You don’t owe prettiness to anyone.

You don’t have to be pretty.

You don’t owe prettiness to anyone.

Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner,

Not to your coworkers especially

Not to random men on the street.

You don’t owe it to your mother,

You don’t owe it to your children,

You don’t owe it to civilization in general.

Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”.


From here,


57 thoughts on “You don’t owe prettiness to anyone.

  1. It is interesting that in most cultures women are valued for their ‘looks’ and men are valued for how much money they make.
    Seems awfully shallow & rather an immature ‘teenaged’ mindset, but unfortunately it is true.


  2. HELL YES. The other day at the gym a lady next to me was minding her own business and working out on the treadmill but was getting the stinkeye from everyone around. When she finished and got off the treadmill, another woman walked over to her and said “If I were you I’d wear a shirt over the sports bra to hide all that fat and stretch-marks.”

    To which this woman, my hero, gives her the finger and walks away. I wanted to cheer.

    We don’t owe prettiness to anyone! That’s the perfect way to put it.


    • That is the unkindest cut. Women are expected to have taut breasts cellulite-free washboard abs even after pregnancy and lactation.

      A forty year old woman is expected to defy nature and look like a twenty-year old.

      Men, however, look “distinguised” as they age. Silver hair and wrinkles are a mark of character and wisdom in men.

      Richard Gere is still handsome and desirable despite being gray and wrinkled.Would we say the same for a Julia Roberts or Meryl Streep?


      • I totally agree with you.Men are not being fair with women.Its better not to care about what men think about the women.As someone said,” Whatever you think of me is none of my business.What is important is what I think of myself”.


  3. At the risk of inviting brickbats, it’s all very well to _say_ pretty doesn’t matter.

    I say this with a very broad definition of pretty: Symmetric features, attractive to the eye, good clear skin, no eyesore spots/scars, not too skinny, not too overweight, maybe nice hair, some would wish for any hair at all. These are all features we all wish we had, and features that everyone admires. Like it or not, we all want to be admired, and ‘pretty’ is a step to it.

    I’m not saying it’s everything, I’m saying let’s just face that it *is something*. Just like we aren’t all born equally intelligent, we aren’t born equally pretty. Carrying on with the analogy, you can improve on your intelligence by reading, studying, exposing yourself to different cultures, different worlds. You can also improve your attractiveness (is that a word? :)) by exercising, by maintaining your skin, etc. In both cases, I think there’s only so much you can enhance.

    So why give one less credit over the other? Both are largely a product of genetic inheritance.


    • You’re right to an extent. Even babies show a preference for people with symmetric features, who are conventionally attractive.

      However, I take issue with how everyone is judged according to one, very rigid beauty ideal that is arbitrarily set.

      Even Bollywood’s ideal of beauty has ranged from the voluptuous (overweight in today’s lingo), Madhubala to flab-free Kareena.

      Ordinary women spend a lot of needless time and energy trying to conform to the beauty ideal of the day.

      How many of us suck our tummies in when we stand in front of the mirror? How many spend agonised minutes wondering if our butt looks too fat/ too skinny?

      Men don’t have the same pressure to have perfect bodies that women do. That’s unfair, IMO.

      It’s liberating to not be judged by your looks all the time.


  4. Let me put it this way , we are born certain way , in terms of color , body shape /type , features , intellect , family , economical situation etc . There are ways and means of improving them as we grow old . Grooming as long as it’s not an obsession always boost your self confident . we decide what we owe to ourself . Like what we wear is absolutely our choice , it does impact your professional life . Eating what you like is absolutly your choice , but your body in terms of health faces consequences . You can stink and don’t care about it , but then people have no obligation to stay near you. you may chose not to learn language / improve your knowledge , but then when you will not be contributing to any conversation , you will be ignored ( feel ignored). Every skill you gain / ever step towards grooming is a step towards your own progress . where as plucking eyebrows to perfection is not necessary , brushing your teeth at least once a day is what we owe to ourself. people who chose to learn and be more presentable have more edge over others with same initial skills ..
    Better health will ensure better life for you ..why ignore that ..why fall sick and expect others to take care of you ??we owe that to ourself


    • Yeah makes sense… but do you think women are allowed to own their own bodies and look the way they like to look, like if a woman doesn’t care to dress in ways that is seen as ‘well groomed’, is she under more pressure than men to fit-in sort of?


      • Men are under pressure in a different way that have often being highlighted in this blog to earn by certain age , to ensure he marries someone who takes care of family, to own house / car etc to fit in , so perform in bed , not to cry and be strong ..etc etc ….
        Men do have better options most of the time , but they have different cultural restrictions . All the things that I mentioned are applicable to men as well ..being healthy and happy is what we all owe to ourself . I would say dnt lose your mind over fitting into certain standard of prettiness or success ( for men) , but it won’t harm anyone to improve what all they can within the limit of sanity.


    • brushing teeth, not stinking are to do with hygiene not prettiness. better health, fitness dont have anything to do with prettiness either. nor wearing ironed clothes.


  5. You don’t have to look pretty if you don’t want to, but those who want to should not be mocked or scorned just because they take pride in looking pretty.


  6. Till date i never judged people for how God created them , but yes what they make of themselves does tell a lot about them . while hiring a person i would certainly look at certain qualities and similarly when dating i would for certain other …looks , clothes , education and other qualities does matter .


  7. I don’t really know what you mean by “owing pretty”? I am a man and when I put on weight I do feel guilty about taking away a smart, healthy and mildly handsome man from my wife.


    • Also, although I dress mostly in a way that is comfortable but it would be foolish to think that I don’t owe to dress up while going on a date. There is nothing wrong in putting effort to look good sometimes for people in your life.


  8. What I find vicious about the whole “pretty” standard: women treat you as “competition”, and give you a once-over, or stare at you in an unfriendly manner. Also,most women don’t find themselves “pretty” enough, and this self-judgement causes no small amount of (needless) insecurity. As a teen, my (to my eyes) misshapen nose caused me no end of angst. Didn’t help that my mom referred to me as “pakoda mooku(nose)”, and mourned that I had gotten my dad’s nose instead of her sharp one. Oh well.

    Being presentable (no body odor, etc) should be enough.

    On a related note, I love what this lady has to say in her blog post here:

    I especially loved what she has to say at the very end –

    “Will you PLEASE pledge to never, ever, ever speak ill of another woman because of her appearance? Because of her wrinkles or her jowls or her saggy, baggy boobs? Pledge to never perpetuate this very unhelpful, unhealthy myth that women are subject to ridicule based on their appearance?

    Because WE have to stand together. WE have to stop the cycle. And you better believe, sisters, if we refuse to play the game and instead stick together, we will.”


    • You can never win with some women. Some will judge you by your looks and will ridicule you. Some will feel threatened because you’re “prettier” than they are.

      Women can be brutal when judging other women’s physical appearance. Men anyway feel entitled to make derogatory comments about women’s bodies. Words like knockers, rack, bazoongas, hooters, broad were definitely coined by some man.

      Why do women do this to each other?


  9. When you stop trying to be pretty to all of the above mentioned, you become pretty to the person that matters first – you. Once you’re there, you’ll automatically become pretty to those that care. No efforts required.


  10. From child hood I never liked dolling up and that has come up to the adulthood now.! Even then have always managed some male attention.! πŸ˜› I can’t present myself as a product to the me and women folk around for them to shower me with good adjectives.! I would prefer to doll up for my own self in my own way.! Strangely the colors I like are black and white which do not entice a lot of human folk around.! Plus no jeweler and stuff.! Maybe researchers are like that, atleast some.!


  11. Looks don’t matter. Unfortunately, many of us, often unconsciously tend to have bias towards the so-called good-looking ones.

    As far as judging someone by looks is concerned, well, I believe that judging someone by looks is as good as judging someone from the number of alphabets in their name.

    How to carry oneself is none of any other’s business than the person themselves.


  12. We are already pretty. Without make-up, hair spray, hair oil, fancy clothes ,etc. If someone else doesn’t think so then that is their problem. We ARE beautiful just as God created us and we don’t need validation from anyone.


    • Oh we’re not necessarily beautiful, the point is for it to not MATTER so much. Of course, just because we exist is no reason to feel proud of ourselves. Pride has to come from actions, something you take pride in doing, not walking around with an entitled ‘I am ME, love me’. For some people that pride may come from working towards physical perfection and that’s OK too. It has its own rewards, though it’s not ‘owed’ to anyone.


      • I think beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

        When we look at somebody we have deep love for, we see their physical imperfections, but they do not matter.

        To us, they are wonderful the way they are, no matter what their physical exterior.


  13. Bang on target!! πŸ˜€
    I had written a post titled “Beauty is Confidence..Confidence is Beauty” once!
    Every woman is adorable and admirable and there are n number of things that make women beautiful.. In an attempt to be pretty or to look good, when a girl thinks too much about what HE thinks of how SHE looks, sadly, her confidence goes away..

    This pic says it all.. Whatever you do, to look good, to look presentable, to stylize or accessorize, must be only and only because YOU like it.. YOU like to see YOURSELF like that.. You don’t need to look pretty for anyone.. You don’t have to live according to what others expect..
    loved these lines πŸ™‚


  14. True cudnt agree more.. The whol big gat hype abt be beutiful lool beutiful. Even your mother in law tellin you my friend is coming home.. Its lame n it irritates me to the core. Its my decision to look/feel beutiful whenevr hwevr.why shudnt I get the right to decide for my self if I wanna gt dressed or not. If I wanna look gorgeous or not. Isnt a pretty soul good enuf..!


  15. LOVE this, IHM. A thousand times over. I absolutely HATE it when I see crap circulated on Facebook saying ‘Every girl should think she is pretty!’ ‘Every girl should be a beautiful princess’.. Why the hell should I need to think I am pretty at all?? Why should my looks matter to me, or anybody else? (It’s another thing that there are still shallow people in the world to whom this DOES matter, but they shouldn’t.) In my humble opinion, young girls should be brought up thinking they can achieve anything with hard work, that they have the world at their feet and the sky’s the limit. Don’t know why looks feature in people’s opinions of themselves and others.

    Just my two cents’ worth. And shared this with friends!


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  18. I wonder why people can’t keep their views to themselves even if they find someone looking odd in their eyes. By voicing their opinion do they expect the person to start reacting and doing their bidding?


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