How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

1. Bans/harassment/restrictions on Valentines Day and birthday parties are just two more illegal ways of preventing young Indians from interacting and choosing their own lives, and life partners.

They also make way for semi-forced arranged-marriages.

2. Such illegal bans are also bans against (perfectly legal) intercaste and inter religion ‘choice-marriages’ (Love-marriages) or ‘elopements’.

3. If choice-marriages became the norm, and communal and caste divides started disappearing, then political parties winning elections based on caste and religion would find it difficult to survive.

4. If such political parties don’t survive, then goons who they support wouldn’t be able to bully young Indians.

5. If Indian men started choosing their own partners, they might choose someone they like instead of choosing someone to repay, with dowry (illegal), all that their parents have spent for their education.

6. Illegal sexual assaults (like the ones in Managalore and in Guwahati) ensure that self reliance doesn’t come easy for Indian women – socializing, education and working (all perfectly legal) becomes difficult, and they are more likely to stay in abusive marriages.

And they are more likely to choose death over divorce.

7. All these have made India one of the worst places in the world for women. Bad enough for many Indian parents to kill their daughters.

I would like to ask C Manjula and Pramila N what they understand by Independence day, fundamental rights and freedom. Do they, like many other Indians, think Freedom is a dirty word unless it applies to those who agree with them?

Related Posts:

Not just women who are sexually assaulted, but also men who object to sexual assaults risk being accused of ruining the Indian culture.

Did the boys, who arranged the birthday party, try to mislead the girls?

Early and arranged marriages within the community prevent social ills.

Marrying out of caste, Divorce, and Nuclear Families are Social Problems or solutions to Social Evils?

Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.

I don’t care for freedom



50 thoughts on “How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection.

  1. sure Ms. Manjula has her own definition of independce and especially for women. There are many of us who say that girls are not safe in today’s society but we must also understand that it is we only who make part of the same society. the change has to come from within. we must be the change we wish to see. if every household stops different upbringing of their girl child, if every brother respects the woman walking down the street (as he expects for his own sister), if every mother instills dignity in her daughter, if every husband respect and treats his wife as an equal counterpart, if every mother in law sees a daughter in her d-i-l…. things will change. but all this has to happen simultaneously…


  2. There is something even more deeper IHM. I am following ‘Indian Idol’ – and one thing struck me time and again. The participants are all young right – the youngest one is 16 and I think the oldest must be 23. But majority are between 17-19 I think. It was interesting to notice that whenever the girls spoke about the guys – you know recounting some fun stuff they all did – it would ALWAYS be followed by ‘bhaiya’. And though that is so subtle – the significance of this staggering.

    You like a guy, it’s fun to be around him – he’s great company, he can be a great friend. But you are not ‘in love’ as such – you just like him as a buddy. And he reciprocates the same. But Indian society largely sees only two relationships between a boy and a girl – that of lovers (husbands, boyfriends) or that of a brotherly/sisterly nature. In general, there is no acceptance that a platonic relationship between a boy and a girl can exist – that is based on mutual respect and trust. So here are these young ones – and the defence mechanism is so well ingrained and automatic. It says – ‘Hey! I am having fun with this guy – but I don’t want you to call me immoral, so I will qualify him as a brother.’ The minute one says a guy/girl is like a brother/sister – then a lot of things will be sanctioned – like going out for movies, coffee etc. But imagine a girl or a guy saying ‘He/she is a great friend’. Then in all probability, no outings will be encouraged because suddently the question of honour and character will come into play.

    Some of my closest friends are guys. What I share with them is certainly not sibling affection – whatever that is; and it is certainly not romance either. It is something else – based on a wonderful chemistry, trust and respect. It is friendship in it’s best form. I don’t know how to explain it – but it is different from the close bond I share with my women friends – although both are equally cherished. It is so sad that many children and young adults are never given a chance to build on such platonic relationships – which truly last a life time. IMO it is these platonic equations that help you understand the opposite sex without the pressure that a romantic relationship entails.

    Although we find the Manjulas and Nesargis of India shocking – I have no doubt that they echo the sentiment of many, many ‘strict’ mothers and fathers.


    • //IMO it is these platonic equations that help you understand the opposite sex without the pressure that a romantic relationship entails.// I agree.
      And we also look down upon relationships that could (or not) end in more than friendships. A couple is automatically supposed to know they are made for each other, first love is supposed to be the last love.


      • Yes. The Husband and I were great friends for a couple of years before tying the knot. The change of status caused astonishment at some quarters bordering on bewilderment ‘but you were just friends…’ LOL!


      • And you are supposed to marry the first guy you love and in your entire life, you are supposed to have ever harboured thoughts/feelings for only one man!! Isn’t that what we see in movies (something in the lines of I raised my head and looked into the eyes of only one man ever and I know people who have told this to me in real life at the age of 25, never a crsuh, nothing at all because of our perverted society) No homosexuality exists and with such high chastity standards for women ( of course men can fall in love again and again and have 4 wives), every one is forced to be hypocrites. Of course women are not sexaul beings at all. We are robots made for man’s pleasure. Like my friend put it marriage in India seems like getting a new kitchen appliance that cooks, cleans and all.


    • “Strict” mothers and fathers are only obeying the mandate laid down by “strict” inlaws and “strict” husbands.

      In the short time that I was married, I was asked a dozen times if my husband was “strict” with me. I’m still slightly astonished when my coworkers declare happily that “their husbands are not strict at all”.

      I’ve known strict nuns in convent schools, but “strict” husbands? Indian attitudes amaze me even though I’ve lived here most of my life.


        • Yeah, and personally my experience has been that India leads from the front when it comes to people passing blind judgement on anything anyone else is involved in.


      • A platonic relationship is by definition non-sexual and generally non-physical, but not necessarily without romance or romantic attraction.

        Also, from what I’ve seen of European cultures (specially Scandinavia), they would have little trouble accepting sex without romance as long as both parties knew what was going on.

        The US is a whole different story, though. not in small part due to the massive amount of religious fundamentalism there (by Western standards anyway).


        • Yeah, my mistake there. I was going for more of a non-romantic with sex relationship there (friends with benefits) 🙂


    • Very well said, Moonbeam. So when a girl likes a guy without any romance involved, she is expected to address him as “bhaiya” so that her izzat and her parents izzat is in tact. We were a group of 10 friends 7 boys and 3 girls during our post graduation days. Our relationship is same as you have mentioned – friendship in its best form. We all now live in different corners of the world and keep in touch through facebook and mails. I know I can approach any one of them, if I need their help. And they know they can approach me without hesitation if they need my help. When I needed some certificates from the college, I had to just call my friend who lived in the same town. He quickly arranged for the certificates to be sent to me here in Singapore. I wanted to buy a microwave for my parents, I called another friend who worked for LG. He arranged for the best model to be delivered to my parent’s place. In fact the guy who worked at LG visited my house in Singapore along with his wife. My husband and the guy got along very well. I continued to address him the way I did in the college and we remembered all the fun we had . His wife told me ” I really envy the friendly relationship all of you in the group share”. It is surely possible to be just friendly with a guy without any romantic angle or sibling kind of affection involved. But people like Pramila N, C Manjula, and Pramod Mutalik will make sure that such a thing does not happen. if they did, as IHM says, how will they survive?


  3. The terribly wretched part of all this is how even young Indian boys in their teens and early twenties hold these archaic and outrageous views on how women should lead their lives.


  4. People who think they can repress human sexuality are deluding themselves.

    They can repress healthy expressions of sexuality, and convert it into something ugly and repellent if they so wish, but they cannot repress it entirely.

    The patriarchs of Indian civilization made their choice long ago – we all know where it’s lead us. The patriarchs of today have not learned from history and are therefore doomed to repeat it. It’s truly unfortunate that so many millions will go down with them.


  5. Mr GV shared this link:
    Couple who married outside caste killed, seven month old baby orphaned
    GOKAK (BELGAUM DISTRICT): A young couple who had married against the wishes of their families, from different castes, was brutally done to death in Losur village of Gokak taluk on Monday night. The honour killing has left the couple’s sevenmonth-old baby orphaned.


  6. Very sad!! An infant is orphaned for no fault of hers. Does honour mean much more than happiness of the couple? Why are choice marriages looked down upon in India?


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