An acquaintance was upset because, she said, her friend’s mother in law was ‘harassing her’. She described the situation in detail. The daughter in law seemed to be going through a difficult time, and it seemed that it was only going to get worse.
IHM: She could tell her, very politely ofcourse, to stop interfering?
The acquaintance: That would be disrespectful!!
IHM: But this would continue if she doesn’t.
The acquaintance: She can’t be rude to her mother in law – saying something to the mother in law is totally unacceptable in their family!!
IHM: But then how is she to deal with this? Spend days and nights plotting counter attacks in the same indirect ways, like in saas bahu serials!!?
The acquaintance: Her husband respects her because she is never rude to his mother. She has his support, she will have to show courage and fortitude.
IHM: She has his support? Is he going to talk to his mother then?
The acquaintance: He can’t discuss such matters, or talk back to his mother!
IHM: But you said that he does see that the wife is being harassed?
The acquaintance: Yes. He understands. She has earned his love and respect with her forbearance.
IHM: So she can’t talk to the mother in law because the husband would not allow that? And the husband also can’t talk to his mother?
The acquaintance : He can’t get into women’s squabbles.
IHM: What if she decides not to ask for his help, and deals with the matter in her own way?
The acquaintance : That’s unthinkable!! He would not tolerate that.
That’s how Patriarchy works.I remembered the conversation when I read the email below. How can their be harmony, when those who supposed to create harmony are not permitted to choose who to harmonise with and how?How would you respond to this email?
Sorry I don’t know much about you or your website. Just know that it is a sort of advice center were some sensible people give solutions to Indian type problems.
I don’t have a problem just wanted to say I am getting married soon. To the person I love for the last 4 years. (I am 23) but I can see that my future mother in law will be hell with her attitude and other nonsense as well my sasurals constant nonsense but I don’t care about that since my would be husband is a very loving man and will get our own place soon after marriage in a few months.
All I wanted to see that we all ladies are going to be future mother in laws soon. (Well maybe in 30/40 years time)
Are we going to treat aur daughter in laws the same way that most MIls torture their DILs? I hope not…
We dont want them to be treated the way we have or will be treated…right?
We dont want our sons to suffer becuase there will saas bahu drama in the house do we?
I dont want them to be my bhuddape ka sahahary as I very well can support myself in coming 50 years. I will respect each and every decision of the future couple.
I will want to respect my dil and she will respect me back and I hope we will having a loving relationship.
I just want the opinions of your advisors to see how the the future generations of mother in laws will be like.
Can we expect a better future ahead with no constant bricking in each household?