“The minor issue of male attitudes against women at home and women’s need to be admired for being subservient.”

This article by Madhu Trehan is worth reading and sharing. 

“How delicately and subtly we have been brainwashed….”

“We did not fight for equality and the need for teamwork in the home.

Feminists have focused on larger issues such as domestic violence, rape and child marriage and perhaps there is no space to address the minor issue of male attitudes against women at home. But the cause of all the larger issues stem from just that. Unless the issues of being equal in the home are addressed, the subtle subjugation, women’s need to be admired for being conventional and subservient, not much will change.

If feminists could deal with the fine tuning of family relationships and give courage to girls to stand up for themselves, we could see a beginning.

We women, have to change our own thinking and stop falling into the “ideal woman” trap. It is time to create the “ideal man” who supports his woman and daughter as equal team players, not slaves and subordinates. It is time to make Sharad Yadav go home and clean, Asaram to cook, Bhagwat to care for elders, ad houseworkum.

 

As Gandhiji said, “If you don’t like the Manu Smriti, burn it”. Well, I don’t like – Saint Tulsidas’ Ramchaarit Manas where he legitimised the subjugation and maltreatment of women and girls:

Dhol Gawanr Shudra Pashu Nari, Sakal Tadan ke Adhikari.

So watch it burn.

Please read the full article here – ‘We let this gen down.’ 

Link shared by Sandhya.

Related Posts:

Some Gems from Manusmriti.

Were Indian Women Better Off As Homemakers?

74 thoughts on ““The minor issue of male attitudes against women at home and women’s need to be admired for being subservient.”

  1. What a coincidence! Just this morning, I was on the phone with a friend,who was complaining that her husband doesnt keep the office bag,shoes and his towel in their place.When she told him their 5 year old son is mimicking him; he too keeps throwing his school bag and shoes across the hall, her husband replied with a laugh and said not to worry, his future wife will do it for him.They have been married 10 years now.She has been keeping his shoes on the rack daily all these years.Their 4 year old daughter is also picking up on messages like men are ‘like this’and women pick up after them,which is more dangerous.

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    • Just stop doing it… It is very simple , I have done it
      My husband is changed or toggled from 0 to 1 ….fully now , you may now call him male feminist…too sometimes. It is not that hard , person who believes in patriarchy little also will not be able to do…so may be your friend believes somewhere in patriarchy.

      She also is selfish of her image , or what “hell” children may go thru ? Is it a hell when u dont to husbands stuff , which he has to do ???

      I have seen men after death of their wives do everything…How do they learn suddenly ?? They ask for their DILs many times ….but many sensible ones deny that nonsense. why cant she ?

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    • Tell her to just stop doing his work…lets him throw away things…Let the house remain messed up for few days…how will he resist?? 1-2 weeks?? Once he gets the message tht she wont be cleaning up after him.He will come around.But she will have to be firm and strong and not give in to his tantrums or emotional blackmailing.

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  2. I agree that the attitude needs changing, of course. But it is SO difficult! Especially. when even your peers are people who look at you as if you’re being unfeminine. I’ve heard several times variations of the phrase ” she thinks she’s a man” or “she wants to be a man”. I’ve soured friendships (I’m not complaining, those kinda people are better to not be friends with) and pissed off men who think that I’m not a “good influence” on their wives!!
    I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle which my psyche does not allow me to yield to.

    I’m just so tired of fighting.😦

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    • I don’t think it must be so difficult in a family. But it depends on one crucial thing: both the two partners in a marriage must agree on it, and work together on it.

      It’s hopeless for the woman to change this, if she is in a marriage where the man does not agree. And it’s hopeless for the man to change it, unless he’s got the agreement and the cooperation of his wife.

      On the other hand, children who grow up with 2 parents who *agree* that both rights and duties should be shared equally without concern for gender, then that’s what the children will learn. Sure they may get different ideas at school, when visiting friends and in other ways, but their main influence for how to organize a home, will be the home they grew up in.

      It’s important that the *small* things we don’t even tend to think about are also shared. If everyone is eating, and it is discovered that something is missing from the table, who gets up and fetches it ? The answer should not be “always mom”. Similarly, it should be equally common to see dad washing moms clothes as seeing mom washing dads clothes. These things are simple to change. But only if the two partners AGREE that they should change.

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      • agrajag, you make it sound so easy! I’m living a different life, where I never meet a feminist man, I hardly come across people who believe that a woman and a man are equal and that it is NOT a woman’s duty to cook and clean the house while the husband does nothing. I know of only 2 couples in my immediate circle of friends with men sharing the workload at home and not making it seem like they’re doing a favour to the woman by doing so.
        I have constant arguments with men who, while sympathetic and “traumatized” by the rape in Delhi, still think of it as a problem that can only be controlled by protecting the women. They even go so far as to say that a man CANNOT HELP IT when they are in the throes of lust. These are educated men I’m talking about. People who are well-read, exposed to different cultures etc.

        There are still people who believe in sectarianism and judge people who are of a different caste or even geographical location from them!

        I don’t even argue with these people anymore, cos like I said, I’m tired.

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        • I sympathize. You are right. In some cultures, finding a man who *do* agree that chores should be split evenly, can be very difficult. What I meant was only that after you do, the actual teaching is easy. All that’s needed is to actually share, and the kids will notice. What we *do* as parents is so much more important than what we *say*. This then, means the most important thing a woman can do to further equal rights, may be to be careful about selecting a partner.

          This should be a two-way-street, of course. A woman who expects her husband to do his fair share of the household-chores, should also expect to have equal responsibility for earning money.

          Something that many old-fashioned men have not yet discovered, is that a more fair sharing is a benefit for them as well. I can worry less about losing my job, because my family has *two* incomes. My wife understands me better, because she knows what it’s like to work. Basically, we’re more of a TEAM, instead of two people sharing a house, but living completely different and separate lives.

          Besides, there’s another great benefit: What do you think will increase wife-happiness and likelihood of wonderful sex most ? The man who works until 18 on a friday evening, then comes home with a bouquet of flowers, or the man who’s saved up some hours from work, goes home at 12 on friday, do all the laundry, wash the kitchen and bathroom, tidy and vacuum the living-room, and prepare the favourite dish of the wife for when she comes from work at 16 ? (this works for wives too ! I *much* prefer it when Silvia has done something nice for me, rather than when she’s just bought something)

          “I sweated for 4 hours so that you can get to enjoy a nice weekend” is a much stronger way of saying “I love you” than buying roses is.

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        • The majority of men I know think this way. Most of them have the handicap of being physically located in Norway. Chores and worklife is still -somewhat- unevenly divided here, but not in a manner that’s unfair overall.

          According to the statistics for time-use, on the average men use about 45 minutes more a day than women for generating income, but women use on the average 35 minutes more a day doing household-chores. The sum comes out almost identical, which I think makes it reasonably “fair”.

          These are stats for everyone between 9 and 79 — among the younger half of this age-group there’s very little difference between men and women when it comes to how they spend their time.

          I do have some single friends I could send to India, I suppose😀

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        • “I sweated for 4 hours so that you can get to enjoy a nice weekend” is a much stronger way of saying “I love you” than buying roses is.”

          You said is so nicely. A much stronger way to say I LOVE YOU. But where is the love in India? Perhaps in movies and in few families. Like i said in a comment to another post what India needs is to understand what love, care and compasion is, to develop a conscience. Then all will change.

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        • My indian friend spent an entire saturday collecting pictures, writing explanations and gathering music, just so I could see and understand a little bit more of what her daily life is like. I felt plenty loved ! In fact, I see a lot of care and love on this very blog, every week. You folks are *amazing* — if I where single and so inclined, I’d happily marry most of you ! *grin*

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  3. See, one of the simplest ways in which the women I know put an end to things like this was to simply stop picking up after the people who refuse to pull their own weight. People, especially men in our culture, become overly reliant only when the women around them enable such behaviour. They won’t put their towels away, or do their laundry, or serve their own food, because they are constantly comforted by the fact that someone will be around to hang up their towel, clean up their clothes, and feed them.

    Once they come face to face with a reality where there is no one to put their towels away, or provide clean clothes, or feed them, the necessity of having those things forces them to do it for themselves. This was how I had to learn. My grandmother stopped picking up after me. Soon enough, when I ran out of clean socks to wear, I had to figure out how to do my own laundry. Same thing for my father. Same thing for my grandfather. Same thing for my uncle. It’s not uncommon to hear the words, “You have two hands, do it yourself.” in my house. We’re all perfectly self-sufficient people. Only children rely on others to do things for them.

    And, honestly, just the act of not /doing/ something is the simplest, but most powerful way to fight. You can’t convince people to start doing extra work. You have to make them see for themselves why they have to do it on their own. Is it perhaps a little cruel? Maybe. But necessity is the mother of invention after all–in these case, you’re just inventing new habits.

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      • I’m not quite sure how ceasing to do something is a battle? It’s very simple really. You do one thing one day. Tomorrow, you wake up, you don’t do it. Quite frankly, the act of NOT doing something is the least war-like gesture of all, but the most powerful and most effective.

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        • In principle, perhaps. But when your partner thought you had an implicit agreement to share work a certain way, and then (from his perception) you no longer uphold your part of the bargain, a war can easily result.

          That’s true in both directions. A woman who just stopped doing half of the household-work, thinking the man should pick it up, will easily end up with a conflict over it – but a man that suddenly without warning decides he needs to earn only half of his current earnings, because the woman should earn the other half, may also get troubles. (assuming the wife isn’t working already, of course)

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    • I happened to be around today when an Indian co-worker were discussing life in the UK. He was stating that living outside India (and therefore having to pitch in and do half of the housework and childcare-both of which would have been partly ‘outsourced’ , had the couple been in India)- had made him see his home-maker mom in a new light.
      He also admitted that there was nothing inherently ‘feminine’ about the work itself- i.e a man could keep a home and raise a child as well as a woman.

      Perhaps all unhelpful men should be made to stay abroad with their kids, for a bit🙂

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      • Changing the place cannot automatically lead to a man changing his attitude and habits. When a Indian man, who is used to getting things done by his wife, goes abroad, he will take his wife along to do the household chores there, as she did in India. The only difference will be that in India she had the help of a maid, whereas abroad, she has to do everything herself.

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        • I don’t think we should generalise. Some Indian men will treat their wives unfairly, irrespective of century or place. Some will always do(and have done) the right thing.
          I was merely pointing out the third kind-decent men who realise slightly belatedly that housework and child-rearing is best shared. Of course this realisation can happen even in India. It’s just more likely to happen abroad, where the women are pretty much guaranteed to be ‘help’less

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  4. in your previous post i had already commented the same that today women protest for nirbhaya but do not protest for themselves at home and accepted compromise as their destiny or fate. but is not it our fault as well? i have met many women who want to protest for themselves at their home but they ask plainly that we totally depend on our family for all basic need food, cloth and home if we reject them who will give us shelter and that too a large chunk of women not mere 100 or 200. until we find the actual solution of this or actually empower women in every possible way that we can , these reports will continue and endless. because lesser or more we all know this reality from inside, aint we? as very hard to say but thoughts get shattered when collide with ground of reality. we have to find a solution this time.

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    • Things can’t change from outside. It is only by grass-root level everyday action that big changes are made. And this requires a tremendous courage. A stay at home woman who sets to change her situation is just as courageous as a soldier.

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  5. True..every word which she says is true ! But how do we counter statements like “he earns more than you and deserves ‘rest’ at the end of the day!!” which is the case is most households.And then there is proverbial in-laws comments !!!

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    • what i feel for a woman it is worst from both side as even if she earns more, man always scuttles her achievements by saying you are getting all this because you a woman or she becomes the target of male ego

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    • be firm and stick to your ground…let them blabber…..I know its difficult but in some cases you have to be stubborn..There’s no point in arguing with dumbheads.So just say this the way I am going to run the house….plz adjust.

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    • A few years ago I read an article dealing with exactly this problem. Her advice was, marry someone earning less than you, have a child only after securing your career, avoid having a second child, and accept a certain amount of mess and dirt- it won’t kill you.
      This was written from a western perspective, of course.

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  6. I’ve always been super aware of the fact that my parents chose to have an only girl child in spite of being from a culture where couples are encouraged to ‘at least try for a male child.’ Because of this, I think I subconsciously always made it a point not to fall into the stereotype.

    I was hesitant in getting serious with my husband when we first began dating because he was Indian (and my experience with Indians prior to that was that they were very conservative and strictly adhered to gender stereotypes). Luckily, he turned out to be a totally different person than the other Indians that I had interacted with.

    Gender schemas begin at home–completely agree with the author’s message that women should challenge these kinds of ideas that they were raised to believe.

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  7. The change definitely begins from women’s attitudes in the home. We need to stop seeing it as ‘women’s work’. We need to stop accepting that all housework is our responsibility and men just ‘help’. We need to approach this by dividing housework and other responsibilities equitably so that everyone does their share. There is no help, there’s just pulling your own weight. That creates natural pressure on men to follow suit if they want their stuff cleaned etc because no one will do it for them. Don’t marry men who disagree with equality in the house. That’s how natural selection works, create a reproductive penalty for certain behaviour and it will stop real fast (not ‘arranged’ selection though sadly).

    I think, for me, it helped that I independently lived with housemates as a student and I was absolutely loathe to do anyone’s chores for them. It was their job! My husband had lived the same way and had been doing chores for himself as a child too, more than I did actually. We simply carried on dividing chores when we started living together. I think living on your own helps gets away from traditional conditioning.. but I have heard of couples who go right back to traditional roles when they marry, so it also has to be an active decision you make.

    Chores are for everyone who lives in the house, eats the food and contributes to the mess. They do not depend on gender in any way. Girls are not born with mixie attachments after all😉.

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    • carvaka, You hit the nail on the head. Living independently has changed so many conditioned Indian men I know. My husband was the first boy in his extended family full of girls and so lived the life of a prince. He wouldn’t even get up to wash his own dinner plate. This same guy has no qualms cleaning bathrooms, cooking, doing dishes, sweeping, mopping, mowing the yard, fixing dinner for himself and me now that he’s lived away from mommy dearest for over 10 years. However, his mom was heart broken when he sat down to peel 2 lbs of baby potatoes the other night, while I was chopping countless onions, tears and all. I just raised an eyebrow and left it at that.

      You know what breaks my heart? I used to work really far away from home until 1 year ago and he used to do all weeknight cooking and my co-workers were amazed at how “considerate” my husband is. Fast forward to now, both of us work equi-distant from home and he still does half of all weeknight cooking and all these educated ex-co-workers wonder “Oooh…how did you train him to do it?” He’s not some dog that needs training, you know?

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    • “Chores are for everyone who lives in the house, eats the food and contributes to the mess. They do not depend on gender in any way. Girls are not born with mixie attachments after all ;)”

      Loved that!

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  8. I agree with this article wholeheartedly. It is eloquent and to the point. Thankfully I have a beautiful relationship with my husband, where both of us share housework and I do not have to do anything only because I am a woman.

    However, it is a very different case with my in-laws and sometimes my own family. To my own disadvantage, I tend to be very vocal about my beliefs and thus am not well liked. My husband thinks that I should just ignore and let things go as we do not live with either set of parents and he tells me there is no point spoiling the few days we spend with them. I try to do that but it feels wrong to do so.. I am the one who suffers either way!!

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    • No dear u are not alone….I am famous in my in laws family for being stubborn and too rebellious :D….and I dont give a damm abt my image. I am happy thts all matter.

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  9. Good post IHM,
    I agree wholeheartedly here, men need to change their attitude and support their wives in every possible way. Recently I got into long argument with one of my junior colleague at office about these issues. This guy is unmarried in his 20s and had crazy patriarchal views on working women and what he desires in his future wife.

    I asked him ” do you like any girl here in this office “.

    He said that he doesn’t like working girls, because they act more like males. He elaborated further that “modern work culture takes femininity out of women and makes them more aggressive, dominating and opinionated…like men. And a women without those feminine nurturing, graceful, healing traits cant be a good mother or wife. I don’t want to marry a man in women’s body. I will never marry a girl who want’s to join the workforce.”

    He had many other outrageous beliefs to judge the girls whom he see as masculine. I particularly remember one which is laughable he said “girls who trim and darken their eyebrows are definitely manly inside, they do this to look aggressive like men”. This remark of his gave me headaches and i just ended the conversations at this point and told him on his face that you are insane.

    I thought he was just trying to justify his patriarchal upbringing in his own mind, by making up such stuff and desires a wife to cook and clean for him. I wish he will change his extreme patriarchal views someday.

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  10. I completely agree.. it all begins at home…
    how much ever progressive I think I am, I still mimic my mom’s attitude when it comes to marriage…
    After having my daughter though, I’ve become extremely aware and careful of the kind of messages I’m sending out.. like if she sees me giving her dad coffee.. I make sure she also sees her dad picking up my emptied cup and washing it..

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  11. I know of middle class women who wake up at 5 a.m. to cook for all the tiffins for school and office, lunch for the in-laws at home before she catches the bus to her office. On her return, she will cook and serve dinner. Does the husband or anyone help her even to clean up? NO! But, she lives for the praise that she is the ideal Indian woman who does not neglect her domestic duties…

    Yeah..I was one such woman.(Not that I woke up at 5 am or anything and I did not live with my in laws). I had a notion that I would be a good wife only if do all my domestic duties – not because my husband or family demanded it, but because I wanted my mis-formed ego to feel that I was a good Indian wife.
    I took pride to say yes when others asked me if I cooked before/after office.I was eager to prove that I could strike a good balance between office work and all house hold works. I secretly gloated when i told my friends-“he doesn’t do anything.I have to do everything for him!!” I was annoyed when my husband sometimes volunteered to do the cooking( because he would proudly call his parents and tell them that he made this or that, I don’t think he was doing to de glorify my status as a wife, but I took it personally).
    Both of us, me and my husband, were bad at cooking when we started our life together.I took over the kitchen and killed the budding cook that resided in my husband🙂..I evolved in to a decent cook and denied him any chance at cooking.So he still remains at the starting point. Now I want him to help me in the kitchen, but he being a novice ,creates a mayhem when he tries his hand in the kitchen and adds to my work load
    Can I complain??Who was responsible for my ordeal? My husband in the beginning had expressed his desire and willingness and I was like ..”No No..I am the wife..I can manage…” and he got used to it. I have realized my mistake and now ask him to do things and he is picking up🙂

    When ever I see a friend’s husband doing some helping around and comment “Good that he helps you around”, sometimes they jumps to the defense “No no…he doesn’t do much…this is only once in the while..” like it is a insult to shoulder the chores. May not be true for everyone!

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    • @Confused Humanity, the situation you describe is all too common. I recently went to a gathering at a friend’s house. After talking for a while, her husband asked if anyone felt like having a second round of tea, and all enthusiastically said yes. Her husband went into the kitchen, cheerful and whistling, all set to make the tea. However she got real territorial around the kitchen. She shooed him out, insulted his tea making skills jokingly and started making it.

      Your comment is such an honest piece of writing. Good for you, for looking at yourself honestly, understanding the motivation behind your actions, and changing your attitude and actions. I think this comment gives us tremendous hope – it reminds us that when we discuss these issues, someone, somewhere, is thinking about these things, and making changes in their lives.

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    • The first few lines in your comment reminded me of my mother, and my aunts.

      They were the generation that was ‘played’- and how! They were magnanimously sent to college , and ‘allowed’ to earn a paycheck while also never being excused from domestic duties.The previous , traditional division of labour mutated into something more demanding.
      I want to admire women like my mother, who woke up at 5 a.m (she really did), cooked two meals, got us ready for school, went to work and came back only to begin preparations for the next day of cooking and working.
      She never expected help from either my father, nor us, and every time we asked(and we did ask, not out of sympathy, but out of a curiosity about cooking), she brushed us away. I say I want to admire such behaviour, but it’s precisely the admiration of such behaviour that turns it into an expectation and propagates it as the ‘ideal’. So I will refrain from doing so, and try my best NOT to live up to such an exhausting standard.
      Men should definitely do their fair share of work around the house, but I think it’s important to involve children as well. Chores are life skills anyway that everybody has got to learn someday, so might as well start early and turn managing the house into everybody’s responsibility.

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    • “No no…he doesn’t do much…this is only once in the while..”

      This might be because she does not want people to think she is having it easy. The husband might actually be helping her only occasionally and she does not want him to get too much credit. Silly, but possible.

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  12. One interesting point the author makes is that the number of women in senior management positions has increased but not much has changed at home even for these women. These are the women who need to be at the forefront of change, who must be the beacons of hope, yet they go home and work hard to be superwomen who can balance it all without their husbands lifting a finger. They have indeed set a poor example for the younger generation.

    When a woman is poor/uneducated or educated but financially dependent, one can be forgiving, but when educated, independent women don’t demand domestic equality, where do even begin?

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  13. women like to have best of both worlds. they want their husband to take all the burdens be it social, economic or psychological. when the need arises they just hide in their femininity such as when some goon need to be handled. or for some psychological burden- they will shed tears and very smartly pass the buck.
    and now they want the man to do the homely works also. it is women who cook in ALL societies historically. so it is their duty.
    working women has to understand that by earning she has not grown feathers.
    the best thing is that most women including my wife understands all this. some rotten eggs may do whatever they want

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    • That’s pretty ridicolous. Women overall, are neither saints nor devils, they are humans, just like men are. They’ve got strong sides, and weak sides.

      Sharing responsibilities is fair. There’s no problem if a man does most of the household-chores, and the woman does most of the income-generating, or opposite. But there is a huge problem if women who work alongside the men, are nevertheless ALSO assumed to be solely responsible for all chores. Simply because that’s not fair.

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    • A Male…. you hit the nail right on the head there! When will women understand how unreasonable it is to expect a grown man to take care after himself at ‘homely’ stuff!!

      And oh yes! Thank God for men like you, who can ‘handle’ some ‘goon’ – after all, THAT, after all, is a sign of human race having evolved a few thousand years (from apes – proven, since we have the missing link now !!)

      You seriously need therapy dude.

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  14. I grew up in a fairly liberal family or so I thought, cause I was ‘allowed’ to pursue a career I wanted, go abroad to do my Masters, not be expected to clean. cook, you get the picture. Except my father is a textbook Indian male – yes he had a very difficult life, but he still grew up with a male privilege attitude, extremely sexist and abusive. Why? Cause that was/is the Indian way.
    Fast forward a few years, and I met my wonderful husband. We broke every rule in the Indian morality book – we had a baby before we got married, well I was pregnant well before our wedding day. Needless to say, it was scandalous and shattered everything my folks held dear. It was dramatic. Period.
    I have always been vociferous about equality and why there were so many things that as an Indian woman I simply wasn’t allowed to do. I was labelled a rebel, someone who sprouted wings and needed her wings to be clipped, sooner than later. I never really agreed that men too could be victims of patriarchy and sexist values.
    But to cut a long story short, my parents recently visited us, a make up visit so to speak. And everything my father held dear as an absolute truth, was shattered. Worse than the unmarried daughter with child. He saw for himself, for the first time ever, this magical place where men respected and loved their wives. Where men stayed home and took care of the children while their wives pursued their interests. Where household chores were done, and done well irrespective of gender. And lo and behold, they were men still! And non-clipped winged women, still women! And he could like these people! They weren’t strange at all!
    My mother also saw for herself what a load of crap her country and its so called great values did to her. She saw happy, confident women. Where it was okay to be a housewife or a working woman. Neither diminished or increased her value. She was spoken to first, served first. She was always addressed by her name, and not as my father’s wife. She was seen and heard and she thrived!
    Upon their return home, for the first time in their 28 years of marriage, my father made tea for my mum. And continues to do so last I heard. Yes he can still be his old self, but he now sees that his masculinity isn’t diminished or improved by the chores he does or does not do.
    The point I’m trying to make is, there are so few examples of such men, of equality of sexes that I think words don’t make a difference. Most often than not, its leading by example that makes a difference. Will people like my father ever really change? Maybe not. But it definitely has made a difference, even if in small measures. As for my mother, its been tough on her. I can see the disappointment, frustration and resentment over everything she sacrificed because she was a good Indian woman. That was what she was taught and she did so, by the book. Except it took away her dignity and happiness. And she sees it now.
    Like agragaj said, there is no better way to teach our children, than by doing it, and leading by example. Being sexist shouldn’t be heralded as something Indian to be proud of.
    And for A male, I feel sorry that you have your head in the sand.
    The day both men and women work towards equality is when things get better. Patriarchy doesn’t thrive without willing supporters like most women are. Education and travel does nothing to change these mindsets. It has to happen in every home. Between couples, between siblings, between co-workers.

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      • Thank you desidaaru🙂
        I went through hell when I was pregnant simply because in addition to family drama, the other Indian students around me decided what a shame I was.
        A year later, I’m stronger, braver, happier and putting many ghosts to rest. Finding this blog was timely too, so thank you IHM.

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    • @shruthi
      I have read your comment till the part where your dad made tea for your mom upon returning to India.
      I simply stopped reading.I blinked.Told myself that it is impossible.Had to convince myself that it can not be false, hence trur.Felt like i was reading a fairy tale.
      NOW let me go read the rest of your comment.

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      • I blinked too when I first heard aarti! But I think it was seeing for himself that men and women were equal partners and that doing chores and having a job/or not didn’t make men any less masculine.
        My point is, we patronise, promote and even expect stereotypical behaviour from men and women both. And for people steeped in misogynist mindset, especially when pushed in the name of tradition and culture, they know no better or choose not to cause it suits them best, as things are.
        I really doubt my dad will ever be a loving, caring husband like mine is. But just a simple gesture goes a long way and I see it for his willingness to do something first hand.
        All my rebellious fights couldn’t do what a month of staying with us did. Actions do speak louder than words I guess.

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  15. Pingback: “She went on and complained to my father in law that this gal cooks non veg at her home.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  16. It all boils down to fairness, equality and sharing of responsibilities. Every member of society should have rights and duties. But in India, esp in a joint family, it is common to find some members enjoying only rights, whereas others having only responsibilities. Work and gender should have no
    connection.

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  17. Pingback: ‘Will it be possible for Indian women to negotiate a postnup when finding a mate is a feat in itself?’ | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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