Sharing an email.
My husband and I have been living in an open European country for the past few years now and we (rather me more) had been trying to get a local job just to gain more security and employment privileges that usually Indian IT companies cannot offer.
After a long struggle (euro zone crisis to blame) I succeeded in getting one but my husband is still with the same IT company. His project is ending soon and we (again rather me) have been trying vigorously for him either to get a job elsewhere or another project within the same company to buy us some time.
Initially I thought both of us wanted the same thing but gradually my husband’s mind seems to be drifting. His family also pressurizes him to get back to India which is not possible for me right now ‘coz firstly I have changed my job and secondly I don’t even wish to work there.
I have a friend circle here both Indian and Local people, my husband if i m not being too harsh doesn’t have any friend circle at all. He usually hangs out with my friends and the local ones he always tries to make fun of.
He says he is fed up of this country and when i ask him which is the perfect country for him then he has no answer. I simply don’t understand sometimes what he wants out of his life. Ours was a love marriage we met here only 2 years back and got married last year but i feel i have not known him enough even now, nor does he know me.
I have advised him time and again whatever the situation, we would face it together; and we can still stay together even if he doesn’t have a project here or a job he desires or even study masters (which he always wanted) but it’s all unacceptable for him. He says he can’t live on my money. Yes, till now i used to think its all OUR money that we earn but suddenly it has become my money. He is ready to go back and live with his beloved family. I no longer form his family coz i still have my maiden name.
I never get such hypocrisy and idiocy citing the excuse of so called Indian culture and customs. F**k the rules that states this and f**k the people who abide by those. (sorry for my language but i don’t know how to control my anger right now).
There are innumerable reasons to fight and argue over the same rules but only one reason to stay together love and respect for each other and i prefer the latter one coz i still want to support my decision of getting married to him. The only thing i need now is how to do that. I need your help.
Thanx for your response. All this time i tried to talk to him and ask his views about marriage and the reason why he got married to me.
I kind of understand that he is going through professional turmoil. He works with similar Indian minded people who kind of make fun of him now that he will not be having any project and his wife will be working. He will have to apply for a dependent visa if things turns out good. I try to pacify him and make him understand that this is just temporary and people will always have something to say no matter what you do.
He loves me a lot i know and also listens to me sometimes but he himself confessed to me lately that he feels he is a deterrant in my progress. If he continues to be with me I will not achieve what i deserve which i feel is not correct. I draw alot of strength from his support and love as well that’s the very reason i married him.
I like to go out, try out new things meet a lot of different people but he has become more reserved and demotivated now. He wants to achieve big things in life but even he doesn’t know where to start.
I have somehow convinced him to stay here and fight until he gets something but looking at the situation i also fear… till what time am i going to support him (mentally) to fight and struggle to stay here?
One thing i know for sure that if we stay separate even for a few months our relationship will not survive. I know him he is very possessive about me.
– I need your help