Sharing an email.
How easy would this choice have been if this young, courageous mom was living in India?
I really like the fact that your blog empowers women. I was reading through your articles and came across the article about having a child out of wedlock and if any indian girl would marry the guy. [Would an Indian girl refuse to marry him knowing that he has a child out of wedlock?] It has piqued my interest because I am in a similar situation of sorts. Hopefully she reads the blog and maybe my story can be of some consolation to her.
I hail from kerala and have been living in new zealand for the past 5 and a half years. like any other girl i too had great aspirations of a fanatastic career and eventually a family. Last year this time i found out that i was pregnant. At that point of time me and my boyfriend M had been seeing each other for almost 6 months and were living together. He is from punjab. Our plan was that eventually we would get married in a year or two. Getting pregnant was never a part of the plan. Initially when I found out that I was pregnant I was scared and very confused like anyone else. A part of me wanted the baby and a part of me was scared as to what would people think more importantly what would my parents say. When I told M that i was pregnant , his first typical response was that let’s get an abortion. To this I added anyway since I am pregnant why not get married as eventually that was what our plan was. That was when his true colours came out. To this he had a thousand excuses. I still wasn’t sure as to what to do.
When I was about 7 weeks pregnant I told my father about this. As any indian parent would be he was very very angry at me. He refused to talk to me for a couple of months.
After a lot of dilly dallying and going back and forth I knew what my options were. Have an abortion and be with M. Or raise the baby alone. M tried everything in his power to make me have an abortion. I didnt budge. Even though he did stay with me through the pregnancy he treated me badly to which I didn’t say anything as I thought and hoped maybe once he saw his own daughter. flesh and blood. he would probably change his mind. I guess you can never change anyone.
He had promised me that he would be there for the birth but then he never turned up. He eventually came on the 2nd day to see her and it was really sad that he was so indifferent. Initially he too went back and forth saying that he wanted to be a part of her life and then he didn’t and then he did. I told him that I would rather not have someone like that be a part of her life. the bottomline being that his parents live back home in india and they will prolly never know coz he will never tell them.
The last I heard of him was that he was engaged to be married to some girl. The girl obviously oblivious to the whole situation. It’s hard being a single mother. I work 6 days a week and have to put bubs in chilcare but when I come home and see her smile it makes it all the more worth it.
We don’t need such men in our life.