Cheating on a Good woman is like choosing Trash over Treasure?

Do you agree?

What kind of women are ‘good women’?  And is it less wrong to cheat on women (or anybody) who don’t fit into this description of ‘good women’?

Isn’t the same logic used to persuade or coerce women to fit into the ideals of ‘good women’ – always looking their best ensuring they don’t disappoint (using the right tightening, whitening and lightening creams), obedient, sacrificing, undemanding etc?

It actually makes the cheated women responsible for being cheated by their partners.

And isn’t cheating often about the cheater knowing (or hoping) that he (or she) can get away with cheating?

Related Posts:

Would you stay with a cheating spouse — for cash?

A decent man who is overpowered by desire and who does not want to fornicate… should Rape?

And here’s how good women can prevent men from cheating: 

Obedient Wives’ Clubs: Insulting to both men and women?

That special combination of beauty and innocence, the pretty inspires men to protect and defend it.

Can a woman marry and change an uninterested (in marrying her) man into a responsible, loving husband?

 

40 thoughts on “Cheating on a Good woman is like choosing Trash over Treasure?

  1. The definition of a ‘good woman’ or a ‘good person’ varies from person to person..

    As far as I think, feel n believe, in terms of relationships, a ‘good’ partner or even a good friend is someone who lovs you the way you are, wants to see you happy and is loyal to you.. and cheating such a person is your mistake, your loss, your biggest misfortune..

    Thats’s why, according to me, if you go by this definition of a good woman, if you leave her, you’re leaving someone you were lucky enough to have in your life, you may or may not realize, but if you leave her for a better looking/richer/more popular/hotter girl.. you’re surely choosing trash over treasure..you ought to know that lust/looks/money.. nothing lasts for long.. the only person who can be with you forever is the person who loves you truly n cares for you..and that’s precisely, a ‘good woman’..

    Being loyal, loving, caring, sensible does not necessarily mean that you are an emotional fool whom a guy can cheat.. so, i disagree with the line “It actually makes the cheated women responsible for being cheated by their partners.”
    unfortunately, this world is ful of jerks, but any sensible n intelligent person would respect and acknowledge a person who is being good to them, if he can’t do that, he does not deserve you, let him leave the treasure n be happy with trash..

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      • Both the people involved in cheating are trash. How can cheaters be loyal?Good women/man is obviously someone who is not cheating and is loyal.

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      • Well, socially, the idea is that a woman who’d be in a relationship with a man who’s married or engaged is also part of the “cheating” the man’s involved in. Some people don’t agree with it. They feel any cheating occurs only on the man’s part. The woman does not have to worry about whether the man she’s in love with is cheating on his wife/girlfriend. Of course this assumes she herself is not married. Then there’s also the point to consider that a man who cheats with one woman may be prone to doing it again. Either way, referring to the “other” woman as trash is just a feel-good thing to make the first woman feel better – as in he left you for trash, it’s his loss, he will regret this, etc.

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      • All I wanted to say was, choosing looks/money etc over true love, care, loyalty is like choosing trash over treasure..thats it..

        Yes, there is a possibility that the other person may also be good, may be unaware of the fact that the guy/girl is already committed.. in that case, clearly, the cheater is to be blamed.. no one deserves to be cheated..there’s no point of calling a person good or bad.. cheating itself is bad..

        Secondly, I would like to add that, women, in general, hate and despise the other woman more than the man who cheated on them.. They call her a ‘bad’ woman, out of jealousy or frustration.. The ‘good woman’ always tends to forget that the worst person in the whole story is the guy who cheated and not the girl because of whom she was left and dumped.. If the other woman is unaware, as abohemiansrhapsody said in the comment below, then, she is not to be blamed at all..

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    • Sometimes it’s not fair to even call it cheating. Consider a broken marriage where both husband and wife are just going through the motions. One of them meets another person and they fall in love. At this point, it’s technically “cheating” as they are still married to someone else, but if you think about it realistically, are they really to blame here? Typically their next steps would involve getting a divorce so they can finally live with someone they love.

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  2. That is sick. Who the hell defines what a ‘good woman’ and a ‘bad woman’ is? Whoever WROTE this is ‘bad’, man or woman, if bad here means with a stunted, horrible mindset.

    b) Why is the ‘other’ woman the ‘trash’ here? Isn’t the cheating man to blame also? As they say in Hindi, ‘taali do haathon se bajti hai’. It’s not okay to cheat on ANYBODY. But when it does happen, why does the woman have to be blamed?

    I’m a big Jennifer Aniston fan, but I found it annoying when everybody labelled Angelina Jolie a ‘homewrecker’. Of course she is to blame, but not completely, surely Brad Pitt, who was IN a committed relationship, should have exercised his *own* judgement?

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  3. Often when I hear of men who have cheated on their women, the women will blame the other ‘bad’ woman and not really the man so much. After all, men will be men. This saying fits in with that view as well.. the man is never good or bad in this equation. Only the women are. Some trashy woman seduced the poor man!

    Women need to stop making excuses for poor behaviour from their partners. Same for men too.🙂

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    • True, I have friends who are having affairs with married men and they all hate the wife. I have women whose husbands are having affairs, and they all hate the other woman. The man escapes with barely a scratch. That said, it’s rarely easy to say when adultery is wrong or right, but deception and cheating do go against basic moral codes of behaviour. That’s what I have a problem with – not so much people who have affairs and then are honest about what they did to all parties.

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    • I feel both the cheating man and the other woman are to be blamed. If we are saying that woman should judge the man then why cut the other woman the flak. Man is answerable to his partner because he was the one who owes loyalty to his partner. The other woman is does not owe it his partner. However we being civilized people knowingly engaging in with someone who is married is also unethical behavior. The above situation being if the man cheats. The same if its the woman who cheats.

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      • Well, as you say, only the husband is answerable to the wife here. The other person involve is a stranger, not answerable to the wife at all. There is also no way of knowing whether this person knew the husband was a married man.

        I appreciate that you are saying that getting involved with a married person is also immoral.. but morality is subjective and tricky to impose. The saying goes ‘apna hi sikka khota ho to why blame someone else’.

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        • oh there are ways to know…sometimes woman do know they are dating married men or men know they are dating married women…i knew quite a few of them. yes the other man or woman does not owe it to the spouse of the cheating partner but they do it owe it to being human. there are things that differentiate us from animals and this is one of them. Like Praveen said it doesnt necessarily mean that the cheating partner and the other person involved are not bad
          people but people who have made bad decisions…so in that way it is quite a grey area… however act of cheating is not right for anybody involved. the cheating partner to his partner and the ‘other’ partner because he/she is part of the cheating incase he/she gets involved knowingly. If he/she is unaware of the cheating partner’s status then he/she is the victim not the cheater.

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  4. I would regard the unfaithful partner as the thrash-be it whether it’s the man or the woman. It is better to leave a marriage or a relationship than to be in one and become unfaithful.

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  5. I think in matters of cheating in a relationship, the whole problem lies solely with the person who is cheating. No one deserves to be cheated, whether good or bad by any opinion, tradition or definition.
    This quote talks about the choices a cheater is making. Well if we think from that point of view, it totally depends on the perspective of the cheater. But, one thing stands strong, the only person at fault is the one doing the wrong and it him/her who needs to change or be penalised.

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  6. In the end, a Woman will be blamed. End of story.
    It’s either the wife/partner was unloving, uncaring, boring (yes, I have heard that reason!), so the husband cheated.
    OR the Woman he was cheating on seduced him, and poor man, what else could he do but be seduced?
    This silly post utterly simplifies human relationships.
    Yes, cheating hurts the person cheated on. But, we can’t JUDGE them. We don’t know their story. Not the cheater nor the cheated on nor the third person (another thing this post gets wrong that it is always husband cheating on the wife)

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  7. Well, it’s a rather bad analogy, obviously.

    Cheating on a ‘good woman’ (whatever that is) is not like choosing trash over treasure at all. A treasure chest doesn’t have feelings. A romantic partner does. Giving up a lot of jewels doesn’t really cause any harm (except to your bank balance). Cheating can, of course, cause tremendous emotional anguish to your partner. You don’t have legal or ethical obligations towards treasure. You do towards a spouse.

    Having said that, I wouldn’t be so quick to call anyone in an adulterous relationship ‘trash’. Of course, some people are indeed trash and deserve to be called so. But really, not all relationships are made in heaven. I’ve lived long enough to understand that life is very rarely black and white, and sometimes, there is a degree of moral ambiguity involved that needs to be acknowledged and respected.

    A few years ago, my wife was close to this woman she worked with – let’s call her Ann. Now, Ann’s husband was an ex-military officer who was having major trouble adjusting to civilian life, thanks to a severe case of PTSD. Their marriage had been on the rocks for a while even before the Afghanistan tour, so it didn’t surprise me when Ann told my wife one day that she’d been cheating and was feeling pretty guilty about it. My wife advised her to come clean about it to her husband and I suppose she felt less guilty when she found out that her husband hadn’t quite been the model of fidelity either. Fine people, both of them, but they just made some unfortunate choices. That sort of situation is more common than you’d think – I’m sure a divorce is easier in the long run, but the fact is, it doesn’t take much to warp human judgment. Sometimes, people screw up. They must face the consequences of that, of course, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are bad people.

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  8. I think you misplaced the emphasis here. The one who is giving you love and support in your life is no doubt a good woman for you. Do not make this self evident fact more complicated. However, the other woman is not trash, it is the cheating partner who is the trash. The emphasis should be on him, as he is the only culprit here, rather than on any of the two women.

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  9. Cheating is cheating. Period. No justifications or excuses. If you think your spouse is “good” you should have no reason to cheat. If you don’t think he/she is good, you should have the guts to say so openly and end this relationship before starting another. So again, no cheating. Keep it open, truthful and simple. You would be doing a favor to all three people involved.

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  10. Cheating, extra-marital affairs are never as simple as they seem!
    and the analogy made is pure rubbish… women cheat on their men too and who decides what or how or who “a good woman” is! sheesh!! again, patriarchy shows us that its always a man cheating on a woman and its always the woman’s fault!!!🙄

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  11. Things like this are usually taken with face value. I have friends on Facebook who circulate this kind of stuff without really looking into the implications. Also this creates a false dichotomy, so it’s like saying when men cheat they cheat with “trashy” women. The person who wrote this probably had good intentions, but I don’t think it was well thought out.

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  12. Nobody’s life is perfect. Everybody has their own sob story. But only two cheats use it to justify their sneaking around and sleeping around. Pulling such a big con on a trusting partner does make the cheaters trashy.

    It is a totally different case when both the partners in a relationship, for whatever reason, are in some sort of agreement over the straying. The world may see this as cheating, but if the other partner does not see this as cheating, then it is not.

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    • But only two cheats use it to justify their sneaking around and sleeping around. Pulling such a big con on a trusting partner does make the cheaters trashy.

      You’re free to believe that, but I’ve come to think that that’s a very inflexible and judgmental viewpoint. People utter such bromides as ‘There is NEVER a good reason to cheat’ as though they are gospel truth and no further argument is even possible. Yet, as I said in my previous comment, there can actually be a lot of moral ambiguity here.

      There are people who cheat just to hurt their partner or just because they can, and I’d say that does make them pretty horrible individuals.

      However, a lot of cheating husbands and wives are just looking to satisfy an emotional need that they’ve been completely deprived of for a long, long time. Of course, having an extra-marital affair is no solution to that. If your relationship is dead, you should have the courage to come out and acknowledge it. But you know what, we’re all human here, and we make human mistakes. It’s not always that easy to just let go.

      A bad judgment call does not make you a bad person. Obviously, one must take responsibility for their own decisions – that’s not negotiable. I’m not saying it’s okay to cheat, because it’s really not. All I’m saying is, it’s a little harsh to just label a person ‘trash’ without actually listening to their sob story, as you called it. It is in the ‘sob story’ that a lot of a person’s motivations, beliefs, values and emotional state can be found. It is a story that must be heard and treated as a vital pointer towards a person’s actions, and not dismissed as incidental to those actions.

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      • Just because there is a compelling reason to cheat and people fall prey to it doesn’t mean the act and the actors are not trashy. A mistake or a bad judgement call doesn’t change the fact that a partner has been conned.

        And a one night stand qualifies as a bad judgement call. You cannot call repeated lies and deception in an affair as a ‘bad judgement call’.

        When a person cheats he or she is supposed to feel bad about the deception and the lies, and for that to happen you have to blame the act and the actors and not explain the act away. You cannot make cheating sound like divorce.

        And calling someone trashy is not like a death sentence has been passed in court. You can still listen to their stories and reason about their emotional state. But that can happen only after the straying partner stops justifying and explaining things away comes to term with the trashy act.

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  13. Not going into the gender of a person, there are two kind of cheaters :
    1) Who cheat on impulse. For whom, it is like drugs. It gives them a high. Yes, I would call such people trash. They should not be in a serious relationship until they understand the meaning of it.
    2) Who cheat to get emotional stability. Wo have endured the agony of a previous relationship and are trying to find an anchor. I will not call such people trash. They are just trying to get out of a difficult situation.

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  14. Cheating is Cheating…. and that’s BAD…It’s like stealing… you don’t justify the act ….saying the thief stole …from a rich home…Also, I feel the partner in crime (that;s the other person..for whom the person is cheating) knowingly doing so… is an even bigger cheater and culprit…

    There are issues in every couple’s life..Just because things are not going well in a relationship does not give the other person the right to keep the other one in dark and move on to a new relationship. Those issues can be sorted out, worked out, resolved, and even if the relationship is beyond repair, one should have the guts to call it quits before indulging into an illicit affair. So, nothing justified the act of CHEATING.

    I have been caring, loving, sacrificed everything for this relationship….everything… but in the end all i got was.. my man… cheated on me.. and the other woman, knew everything about us…despite that.. she went ahead and plunged herself into it… Not only that… she made every attempt to hurt me…She, stalks me…for her own insecurities perhaps but the damage was done. I was distraught, shattered, and emotionally drained cause I believe I did not deserve this for being “good”. So yes, CHEATING is BAD.

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  15. “Cheating on a Good woman is like choosing Trash over Treasure?”

    Let me just say that “Cheating on your spouse/partner is like choosing a trashy path over the right one” It has nothing to do with the one wronged. The one who cheats needs to get a spine. PERIOD.

    Like in one of the comments above : “There are issues in every couple’s life..Just because things are not going well in a relationship does not give the other person the right to keep the other one in dark and move on to a new relationship. Those issues can be sorted out, worked out, resolved, and even if the relationship is beyond repair, one should have the guts to call it quits before indulging into an illicit affair. So, nothing justified the act of CHEATING. ”

    Another comment spoke of emotional needs not being met in the existing relationship, some might argue that it is love one seeks – the reasons might be many. Some of them might sound reasonable too. But the path of cheating is wrong. What stops the cheating man/woman to face their partner and tell that they don’t love them any more? Is it the society? Well, the society condemns the extra marital affairs too. But people still go ahead and have them. I believe it is more about the intent and honesty, or should I say the lack of it!

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  16. I definitely agree that this kind of thinking absolves the man of any wrong doing. The responsibility lies solely with the person who is in the relationship (in this case, the man) and not with the ‘other woman.’ That kinda makes him the trash.

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  17. Cheating is not on the same league as stealing, unless you feel that marriage entails ownership of a spouse’s sexuality or emotional loyalty.
     
    The kind of attitude reflected here is one of the beefs I have against marriage – it is obsolete. Attraction can fade even if the spouse is otherwise a ‘good’ person. A marriage can go sour, not because one of the partners is a ‘bad person’, but simply because they are no longer compatible. And getting out of a bad marriage tends to involve a lot of red tape and complications, which might make some people reluctant to face their realities (and seek the ‘zing’ elsewhere).
     
    Lets discuss this like mature adults, not Level 3 Kohlberg moralists.

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