Indian brothers (and neighbours, elders, uncles, fathers, random strangers etc) are expected to ensure their ‘sisters’ remain ‘pure’ until they are ‘married off’. Once married, then no matter how pained the brothers (and others) are – they understand that the sisters would want to stay in the abusive situation. [Example: The marital rape in Bhag Milkha Bhag] This changes if the sister is widowed, then once again everybody becomes responsible for ensuring that she doesn’t become sexually active.
How did it all begin?
I just finished reading Asura – Tale of The Vanquished by Anand Neelkantan
And it seems Anand Neelkantan’s Ravan is not the kind of brother described above.
I had instantly reacted to the sight of a breastless, noseless and screaming Soorpanakha, at my durbar, the previous evening. T… She had been hysterical and in a state of shock, …
Initially I had been amused at the number of men she bedded but was later disgusted. It was not a crime according to Asura social law, but the times had changed. Some Deva-like tenets of morality had brushed onto me as well. It had probably been while chasing a man, that she had come across the two men and the woman, who I was quite sure, were my daughter, son-in-law and his brother. Soorpanakha was, of course, unaware of the relationship, else she would have told me a different lie…
He wasn’t that kind of father either.
“I called for Mandodari and told her my decision. It was not easy. She was not happy when she heard what I planned to do. But I told her that I could not leave our daughter with men who cut off a woman’s ears and nose. I was concerned about her safety. Then Mandodari advised to declare war and capture Sita. I laughed at the idea of waging a war against two insignificant men. It was too much trouble and too expensive. I knew what I was going to do and there was no turning back.”
Vibhishan’s ideas of what ‘good women’ do seem to have become the norm today. Cultures and morals are ‘saved’ by the ideals of those who ‘win’ wars.
I am ashamed to say, Soorpanakha, my own sister, started this war. She cannot be blamed completely. She was a product of our culture that allowed women the freedom to lead a loose life. She tried to seduce the handsome Lakshmana. This impudence of a widow to fall in love cannot be tolerated by any man. He punished Soorpanakha by mutilating her nose and ears. Ravana, instead of accepting what God had ordained for our immoral sister, decided to wage war against Lord Rama. Such arrogance, such false pride. See what happened to him. I have banished Soorpanakha out of the country. She is my sister but I wanted to set an example and prove my master that the Asuras have decided to shed their old ways. My friend Varuna ensured that she was banished to land of barbarians across the seas. She is now a beggar and a destitute, eking out a living with her begging bowl. I am sad at the fate of my sister, but she deserved nothing less. [location 6806]
Since brothers and fathers are expected to keep women ‘safe’ for their future husbands – sometimes what should be seen as obvious and common sense might look Radical. This awesome post went viral yesterday.🙂 What do you think?
Also note how different this message is from: “She doesn’t feel any attraction or liking or even friendliness for the guy. No ‘Connection’“
I’ve held you, sobbing, after your boyfriend cheated on you, and it tore me in two. But you know what would tear me in two even more? To see you in a glass cage, experiencing nothing but cold emptiness at your fingers, as Dear Old Dad ensured that you got to experience nothing until he decided what you should like…
I refuse to perpetuate, even through the plausible deniability of humor, the idea that the people my daughter is attracted to are my enemy.
I’m not the guard who locks you in the tower. Ideally, I am my daughter’s safe space, a garden to return to when the world has proved a little too cruel, a place where she can recuperate and reflect upon past mistakes and know that here, there is someone who loves her wholeheartedly and will hug her until the tears dry.
That’s what I want for you, sweetie. A bold life filled with big mistakes and bigger triumphs.
Now get out there and find all the things you fucking love, and vice versa.
The post went viral – Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Awesome Sex
And here’s is his response to those who think, (like Delhi cops and many others) that the only thing that makes a woman say No to them is that she is not sexually active.
Some of the comments involved people saying, “Oh, man, so you wouldn’t mind if I had sex with your daughter? Mind giving me her number?” Which completely misses the point. Would I give you her number? No, because – as mentioned – I don’t own her. If she wants to give you her number, then she can. Because I don’t think it’s bad that they have sex with people.
I do think it’s bad if they have sex with idiots, which is why I try to encourage them otherwise. But I’m also not sold on my own infallibility. Maybe you’re not as much of an asshole as I think you are. I’ll suggest, but ultimately she has to come to her own conclusions.
But, you know, I’m pretty sure she’ll spot you as an idiot off the bat. And if I have taught them one lesson, it is in fact not to fuck the terminally stupid.
Basically it seems everybody is trying to save the institution of marriage – and they all believe it can’t survive unless women are forced to ‘save it’.
Here is another family trying their best to control yet another Indian daughter’s sex life.