The kind of videos young Indians need to watch.

Please do watch this video. (Not sure who shared it, please let me know if you did).

What made these four rapists think (if that’s what they really thought) that any girl would want to be assaulted by them? Are these young men dangerous social misfits or are they ‘gumrah’ (mislead) youth?

One of them says, “khud bulaaya aur dekhiyo kitna bhaav khaa rahi hai

(Rough translation: She herself invited us and now see how she is playing hard to get.)

If they could believe that any woman could want to be sexually assaulted, what kind of relationship do such men have with women in general? Also, with this kind of mindset, what kind of sex lives do they expect to have with their wives/partners? Do they believe sex is rape?

Ever heard young Indian men (or Indian men of any age) being taught that no matter what they hear the moral police or some women’s commissions, the Khaps, Taliban, some political leaders, some police officers, some school and college principals, some neighbourhood uncles and aunties etc say about women’s clothing and social life, women do not ask to be sexually assaulted?

And why were they not afraid of the consequences? What made them so confident that the victim would be silenced?

A screen shot:

Screen Shot 2012-12-17 at 5.55.05 AM

24 thoughts on “The kind of videos young Indians need to watch.

  1. A sense of entitlement. That’s what’s making them complacent. A sense of entitlement coupled with a disappointment that things don’t really work that way and easy access to a weapon is also what caused the tragedy in Sandy Hook. Now if only this sense of entitlement could be removed from the equation, things would be so much better. Not ideal, or good, but a wee bit better. Human beings could then aspire to being considered human.

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  2. They believe that there are no consequences because
    a) they believe that they will never be reported.
    b) if reported, they can buy their way out.
    The day we come out of these two mindsets will be the day when people like these will think twice before commiting a crime.

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  3. I watched a couple of these episodes when they started They give me the shivers. I cannot imagine there are people with such twisted minds. Wonder, what kind of upbringing they received. Shows how important it is to raise morally right sons rather than the age-old importance being given to raising culturally right girls.

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    • Unfortunately, men with such a mindset abound. There are men who do not see a woman as a human being, but a collection of body parts that exist to be enjoyed and used.

      I’ve learnt that men don’t look at women non-sexually. Somehow, a woman’s humanity doesn’t register, but her sex organs do.

      The same man who gawks at item girls, will pontificate on “maryada” and “sanskriti” and secretly grope young girls on a bus. He will also download MMS clips of rape but insist that his sister is dressed “modetly”.

      A typical Indian man’s mind is a scary place to inhabit.

      The six rapists in Delhi saw themselves as moral guardians and were outraged that the woman was out alone with a male friend. They were teaching her a lesson. This wasn’t just a rape, it was a hate crime.

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  4. Chup rehna hamesha is such a n evil virtue if I may say so that patriarchy would want women to have to keep the power structures from being disrupted.
    I have a four year old daughter and at the risk of sometimes her going even overboard I think one of my life lessons to her would be SPEAK ALWAYS.A voice to speak their minds and share their experiences is one of the best gifts we can give to our daughters,I believe.

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  5. The only response I can offer to that kind of comment is one of deep disgust. These guys don’t look like social misfits to me; they were merely articulating an idea (‘women invite rape, then cry foul afterwards’) that is very common in modern society amongst people of both sexes and all age groups.

    I don’t know if this is simply a way of rationalizing something that most people know is wrong, or if a lot of folks really believe such a thing, but either way, the ubiquity of the sentiment indicates that something is very wrong with society, and in what it teaches young people about sex, about relationships and about the interrelation between the two.

    Of course, these guys had rather low inhibitions against actually carrying out the act in the first place – the vast majority of people will never sexually assault someone in this manner in their lifetime, even if they are exposed to a similar opportunity. However, holding a belief that the victims are asking for it, goes a long way in lowering inhibitions by itself.

    The worst part is that a lot of times, it’s not just the perpetrators who believe myths like these. It is common for rape victims to feel that it was their fault, that if they hadn’t worn that dress/gone to that club/had a shot of Vodka/smiled at that guy/whatever, they wouldn’t have been raped. Although some of those assertions might technically be true, they are similar to expressions of survivor’s guilt. They serve no purpose at all, and for the most part, they are meaningless, because the victim couldn’t have known what was going to happen.
    I’ve pointed out in a guest post earlier, larger society seems to have accepted the idea that rape is a normal outcome of certain situations, and if you got raped, it’s probably your own damn fault. This is a very dangerous sentiment, one that gives free pass to rapists of all stripes, one that needs to be stamped out.

    When I was in school, we had a bunch of proverbs pinned to walls on chart paper. These were things that the Convent thought was important for kids to learn.
    Perhaps the proverb, ‘No one asks to be assaulted’ would fit in nicely right between the ‘Respect your elders’ and ‘Silence is Golden’.

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    • I wonder though, if a lot of these guys are that way because they believe women have the same kind of sexual circuitry as men.
       
      When I used to live at my college hostel, we had this help, a rather big fan of girlie magazines, who asked if women get aroused by visuals of men’s bodies the same way men get aroused by women. I had to spend an hour explaining, how women’s sexual circuitry differs from men, which might make flashing a really bad idea for a man to use as a seduction trick. I also hear men of South Asian or Middle Eastern cultures often voice that rape is traumatic solely because of the ‘loss of honour’ as opposite to the violence and brutality of the act, which also makes me wonder if they really are that clueless. Such men might feel that a woman who is already ‘dishonoured’ cannot feel the pain of rape, since in their minds, rape = sex.
       
      If this is a mainstream problem (as opposed to malice), then perhaps gender sensitisation and sex education is the need of the hour.

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  6. “what kind of relationship do such men have with women in general? Also, with this kind of mindset, what kind of sex lives do they expect to have with their wives/partners?”

    Their relationship with women – their mothers, sisters, female cousins etc(they obviously don’t have female friends – if they have at all – are for only 1 purpose – sex) is limited to they dominating the women, issuing orders and the women obediently taking those orders.

    As for “what kind of sex lives do they expect to have with their wives/partners?”
    They don’t have any really speaking. They have sex WHEN THEY WANT IT. Irrespective of whether their wives want it or not – Rape that is. Rapes in marriages – most people don’t even know what that is.

    Patriarchy ensures many other vices too – like watching porn at every opportunity, stalking and passing lewd remarks on women – even after marriage and having kids. They live shitty lives – full of jealousy, never content, inferiority complexes.

    It ruins the lives of others.

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    • They are also taught that women exist to serve men. They look at women like many of us look at our washign machine. It’s an amenity, to be used when they feel like it. It doesn’t occur to us to respect our washing machines, so it doesn’t occur to such men to respect women, cause they are not fully human.

      That’s what women are to many Indian men — an appliance with movable body parts.

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  7. In essence, Indian men are taught this: There are good girls and bad girls. The good girls deserve to be married. The bad girls ask to be raped.

    You’ve got pages and pages of posts on typical Indian marriages. No need to repeat.

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  8. I don’t think such youth are mislead. A person who rapes a female cannot do so merely because he was mislead. This clearly indicates such youth have a corrupt mind which has no respect for another human being. It is most likely that such males have grown up watching females being mistreated at home and in the neighborhood.

    Morals cannot be taught through textbooks. A person develops his sense of right or wrong through his or her surroundings in the stage of growing up. In the present times when everyone is busy earning money, many parents are more concerned about how their children are performing in school. What the children are absorbing in their developing minds is usually nobody’s concern. As far as the lower/uneducated class is concerned, all is well as long as the son is bringing home money.

    The problem about society is that it is composed of a large number of social misfits. Be it “some women’s commissions, the Khaps, Taliban, some political leaders, some police officers, some school and college principals, some neighbourhood uncles and aunties” or the eve-teasers, molesters, rapists, abusive husbands and the likes.

    And when/if such men get married, the abusive relationship which follows with their wives becomes a big factor in their children (sons) growing up with a similar mindset.

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  9. I watched a couple of other videos of Gumrah and I was terribly upset after that. I mean, I know about these things but when I saw them is when it registered that things can happen to any of us. When will we change? When will our thoughts change? When will we accept and think of women as people instead of objects of sexual gratification? I feel like crying for all those women who were assaulted/raped/harassed/molested.

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  10. IHM,
    I just read about the assault on the girl in Delhi. I am too shocked to react..
    This happenned in bus near Munirka, which is such a busy neighborhood..

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  11. I had tears in my eyes as I watched this. There were so many emotions going through my mind as I watched, but nothing more dominant than anger – anger that these boys (I wouldn’t call them ‘men’) felt entitled to do whatever they wanted and had no fear of repercussions (because don’t stats clearly indicate that they re unlikely to be reported, caught, arrested, prosecuted or punished). Anger that the ‘cool’ father cared more about a faceless society than he did about his own daughter’s well-being. Anger that one of the boys’ grandmothers blamed the innocent victim WHILE IN A POLICE STATION.

    I don’t think these boys are *misfits* – because their mindset isn’t all that different from many other people in ‘society’ – that girls who dress/talk/act a certain way ask to be raped; it fits perfectly within the society, unfortunately. I think they are products of a society that teaches boys that they can do what they want, when they want, and to whom they want, with no consequences.

    As for their relationship with the women in their lives – well, the police station scene made that clear – the dadi was definitely of the “boys will be boys” and “ought to be given every freedom possible” school, while one of the other grandmas told her DIL to cover her head (this was the most ironic scene of the whole episode!). I doubt these boys would be capable of respecting any woman in their life, be it family, friends, or strangers.

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    • You’re so spot on with this comment, starlitwishes. I had the same reaction as you had. You’ve expressed it so much better. I would give your comment multiple thumbs-ups if I could.

      There was one comment up somewhere that said that this blog has pages and pages of such stuff and what is the point of having one more post – this, that every new post creates more awareness about the problem, highlighting varied aspects of it. For every situation is different, even if it seems the same. If even a handful of people changed their way of thinking and became better human beings after reading these posts, it would make a difference. I think IHM is doing a wonderful thing in giving voice to so many who would otherwise be voiceless. The validation of the situation and feelings of many who probably read but do not comment certainly helps them, gives them the courage to face their own realities and stand up for themselves in whatever way they can. That, I think, justifies the multiple posts on ‘the same subject’.

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      • Thanks Sandhya!

        I agree – having this page, and blog, and others like it, is extremely useful in its own way. What you said about validation is exactly it – many feel unable to give effect to their voice, for whatever reason, but at least knowing that there are others out there who understand, who sympathize, and who are angered by the state of things is very helpful. Before I found IHM’s blog I thought I was all alone in thinking the way I did.🙂 But this blog, and others, have helped give me a sense of belonging, for lack of a better phrase.

        Creating and increasing awareness, while not immediately effective in *solving* the problem, goes a long way in *acknowledging* that there *is* a problem. And we can only move forward to action once we make that acknowledgement.

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  12. Pingback: Where is the opportunity for Indian men to learn the most natural thing in the world – finding a mate?? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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