Here’s why a 6-year-old rape survivor was ordered to marry alleged rapist’s 8 year old son.

6-year-old rape survivor ordered to marry 8-year-old son of alleged rapist [link]

Link shared by Desi Girl from Girl’s guide to survival

What made this look like Justice to even the most ignorant?

Here’s what I think. 

1. Rape is being seen as a crime against the victim’s future husband (Pati parameshwar) and in laws, who have the right to her virginity/purity (and body and soul).

(Those who see sexual crimes as ‘izzat lutna’, can’t see how marital rape or rape of sex workers are wrong, when there is no robbing of izzat.)

2. ‘Purity’ of the future charno ki daasi is traditionally her parents’ (and male siblings’) biggest responsibility. They are judged for failing to ‘safe guard’ it, but may also be seen as victims.

This verdict is a ‘compensation’, because every Indian girl child must be found a Pati Parmeshwar as soon as possible (to serve, to please and to obey him and his family), and it is felt that no man would be willing to marry a rape survivor.

3. An eye for an eye, and a Dishonour for a Dishonour is seen as justice. So, the rapist must be dishonoured  for dishonouring the victim. A daughter-in-law  or a ghar ki izzat who has no izzat (honor) is seen as appropriate punishment for the rapist. (Generally men can’t lose izzat without women’s sexuality being involved)

4. The eight year old male child of the rapist is his budhape ka sahara and his precious possession (not a praya dhan), ruining the life of his ghar ka chiraag or kuldeepak by marrying him to a dishonoured zinda laash is seen as an appropriate punishment for the rapist. 

5. Rape is not seen as a trauma for the victim.

Because a paraya dhan‘s only reason to be is to serve as charno ki daasi of her future spouse and bear him male children to carry forward his family name (she has no name of her own) and cook and serve him and his family.

Terms used and what they mean:

izzat lutna – loss of honor,rape; izzat lootna – to dishonor or to rape

zinda laash – a living corpse, a rape survivour

ghar ki izzat – honor of the family, generally married or unmarried girl children, daughters in law, women of the house, sisters etc.

izzat – honour, chastity

budhape ka sahara – support in old age

kuldeepak – the lamp who would carry forward the family name

charnon ki daasi – wife or the one whose joy lies in serving her lord and master, translates to ‘slave of feet’

paraya dhan – not mine + possession/wealth

Pati parmeshwar – Lord and god, the male spouse, husband

Related Posts:

“Girls should be married at 16, so that they don’t need to go elsewhere for their sexual needs. This way rapes will not occur.”

Sexual abuse victim thrown out of school for being a bad influence on other students.

How does an average Indian define Rape, Child Abuse and Consensual Sex?

Who will benefit from criminalising sexual assaults within marriages?

India might finally get proper laws against sexual harassment, instead of just “eve-teasing”.

Only when raising ideal daughters in law is not their goal, would Indian parents be able enjoy having and bringing up girl children.

Those charged with our safety should have a true understanding of what it is to be a survivor of sexual assault — slut or otherwise.

Panchayat orders girl to marry her rapist because one way to make a Rape right is to make it Marital Rape.

Making Marital Rape a legal offence is the fastest way to make it clear that Rape means forced sex, not lost Virginity or Honor.

“Ninety percent rape victims go willingly, but later they meet criminal minded people…”

37 thoughts on “Here’s why a 6-year-old rape survivor was ordered to marry alleged rapist’s 8 year old son.

  1. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this ridiculous piece of news. Looks like people left their brains behind somewhere.

    What is the point of asking the daughter to get married to the son of a guy who raped her? So, that the rapist can rape her more? How dumb. And these are kids, not adults to get married. I doubt we are an evolved species any more

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      • How is it incest? A man raping a child does not automatically forge a relationship with her. She is not related to his son or to him and this is not incest in any way.

        The problem is not of incest, it is of consent.

        I vaguely recall cases where a woman was raped by her father in law and then made to divorce her husband because of ‘incest’ (I might be missing some details). Raping a woman does not make her your wife or partner or anything. Rape is not a relationship.

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        • Incest definition:

          1) Sexual relations between people classed as being too closely related to marry each other.
          2) The crime of having sexual intercourse with a parent, child, sibling, or grandchild.

          Clearly, point 2 is not true here. So let’s come to point 1. For that, this would have to be sexual relations between people (groom and bride) too closely related to marry – except that they are not related at all. His father raped her.. and that is not a relationship. Or perhaps you mean the rape by the man of the girl would become incestous.. but again, they’re not related, so no incest.

          The problem with the ruling, for me, is the lack of the girl’s consent to marriage and sex.. and her rape being unpunished, in fact the rapist being rewarded.

          If the girl and boy were of age and wanted to marry and the rapist father was behind bars, I would see no reason to stop them from going ahead. Incest is considered a moral issue mainly because being closely related genetically can cause deformed babies. No on here shares any genes.

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  2. Let me start with my famous quote , many otherwise heavily mindless but patriotic on any thing has alphabets I n d i a , India is a PaagalKhaana ……every one has left their brain in the Toilet every morning …Stupid people.Chennai Express Dialogue : Women in India should not celebrate Independence.Rightly said…
    But apart from this I want to really have one post by IHM for solutions for these things , let that post run for a week with no other post of yours so that every one focuses on it.
    Lets looks for solutions atleast by our small but large enough group which follows you…

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    • I agree. I think there’s enough of a following here to start something meaningful. I don’t live in India but visit often and want to know how I can help. There are volunteer orgs that run abuse help lines, etc. but there do not seem to be any ‘awareness building’ organizations. Such an org can start with working on something specific like marriage reform, for instance.

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  3. I think I’ve said this before, but by this point, I’m not even surprised or shocked by news like this. It infuriates me, yes, but it is not surprising any more. This, I think, makes it ever more sadder. I used to be aghast at the apathy in the people of my country. But now, I see why.

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  4. I was so angry when I read about this in the newspapers ! Its not justice, they are just making sure that there is no way a little innocent 6 year old girl can ever forget what happened with her.

    And who gives these Panchayats the right to take a decision on someone’s private lives ? Shouldn’t the rape cases be conducted in district courts and high courts instead ? Shoudn’t the rapist be put up for a trial ?

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  5. “5. Rape is not seen as a trauma for the victim.”

    This goes further than that I think. I think the victim, the female victim, is not seen as a full human being whose feelings, trauma and consent have any meaning at all. Her personal trauma of rape is hence fully ignored. The only slight here has been to her father and hence the solution is to take the ‘ruined’ child-incubator off his hands.

    The story said that this man raped the child AGAIN after the father complained about the first rape and if the little girl is married to his son (remember, child marriage is against the law) then he will continue to rape her with impunity. So the marital rape impunity extends not just to the husband but his entire family, since they own the child-incubator now.

    This entire thinking is rooted in seeing men as human beings and women as things that exist for their use. Women are not human beings to these ‘elders’. I cannot believe that they are not prosecuted for such inhuman and cruel judgements that they often compel women’s families to accept with threats of violence and murder.

    Panchayats need to be outlawed. We cannot have the Indian penal code and this medieval patriarchal code side by side, especially when the medieval panchayat ‘rules’ go against the laws of the land! It’s quite enough to have to deal wiht reforming the law to keep pace with society, it’s damn near impossible to reform panchayat rules!

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    • What’s more the article mentions neither the girl’s parents or the accused accepted the panchayat’s perverted ruling… But what will happen to the girl and her family if they refuse this ruling, will they be safe in the village ?

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      • Yes, usually they are forced to accept such rules. There have been cases of violence and threats being made in the past to make women’s families accept such rulings. The man’s family don’t get a choice I suppose, it’s a ‘punishment’ for them (a swell punishment where they can continue raping her).

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        • So how do you get out of this ? How is India ever going to change if the only solution is to punish the victims ?

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        • The article expands on legal action taken as “The man was arrested, and an investigation launched into the allegations against the panchayat members, said circle officer (city) Banwari Lal Meena.”.. so that’s how you get out of this. Child marriage is illegal in itself so there is every reason to apprehend such panchayats.

          Panchayats are legal formations but abuse their power when imposing such rulings not in accordance with the law. It’s easy to deal with this through political intolerance to illegal panchayat rulings. However, victims suffer because police/politicians find it easier to ignore such cases and let the panchayats exert their clout. They don’t want to risk offending panchayats because they’re made up old high caste influencial old farts and politicians don’t want to lose their supporters’ votes.

          Sections of society are moving ahead though and such cases are picked up in the media or by social activists (or even by some scrupulous police officials). That forces legal action. I personally believe the panchayats should be dismantled, they do more harm than good.

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        • Oh and excellent comment by MR explaining the issue with panchayats as well, further below (should’ve scrolled down before typing).

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    • “Panchayats need to be outlawed.”

      I know of panchayats that have made quite a few fair rulings, but mere anecdotes don’t hold a candle to overwhelming evidence. Panchayats should be outlawed or least amended and regulated in order to ensure some sense of fairness. They need to be answerable to some sense of law and duty, otherwise we might as well get rid of the penal code altogether (not that anyone has any regard for it any way).

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  6. Men who rape six year olds should not be “rewarded” with further access to their victims.

    If indeed this is a “common” punishment by a panchayat, one wonders why there aren’t more blood feuds. To this macho way of thinking, the rapist has usurped the girl’s father’s right to marry the girl off to a family of his choice and has now effectively forced an alliance and dowry payments. Such a loss of face would not satisfy the most patriarchal of men, so it would not surprise me to hear of some retaliatory raping (you ruined my property, so I’ll ruin yours), or murder (kill my daughter, I’ll murder your son and/or you).

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  7. so many instances of extreme cruelty in this episode.
    1. raping a six years old
    2. suggesting her marriage to an 8 years old
    3. getting the 8 yrs old boy “compensate” for his father’s crime
    4.letting the rapist man go without any direct implications/punishment

    are we heading to the dark ages once again?

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    • The problem is there are many Indias.
      There is the India where people can discuss these issues rationally, like this and other blogs, credible newspapers and editorials.
      There is the India where young people are confused – their elders are telling them one thing and their common sense and exposure to the world is telling them another.
      And then there is the ‘dark ages’ India where Panchayats are ensuring that a little girl that gets raped is married into a rapist/criminal’s home and he has continued access to her.
      How do we reconcile all these different Indias?

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  8. OMG, this is not even Eye for an EYE type behavior, this is more a “Your future and Life for my fallen eyelash ” type behavior.
    Educate the girl, counsel her, let her heal, raise ot be independent and most important of all , throw the Rapist in Jail.
    See I always tell the ‘elders’ — Age doesn’t confer wisdom, just because you’re old doesnt mean you are wise and can lecture everything and everyone around..
    all we have to do is look at the panchayat members and realize that. what colossal stupidity , either that or pure malice and hatred against girls and women….

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  9. While I agree with everything posted so far, I think we should also focus on the faint positive silver lining here. From the same article:
    “Some social activists came to know about Wednesday’s rape and brought the girl and her parents to Mahaveer Nagar police station in Kota and filed a complaint.
    The man was arrested, and an investigation launched into the allegations against the panchayat members, said circle officer (city) Banwari Lal Meena.”

    I hope that at least now the little girl will get access to counseling and other support.

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  10. To me what is truly shocking is not the Panchayat’s decision. The Panchayat is no different from the Taliban (whom, ironically, they probably hate). What is shocking is the Indian government, with it’s rational constitution, allowing this to happen. How many more human rights violations need to happen before they outlaw these brutal Panchayats?

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    • what can the govt do, sure they can outlaw them, jail the panchayats and then what someone else will rise intheir place.
      This system is being followed adn appreciated and willingly accepted by the men int he villages an deven some women, this is what some of them want. those who dont agree are not in majority, the people have to be educated and their mindset changed.
      since i”m today a half full type person, the only hope i have is the olddies will soon die and hopefully fresh blood are looking and seeing and learning from around them and raise their kids a bit more progressively and will not perpetuate this forward.. I’m sure it’ll take a couple generations to die off before this ends.

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  11. Just when I thought I’d seen it all. Is there any hope for our country? How can panchayats pass such rulings that are clearly unconstitutional with such impunity? Full of questions but no answers. I am truly dumbfounded.

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  12. The Panchayats decision deals only with the rapist. He’ll be punished by getting a spoiled bride for his precious son. Both father and son (and the other family members) will hate the little girl for the rest of her life – which won’t be long, I’m afraid. Again she is victimized….

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  13. Excellent article IHM, and thank you for explaining the terms used. Even the words say so much about how women are seen as objects – a living corpse, a slave of feet…..the misogyny runs so deep…

    Like

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