woman or haven’t been to western countries. I have lived in Mumbai and Delhi and in the UK and I would say three things:

      1) As you yourself say, the chances of someone reporting a rape in the UK are probably higher than in India. A Delhi cop was caught on camera saying that all women who are raped are prostitutes.. so you can imagine how he treats women who come to him.

      2) The level of daily sexual harassment in India is incomparable to any western developed country I have been in. It is simply on another scale. No woman who has lived in India and in the US/ UK needs to see that UN report to see the comparison, it is SO in your face.

      3) When people like ‘A male’ blame this on ‘western influence’, they’re mostly talking about influence like women being ‘allowed’ to freely move around, being ‘allowed’ to date consensually, being ‘allowed’ to dress as they like. This road leads to victim blaming and deflects away from the rapists doing the rapes.

      I also fail to understand why you want us to look at statistics from anywhere, whether Australia or Botswana. It is irrelevant how many rapes happen in Botswana and why. It is completely correct for us to focus on factors within India and ‘indian culture’ when speaking of rape in India. IHM’s reply was after ‘A male’s comment deflecting blame on the west.


    • Thanks for the list, and it really was unnecessary for you to come over to my blog’s “about me” page and attempt to leave this comment on pictures of my family.

      Nobody ever solved serious societal problems by saying “it happens elsewhere”.

      And what about marital rape since it is not considered to be a crime in India? That’s a HUGE missing statistic!

      I think it is a great disservice to your country, when bad things are happening especially against the female population, to say “but it also happens elsewhere”. Well, duh. But we are talking about India here, and be brave enough to address it and figure out why. Congrats – so Australia and Botswana are worse – how exactly does that help women in India????

      Imagine there were a series of gang-rapes where I live, where women are “more unsafe, less valued and less free to choose who they marry, when and where they work, travel, live, shop, eat, drink… what time they wake up and sleep etc – even when and how many and which children they have?” (as IHM said)…..Wouldn’t it be absolutely ABSURD to say, “Oh, ‘the East’ is corrupting my culture!”, “Oh, it happens elsewhere, you know” (as if that makes it right, or helps get to the root of the situation)

      I mean, really!!! India is my country too, it is my second homeland. I am raising a half-Indian daughter. I take absolute offense to this weak-minded and cowardly approach to the lack of empathy you have for your own countrywomen and for future generations of girls AND boys.


      • Actually, I don’t think that the article is talking about actual rapes happening, it only talks about the number of rapes reported. First. it is impossible that Botswana would have more rapes than South Africa or countries recovering from war like Liberia. 90% of Liberian women had been raped during the civil war, and the culture remains. Botswana is a relatively peaceful and stable country, and that’s why they are also progressive enough to report rapes.

        As for Australia, I am surprised. I would have thought Northern Europe to be the most progressive, so more rapes would be reported there. But perhaps, there are fewer rapes taking place there. And who would have thought Australia so progressive?

        And you better block this chap. He has a habit of leaving stupid comments on the most irrelevant of places and quickly becomes abusive. His real name is Raghav.


        • “And who would have thought Australia so progressive?”

          Totally totally unrelated side note here–but I think a lot of the rape statistics for Australia have to do with the downright horrifying treatment of their Aborigine women. 😦 I come from Canada, and we have similarly terrible statistics. One in three Aboriginal women will be sexually assaulted in their life time.


        • You are probably right. Besides, Australia has a strong Christian fanatic group, which automatically leads to suppression of women. All that talk about Julia Gillard’s thighs didn’t sprout up from nowhere.


    • Again, statistics without context is meaningless. No one here would feel comfortable to report rape.
      First of all, in our country, rape survivors are looked down upon. They’re still stigmatized and it’s really hard for them to get back to normalcy, trying to fight the emotional trauma.

      this is the kind of shitty mentality that exists widely. Unless you have iron rods rammed up your vagina or nearly dead and sent to ICU, there is a good probability that you’d not be taken seriously. People deeply believe in rape myths here. And that extends to authorities as well. Why on earth would anyone expect women to report rape here at all?

      So please, can we just stop bringing the statistics from the progressive countries? Us not ranking high enough in that report list is a HORRIBLE thing. Not a good thing – I’m sick of people bringing this shit over and over again. It doesn’t take a genius to join the dots here, does it?


    • “What I am trying to say is that crimes against women are also prevalent in other developed/western countries and they need to be addressed everywhere.”

      Dude. Keep in mind the name of the blog. It’s INDIAN Homemaker. As in, specifically referring to the country of India. As a former citizen and person of Indian descent, who lives and breathes my culture, what else am I going to focus on the most if not the things that will directly affect me?

      Yes, rape happens everywhere. And yes, it should be addressed by people. And yes, it is everyone’s problem, not just the problems of the women who live it. But there is a vast difference between standing in solidarity with the women who deal with rape culture in the context of their own countries and upbringing, and actively fighting the rape culture that exists in your own country. You cannot expect me to actively fight against rape culture in a country that I am not familiar with. I can stand in solidarity and support the women who do it. But at the end of the day, my thoughts and conversations will always revert back to the things that I am most in contact with, and how they affect me.

      Does this mean that I don’t think rape should be abolished everywhere? No, of course not. But as an Indian, don’t be surprised if the topic of conversation is specifically pinpointed on India and the own unique ways in which we encourage rape culture. Believe it or not, oppression does not take the same form everywhere in the world.


  8. I agree. This big myth around migrant population being the cause for rape is getting around a lot. You remember long back I once shared this article around migrant population and the five year old child rape in Delhi?
    //Starved even of dreaming with a semblance of hope, in a moment of depravity, he finds the most vulnerable target and an act of thoughtless unpardonable violence follows.//
    //I intend to take her and my son Udai on my interactions with migrants later this month, to see for themselves how other people live and work, deal with problems in their lives, how they are as normal as we are in what they wish for, in how they struggle to reconcile their dreams with their realities (except that the difference between the two is achievable for us and impossible for them).//

    Do you think at some level, our society believes that providing men with sex is its responsibility and in case it fails, men’re entitled to rape anyone they choose? Doesn’t all this (treating sex as a basic need) have got to do with the beliefs about men being entitled to sex and taking sex for granted? Our sex education must include teaching about consent and having to deserve sex – You deserve it when your partner consents to it.


    • Yes, that’s what I got from that article, that is somehow the society’s responsibility to provide sex to men. That is just ridiculous. Men don’t ‘deserve’ sex. They can wank all they like. Such articles paint migrant men as those irrational ancient ‘gods’ who needed a human sacrifice every now and then. Men are rational sentient beings, so let’s treat them that way.


  9. The class excuse for ‘revenge’ or ‘entertainment’ raping is just so baseless.

    1) The Delhi rapists raped a woman who was from a poor home, whose parents had sold everything to educate her. SHE did not rape anybody. So, poverty does not cause rape. Men, poor or rich, believing they have a right on women’s bodies, they have a right to ‘teach women a lesson’ and they won’t be caught causes rape. Rapists cause rape

    2) ‘They had nothing to lose’ is utterly false. They had mothers and wives and social connections. If that man thought his mother would disown him for raping a woman (no matter what she wore or who she slept with consensually), he would have had something to lose. Families persecute rape victims, not rapists. So ‘not having anything to lose’ has something to do with social entitlement and not just poverty.

    3) As IHM already pointed out, rape has long been a ‘hobby’ of upper caste men against dalit women, many well off middle class or rich rapists have made the papers. Otherwise the rich would have sequestered the poor a long time ago to protect ‘their’ women. That’s the kind of thing that would be a class issue. Rape is not.


  10. Pingback: How do you associate a sexual assault with someone who you thought stood up for justice? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  11. Pingback: But is this crime really about Semi-forced Arranged marriages or Gay rights? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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