“A Hindu woman derives immense pleasure in sacrifice for her husband. The white man will never ever understand this.”

Here is a Karvachauth post that makes some ‘scientific’ claims about Hindu women, their happiness, sacrifice, virginity, menstrual cycle etc.

Link shared by GB and Mary. 

The post also seems to disapprove of the Hindu Pati Parmeshwar seeing himself as an equal partner in marriage. Because, it seems, men get married and become Gods. Why do women marry?

The white man goes HOO HAA about Sati, where the widow incinerated herself in her husbands’s funeral pyre. It has never been forced on her. [IHM:Unsubstantiated claim 1] When her husband was alive she knows deep in her heart [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 2], that he would sacrifice his life to protect her.

*

Karva Chauth is the day that symbolizes this love and devotion of an Indian woman towards her husband. Indian woman have always considered their husbands as God (pati parmeshwar) and it is her mindset that she must serve and care for him.

A Hindu woman derives immense pleasure in sacrifice for her husband. [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 3] The white man will never ever understand this.

*

Gratitude in a wife is not only her greatest virtue, but is is the parent of all her other virtues. Grateful wives experience very deep levels of happiness.

IHM: Doesn’t apply to Pati Parmeshwar? Does this means being grateful when there is doesn’t seem to be an obvious reason to be grateful? Because…

This mindset of an Indian woman is the reason why divorce percentage is miniscule in India [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim, again] and why she preserves her virginity for her husband

IHM: ‘Preserving virginity’ is generally enforced. Indian educational institutions [link], parents [linkand neighbourhood uncles, even the police and political leaders and sometimes even the legal system [link] work hard to ‘preserve’ Indian women’s virginity. Women can be killed for mere suspicion of having ‘lost’ their virginity, so not sure if they preserve it or Patriarchy does

Grateful women are happier, less stressed and happier with simple social relationships. [IHM: ‘simple social relationships’?] They do NOT need to attend kitty parties and bitch.

IHM: Basically ‘meet only those who we approve of’? Create no support systems, have no friends of your own, have no OWN, or identity.

…  Karva Chauth is a renewal of her commitment and accountability.

IHM: Only women need to be committed and accountable?

Ancient Hindu women never knew PMS problems. [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 6] 

*

Probably next year my wife would like to marry off my elder son. All we look for is an attractive girl who will take care of my son, will have the education to teach his kids, and will be a good homemaker.

IHM: Note, they are HIS kids.

*

I have been married for more than 3 decades.

It never happened that my wife ate a meal before me or along with me– for 3 decades.

*

Honour is a great factor. Marital love does NOT play to the galleries. Love is embedded in the heart.

IHM: But women need to prove this ’embedded’ love by staying hungry, wearing symbols, sacrificing happiness and being ‘incinerated in her husbands’s funeral pyre’ etc?

Karva Chauth is a festival that every Indian Hindu woman looks forward to  [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 7, because many women fast under pressure] , despite the fact that she is put to severe inconvenience of fasting without even a sip of water from sunrise to moon rise .

*

Although today India has moved to modernity, the devotion and spirit of sacrifice of the Indian woman to her beloved husband has not wavered.  [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 8] 

IHM: This can be known only if Hindu women have the option of divorcing without facing any stigma, violence, threats of social boycott and financial difficulties (etc)

The fidelity , selflessness and tolerance of Hindu women, the resilience of Hindu family values, and the tranquillity of the Hindu home  [Someone ate without showering, someone didn’t bring mithai! …” ] cannot be explained to a foreigner.
This is where real fountainhead of happiness lies.  Happiness is NOT in shaking your as$ in a discotheque or attending boring parties holding a glass forever.

IHM: Happiness is in eating cold meals alone after cooking and serving hot chappaties to the Pati Parmeshwar and his family? (And only after taking a shower – Link) Happiness is in raising HIS male children to grow up to become Pati Parmeshwar so that HIS family name continues. Happiness is in being born male in a culture that sees male humans as Parmeshwar.

Happiness is FREE.

IHM: It comes with dowry.

Our values are different.  The wife does NOT breach her husband’s trust.

IHM: Finally, it seems there is science behind this.

Karva Chaut ritual if done the right way, has this mysterious benefit of regularizing a woman’s periods and synchronizing it with the moon.. 

IHM: Regulating women’s period?! Have you heard this before? ‘Why Indian women wear toe rings (BICHHIYA)? there is a Science Behind this..

I didn’t read any further.

Note: Pati + Parmeshwar =  Lord and Master + God. 

Related Posts:

Why Indian women wear toe rings (BICHHIYA)? there is a Science Behind this..

Three things I would like to see changed in Karvachauth celebrations.

“One of the so-called best professor of my department … advices his students (girls) that men can be satisfied only by two things…”

Bikini vs Burka: The Debauchery of Women

An email from a Divorcee’s Daughter.

Feminism has gone to women’s head. Divorce has become like selling onions.

“Hoping god grants more wisdom to your parents to make you understand things and train you to be a good indian wife.”

Three of his sisters and six of his nieces eloped, so he decided to drill holes and padlock his wife’s genitals.

I could not sing after my marriage and I am really sad about it, but women have to ‘adjust’ to see their family happy…

‘This ‘I, Me, Myself’ culture that most of you on this forum are propagating itself is hypocrisy.’

When married Indian women strive to look unmarried.

It’s not about hot hot chappaties.

“Although my in laws maintain a facade of being content with what they have and never asking the girl’s side for anything…”

Can a Veetodu Maapilai rightfully ask for the 4th coffee of the day or whatever he wants in his in-laws’ house?

“How can you eat without taking a shower? With boys, it’s a different matter.”

13 things Indian Misogynists believe about men’s mothers and sisters.

213 thoughts on ““A Hindu woman derives immense pleasure in sacrifice for her husband. The white man will never ever understand this.”

  1. What he is describing here is not love, it is slavery…
    I feel like vomiting after reading this. How disgustingly arrogant and (not to mention) presumptuous to write from a woman’s perspective of what Karva Chauth means. How wonderful that he wrote, because his wife clearly has no voice. FYI last time I checked, qualities such as “tolerance” and “selflessness” are not exactly positive & empowering characteristics. The part that I find to be really sad – “It never happened that my wife ate a meal before me or along with me– for 3 decades.” – WTF is that??? Is she no better than a servant maid in his house??? Somebody please save that poor woman from her life of misery.
    Let him come back as his wife in the next life and see how much he can “tolerate”.

    P.S. Totally loving that stereotype that Westerners shake their asses in clubs & are alcoholics. What crap. As if we have no family values at all…

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    • This guy’s a moron. I don’t get associating going to clubs with having no family values. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. Also, isn’t this guy based in the UK? He probably has no idea that there are many clubs in India, where Indians go to party.

      His wife isn’t a maid. A maid gets paid, has the option of quitting, and is under no obligation to follow traditional festivals, etc. His wife seems to be a mix between a domestic, religious, cultural, etc slave…who follows all ‘traditions’ as dictated by him. She’s like a multi-purpose slave.

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    • You know, most people who complain about “western culture” have never been to the west. They hear distorted facts, and make up their own fantasies to feel good and morally superior about themselves. They would be flabbergasted to learn that US elections are frequently run on the “family” plank, that everyone around the world loves their kids equally, wants them to have a good education and wants them to be successful.

      But no. Westerners are different of course right? They must be demons with horns and green blood.

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      • Yes, exactly like the Khap Tau on Satyamev Jayate who never stepped out of his town was speaking of constitution of Great Britain and what happens there. It is like great people in my little town thought going beyond Nagori Bera (the last well on the Nagore road) was too far to go but they all knew what was happening in Mumbai and especially what women did in the hostel in Jaipur and Udaipur.

        The whole premise is based on demonizing the “other” and establishing mythical superiority of self when none exists in sense of means and resources.
        Peace,
        Desi Girl

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    • Qualities such as tolerance and selflessness are considered to be positive and empowering traits in various religious traditions -you might not think so but let us not generalize please.

      “Save that woman…” Such a colonial term -save her from what and to what? We must take into account that all women do not want the same things and this has to do with our backgrounds -different histories, cultures, etc. I agree that somethings such as not eating until everyone else in the family has eaten are demeaning but at the same time, we cannot ignore the fact that some women want to do those very things -they are not forced into it. However, those that are pressured into anything they don’t believe in is right should speak up!

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  2. “Karva Chaut ritual if done the right way, has this mysterious benefit of regularizing a woman’s periods and synchronizing it with the moon..”

    Bahahaha, what a loser. I clicked the link and skimmed through the other posts there, and this person is just another ranting lunatic on the internet. If this is a real person then man do I feel sorry for his wife.

    The funny thing is that all Hindus don’t even celebrate this particular festival–not only because some may not want to but also because this festival doesn’t exist in many communities.

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    • I found that comment hilarious too. Another budding gynecologist in our midst. Maybe we will find out that South Indian Hindu women have irregular periods because of not observing Karva Chauth. Shame on them!

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  3. Nice post IHM…but could not understand what is meant by below

    //IHM: This can be known only if Hindu women have the option of divorcing without facing any stigma, violence, threats of social boycott and financial difficulties (etc)//.

    lets not blind ourselves. Divorce as an option in india is difficult for both women and MEN who are struck in bad marriages . Mostly it has got to do with the legal hassles and many women who has financial freedom are able to break the jinx now a days.

    So the important factor here is, “FINANCIAL STABILITY” by women themselves, than depending on the ex husband for financial back up even after divorce. we cant have the cake and eat it too.

    before blaming society or ex husband for financial difficulties, i think women need to handle themselves and become self sufficient irrespective of they are married or not. One cant be dependent on other person(even if it is husband) and take the decisions hoping every thing will be in her favor

    IMHO….

    [IHM: Unsubstantiated claim number 7, because many women fast under pressure]

    Well i dont fast at all for karva chaut. But i do it on every ekadasi. so fasting whole day once in a blue year…need not be projected as a big sacrifice.

    espeically in a counrty where more than 30% of the people has less than one meal a day

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    • So your point is:

      1. That the minuscule divorce rate is maintained by making divorce in general difficult?

      2. And women are not fasting under any pressure because 30% of the people eat less than one meal a day?

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      • I’d be interested in knowing Anila’s point as well. So far, it looks to me like the comment is blaming women for not being financially stable, and denying the significance of the stigma of divorce in India. There’s also no mention of the fact that many women here aren’t even given a chance to be educated, let alone financially independent.

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        • Kay
          // So far, it looks to me like the comment is blaming women for not being financially stable, and denying the significance of the stigma of divorce in India. There’s also no mention of the fact that many women here aren’t even given a chance to be educated, let alone financially independent.//

          Unsubstantiated claim.

          I never blamed women for not being finanically stable. But YES…THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BECOMING FINANCIALLY STABLE LIES ON WOMEN….. IS THAN ON THE SOCIETY.

          If you are able to understand what i mean by this statement, thats great. Else just leave it.😦

          Either way, the change we expect in others has to come from within first…..

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        • //But YES…THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BECOMING FINANCIALLY STABLE LIES ON WOMEN….//

          Would you say then it is okay for women to choose self reliance over parental approval, marriageable age, motherhood, marriage, ‘reputation’ and elder care?

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        • “YES…THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BECOMING FINANCIALLY STABLE LIES ON WOMEN….. IS THAN ON THE SOCIETY.”

          Since this all caps phrase is grammatically incorrect, I’m going to assume you meant that the responsibility of becoming financially stable lies on women as opposed to society. Human beings are products of society–there’s no way you can blame an individual and not blame society. Pretty much all conservative cultures (including most of India) are set up so women are not allowed to be independent (let alone financially independent). A little empathy wouldn’t hurt.

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      • IHM…

        1. To greater extent yes. I believe everyone agrees divorce laws in india are that easy to deal with. for that matter any legal matters.

        2. Im not sure what u wanted to tell. Yes women do fast under pressure. Im not denying that.

        What i meant was, if someone fasts for one day once a year, it should not be projected as great deal of sacrifice

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    • HI Anila,
      – Divorce is NOT as difficult as for a man as it is for a woman .. Its NOT even Close. The stigma and discrimination a divorced woman faces is much worse.

      – We cant have the “cake” and eat it too –> Well for many divorced woman divorce is not a good thing .. Its just a better option than living in hell . So please dont be insensitive in equating it to something good (thats wat the idioms u used means). Regarding independence –> With the million hurdles and the controlling atmosphere women face in India getting that independence is NOT A “cake ” walk .

      – After such a nice post by IHM you still feel we are complaining just coz we didnt get to eat 1 day ? Isnt the issue bigger than that ?

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  4. Ummm…I’m not a Hindu, I don’t keep Karva Chaut, does it mean my periods will NEVER be regulated with the moon?!!
    Damn!!
    I So, SO wanted to be in sync with the moon (I’m sure millions of women around the world have similar aspirations! )
    Maybe next year…..😀😀😀

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    • Yeah, I wonder why I’ve been bothering with the gynecologist for anything related to periods at all. Why waster 1000s of bucks when a cheap toe ring and a *free* fast would do?

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        • Yupp! IMO the sieve amplifies the power of the moon rays, albeit the woman holding the sieve needs to have been on a fast. Also please bear in mind that intention is to ensure hubby dear’s long life, only then could you ‘benefit’ from the side effect of having your periods synchronized. 😛

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        • 1st Karvachauth DG has that ridiculous picture of her looking the moon through the sieve and that God forsaken now ex standing there like an idol. That fast was most ridiculous things she ever did because she had to buy peace and keep his word to his parents that she could do that for him even when he knew she was on medication that proscribed she stay hungry more than couple of hours at a time. And on top of it the neighbor’s daughter who was assisting DG (she comes from a different faith) with fasting rituals after the moon watching ritual asked her to touch his feet. The man was waiting for DG to bend so that he could say, “no no you don’t have to do that” and prove his modernity. When she saw his long face she was so hungry that she just wanted to stomp on his feet and be done with those uglies, she bents and he says you don’t have to pretend when you don’t want to. Later he used it against on number of occasions to chastise her that she only pretended to respect his religious beliefs.
          It was sheer abuse she didn’t see any love in there.
          Second time she was traveling so ate two big sandwiches and the 8hr bus trip did the trick fatigued look. Third time when desi women in the US called her to come and break the fast with them her answer was NO THANK YOU.
          Some of these women needed occasion to try their fancy wear and impress upon each other and few others had fear of untoward if they did not perform.
          A scientist with NASA said, she did the fasting and everything to please her mother-in-law who lived in India and another Ph.D. chemistry said, she didn’t want anything wrong to happen now that she has been fasting for ten years now.

          So much for humanity landing on the moon here women are happy watching it through the sieve.
          Peace,
          Desi Girl

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  5. “Happiness is in being born male in a culture that sees male humans as Parmeshwar.” that nails it for me IHM.
    Perverts really and many such perverts have twisted logic, religion and rituals to keep women silenced and oppressed.

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  6. Obviously this write up is coming from a sick mind but I can not really see what is wrong with karvachaut. I am personally up for celebrating all kinds of fun days from all cultures; brings spice to the daily boring routine, as long as they are celebrated in a manner of one’s own choosing. Again, whats wrong with praying for pati’s health? Coming from a muslim family, a one day fast does not feel excessive to me personally. But then we are used to of 30 days of fasting.

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    • The problem is with the custom being forced upon women. Or the one-way sense of servitude being packaged as something cool. There’s nothing wrong in praying for anyone’s health in any fashion you wish. Provided you are doing it out of your own free will. Unless you’re killing yourself or someone else in the process.

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    • There’s a big difference between Ramazan and this one-day fast on Karva Chauth. The Ramazan fasts are seen as guidance for spiritual growth – all religions and cultures encourage such practices to be undertaken once in a while, so does the medical science, the Ayurveda, and Naturopathy – granted by Allah, the Almighty. Here in Karva Chauth, it is the husband who takes the place of the Almighty. And if you know Indian culture a bit, this particular Almighty and his progenitors are often on the wrong side of law, abusing the bahu – let the newspapers sing. Under Indian law, this Pati Parmeshwar may violate his wife and she may not call it a rape. You see, divinity granted by the society and immunity granted by the law is pure evil. Karva Chauth is nothing but a message of subservience dressed up in wedding finery and stupid rituals. The Indian way of romance – ha ha – it’s only romantic when the woman has to suffer tragedy.

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      • I’ve always had a question since long: why, in our culture do we have to fast on Gods’ birthdays… on any celebration. In some cultures, the couple to be wed must fast on their wedding day. Bloody why! Why can’t celebrate doing things we find pleasure in! – like eating, sharing, caring for others!

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        • To center one’s mind mind on the most required thing ir god instead of distraction to taste n other sensual pleasures. Body can survive without food for few days. Ok not when one should work like laying roads but in far simpler setting.

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    • Yeah, but then men AND women keep the fasts for Allah, right?
      We don’t keep the fasts for men and men don’t keep it for us.
      That kind of equalizes the equation, doesn’t it?

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    • “Again, whats wrong with praying for pati’s health?”

      There is nothing wrong with praying for the health of your spouse or your loved one. There is also nothing wrong with celebrating Karva Chauth. However, when the reasoning behind celebrating the holiday is one that mandates women to continuously give up their autonomy and happiness for the sole sake of another human being, then it is being celebrated in the wrong spirit and is perpetuating a toxic dichotomy.

      If I get married one day, even though I don’t celebrate Karva Chauth, I see no problem in praying for my partner’s health. I would do this because he is my partner. Because I love him, and because I want him to be happy. However, if I am asked to stop considering my own happiness, my own health, and my own needs for his sake alone, then I will draw the line there. I love my husband, but I also love myself. I don’t like being told that I am selfish because I believe that I am human, who also deserves the same degree of well-wishes for my own health and happiness. My life has equal value to any man’s, and should not be seen as something that is dispensable for the mistaken belief that husband’s life is more “important”.

      “Coming from a muslim family, a one day fast does not feel excessive to me personally.”

      The problem doesn’t lie in the days one must fast. The problem lies in the reasoning behind said fast. Women give up sustenance during Karva Chauth because they believe that by sacrificing food, they will extend the lives of their husband. Their personhood is considered less important than that of a man’s, in this case, which is why it is problematic. You will never see a husband fast in order to lengthen the life span of his wife. Because there is no equal value placed upon a wife’s well-being as there is on a husband’s well-being.

      Muslims, if I am correct, sacrifice food for their own personal growth as a human being. There is no value system placed on one person’s life over another’s during Ramadan. It all comes down to the individual, who is doing this for their own spiritual growth. They are sacrificing in order to forward themselves, not someone who is considered more important than them.

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        • Simply put, there are no ceremonies to ensure the longevity of the wife. None. The husband does not have to sacrifice sustenance or comfort in order to do prayer that would ensure that his wife also lives a long and happy life. The standard blessing, where I come from, given to new brides is always, “May your husband live long.” Your husband. There is simply no ceremony, festival or religious event that exalts the woman’s life as much as there are for the men.

          The husband is never required to sacrifice his time, commit his time, or do any religious event that even touches close to the extent of ceremonies a wife is expected to do. The wife does not get well wishes for her long life and pujas for a long life the same way a husband does. Why should the wife be expected to sacrifice for her husband, but the husband is almost never required to sacrifice for his wife? Simple. Because there is no equal bearing placed upon the life of the wife as there upon the husband. A wife is only worth as much as her husband, and if he is no more, she is considered to be worthless as well.

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    • None at all B. Not eating / eating is not the problem. It is the fact that this came about due to “Pati Parameshwar” concept. He is your God. He gives you the reason to be a Sumangali. etc. etc.

      And also the “Be a decent woman, sacrifice properly, samje?” attitude.

      I am all for eating Biriyani for Ramzan and sweets for Diwali and cakes for Christmas. But not eating as a form of celebration doesn’t ring a bell in my mind.

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    • Praying is fine. What’s wrong with karwa chauth is:

      1) No food and water for a day is much more than ‘fun’. It’s in fact not fun.

      2) Lack of reciprocity. There is no ritual where the man prays or starves for his wife’s long life.

      3) Irrationality. Me starving myself cannot prolong my husband’s life.

      “Coming from a muslim family, a one day fast does not feel excessive to me personally.”

      But there is no reason to fast, no benefit from it and men never have to fast or pray for their wives. This one sided-ness reinforces gender hierarchy.

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      • But there is no reason to fast, no benefit from it??!! is it so?
        Men fast too – Shiv rathri, Ekadasi. People who fast have a preparation. its not like glucose levels fall after last night pizza n late dinner.

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        • Men fast–for their OWN spiritual benefit. Shiv rathri, ekadesi, those things are done for their own souls. Women not only fast for their own sake, but ALSO for the sake of their husbands. Husbands do not fast for the sake of their wives, never explicitly. If you’re trying to make the argument that men fast as well as women, so it is equal, then you’re falling short, because the reasons for a fast matter as well. Men do not fast for their wives. Women fast for their husbands. There is an unequal degree of spiritual sacrifice here that is not fair to women, which implies that women are worth less than men so they must sacrifice, but men are worth more than women, so they do not have to sacrifice to the same degree for them.

          As for the benefits of fasting–again, this is a tangent. Depending on what you believe, you can easily say that there is no spiritual benefit to fasting, if you’re not spiritually inclined. As for the health benefits, well, that is to each their own. But again, women do not fast for their health. The health benefits do not matter here at all, but rather the implications. To say that it is okay for women to fast because it benefits their health is taking away from the real argument.

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        • 1.Shivratri and Ekadasi fasting is for the sake of the wife’s health and long life?
          2.If the health benefits of a fast are being focussed upon,then why not ask a husband to keep the fast (too) every karva chauth,for his own good health(too)?

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        • “Men fast too – Shiv rathri, Ekadasi”

          These fasts are not for their wives, it’s for themselves. There is NOT a single fast men do for their wives, not a single ritual dedicated to men praying for women and not a single ritual where husbands touch their wives feet. Do you see how this is unequal?

          “But there is no reason to fast, no benefit from it??!! is it so?

          Yes it is so. Karwachauth is not just fasting as in eating fruits, it’s fasting as in NOT eating or drinking anything at all. No water for 12-14 hours cannot have any benefit. The reason given for it to increase the husband’s life which is impossible to achieve by starving the wife, so it is not really reasonable at all.

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    • The problem is not with the fasting, but with the fasting being only for women. There is also nothing wrong on praying for husband’s life, except that men never reciprocate. The idea of the festival is retarded because it implies that women are inferior. Such symbolism is harmful in the long run. And while you may have the freedom to jump and dance and enjoy during Karva Chauth, most women have starvation imposed upon them. It’s not fun in any way, nor it is a celebration for most women who are just impatient for the moon to come out. Real life isn’t a scene from DDLJ.

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    • Those 30days for fasting you are talking about you do it for you and self contemplation and feeling the pain of the deprived not for some vested interest. Do you perform ramdan fasting for long life of your kids or family members? Be honest here. Is that what it stands for? Personal motives.
      DG

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    • I still fail to see what a big deal it is as long as nobody is forcing anyone to celebrate. I delibrately eat around in Ramazn to show that I am not up for conforming with others, since I do not fast, but I would not feel anymore happier if nobody around me fasts. In the balance, its existence brings some cultural richness to life, if not practiced with an holier than thou, in your face kind of attitude or corecion as it is increasingly becoming over here. Karvachauth may have misogynists roots, but almost all religious celebrations have regressive ideas behind them. People can chose to forget about the roots and just keep the fun part.

      Again, coming from muslim family, I personally think fasting for a day or two is not that bad and can actually be fun with all the waiting for the feast at the end of the day. So, the part about not eating whole day is not really the biggest calamity that can befall on some woman. If she is forced, then sure it is wrong. But then any ritual forced upon anyone against their belief is equally wrong. My point is that if a woman is doing it out of free will, just for the fun and romance sake, I am unwilling to assume that she has been indoctrinated into patriarchy and that is why she is doing it.

      As for the argument that it is irrational, well we are not having a theological debate here. As per me, all religions are absolutely irrational.

      I catch quite a few Indian FM station broadcasted from Indian Punjab during my daily commutes and I hardly hear a male-centric , husband is god perspective about it. I am sure for most people it is just about going out together for a nice dinner after a day of fasting. In fact, the air waves coming from across the border are filled with ads about jewelry and dresses specially designed for karwachauth around this time of the year. From my own perspective, I think I would be somewhat pissed if my wife celebrated it every year and demanded a gold chain after a day of fasting which I never asked for.

      ” Happiness is in being born male in a culture that sees male humans as Parmeshwar.” Are you sure that it is the men who are perpetuating this ritual? Do you know how many men have a say in should their wives fast or not? How many of them feel unnecessarily pressurized to shell out gifts for this occasion? Given its portrayal on media, I can almost bet that it is one ritual which has been getting increasingly more popular thanks to the consumerism based advertising.

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      • //Are you sure that it is the men who are perpetuating this ritual? Do you know how many men have a say in should their wives fast or not? //

        That’s only a response to the blogger’s ideas of what happiness for women is/should be.

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      • It is a big deal because it’s not an equal ‘festival’, We don’t celebrate Eid or Diwali or Christmas and implicate by the very manner of our celebration that some people are inferior to others because of their gender, no matter how regressive the roots of these religions are. I don’t think you are grasping the fact that this is not about fasting, but about the reason this entire hullaballoo even takes place.

        As for whether men like their wives to fast or not, their wives have either been taught that a good wife observes a fast or she is being pressurised by her inlaws or her own mother to keep the fast. Patriarchy is not just about men. It’s about society keeping women down.

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      • So you still think it’s fun and don’t mind the irrationality, but how about the lack of reciprocity? If it’s so romantic, why don’t men have any similar rituals? The point is not whether a woman who does this is ‘wrong’, the point is that the ritual itself is hierarchal and patriarchal.

        Have you ever actually witnessed this festival? I am supposed to starve all day, then cook a lavish meal for my husband (still starving myself), then worship him and the moon, then touch his feet and then only eat and drink when he offers me food/water. I repeat, there is no reciprocative ritual where men pray for their wives, let alone fast for them. Do you see how this reinforces the ‘place’ of the woman? Romanticising such traditions leads to people following them blindly. They are in place to celebrate gender hierarchy (man’s life = important and godly, woman = dependant and charno ki dasi) and I see nothing fun about that.

        “Are you sure that it is the men who are perpetuating this ritual?”

        No one ever said that. The original writer said ‘happiness is free’ but all his examples were about sacrifices his wife makes that bring HIM happiness. He seemed oblivious to this.

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        • ok, I have to admit, I haven’t really observed the rituals so shouldn’t be arguing. Touching someones feet, who is supposed to be your equal, is a complete and total turn off for me.

          Like

        • Not to mention the fact that a traditional wife is supposed to perform her wifely duty in the bedroom after having starved and suffered all day in hot, uncomfortable clothing.
          By the time my one and only Karva Chauth ended, I felt pretty much like a prrforming monkey.Worse

          Like

      • //”My point is that if a woman is doing it out of free will”//
        What ‘free’ will when you have been indoctrinated from birth that this is what you have to do for long life/welfare of your husband?

        Like

      • Being a Hindu from a non-Karvachauth culture, B’s comments brought back some childhood memories. My mother never fasted for my dad but when we did join the North Indian neighbor ladies for their Karva chauth (it seemed to be always a group, ladies’ celebration) everyone seemed to enjoy themselves thoroughly, dressing up, cooking and eating. Coming from a rather foodie culture, I don’t think I could ever fast for anyone, but as my friends’ mom said, it’s not about the fasting so much as getting together with a bunch of your closest friends and family members and having a good old time, getting a break from the dreary daily routine.
        Given all the rest of the comments, I can see that people within the culture find it oppressive and aggravating but looking at it from the outside, it just seemed like a party, with dholaks and singing.

        Like

    • Some festivals are indeed fun. Karvachauth is not a “fun festival” like Makar Sankranti (a certain position of the Sun which coincides with the harvest) or like Holi (welcoming spring). Karvachauth symbolizes and glorifies the concept that a woman solely exists to serve her husband. That her existence is meaningless without him. Her fasting symbolizes her sacrifice. Her serving him and touching his feet and seeking his blessings symbolize their relative positions – he is God to her, she is a lowly servant to him. Her praying for his long life emphasizes that her life has no meaning unless she is a ‘sumangali’. These are not ‘fun’ concepts, they perpetuate extreme gender discrimination which is at the root of gender based violence. Every woman and every man must denounce this festival.
      I can’t help but compare this to other sub-groups. Imagine a festival that celebrates the subservience of Muslims or Christians in India to the Hindus. Imagine a festival that celebrates the superiority of white people over other races. We would all be frothing at the mouth, objecting to such despicable glorification. Why do people fail to use the same logic when it comes to women? What happens to their sense of fairness and equality, their humanitarian values?

      Like

      • I spoke to a friend who practices Karwa Chauth, and she was reminiscing about much fun it used to be back home. She used to practice it even as a unmarried teen along with her extended family, and described it as a fun time for the women of the family – henna, music, dressing up, etc. So there’s that, there are some who do enjoy this ritual.
        This time around, she had a busy day at work, and the no-food-no-drink caught up with her – she got a migraine. She said she would only celebrate karwa chauth again when she was back home with the extended family, and when she had a relaxed day. No more starving for her or her husband (he’s egalitarian, figures if his wife is going to starve for his good health, he should do the same :D)

        Like

        • I would be very careful when talking about “indoctrination” and “free will”, simply because some people DO have different opinions. You may feel that a festival is sexist, but some people do follow it, maybe because of tradition, but whos’ to say they dont enjoy it?

          Like

        • Some masochists might even enjoy being beaten up, but that’s still going to be a crime. Imposing starvation on women ought to be a crime, and seriously people should stop defending it with such weak arguments.

          Like

  7. I used to be enraged by all this. These days I find mild amusement. Why? Is something going wrong in my head or is this a good thing? Genuine Question. Somebody Please Answer.

    Like

  8. Not only such men but even educated, aware women who save all their ‘love’ for their husband and consider it virtous to never have a boyfriend make my blood boil.

    Like

  9. Complete nonsense! And so much of it too. Initially I thought it was some sort of a spoof. What truly amazed me was that there are people who believe all the nonsense he writes. That is scary!

    Like

  10. I think you shouldn’t have wasted a post on this guy. Just had a look at his blog; he is an extreme conspiracy theory nut, believes that Gandhi was implanted by the Rothschilds and Naxalites are working on the behest of “the bankers”.

    Like

  11. Ridiculous banter by a megalomaniac. I am terrified at the thought of ever meeting HIS ‘wonderful’ sons. This man leaves comments on quite a few news posts. Bad regressive ignorant comments.

    Like

  12. I don’t know who the heck this person is, but the fact that they are speaking for me makes me as angry as having a white man speak for me. Both situations are results of an institution that exists to continually disenfranchise me, and women who are like me. I hate racism, and I also hate idiots like this who think that they have a right to prescribe the things that I need to be doing in my life in order to be happy. As though I can’t decide for myself. Actually, what am I saying? I’m a WOMAN. Of course I’m stupid, and don’t know what I should be doing in my life! I need a strong, cultural overlord to make all my decisions for me and steer me in the right direction. If it means that my happiness is sacrificed in the process, what does that even matter? I’m just a woman. I don’t count for anything. I’m not even considered as human after all.

    Above all, I DESPISE these so-called “cultural purists” who come out of the woodwork to defend their own stupid prejudices by using a culture and a religion that transcends their own limited mindsets. I HATE people who pull the Ancient India card in order to prove their insipid, stifling cultural point. People like these are so uneducated and have probably never properly learned history other than the watered down, spoon-fed version they got from their society. Such people fail to realize that every societal “evil” (divorce, pre-martial relationships etc) that they believe was “imported” from the West has actually existed throughout Indian history in some form or another. None of these “evils” are new. Ancient India is not some long-lost, distant time which was the paragon of virtue. These people are doing a disservice to the country they’re supposedly “honouring” by painting such a one-dimensional picture of it.

    As for this little gem,

    “Karva Chaut ritual if done the right way, has this mysterious benefit of regularizing a woman’s periods and synchronizing it with the moon.. ”

    Great. I expect that this is precisely why the women I know who celebrate Karva Chauth were also the ones discussing the different types of birth control pill they each use to regulate that exact same period.

    Like

    • Reading IHM’s post reminded me nothing actually changed since 1820s when the cultural nationalist elite brought forth the virtues of Indian women and their strength in birthing at the age of 12 and burning themselves with their dead husbands in opposition to raising the age of marriage and abolition of Sati.
      Basically a section of this male elite never grew up just kept going on and on for centuries where as rest of the country has moved on. They are like the blind man who is searching for a black cat (Golden Age of Ancient India) in a dark room who was never there. The myth of ideal times and golden age are well drummed into native psyche and it serves to perpetuate it in current times when identity crisis is most potent in changing economies.
      DG

      Like

      • It’s so telling that this happened in the 1800’s. Unfortunately, researching Indian history before the Mughals and the British tends to be somewhat difficult and overshadowed with cultural perception and religious viewpoints. The fact that such cultural perceptions were manufactured in the 1820s by “cultural nationalist elite” is very eyeopening and something that many people fail to comprehend.

        Like

        • That’s not necessarily true. Again, Indian culture as we know it today is the product of a number of outside influences that are not necessarily Indian. We’ve always had contact with other cultures, but the shaping of our values as we see them in their present form is only the result of the past maybe 300 to 600 years or so. Beyond those years, it’s tricky to find substantial amounts of research and evidence as to the true nature of Indian society and what the cultural norms of those days were.

          This lack of knowledge on the part of the average Indian today means that they look at the cultural legacy formed in the last few centuries and decide from those observations that, “We have had this Puritanical culture for 3000 years, yada, yada yada,” when there is actually probably enough evidence to suggest that our culture values are not at all consistent with what was going on 3000 years ago.

          HIstory’s actually really interesting when you try and see how it relates to our cultural perceptions today.😀

          (This is why I take some issue with the hyperbole that backwards people need to be sent back to Ancient India. Ancient Indian society was probably never as stifling as those idiots make it to be, and would probably be very surprised if they went back and saw it themselves.)

          Like

      • That’s because the arranged marriage system ensured that such misogynistic men had partners to procreate with.
        These types would die out in a generation were it not for the arranged marriage system. Not that women always choose partners who respect them.
        I’ve been guilty of marrying a man similar to the captain myself. One lives and learns😦

        Like

    • What saddens me more is that they disfigure “Hinduism”. I believe Hindu traditions are as varied as are the people who call themselves Hindu. “Hindu” is after all, a geographical identity, more than a cultural one.

      As somebody who studies Vedanta, I am truly saddened at their narrow, bigoted interpretations of Hindu scriptures and philosophy.

      Like

      • I completely completely agree. Hindu traditions and practices vary with region, and this is something I like:no-one can tell you you are not being a “true Hindu”, because there is no consensus on what a “true Hindu” is.

        Like

  13. Ohhh…this was the biggest sin I did reading this crap on a otherwise supposedly auspicious day. Read it and you’ll know what kind of people must be banished from the planet to make is safer and saner.

    Like

  14. I read the title and thought What Crap! Then I wanted to read the entire post and scrolled down,the page went too fast and stopped at the part where it says -Karva Chaut ritual if done the right way, has this mysterious benefit of regularizing a woman’s periods and synchronizing it with the moon.. 
    I actually fell off my chair laughing.

    Like

  15. ROFL.
    Couldnt help laughing all through this. And throwing up.

    Really?
    What an enlightened soul this guy is!?! sic.
    And what qualifies him to make such statements on behalf on Indian women and their happiness? Is he an Indian Woman? Did he do any research interviewing (impartially) all strata of Indian women?

    Somehow reading his article brought in visions of a guy with a docile gai ie cow. He seems to belong to the early agrarian era and writing this about the cow(s) he owns.

    Like

  16. That article made me sick. Seriously. That man is one of the biggest misogynists ever I suppose. Look at his comments to people who have been challenging his thoughts. He really needs to get back into his cave (oh wait, he’s already in his small cave).

    And look at the way he preaches about love. Does he even know what it means? It’s because we have people like this that we’re not going anywhere when it comes to giving women their rights. How can anything which suppresses women in such a manner, be glorified? Ach! Can’t get my head around this one.

    Thanks for sharing this post IHM. The post is extremely disturbing, and some of the comments there are too. And to think he’s a captain who has travelled to so many countries. There are all kind of negative isms in his post – sexism, racism, big-headedism😛 .

    My heart goes out to his wife. Really – that woman must have suffered greatly. I hope he doesn’t have female children, but I feel sorry for his future daughter-in-law as well.

    Like

    • Well any woman who can read and comprehend his blog will run fast and far if she receives a proposal from the captain’s sons.
      After all, the apple does not fall far from the tree.
      I do hope his sons are better human beings than their unfortunate father.

      Like

  17. I was just telling someone, this is hilarious and unbelievably depressing at the same time. What’s worse is the comments section there. It looks like a gazillion morons all congregated at the same place at one moment. And if there’s a hell like they describe, it will probably be filled all of them who’ve been issued a one way ticket on the HOV lane there!

    Like

  18. His blog is nonsense and full of rants. I won’t even bother going through the rest. Look at how nasty he is to people & threatens & curses them. Delusional guy.

    It is pointless arguing with such idiots.

    Like

    • I do not read his full articles coz it is so long & bullshit but why would we want to listen to a guy who trivializes the delhi gang rape?

      http://ajitvadakayil.blogspot.sg/2012/12/rape-and-racism-capt-ajit-vadakayil.html

      “All the Western people who have NOT understood India — listen up — Our Indian girls are virgins when they marry– unlike your girls. A married Indian woman will NOT open her legs out for anybody, other than her husband– unlike your women.”

      “With rapid Westernization , and effects of “Bold and the beautiful “ type TV programs , Christian girls of big Indian cities are no longer expected to be virgins and the young girls have to find their own husbands, as there is NO “arranged marriage” ( by parents ) security.So on a date the Pickle John has to taste the Chutney Mary’s fruit , even if she is not willing—or she can forget about the next date and word will fly in their closed society that she is a bit frigid or even a lesbian –to spite her..“Love marriage” is a huge fallacy, it is just “an arrangement of convenience”. If you are in Timbuktu you “fall in love” with a girl from Timbuktu to set up home.”

      This guy us nuts, racist & so are his followers.

      Like

      • Pickle John and Chutney Mary?o_O Does he KNOW any Christians in India? All the ones I know have regressive families and some have been emotionally blackmailed into arranged marriages. Actually, all of them. And what does Christianity have to do with the rape case?!

        Like

        • What he doesn’t realise is that his mindset is probably closer to traditional catholicism and victorian morality than the ‘ancient’ hinduism he speaks of. Same as the BJP, who moralise about women’s clothes and take offence at semi-naked pictures of goddesses despite the fact that most ancient hindu god/goddess sculptures show them almost naked.

          He might be shocked to learn that hindu women in India wear blouses under their sarees largely due to the ‘christian’ influence of the British.

          And ofcourse none of this has anything to do with the rape care, but I don’t think coherence is his strong suit.

          Like

        • “What he doesn’t realise is that his mindset is probably closer to traditional catholicism and victorian morality than the ‘ancient’ hinduism he speaks of. ”

          THANK YOU. Thank you so much for pointing this out. Everyone in India loves to talk about Ancient India. But no one in India wants to pick up a history book and actually LEARN about the culture of Ancient India and what it entailed exactly. People fail so hard at realizing that our moral and cultural viewpoints shifted drastically within the last 300 years of our history, and how much influence outside forces and cultures had in shaping our view point today. The Puritanical beliefs that we have these days are the result of the same Western influence that idiots like him love to hate on. If only they knew. Of course, they’d probably deny it.

          Like

  19. Ah, mansplaining at it’s best! HE knows how his enslaved wife feels, not her.

    ‘I think my wife should starve for me or burn herself alive for me or sacrifice for me… but I’m not selfish.. oh nooo.. she LOVES doing that stuff for me. Having a slave is HAPPINESS and it’s free (in fact I was paid a dowry for it). Her happiness, you ask? Don’t be silly. You just don’t understand. She loves ‘sacrificing’ and I love accepting sacrifices. What a coincidence!’

    “It never happened that my wife ate a meal before me or along with me– for 3 decades.”
    Utterly disgusting. So she shouldn’t eat before him because she loves him but he should eat before her because he loves her? That makes no sense!

    Just imagine a white person writing such a letter about a black slave and about the slave actually LOVES being a slave to their master. That’s what this is like, except that because our culture promotes female domestic slavery, this person is not shamed for such bile. Happiness for HIM, food for HIM, sacrifice for HIM, starvation for HIM and nothing for her. He sounds like he’s doing her a favour by letting her be a slave to him.

    Also could these nutjobs stop linking everything to a woman’s periods? Regular periods is not all women want out of life. Next thing will be them saying that sati regulated women’s periods too! Creeps.

    Like

    • “……sati regulated women’s periods” LOL.
      True that everyone seems to be obsessed with women’s periods carvaka.First the toe rings, now karva chauth.Next inline will probably be the sari or some symbol of marriage like sindoor etc.
      Thanks for the laugh.

      Like

      • Don’t laugh😦 For all we know, there is someone who has already said that, and scores of people believe it already.
        Ok, maybe I’m upset after reading this. But what has upset me more is that there are people on his blog who are treating him as some kind of ‘baba’ and asking for medical remedies for their spouses and children from him! I mean, how stupid can people get that they endanger their spouse’s or children’s lives by not seeking medical attention and instead prefer going to this guy?

        Like

      • Ha, haven’t you read his sindoor post?
        The sacred red dot does more than merely regulate one’s menstrual cycle – if he is to be believed, it is the secret to eternal joy and salvation and also the secret cure to cancer. Oh, and increased libido and longer orgasms. For the man, mind you.

        To quote him PUNCH IN GOOGLE SEARCH SINDOOR AJIT VADAKAYIL.
        😀😀

        Like

        • hehe I’d love to pull a “Santorum” on him, so his “Punch in google search ajit vadakayil” backfires.

          Maybe, someday, when I have a lot of time on my hands😛

          Like

        • Secret cure to cancer?? Last I heard, they found mercury and lead in commercially available sindoor which CAUSES cancer! Longer orgasms for the man? Bwahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh!😀

          Like

        • Of course no self-respecting Hindu woman would admit to wanting sexual satisfaction.
          No sireebob.
          We Hindu women just lie back and think of the halo around the husband’s head (if you get my drift)😉

          Like

        • OMG ROFL on the punch in Google. It seems every post has that..punch in google
          @ Boiling your comments made my day!! Inke paas tho..har sawaal ka jawaab.

          Like

  20. What a deranged loser.
    This blog really does open my eyes-I never knew people like him existed.
    It sucks, though. I mean, I’m malayali, and we don’t observe karva chauth, so now my periods will never be synced with the moon:( At least the post is getting the ridicule it deserves, though.

    Like

  21. My favorite part of the deranged post “Couple of years back I was having dinner at a restaurant abroad with the handsome Norwegian director of my shipping company, who was my die hard fan. Capt Ajit Vadakayil’s sh#t did NOT smell for him.

    After a couple of drinks I popped a unwarranted question “Why did you divorce your wife last year “.

    He replied knee jerk “ The bi#ch could not even give me a proper BJ ! ”

    And then he looked at me in an embarrassed manner. I guess I got a brutally frank reply to a frank question.

    The next day I pondered. Can this ever happened to an Indian marriage?”

    The conclusion he comes to is that it couldn’t. I’m dying to ask if that is because Hindu women are experts at giving it or is it because the Pati Parmeshwar would never ask it of his wife! Oh the possibilities!

    Like

    • And take a look at how he has responded to this comment:

      //saffrontrail October 22, 2013 at 12:46 AM
      Hello Sir, Truly amazed at so much knowledge in a single blogpost. I have a question for you. I have not yet mastered the art of making tea in 3 minutes, i take 3 and a half minutes, 3 hours after my husband wakes up from nap. Will I go to hell? Anxiously waiting for your reply.

      Reply

      Capt. Ajit VadakayilOctober 22, 2013 at 2:33 AM
      hi s,

      you should have married a white man !

      as long as you can give him a good BLOW JOB , you will just be fine.

      capt ajit vadakayil//
      ..

      Like

      • Here’s my response to THAT.
        LOL! Oh, so you do support and recommend inter racial marriages ? Hmm… Maybe you need to rewrite all of your blog posts now, because they are contradicting what you just said. Either that, or you just proved yourself to be a fake and a hypocrite to your ignorant followers. LOL!

        Like

      • …and that too nowhere in the comment was mentioned that she was not fine in her current marriage. O.k…according to him husbands who do not expect their wives to make tea at all, much less in less than 3min(except if it was stale and only had to be reheated in m/w!?!) are not men but “chickoo”s who will run away when their wives are being molested! This was the man who claimed that all a women wants from her man is caveman behavior in bed…well, what are rapists? gentlemen?? Then why is rape a crime, all over the world?? @Boiling would become hissing (because steam hisses!🙂 ) if she reads that entire crap of a post!

        Like

  22. IHM, a long time back I had realised that this guy is a grade one psycho and have avoided that stinking part of the internet ever since. And isn’t it horrifying to see so many followers of a guy with such a deranged mind? I didn’t realise before clicking the above link that it was the same guy. And so many of his devoted followers are applauding the post.
    One says – ‘I hope every Indian Woman (especially Hindu Women) reads this Blog Post.’ and ends by – ‘Let us all UNITE for once & Bring BJP To Power in this 2014 Elections.Lets make Shri Narendra Modi the Prime Minister of India.’
    One can only shudder at the thought of what the near future of the country holds for us considering the likely possibility of such lunatics taking the country in their hands.
    I sincerely suggest and request you to ignore such psychos and do not give them and their crazy thoughts any bit of your precious time and space.

    Like

    • Well I guess NaMo will legalise Sati, lower the age of marriage for girls to eight and make dowry legally mandatory.
      The right-wingers will also legalise sex-selective abortion so that every man has a male heir, as the scriptures insist.

      Good times ahead for India’s women.

      Like

  23. Rantings of an idiot with plenty of demented sheep following him, oh well live and let live.

    No point arguing, talking with such people. just a waste of time.

    Even the most patriatchial men i know don’t believe in the power of pati vrata, mangalsutra etc.,

    Now think for a moment if my mangalsutra had great power, and me removing it caused bad things to befall my husband, wouldn’t the pati be quaking in fear, one step outta line and off with the mangalsutra🙂

    Like

    • That reminds me of the comic and movie I watched as a kid the bad king had his soul/heart kept in a parakeet the hero just had to reach the parrot and wring his neck to kill the bad king. So to bring him on line the hero threatened I’ll kill the parrot. Like your member in Three Idiots, the two guys threatened to flush the ashes of deceased to extract the truth from fake degree holder.
      Why can’t Hindu women threaten to remove the mangalsutara and wipe of the vermilon, now you’ll drop dead. Oh yes, she can’t coz’ widowhood is more stigmatized and penal than a bad marriage.
      DG

      Like

    • @radha… have you read his response to those who called his wife a silent suffering lamb?? He narrates how he got VVIP treatment for his wife in a hospital in Mumbai by bribing a senior doctor with expensive whisky, and how she insisted that he remove/retie the mangalsutra before/after her surgery and how a nurse wept, blah blah black sheep..and how he personally fed her curd rice when she was recuperating, and how she remembers that(gratefully) even in her sleep( he wakes her just to confirm this!)..Go and enjoy some 60s tamil movie featuring Vijayakumari..!

      Like

  24. I do not want to comment on Karva Chauth as a practice. But the his post on Karva Chauth has ail the aspects of arrogance, selfishness and a ‘Know it All’ attitude.

    Like

  25. “It never happened that my wife ate a meal before me or along with me– for 3 decades.”
    — MAYBE she ate before him?/ he ever thought of that.

    if i had to slave over a hot stove and cook and then wait for the pati to eat , before i could eat cold food ( and i couldnt escape the moron!!!) , you bet i would be eating tasty tasty garam garam food right before the moron came home and I’d be diluting the dal and what not for the pati.
    to top it if he bosted on his blog bad things would happen to his food, very bad things🙂

    dont think it doesnt happen. When i was younger we have a friend aunty whose husband was an idiot, and a mean mean man… he treated her like crap , guess what she did, oh yeah ate the good stuff and fed him whatever was left – of course hot off the stove anyway he died of an heart attack at the ripe old age of 49, she collected his PF, pension , life insurance and led a happy life, traveled the world .. his whole family was shocked when the timid mouse refused to do the 14 day puja , she loudly told the priest, she had doubts if he’s ever get to heaven even after the puja so no point wasting money. and she was the example he held to the neighborhood – the pati vratha, bharatiya nari.. he he he

    Like

    • Oh, and you should see the way your comment has been misunderstood by one of his blind devotees – it is hilarious! Go on, have fun reading it – its in one of the many many comments by this blind devotee “indianhindutamilian”.

      Like

  26. So he equates not celebrating Karva Chauth with not being the perfect wife. Now, from his name I presume he is Malayali. To the best of my knowledge, Malayalis don’t celebrate Karva Chauth. I don’t either, as a Tamilian. So that automatically makes all non-karva-chauthers bad wives? If I’m a bad wife by his standard, I’ll consider my marriage a grand success.

    Also, despite my non-piety, my periods are bang on target, 29 days every single month. I am an exception, apparently. **Sigh**

    Like

  27. Seriously, have you seen the number of people following his blog?! One person writing crap is still okay but so many of them actually finding it worthy to follow it?!

    Like

  28. I feel his article is not to be taken in literal sense. My newly married friends go lovey dovey over their husbands. One girl had to marry intercaste.. n what not she did for two years like fasting to becoming veg for him etc. These matters arent out of compulsion. Changing times change ways of expressing love. Anyway men need to check how good they r in being good husbands trustworthy empathetic n loving family n their profession

    Like

    • I’m not surprised your friend became veg for her husband. It is usually women who give up their food habits to match their husband’s. Take a poll of your friends who have intermarried and you’ll see that not many men would have changed anything about how they eat while almost all women do. It’s not direct compulsion but the concept that women have been taught to assimilate into their husbands’ lives. It’s not due to love, No one who loves you would even like it if you give up your favourite food for him.

      Like

    • I don’t think it should be taken in any sense. I also married ‘inter-caste’ and stayed a vegetarian (my husband and his family are complete carnivores). What’s more, I don’t even cook any ‘non-veg’ for him, he cooks it. And yet, we are in love and happily married. What’s the point of loving someone if you need to change everything about them to marry them?

      Men don’t change because they are not expected to, women change because they are taught to. Love has nothing to do with it.

      Like

      • You can say that again Carvaka! Love has nothing to with blind conditioning, brain washing, call it what you will.
        I have married inter culturally and I find that our marital home is the richer for the experiences and background we both bring to the table.

        Like

    • “I feel his article is not to be taken in literal sense.”

      There I agree with you – it is not be taken in any sense at all, because it is nonsense. If you think that “These matters arent out of compulsion” – have you seen the whole deal with KC in India? As far as “men need to check how good they r in being good husbands” – I doubt that anyone told the men that, the standards for being a “good husband” are kinda low when you compare what the standards for being a “good wife” are.

      Like

  29. Sometimes I think such rants are best LOLed at and dismissed as trash. You know, because the writer seems like such a nut case, he is only worthy of being ridiculed and laughed at.

    Like

  30. His the type – that is the source of the problem in our society. Just a simple question – great ! all your research findings, comments, etc. But – why the hell does everything apply to the “women”- nothing for the men to take care of??

    and you call it wonderful living, peace, bliss, etc..

    I couldn’t last the whole stuff too..and sadly enough males/females in our vicinity will buy that crap !

    Like

    • Oh, btw, Anil, do you know that according to this moron you are worth more ridicule than us worthless women? All because you have a brain and know how to use it? You know, he has written that Ranbir Kapoor is foolish because he openly professes his love for Katrina Kaif. His ideal man is ‘lion’ Salman Khan because he never says anything of that sort, rather he assaults and beats up women to ‘show them their place’. Read it for yourself – I’m not making this up! It is in the same insane article (or maybe one of the equally asinine comments).

      Like

  31. Let’s pretend we live in 1700s America. Let’s substitute ‘black slave’ for ‘Hindu woman’ and see where this leads us.
    “The black slave derives immense pleasure from sacrifice for his/her white master. Those who oppose slavery will never understand this.”
    “The others go HOO HAA about hanging slaves from trees, where the slave disobeyed a master or tried to instigate other slaves. This hanging has never been forced on the black slave.”
    “Gratitude in a black slave is not only his/her greatest virtue, but is is the parent of all other virtues. Grateful slaves experience very deep levels of happiness.”

    I could go on – with the substitution. The sad thing is – slavery of black people in America existed in the 1600s to the 1800s. Even by the 1800s, no slave owner could openly make claims such as the above, as the ‘abolish slavery’ movement was gaining ground in the North. If they did, they would be considered dangerous/suspicious/lunatic/sick/etc.

    Yet, here we are in 2013, openly espousing slavery to half of India’s population, without impunity, without consequences, without anyone (or most people) batting an eyelid, as if this is business as usual.

    Like

    • This. Stuff like this always remind of slavery and how outrageous it would be to say something like this about slaves and yet how acceptable to say it about women.

      Like

    • Well, I’ve always felt that John Lennon was onto something when he said that “Women were the niggers of the world”.

      Across the world, racism and religious bigotry is frequently challenged. Sexism of course, is a word invented by msn-hating women with penis-envy. It’s no big deal; just the way things are.

      Like

  32. Dear IHM,

    You know how much I regard your views but please do not subject yourself or your readers to these crappy posts/mindsets !! There are much better ways to enlighten ourselves…and there are better men in this world who deserve to be mentioned (not that you don’t).

    http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report-on-wife-s-60th-birthday-mumbai-man-sponsors-601-cataract-operations-1906851
    http://archive.asianage.com/india/forest-officer-single-handedly-reclaims-6000-acres-3-years-911
    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/20/opinion/sunday/the-good-men-of-india.html?_r=0

    I wish I hadn’t read that post or that man’s views or his replies to his female readers. Neither the blog nor the author deserves to be mentioned anywhere in the entire blogosphere…the less attention he and his kind gets, the better.

    Keep writing the good stuff…ignore the crappy ones!!!

    Like

  33. The first year, I put a rest to Kadvachauth(I twist it to Kadhwa Sach) in my family…I said – if the Husband doesn’t have to fast to show he cares for the wife’s well being then I, the wife doesn’t have to do so, cause only then the meaning of Ardhangini Holds and I swore by the fire that I was his Ardhangini🙂.

    Like

  34. This man’s blog has a use – take a note of the guys calling him sir/following him and don’t ever date them or let your kids date them.

    I bet his sons are having gf’s behind his back and am waiting for the day , they will marry a woman of their choice.

    Like

  35. majority of Indian women are still following the tradition of karwa chauth and they did it with great happiness and satisfaction.
    there are always some delinquent of the ideal path and they try to prove that majority is wrong. but pls raise ur heads from sand and see indian women. still she touches feet of his husband and celebrates karwa chauth.
    are u more intelligent then those women???

    Like

    • Nope. We’re all dumb old hags here who can’t even have their periods synchronized with the moon. We’re all bound to burn in hell. And we hope to God we don’t meet you there!

      Like

    • if the so-called “ideal path” is one that asks me to continuously state that my humanity and self-worth is priced at half that of a man’s, then yes. I will say that I am smarter and vastly more intelligent than those women and men, purely on the basis of the fact that I recognize I am a human being who also deserves to have my husband touch me feet, as much as I touch his.

      Like

    • ‘Ideal’ for you. I’m not surprised that you support a system that holds you superior over all women by virtue of your genitals, but I’m surprised that you openly admit it. Do you also go around telling Dalit people to keep following the ‘ideal’ way? So you are not selfish for wanting to have superior rights to others without any merit but others are selfish for wanting equality? I think you have some serious cognitive dissonance going on.

      Like

      • Oh no! they are superior by merit…just look around the world..or better still PUNCH GOOGLE ADAM VS EVE BATTLE OF THE SEXES VADAKAYIL…you will find that everything is “man”made…the stove you make coffee/tea in the morning, the coffee/tea farmed by men, the sofa you sit on to enjoy your coffee, the table you have your lunch on, the car you drive to your work, the buildings(house/office) you are in, the faucets you turn on to wash your hands, the shower, the toilet bowl, the complex plumbing system, the computer, the@,#,$,^8, and what not…are all made by men…and women use them for what? ridicule men when they try to teach us to sync our periods with Moon! And why do we need to do that, PRI THEE!! may I ask? To ensure progeny of….MEN! TEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

        Like

    • @ A male – I know lots of men in my personal life (my husband, my brother, my father, my uncle (mom’s cousin)) who hate such customs and have always treated their wives as equals. We don’t have karvachauth in the south but we have other such demeaning traditions that they’ve always fought against. Please know that my father is in his 80s. When he was in his 40s, he fought with my relatives to stop cruel/regressive rituals being performed on widows. He is physically big and has an intimidating voice, so most people just back off, when he takes a stand. I don’t know what your age is or what generation you belong to but you could learn a thing or two from my dad. A man who is secure and confident in himself would never want a slave for a wife.

      Like

  36. I am a punjabi and have never followed this ritual, I am married to a maharshrian where I think they have ‘Vat Savitri” which is a bit similar. And I never followed that too. Thankfully my husband is rational and knows that me fasting will not have any benefit to his life but both of us eating well will. So last night I made an awesome chicken dinner for both of us which we both relished and enjoyed, oh then we also had wine to celebrate. Burrp!!

    Bad Indian wife that I am

    Like

  37. IHM, your responses are bang on. Almost all of the claims are unsubstantiated ( ancient women didn’t have PMS? Where did that come from?? Is this man a time-travelling-gynacologist or what?)

    It is this kind of mentality that puts self-sacrifice above self-honour, mindless rituals above building your own identity. And worst of all, this kind of mentality is floated in the name of ‘Indian tradition’, which, apparently, is a all-in-one answer to anything that shakes the status-quo.

    And even urban , educated, young women follow this logic. They think following these rituals is a sign of love. I can’t comprehend it, why would they follow an archaic ritual which required only a woman to sacrifice? Shouldn’t love be both ways? I was quite disturbed to see and read about young girls also getting initiated in this ritual. http://indianfeminist101.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/karva-chauth/

    Like

  38. I spent a few minutes going through his Karva Chauth post and scampered back to your page for dear life. That man has hatred and intolerance leaping out of his blog. I wish I could write him off as a narcissistic lunatic but he unfortunately seems to have a huge male following who fervently agree with him.

    Why do men become so insecure that they must enforce traditions even though they cause discomfort and misery to women?

    What kind of man glories in his wife starving all day because his ego feels good.

    I fasted for Karva Chauth once while the man it was supposedly for drank beer and watched cricket. I would ask any man who supports Karva Chauth to observe it himself. It’s barbaric and cruel, especially if the woman commutes two hours to work and works full-time without even a sip of water.

    All this, so that some insecure man can feel respected and venerated? Never again will I subject my poor body to such cruelty so that a man can feel glorious and revered.

    Like

  39. This man is a genius!. How is he not on TV ? I am going to follow his blog right away. Some free gyaan I am missing out!

    “Karva Chaut ritual if done the right way, has this mysterious benefit of regularizing a woman’s periods and synchronizing it with the moon.. ” :O

    This is the most brilliant line I have heard in the recent times. Absolutely brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Deserves a Nobel for the finding.

    Like

  40. Dr uncleji

    it’s not just white men. many brown women don’t understand these concepts either. perhaps because they’re complete unscientific rubbish. Please do us a favor and keep science, culture and religion separate. If you must mix the three, please link to articles in peer reviewed journals or at least unbiased statistical evidence to back your claims.

    sincerely
    Indian women

    Like

  41. I wonder if anyone placed the link to this discussion on this guy’s as a comment on his post – may give him a bit of shock that there are so many “Hindu women” who don’t consider “gratitude their greatest virtue”.

    Like

  42. Its amazing how if someone disagrees with his views, they are generalized as pea brained feminists. Speaks volumes of his own pea brain. and Pea everything.

    Like

  43. What on god’s name is this.? my head is still spinning..i feel like throwing up..how can somebody say something like this? more astonishing is the fact that he has a good number of followers who appreciate his crap…

    Like

  44. Another gem from this raving lunatic:

    Question: An off topic question sir,

    Why do girls attain puberty at an early age…as early as 8 year these days. Is there any precautiond that we can take to prevent this.

    Answer from Ajit:regarding early onset of puberty, this is a serious matter –which merits a separate post.

    an experiment:

    separate twin girl babies.

    keep one girl back in india with her parents — she will develop puberty at 15.

    the girls sent for adoption to USA or europe will get her periods , breasts and pubic hair well before the age of 8

    Facepalm!!

    Like

    • Well..I am an Indian, brought up in India by Indian parents who fairly practiced most rituals, but not in a regressive manner….they did what was comfortable for everyone at the time..and guess what? I attained puberty @10yrs..and karva chauth is observed only by married Indian women. So, now if I observe Karva chauth, will my periods take a break for 5 years to make up for early onset?

      Like

  45. interesting how you guys see this. when you have so much problem, instead of bragging about it, just go ahead and dump it. dont do it like me. My husband said do it, i said i wont, He locked me inside my room without food, water. He did not let me go into toilet. i beg to that guy. Then i decided to run away and now i am happy.
    Thanks to karwa chaut.

    Like

  46. Although I don’t judge people for the choices they make, and I guess life’s all about what you believe in and whatever makes you happy…….. As far as I’m concerned, this kind of thing becomes unacceptable when a woman is pressurized / coerced into it — it ought to be a matter of personal belief/choice. If fasting makes the lady happy, I don’t see a problem. It’s all about freedom of choice.

    Now I personally don’t believe in rituals and traditions (especially gender-biased ones); there are infinitely better ways to help extend your spouse’s life than by starving and dehydrating yourself (for e.g. by not creating unnecessary stress / having a loving environment at home, or by planning out healthy meals, or working out together … and that works both ways).

    And yes, not drinking water for so many hours is (medically) a VERY bad idea – I’ve read that it takes three days of dehydration to kill a human being – and this is 1/3rd of that time period. Not to mention the havoc that total starvation plays with your blood sugar levels. Avoidable, IMHO.

    Like

    • For those women who wish to keep this fast of their own free will, here’s a little tip (from seeing how my mom does it). Maybe women don’t drink water all day, but my mom for instance keeps herself hydrated through fruit juices. I have always seen her drink 4-5 glasses of juice throughout the day, and so do the other women in my family. Mom also has fruit a couple of times, so that keeps her adequately nourished too. I haven’t seen any woman in my family so far totally abstaining from having anything at all throughout the day.

      Like

  47. Now I’ll go and tell my dad – “Papa, you spent a decade of your life studying to be a doctor, then another decade establishing yourself as a doctor. So that’s 20 years (!) gone in becoming a qualified practicing doctor. While all this while, people have been going to Captain and getting their medical conditions treated in one comment – all for free and online too! Why, Papa, why?”

    Like

  48. “No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility”

    – Simone de Beauvoir

    Like

  49. Hi IHM,
    I would like to invite your attention to another of his article on “Murungaikai quantum of happiness”, where he asserts what women need for their sexual gratification….Thoroughly enjoyed reading your take on his views on Karvachauth and fully agree with you and most of the commentators. That guy feeds something for humor, doesn’t he?
    regards,
    CM.

    Like

  50. “A woman wakes up in the morning, in a house built by men. She starts the water to boil on a stove built by men, and sits at a chair and table, put there by men, to read a newspaper written, in part, by women but printed and delivered by men. She nibbles some toast, made from grains, grown and harvested by men, whoops –
    Time to take a shower. She turns a faucet handle installed by a man, and lo and behold – out comes HOT water, delivered by a vastly complicated water system, built by men. She drives to work in a car built by men, on roads built by men, powered by petroleum, drilled and refined and delivered by men.
    She arrives at an office building built by men. Walks to her desk, fires up her computer, and glances out her window at a city built by men – full of potential customers for her service business. Out of the corner of her eye, a table in the conference room, that seems awkwardly out of place, snags her attention. She strokes her ear lobe. At that moment, the janitor scoots by in the hallway.
    “Bob! Oh Bob. Could you PLEASE move that table, further into the corner. You’re such a dear.” She pins him, with a delectable, and utterly phony smile. Bob, oblivious to the cheapness of the words, and falseness of the smile thrilled to get any attention at all, from such an attractive person pitches right in. And as he lugs one corner of the heavy table,across the carpet,she Exhales a comfortable sigh.
    Her day, has begun.
    She will spend the next 8 to 10 hours telling OTHER people, what to do. That’s HER understanding of work. This creature, who has NO idea WHERE things come from, HOW they are made, and has not the slightest knowledge, about HOW the world works, has been put in CHARGE of it because there is really nothing else, of any specific value, she COULD be doing.

    If she lived in a world built by women,she would be sitting in a tent, watching her breath in front of her face, stitching animal hides. But, she lives in a world BUILT, almost ENTIRELY, by men and, AMAZINGLY, she has NOT the SLIGHTEST appreciation, or GRATITUDE for that fact.
    She never even stops to THINK about it. Never stops to think, that if all the things men make and do, were MAGICALLY removed, right now she would plodding through a MUDDY SWAMP, looking for red-wing blackbird eggs.

    She thinks the world is made out of proper grammar, and attractive clothing, and polite conversation, and correct opinions instead of rivets and concrete and copper and petroleum. From the day she picked up her first teaspoon, she has been learning how to manipulate the things men provide, as if they were put in front of her by God or Mother Nature. She has NO IDEA what men actually do. Yet, according to her, and the media she consumes, men are assholes.

    When I think of the men – the lumberjacks, and truck drivers, and paper mill workers, and printers, and deliverymen, the men who have to get up early, every morning, and do VERY hard jobs, so that Ellen Goodman, and Maureen Dowd, and other feminist blowhards, can sit in their climate controlled offices, shitting out editorials about what assholes, men are when I think of those women, walking on the backs of all those men, I want to start BOMBING things.
    Let’s bomb them all the way back to the unheated tent, and the muddy swamp, and see what they complain about THEN. Maybe they’ll start writing editorials, about how women should start doing, REAL work. Not just OFFICE WORK.
    85% Homeless Are Men – Men Drafted For WAR & Women NOT – 4 of 5 suicides are Men – 19 of 20 people who die on job are Men. Men NOT regarded as Equal Parents.
    Now hear this…
    Men are now,and always have been, the protectors and providers for women men are NOT NOW, and NEVER HAVE been, the oppressors of women.
    The simple proof of that being, that women are not now, and never have been,OPPRESSED. It’s all un-preposterous lie. Nowhere in history do the oppressed, live longer, and have more money, than their oppressors.”

    Oh, well…

    Like

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