Sharing an email.
I have been a fan of your blog since long. The comments and the discussion that happens on each post it truly a very eye-opening. The point of view of the commentators are so different and unique that really helps the readers in similar situation.
Of late, I have been in treading in similar waters and would like to share my problem with you and your readers for solutions.
I am in a relationship with a guy from different community since two years. We came in touch during our masters, we did our post graduation from the same college. He helped me through some difficult times and now, we live in different cities, but the relationship is still strong.
Now, we have decided to take the relationship to next level and get married. Personlly I cant wait to get married and I know this sounds cheezy, but I have this weird vision of both of us being 80 year olds and still being happily married. 🙂
His parents had been already searching for a girl in his community since even before we had met. But we did not want to enter into a marriage just because of this, so we took our time to get to know each other and understand each other.
Meanwhile his parents had already found a girl from his community whom they feel is ‘perfect’ for him. His family is quite traditional so they expect him to meet her once and decide if he wants to marry her or not.
So, he decided to tell about me at his place. On hearing about me, his dad started crying and stopped talking to him. He said that my guy (lets call him ‘L’) had hurt him. L went to his native and tried to convince his family in every way possible. He gave examples of couples who had previously gotten married outside caste and are happy, his family believes a lot in religion, so he gave examples from Gita, Guru Nanak, Radha Krishna etc all that said love marriages were ok.
Now, L lives alone in another city, and I will be joining him there after marriage. Currently his mom used to live with him as she suffers from dipression and his dad visits him once a month for couple of days.
He even said that I have lived with people of various castes and creed and got on well with everyone. And that I will most definately get on well with the family, provided ofcourse, that the family will also make an effort to be cordial to me.
L even said that he does not want to be tied down in a marriage with a stranger and face all things that his parents and grandparents had to face. To which his dad replied that he was being selfish for seeing only his happiness.
Even I tried talking to his dad yesterday, but no matter what I said his answer remaind the same. “Beta we have to stay in samaaj. I cant go against Samaaj. If you get married than samaaj will make fun of me and I dont want to face that.”
Now finally he has told L, “Do whatever you want. You will have my blessings. But if you marry her, I will have to break all contacts with you, and next time you come back, we will ask the girl that we have choosen for you to come and decide everything for final time”
Now L and I do not want to get married against the parents wishes. We want them to be with us on our big day.
What we want from IHM’s readers is that if someone had faced a similar issue that how they tackled it? How they convinced the parents?
We really tried everything we could think of but still we whatever we say, the answer always is the same: Caste. How to solve it.
IHM, please post this on your blog, we really are at a wit’s end here.