Sharing this reply from the email writer in the previous post.
I am the Letter Writer. Thank you IHM for posting my mail and thank you everyone for your responses and encouragement. When there is a problem and our own family members don’t stand by us, its heartening to see all these responses from people who don’t know each other, taking time to pen down their thoughts and suggestions.
I would like to add here that fortunately my friend’s son has not been a spectator to his parents fights all these years. They would either send him out of the room or he would be asleep most of the time. But he was witness to a recent huge fight a couple of months back where he did see his father raise his hand on his mother.
@Raghav– I would specifically want to reply to you here. First of all you must understand how difficult it is for a woman to put up her problem on a public blog expecting help by way of suggestions and encouragement. Not all details can be put up here. When there are details mentioned, its best to stick to what you know by reading. You don’t have to, don’t need to ASSUME things you don’t know or are not mentioned. Every person is short tempered at one point or the other. Every couple get angry with each other and fight–either of them CAN start a fight and instigate each other. But that does not mean they need to be judged. A fight or argument does not start by itself–someone has to start it. No relationship is complete without an argument or fight. My friend has always been the one to accept her mistake and even apologize when she has crossed the line. She only expects the same from her husband. But that has never happened. At the end of the fight, he always manages to twist it onto her and blame her for what happens. Never has he accepted that he could be wrong too, it was wrong to say this, it was wrong to be sarcastic, it was wrong to call her names….No, he feels he is the perfectionist and that she is always to blame. Won’t anyone get rattled, irritated and more angry if that happens.
One has to accept their mistakes and ensure that they don’t repeat them so that the relationship becomes stronger. You can have fights everyday too, it’s because there are 2 different individuals in a relationship, living under the same roof. They cannot agree on everything and keep smiling always. There are bound to be arguments. Otherwise we all have to keep marrying our own clones… and maybe SOME Men would love to get married to clones of their mothers.
So, please keep your assumptions if you would like to write detective stories.
And for all those who have given so many thumbs down, my friend and me would love to know what your thoughts are. I don’t understand how you can give a thumbs down to sane responses.
Agreed that most of them have suggested that she should separate from her husband immediately. But if you have different views on how she should tackle the problems or make her husband understand that she too is a person, she too has feelings, she too needs respect—please, please pen down your thoughts and help the person who has requested for it. You are not doing anyone any favours by thumbing down others responses.
Thank you all once again. Maybe my friend would not take the “D” route immediately, But you never know, it might happen some day. But for now, her husband is trying to change, the physical abuse has stopped for the last few months. He has begun realizing that she is not happy and is depressed.
I just hope that she is able to come out of this rut and be happy. She deserves it. As I live in a different city, I am unable to offer her support by being at her side.
Note–and yes WA stand for Wedding Anniversary. Sorry if that confused some of you.
Thank you all once again.
I am a ghost. – Shail