Let me share some parts I agreed with (in blockquotes) from this link shared by Sundar, Why Indian Men Are Still Boys – Nisha Susan (Tehelka.com).
Disclaimer: Not all Indian men fit into the stereotype being analysed below though a large number does. Often, those who don’t, risk being seen as irresponsible, selfish, impractical, unmanly, Joru ka gulaam, disrespectful, disobedient or immature etc.
1. “I have a cousin in New York, a 35-year-old professor. He sent word home that he wanted a beautiful 19-year old village girl. She had to be musical, highly religious and from a strict Brahmin family. But since he fancied himself as very modern, his wife would have to cook meat for him. Whether or not this would violate her beliefs did not matter. And, of course, his parents found him one.”
Not only did the parents ‘found him one’, they also expect, train, appreciate, respect, and are grateful for his lack of ability to find himself a partner. Hence, ‘He has never needed to please.’
2. KRISHNA, A 24-year-old software engineer who moved from Kerala to Bengaluru for work, seems to have the opposite problem. Allowed by his parents to find a girl for himself, he is out hunting. But as he says, giggling, “Things are very difficult. I am not getting any.” Krishna is suffering from the cruelest and newest of India’s free markets: the singles scene. Nothing he has learnt so far in his young life has taught him how to engage the attentions of a woman. He has never needed to please. That’s the single thread that connects him with the New York professor: an unexamined sense of selfentitlement.
Do you see something wrong with an adult man not needing to please his partner?
Here’s one of the things it does, “Instituting the idea of marital rape raises the specter of a man going for long periods without sex even though he’s married!” (a post by Bhagwad Jal Park)
Rigid Patriarchy and Patrilocality create a culture where men can expect to have their needs ‘looked after’.
3. THERE seems to be a simple equation between parents and the drought of responsible, responsive Indian men. In the homes of People Like Us, young boys do not automatically learn to cook or even to be grateful to those who cook for them. They are rarely taught to anticipate other people’s needs. They are not automatically involved in the care of siblings, the elderly or the ill, while their sisters are encouraged to keep vrats (or fasts) as spiritual general insurance for the whole family.
They are not taught to settle conflicts peacefully or, to use the unfortunate phrase, to occasionally shut up and put up. Indian boys are not just perpetrators: they are victims of the plague of the stereotype.
Because while Indian women are only required to be dependent and obedient daughters in law,
4. Indian men are only required to be sons.
Becoming husbands is seen as being irresponsible. Link: An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do.
While Indian women are trained to fit into their given ‘space in the adult world’ hierarchy (right at the bottom),
5. Unlike Indian women who are trained emotionally and socially by parents and society to gear up for a time when they must leave their parental home and occupy their space in the adult world, and unlike their self-sufficient counterparts in western countries, there are no major markers to end childhood for Indian men.
Indian men are not raised to be independent, responsible adults.
6. He is the one who brings the attitude of the thwarted child to any zone of conflict: an accident on the road, a difference of opinion with a spouse or child, an employee not subservient enough. The hushed whisper families maintain around the tyrant of the house is uncannily similar to the ones that surround a colicky baby.
The same mindset ‘justifies’ street sexual harassment or sexual crimes men commit. Link: In Rape Culture, we understand that if the rapist was living alone, away from his native place, he could lose control over himself.
7. He leverages power so casually it seems to be his by natural right. To him and to others around him — us — it is legitimate for him to exert measured but highly effective violence to protect his way of life. He is the man who is impeccably well-behaved everywhere but at home, where he throws plates if meals are late. The man who finds it difficult to deal with his girlfriend’s higher income….