An update from A’s friend – please read the previous post and comments before reading this post.
I have read the comments and made A read it to. I don’t think I would post on the blog, I would probably be smashed, I am just the messenger. In any case I have talked six hours straight yesterday, some interesting things have come up.
The wife has already suspected on more than one occasion that something is not right.
There are two instances where he got really angry on her for some reason and later apologized profusely.
He has told her about the home situation hoping she would agree to get out of the marriage. This was like four months ago. She got frantically upset for some time but eventually agreed to live with A, now according to A the wife is quite clingy and certainly believes the husband is everything, she has had that classic desi upbringing. She has agreed to tentatively to live with the parents but also suspects they will never come out of the basement.
A thinks she only agreed because she has no control over the situation.
It’s the clingy nature of the wife that he is really afraid of, he feels he will not only have to placate the parents but also the wife. The parents are dead-set against him moving out, the siblings support her. Even if the mother agrees she only does it while pulling the guilt chain.
I am surprised by the parents, they are both working and healthy enough to do the jobs. Didn’t think working parents who have a job to worry about manipulate like this.
His elder brother marriage is what has set the tone for the idea of running, the way the brother’s wife is being treated scares him, they are nice to her but curse her behind her back. The brother is in the same predicament he never wanted the wife & resented the parental control. He over time has accepted it and the marriage now is a convenience.
The brother does not want kids, the mother it seems has tried under-handed tactics for his divorce – ironic since the parents pushed him into this. It gets worse, A does not want kids in this environment while the wife is crazy for it. Yes he does think ending it now would be better than a lifetme of misery. I have no clue to what to tell him. I might fly out on the weekend to see him in Canada, I will keep you posted.
Just wanted to add this because I feel this in part contributing to this fiasco, I did not know this before myself.
A has told me that the marriage was agreed upon by the parents while he was asleep !!!!!. In the morning he was toldby the father “ab ham nay zuban day dee hay” meaning “now we have given our word”. From that point onward the mother has used every guilt injection possible:
a) engaging him to keep him busy in meaningless tasks
b) inducing guilt by faking frailty, sickness and poor health.
She has constantly rallied the siblings to extract information fromhim.
Get this : The girl was told by her father “chahay ab woh kaisa bhi ho may nay zuban day dee hay” meaning ,”it doesnot matter how the boy is I have given my word”.
Can you believe this?
The girl appears to be willing to go throughwith the marriage but A thinks she does not know any better and is only going along with what she has been told.
Ironically so is A.