If there is a disagreement, or if the matter concerns only the couple and the husband’s family, should women be hearing only their husbands’ opinion?
If she feels the situation is unfair but the husband doesn’t agree (like here), what should a woman do?
Is seeking an opinion (anonymously) where the opinion giver is less likely to have personal interest (and is more likely to see the situation objectively) a betrayal to the husband (and his family)? Does it indicate that the relationship cannot be saved?
Don’t such discussions also help the email writer and readers understand that these are not isolated cases but Social issues?
I agree with this comment by sarkywoman.
“Let me give you the reason I asked for advise here instead of talking with my family.”
At times people ask advice on public forums as a last resort. Being an advise taker on this very forum a couple of months ago, let me give you the reason I asked advise here instead of talking with my family – I wanted to leave my husband and they were dead set against it. No matter what I told them, the reasons I gave them, they wouldn’t listen to me – it ensued in them calling me arrogant, having adjustment problems, making me feel guilty for NOT BEING happy – Ya, it was MY fault that I was not happy with my husband, etc etc.
I was OVERWHELMED. It came to the point where self-doubt set in. Was I really wrong? Were all the things he was doing to me not really wrong?
But, my gut told me I was right. And I came to this forum hoping to meet some like-minded people – people who didn’t have a hidden agenda (like my parents did – their “prestige” in society – it still saddens me that their love for me was second to their prestige in society). But, that incident made me realize that in real life, no matter how much some one loves you, they and their own agenda’s will be more important than you to them.
And they confirmed what I already knew…. It just gave me the courage to be stronger with my parents.
In my opinion most people who ask for advise aren’t really looking for advise – they have already made up their minds, but because their decisions are usually against our societies “rules” – wanting divorce/not wanting to stay with in-laws, etc . they are just looking for some moral support from some like-minded people.
I can’t speak for others, but I for one would never meet people like the one’s on this blog in real life.
PS: I think DFI KNOWS that in the end she HAS to discuss with her husband only, so in a way, you were just pointing out the obvious.
1. Married Indian women are not encouraged to seek advice from their own families, traditionally that is seen as ‘interference by the girl’s family’.
2. Punjab Women’s commission wanted to restrict mobiles for brides to control their communication with their families (while their newly wed husbands don’t just communicate, but eat, drink, go out, live etc with their families and friends – often isolating the wives even more).
3. This sort of controls don’t just isolate a woman but also deprive them of any Support System, and Indian women today are amongst the most stressed women in the world. (will link)