Sharing yet another email – what does it say about the family values and respect for elders we take so much pride in?
Also shows how Indians see senior citizens as ‘parents of sons’.
Arranged Marriage Market
I am subscribed to your blog and do read the blog posts frequently. I am 29, have a Masters degree from a highly ranked university in the US and have been working for about 5 years now for a NGO in NYC. I am a victim of the arranged marriage market. I am decent looking petite woman with my head on my shoulders but apparently that isn’t enough for most men and their families these days.
I’ve spoken/met “boys” aged between 29 and 34 years through the matrimonial websites, sometimes through family references. It makes me wonder if I am over matured or may be picky. I’ve been asked the weirdest of questions by these guys that I’ve either met or spoken to over the phone. Below are a few examples:
- He asks me you are 29 and still single. Why? Are you picky? It was our first and last conversation. He was 30 years old.
- You’ve been living in the same area for about 8 years now. Why haven’t you bought a house? I said “I can’t afford buying a house yet. I work for a Not-for-Profit”.He says “Oh! so you dont get paid? Are you a student? Where do you work then?”
- You don’t like wearing branded clothes and shoes. I don’t think you can decorate my house well. – 31 year old
- I couldn’t take you to table cloth restaurant, you didn’t throw a tantrum about it. Instead you were ok with Chinese take-out. Are you a saint? I dont like you because you are a saint- The same 31 year old as above. He had to drive 2 hours after dinner and it was 10:30 in the night when I said lets just take-out it’ll be faster.
- You are 28 years old, you are pushing 30. When will you have kids, you should plan soon? – 29 year old, it was our second conversation.
- Do you want to work after marriage? – 30 year old
- The classic one and probably my favorite! From a 30 year old!
I have actually been talking to other women while talking to you (I wonder how he found the time). There is this other girl who I like but I like you too. I want to continue talking to you and her but things are proceeding faster than I expected with her. I want to keep talking to you till I make a decision on both of you and it could be that I am almost ready to make a decision on her and I don’t want you to wait but I like you I want to continue talking to you.I guess I am being too picky. What do you think? I am just exhausted by this process. I am an only child. And a LOT of people when they call to present a marriage proposal for me, hang up on my Dad because am an only child. Reason being: “Oh! then our son has to take care of you and your wife too”!
Wow! Is this the generation I belong to? Pathetic. It scares me to get married because life as a single woman in NYC isn’t bad at all. Actually its a LOT of fun. Its peer pressure for me and my poor parents. The society doesn’t stop asking them when I’d get married. They’ve stopped going to weddings, attending family functions where 23-24 year old girls are ready to marry NRIs after talking to them over a webcam. I mean seriously, do I have my priorities all wrong? Am I just supposed to marry this guy who asks me if I want to work after getting married, or to the guy who’s asking me to bid for him, or to someone who thinks being accommodating is being “un-girly”?!
I proudly sponsored a 2 month trip for my parents to NY. I was damn proud that I wasn’t one of those who just got their parents to the US for baby sitting purposes. My parents were happy to visit me. For the first time, I saw my mother open up. I learned she loved adventure sports when she went para gliding and sky diving without my dad. My Dad was the chicken 🙂 It was fun. It was beautiful until they proudly shared the pictures with my extended family. They got accused of living off their daughter’s money. They were told that they didn’t want to get me married because their only source of income would go away. My parents have refused to come to NYC ever since. Apparently, if you were a boy you could get your parents as often as you but as a girl, as an only child my parents can’t even visit me. Isn’t it unfair? I think it is bloody unfair so much so it makes my blood boil and I’ve stopped visiting anyone but my parents when I visit home. I got labeled the stubborn girl and again my poor parents got blamed for sending me to the US for getting a degree. “You sent her to America before marriage, see what has become of her. Now who will marry her”.
I am a self-made woman. I’ve studied all my life after high school on scholarships not because my Dad couldn’t afford my education but because I earned every one of them. Mom and Dad couldn’t be more proud of me but apprently my education, my independence and my self-made identity are my minuses in finding a husband.
If you happen to post this on your blog, please keep my identity anonymous. I don’t want my poor Dad to read any of my frustration because he often googles my name to make sure my reputation is intact if any eligible bachelor were to Google me.
Thank you for letting me vent.
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“Yes I am Single. So?” – Ruchira