Did the boys, who arranged the birthday party, try to mislead the girls?

It seems, instead of focussing on the violent attack on a birthday party in Mangalore, where 13 boys and girls were molested, stripped and assaulted in front of the media, the Karnataka State Commission for Women is focussing on “the intention of the boys” the girls were partying with,

“Did the boys, who arranged the birthday party, try to mislead the girls? Investigation and action is essential,” [Mangalore attack: Women’s panel report omits Hindu Jagarana Vedike, blames boys]

And what is seen as ‘misleading the girl’?

Does the panel suspect that boys were trying to get the girls to spend time with them, maybe they were drinking together, or that  the boys were trying to get the girls to have sex with them, with or without promising to marry them?

In that case, is a girl’s safety less important than her ‘honor’ or modesty being ‘robbed’ by boys (with her consent)?

But weren’t the molesters trying to do the same thing  – robbing the girls’ virtue/modesty/honor? Then what makes these male friends worse than the molesters?

The difference perhaps is that molesting does not involve the woman’s participation, since she was not enjoying, and might just commit suicide – Indian culture can still be saved.

Also, the victim’s suffering becomes a lesson for other women. (A boost for rapists’ morale)

‘Misleading’ is seen as dangerous because the woman consents, participates and is likely to go on living her life, without being ‘ruined’.

From a misogynist’s point of view, whether the women are complaining or not, if they have a sex life, they are victims.

Doesn’t make sense?

Many misogynists believe that women don’t know what is good for them. What if these boys were trying to ‘use’ them? Then who would marry them? Getting Married and Staying Married being an Indian woman’s only purpose in life, she must sacrifice freedom, safety, happiness, a sex life, self reliance, motherhood etc to Get Married and Stay Married.

So rape is seen as bad because the victim wasn’t careful enough, but consensual, premarital sex is seen as the real danger.

The way the Indian censor board allowed rape and sexual harassment scenes to be shown but banned kissing scenes, the Karnataka State Commission for Women (KSCW) would probably ignore Molesting but ban ‘Misleading’.

How do women’s commissions that don’t really seem to care for women’s happiness, safety and welfare help women? They seem to be more concerned about women’s virginity than about women’s safety.


More links to the report that dehumanizes women and treats consensual premarital sex like a crime, and ignores criminal sexual assaults,

Karnataka Women Commission -Blames Boys Entirely, No Mention of HJV #Moralpolicing #Mangalore #WTFnews


35 thoughts on “Did the boys, who arranged the birthday party, try to mislead the girls?

  1. this is such a hilarious comment by them… rightly said for them its of utmost important that they protect a girl from getting misleading (may be with consent) than being molestated (definitely without consent)


  2. IHM, there was a time when I used to think – oh women’s commission, such a responsible post. When I repeatedly heard nothing but bullsh*t from these women, I woke up. Why am I not surprised to see that these women are not qualified social psychologists, they are not qualified in any gender studies, they don’t seem to have any first-hand experience on the day-to-day gender problems?

    In a rare, scalding opinion piece on TOI, this is what the journalist questions – on whose side is the women’s commission? http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/opinion/Whose-case-is-the-Womens-Commission-taking-up/articleshow/15422524.cms

    And this is what qualifies Madam Manjula for her job – //She was a natural choice of the BJP government when it had to fill up the post of the chairperson in the Commission, having been an active party member, national secretary of ABVP and general secretary of state BJP’s Mahila Morcha. // So naturally, she has to water down the criminal aspect of the bas*ards who did this, because they are the foot soldiers of the ruling party (irrespective of which party it is).

    Corruption, dishonesty and greed knows no gender – and that is what Manjula has effectively demonstrated.


  3. There was an interview in the Hindu with two of the young men in question:


    Judging by the interview, they’re better feminists than the toadies in the so-called State Commission for Women. I think all this guff about saving Indian culture is just a convenient smokescreen, put up so that misogynists can get married without having to change their behaviour. I think a young woman would be far safer in the company of Vijay Kumar and Gurudath Kamat than they would be in the hands of a traditional dowry-taking mama’s boy.


  4. Wait- so the women’s commission is now planning to investigate and take action against the
    guys /girls in the VICTIMS?
    Time to re-name themselves the Karnataka State Anti-Women’s Commission.
    And join forces with the Hindu Whatever Vedike to hold a joint-inquiry.


  5. The biggest problem is that when such organisations were started

    they ladies who were sitting idle at home , married and having a huge bindi on forehead and huge diamond studs in the ear and rings in fingers

    were made to do social work .

    Social Work then was a prestige issue and their husbands would sponser the “work” slowly it became a club and that culture is still on

    these socialites became social workers and they were creating a PR for their husbands
    for them the honor of woman means getting married and wearing diamonds and none of them is really interested in empowerment of woman
    those who can make a change are just pushed back in the arena because they have no political connection and as such no money to sponsor politics

    a simple party with same age group boys and girls who are growing up is termed as immorilistic and what about the parites that go on in five stars where many socailites drink and play cards , where wife swaping is also thought to be normal

    we really have weird standards !!


        • I just sent the fax that I’ve pasted below. I tried calling too, but today being a government holiday, there was no response.

          Fax number is: 080-22216485

          “Addressed to: The Hon’ble Chairperson, KSCW


          This is in response to a Times of India news piece (http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-08-09/bangalore/33117815_1_police-action-boys-panel-report) which illustrates the contents of your report to the government regarding the attack on partygoers at the ‘Morning Mist’ homestay.

          Ma’am, as an Overseas Citizens of India currently living in Delhi ([Home address]), a parent, a legal professional and someone with an abiding interest in gender and social equality very much in line with the aims of your organization, I am deeply disappointed by the contents of the report as depicted in the newspapers.

          In the mind of anyone who has taken the time to review the incident, there can be no disagreement on the fact that the police is partly to be blamed. However, consider the people who actually assaulted those young men and women, the people who took it upon themselves to strip those men and women of their most basic rights, the people who were actually filmed carrying out their acts – are they not the biggest culprits? Can their culpability be overlooked, and the focus be shifted towards the actions of the victims themselves?

          I, and many citizens like me, find it absolutely unacceptable and unfair that the actions and motivations of the victims of a crime are being subjected to such close examination even as the perpetrators are given little more than a mere mention. Surely, such treatment violates the principles of natural justice?

          A letter or official response from your office, reassuring us that the guilty will be the only ones penalized for this incident would go a long way in assuaging our fears and concerns.

          Yours Sincerely,

          Praveen Talwar

          [Office Address]

          This is the best I could come up with in a short space of time, but anyone else who wants to send a similar fax/email/letter is welcome to edit as they want and try their luck, eh.


  6. Wow…India has really become polluted with Ultra-Conservative ideas from Islamic and Christian invaders. And now it seems to be getting polluted with an unhealthy obsession over American styles. India needs a Hindu Renaissance.


      • I don’t want Ultra-Conservative Hinduism either. Idiots like in Maharashtra have been influenced by Ultra-Conservative Islamic ideals.

        I want a sort of revival of the culture that brought the world the Kamasutra, Yoga, Invented Algebra, Wrote the Arthashastra, etc…

        Just like Westerners had a revival of ancient Roman and Greek Culture with brought around some of the best art, science, math, etc in the world. I want that to happen in India.

        Indians should create new things and a new culture instead of blindly parroting the West.


        • Don’t worry…Indians are creating a new culture…you won’t see people in the west getting molested for partying and then have the authorities ignore the molesters and blame the victims. Really?? we invented Algebra?? How about the internet… did we invent that too? 🙂

          I appreciate your zeal. I too want Indians to excel in art, math and especially science. But I’m not sure how that is relevant here…

          Ms Manjula has made a lot of accusations on the boys here without any evidence. Either she should produce the evidence or be held legally responsible for defamation and slander. What exactly does she mean when she says the boys were trying to mislead the girls…?

          What do the girls say about what happened in the party? Does it tally in any way with what Ms Manjula is claiming?

          Even if, by some chance, Ms Manjula is right and the boys were trying to traffick the girls (for which there is zero evidence so far), how does she explain the Hindu Jagrana Vedike members molesting the girls? Why has she ignored it?

          P.S : You seem to make a distinction between ultra-conservative Hinduism and regular run-of-the-mill Hinduism…don’t you think such a distinction applies to other religions too??


        • Oh yes, India is blindly parroting the West where goondas barge in on birthday parties and beat people up ALL THE TIME. Where Women’s Commissions say things like “This practice of partying has spoilt the girls.”, and spouts nonsense about drugs and human trafficking when the police commissioner found nothing more than beer bottles!

          Look, all of this hulla is basically about not wanting girls to have fun. Mixing with boys of their age and drinking alcohol! Oh My! Degeneration of society.

          Also, for arguments sake, let’s say that everyone at party was doing drugs and having wild orgies. Those goondas could have alerted the police, no? What gave them any right to take the law into their hands??

          I don’t know what Indian society was like a few thousand years ago, and neither do you. I can only hope it was more egalitarian, and guess that it was less sexually repressed (going by the Kama Sutra and abundant temple porn), so really this sort of Islamic/Christian scapegoating is pretty pointless because who knows for sure what society was like then??


        • No, you’re right, India doesn’t have a distinctive culture; it’s all a bad copy of the West.

          For example, check out my last Saturday in Toronto:

          I woke up at 6:00, fed the cat and went out for a jog, listened to a mix of Bee Gees and Honey Singh on the Radio and received a missed call from the driver my company’s assigned to me. I called him back, told him he was off for the day and then waited as the maid did her stuff for the day. Once we had all showered up with Lifebuoy, I got into a fiercely air-conditioned Metro car with my wife and daughter, where we found a traditionally dressed Muslim man chatting with a turbaned Sikh in an eclectic mixture of Punjabi and Urdu. We got off the subway, went to the older part of town and checked out some spectacular Mughal architecture. After that, we had a fantastic aloo ka parantha made by a street vendor, and had a chat about cricket and his favorite player, Sachin Tendulkar. Finished with the meal, we walked around the town, checking out some good food and smiling at larger-than-life posters of long-gone movie stars. Once back home, my wife left to get to her 45th floor office which overlooks one of the busiest expressways of the world, while I proceeded to have a cup of Darjeeling tea (extra sugar and milk) with the old couple who live next door. They talked with me about work, politics, cats, culture, their kids and inflation until lunch time, at which point they politely refused my offer of homemade Dal-Chawal and Gulab Jamun dessert, having had far too much experience of my cooking. The evening was spent at a shopping mall, where my wife purchased a kurti and I stocked up on some shorts for an upcoming vacation. On our way back, we stopped at a roadside ice-cream vendor’s, had a stick lolly called ‘sachmuch aam’, and chatted with the seller about how the summer was almost over, and purchased a beautiful ceramic pot as a decoration piece, which cost us 50 cents. We then had dinner and headed off to bed. There was no power and air-conditioners do not run on the generator backup, so we had some trouble sleeping, and ended up watching a rerun of Masterchef Australia on Star World, which was interrupted by advertisements of hair oil, fairness creams and Ayurvedic treatments for knee pain.

          Yep, a typical day in the West, the culture we’ve completely aped.


  7. I think some people cannot just comprehend the idea of women having consensual sex just for their pleasure. It always has to be in the confines of a marriage ( it is then their duty to have sex) or they are from good families and the boys mislead them.

    If both dont really fit, then ofcourse those women are whores.

    Any alternative seems better to them than the idea of women enjoying sex.


  8. In an apathetic and chauvinistic world what else can we expect.

    Not just India, the world needs to change. As much as my blood boils at the sexual abuse women face EVERY single day ALL over the world, there can be no solution, no strong law, no powerful deterrent unless and until strong women take the forefront in politics and become leaders. It’s only when powerful, influential, humane, fearless and empathetic women can make laws a reality that we will see any change…only then will “eve teasing” become sexual harassment, only then will any potential sexual offender shudder in fright thinking of the dire consequences of even “brushing” against a woman…but as long as men run the world, and women are their own worst enemy, women will always be second class citizens, with our priorities, our safety, our dignity, our humanity being given no importance.

    When women stand up for themselves we are loose, immoral, unclothed and asking for it. When we are weak, we are raped, abused and killed. When at least a few men are strong enough to step in to help us fight back, they are savagely murdered(just thinking of the terrible murders of Reuben and Keenan). And all the while, the perpetrators are left after a few days of jail time, after a rap on the knuckles, after paying a small bail to set them free…

    The mind hardens in anger and dissolves in hopelessness….

    Along with all the life skills we teach our girls, one of the top skills should be self defense. As our laws slumber and remain buried in a jurassic mindset, taking their own, slow time to change, we should learn to equip ourselves to face the harsh realities of actual life. And instead of asking my fellow women to lengthen the hems of their skirts I’d rather have them learn how to throw a punch, aim a kick, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. I imagine this situation where the typical sexual abuser aka as the “eve teaser/moral police” lands upon a group of girls and starts their goondagiri, only to be met with a chop and cut reaction reminiscent of the Bride in Kill Bill. I’ve heard the whole thing about men and their upper body strength but in my mind’s eye I wish I could turn back time and have the women be experts at self defense who use their moves to effectively dodge the marauders and give them a lesson they would never forget, much like this wonderful lady here: http://articles.nydailynews.com/2012-06-24/news/32396834_1_kung-fu-martial-arts-teens

    Not sure I’m making sense any more…I am so angry, I want to just rip up all sexual offenders, all criminals hiding behind the moral values slogan to and the laws and society that allow these things to happen.


  9. Mangalore: Boy Victims Deny Manjula’s Claims, Demand CBI Probe

    Mangalore, Aug 11: “We do not believe in police investigation. We want CBI enquiry, fast track court and an independent lawyer to fight the case,” said Gurudutt Kamath and Vijay Kumar, both two of the victims of the recent Padil stay home attack.

    Addressing a press meet here on Saturday August11, they explained the entire incident as it happened, and as was reported in these columns earlier, and placed forward a few demands from the central and the state governments.
    More here,


  10. While there is an element of infantilising of women’s sexual consent by the Women’s Comission, most of the readers have missed the central point – the attack is on the boys, who have been blamed with ‘misleading’ the girls. It is a for the most part, a crime against men since it is one step short of the culture were parents of women level rape charges against a man for courting/dating/eloping with their daughter (a rather common phenomena in mainland India).
    Men like Vijay Kumar and Gurudath Kamat have to be extremely cautious of who they date or sleep with, because every act of theirs is a step closer to being charged of rape/trafficking/molestation by these self-righteous Hindutva women. Double that if these men are Muslims/Christians dating Hindu women.


  11. Of course the girls were mislead. They were lead to believe they were normal young human beings. That they could have fun with their friends, have some cake and may be a few beers. I am sure the girls were not told that they were going to be attacked by rabid goons for hire who will take this opportunity to molest them. I wonder who did the misleading?


  12. Pingback: It seems not just women who are sexually assaulted, but also men who object to molestations are seen as ruining the Indian culture. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  13. Pingback: Those who beat up the girls were probably not entirely at fault… Necessity knows no law. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  14. Pingback: How illegal bans on Valentine’s day and birthday parties are connected with dowry deaths and sex selection. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  15. Pingback: “In unison, everyone agreed that asking her out was outraging her modesty… “ | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  16. Pingback: So how will banning cabs make public transport safer for women? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s