Sharing an email. Do you think these are trivial issues?
I am educated , well read and independent working woman. We (I and my husband ) stay in a city A and have an almost normal happy marriage. We visit our in laws during Diwali every year to city B. My Mother in law is very patient towards all the doings of the Males in the family. She keeps on doing all the household work along with extra works like washing all clothes (I mean everything), cooking according everyone’s taste, extra cooking for people who work for us (we have a shop with few workers) until night 12.30 am (yes I mean it, she sleeps around 2 am and gets up at 6 doing all this) without any complains at all. So when I am with my in laws even I just follow her around and do all the work which she does without any complain as I know that there is no way that situation can every improve. I feel sorry for her and help her as much as possible. She is strictly against using washing machines/maids etc ….!! ( We are in a situation where in we can afford all this plus extra)
So this one incident caused a big turmoil at home. Almost a big fight which resulted in me shedding tears along with my Mother In Law.
The incident is as follows, my husband was washing his inner wear after taking bath (Which his practice since ages). My mother in law suddenly commented “Men should not wash inner wear after Marriage according to Sampradayam (meaning Traditions)”. I was very angry hearing that and I retorted saying that that’s not correct. If someone was capable of washing inner wears before marriage then he is completely capable of doing so after marriage and I won’t do it. Then my husband being the dutiful son stopped washing his inner-wear and left it on bathroom floor. I was even more angry I felt it all wrong so I said the same thing to my Mother in law, she started saying about some very great sanathan dharma orator saying about this. She said that he (The great Person) said that
a “Man should not washing his inner wear after Marriage as that brings lot of misfortunes to home and family”. I just do not get the logic of it at all. I argued but she didn’t try to understand me at all. I tried explaining her many things, I told her that all this is to oppress woman to make them lowly. I tried a lottttttttt……!!! She didn’t relent at all, she was continuously arguing saying woman is very great she is Laxmi of the home she should do all this. I just couldn’t convince her at all. The fight grew big and bigger and I suddenly reminded her of an incidence in which she had told that its OK to beat a wife then telling her bad words (later she told that it was just an analogy which I failed to understand and she didn’t mean it), which caused even more tiff. I tried a lot by telling her that we women have to ask questions and we should try to follow things which we feel correct not only because some so called great person has said.
I have no anger or hatred towards her (MIL) I just feel very sorry for the sorry state of woman at our home. I am obviously angry with my husband who didn’t take a second to agree to his mom and do as she wishes. (Later on my husband said that suddenly he (on hearing what his Mom said) felt that a woman does washing of clothes better than himself so its better they do the washing of inner wear, in which I am still searching the logic). I am trying to solve this issue with my Husband (who is otherwise very adorable) and I believe that I can convince my husband but I will never be able to convince my MIL
-A worried daughter in law of a traditional family.