Sharing an email.
I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now .. Somehow you and many regular commentators really seem like nice, mature friends. So I thought I should write to you. Sorry for any spelling mistakes etc. as I am writing on the go…
I am a very successful professional, who has had very good academic record as well. I come from small town, have always advanced on my own merit and despite of my dislike for corporate world, have done extremely well there too. My parents and my husband are perhaps the most chilled out people I have ever seen as far as gender issues are concerned. I want to live my life simply, retire early, volunteer for animal rights in one way or another. I have been planning to take a one year break next year. And I know many young girls in my family/ friend circle think they want to be me when they grow up.
Sounds like an epitome of “Double Income No Kids With A Dog successful Indian modern woman”. Great right?
But for the last 1 year, my job has become a site of frustration. I have never liked corporate world, but since I succeeded easily and made good money , I went along the tide. Now after reaching a senior level , for the first time I am facing office politics of the worst kind for the last 2 years almost. I have analysed it left, right and center, I have fought it. I have tried to adjust to it.
Then due to some major changes in the company: some extremely cunning, ambitious and mediocre people have got power. And now the only thing I can think of is when do I start my break which I have preponed – almost by a year- from my original plan.
But, and here I come to the point on which I want some advice/ thoughts.
As my break nears, I am troubled by the thought of it!! Is it because I am a woman that I am socially allowed to indulge in a break? Is it because I am a woman that people around me support my decision to not be part of office politics? If it was my husband – would he be expected to tough it out and be a man ? ( Personally, he is far more relaxed and unambitious than me, as far as the career is concerned, but I am talking about social perceptions here. )
As these people in my office are what you would call ‘sexist old boys club’ : I hope I haven’t bowed down and accepted defeat too early? I am troubled by a thought that they might think ” Oh she was a woman, so she wasn’t serious about fighting anyway”.
I know that’s what they will think when I resign. And although in my rational mind, I don’t give a ** about them, it troubles me that they ( and maybe other colleagues) might think I was a weak woman who couldn’t stay up there with the tough boys, I am also worried that maybe I have disappointed a feminist in me!! Should I have stayed back and had a jolly good fight for the heck of it? !!!
I am not sure if I am making my point with clarity: but I wish my break had happened without this sour taste in my mouth, you know? I am not worried about what people think, but whether my actions, somehow have been anti-feminist in this particular situation!!
This is more a rant than an issue, and pardon me if I have been self- indulgent!! But I am feeling better after writing this and will feel superbest if I get some response.
What do you think?