A good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

Anoosha Reddy shared this with this message, ‘Found this on facebook and got really annoyed. So, just writing to you to share my frustration.
For the last time people, women are humans not super humans.’

Have you heard this story?

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.”

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?”

God said, “When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.”

“You see my son,” said God, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart – the place where love resides.”

Is this what abusive men tell their wives/partners?
Are you aware that a lot of women and men might “like” this story?

40 thoughts on “A good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

  1. I got into a HUGE tiff with a group of people for arguing against this particular message. It is one more of the excuses we give to ourselves. Excuses.

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      • They ( mostly women) reasoned it was a emotionally strong message. They all opine tears can be used to get “things” done and that is how “we are made”. The talk was not really on husbands. It was on genders. I will take the liberty and blame social conditioning and strong gender stereotyped childhood .

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  2. That is just stupid. Women have been put on pedestals since time immemorial. Society thinks it is respecting her by doing so, but isn’t a pedestal small and confined – just like any other jail?
    Such expectations ruin the lives of millions of women – they spend their entire lives trying to match up to those superhuman standards and are shamed when they fall short. It is despicable the way women are shown as superhuman but still inferior (fashioned her from his rib?) and like she has no other work than making up for her family’s faults and making sure it runs effectively – like its HER fault if it doesn’t. Please. Ew.
    More likely the woman was crying because she was fed up of the apathy of her family and he couldn’t understand it – because how could he understand the sefless devotion expected out of a woman without thanks when he was not one himself?
    It takes two to make a family and run a family too.

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      • They should not be romanticized but they do have value — often going through real hardship makes us better people. You should read the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl’s memoir of his time in Auschwitz and other nazi camps… quite far removed from the genderized blather quoted, but let’s not diss the value of suffering…

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        • Why is it necessary to focus on suffering and victimization? We step into the position of enabling the abuser to continue to abuse and wield power over the abused by allowing such behaviors to go on. Is it not better to look at where we are headed (regardless of gender, regardless of nationality, and so on) when we see ourselves as survivors and achievers?

          Since someone else mentioned him, I will bring up Viktor Frankl’s thoughts too. In the following YouTube, he speaks of “Search for Meaning” in a 1972 presentation he gave to students, and he says, “If we take a man as he is, we make him worse, but if we take man as he should be we make him capable of becoming what he can be.” (I know my posting will be delayed by the offering of this link, but it’s worth the additional 5 minutes it will take. This particular video offers captions as well so he’s easier to understand. This is my first post on this blog.)

          Obviously the same is true for each of us. We can wallow in pain and suffering and learn nothing by the experiences that once–or now–beat us down, or we can rise and show our full strength because we have come through the experiences as we have. I consciously have chosen to move forward rather than continuing to grieve, to suffer in relative silence, and to spill my tears on one who never had the right to them.

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    • “…but isn’t a pedestal small and confined – just like any other jail?”

      This is so beautifully and succinctly stated. Thank you.

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  3. Ridiculous, but I can imagine it giving consolation to women stuck in a bad situation. Sentimental and sappily worded as it is, it has echoes of Nietzche’s ‘Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’ — now a truism that is routinely trotted out to the miserable and grieving and does indeed serve as a coping mantra for some

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      • if she does find the courage to get out finally, it might just help her feel less of the victim’s shame and self-blaming about going through her ordeals. But it’s horrible for this kind of thing to be perpetuated as a prescription. At most, it may work therapeutically once a terrible situation is already over.

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      • Isn’t it high time husbands too are tested for their endurance and let us see how they fare when they have to do it all their lives! Women refuse to be tested. For a change women are going to conduct this test on men. What say?!!

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  4. Fucked up fiction. This is the social advertizing campaign for the service product called woman. You get customer complaints based on these claims and the service providers have to deliver this to exist without harassment.

    We need to urgently fix these crapshoot ideas.

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  5. Errr..Whose God was this??

    Because the God I believe in always gave me the impression that he/she thinks ALL people are EQUAL

    But this is how My God is arguing out with the Writer’s God!

    The writer’s God – I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

    My God – I gave the same shoulders to both a man and a woman..(RM says – by the way, my child finds her father’s shoulders more gentle than her mother’s..its softer as well eh?)

    The writer’s God – I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

    My God – okie, here my God agrees with the Writer’s God, that child birth can be endured by only a woman…but hey, the good guys my God made, try and make it as much comfortable for their spouses😉 and oh you mean, the writer’s God’s male believers have face no rejection from their kids *Gasp*

    The writer’s God – I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

    My God – Hey I have that to both the man and the woman!

    The writer’s God – I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

    My God – Ah well! I gave that sensitivity to all my children both male AND female!

    The writer’s God – I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

    My God – and I gave him the strenght to carry his wife through her faults and no, the females who believe in me where not fashioned out of the males’ rib…they were fashioned with the same love and affection I gave the male🙂

    The writer’s God – I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

    My God – And of course, I have HIM the love never to test her strenghts and her resolves…they are equal for God’s sake (Errr..for my sake whatever!)

    The writer’s God – And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.”

    My God – Hey I gave the tear to both my males and females so ha to you!

    The writer’s God – “You see my son,” said God, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

    The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart – the place where love resides.”

    Errr…my God agrees to that statement…but wants to add that the beauty of a man is in the same things as well..okie?

    okie rant over…IHM please delete this comment if you find it too offensive!

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    • “Thou art the man, thou art the woman, thou art the girl, and thou art the boy; thou art the old man tottering with a stick, thou art the young man walking in the pride of his strength; thou art all that exists”

      ~ S’vetasvatara Upanishad

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    • what a comment RM.. super..
      //Because the God I believe in always gave me the impression that he/she thinks ALL people are EQUAL//.. that what has to taught to everyone..

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  6. I really love the tags here:

    brain washing, Cruelty, Emotional Abuse, indoctrination, Tripe

    Damn straight.

    I think we need to get rid of this idea that women are these super exotic creatures whose business it is to help anyone and everyone around them. They’re people. You want an unfalteringly loyal assistant, you buy Asimo. Marriage is a union of equals; it’s not some twisted master-slave relationship, where the wife does all the work to keep the man comfortable.

    Tripe indeed.

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  7. Seems god has a lot of questions to be answered.. I hope women do ask god WHY… If that is the reason he created woman…

    But then we love to find a reason for everything and 6 times out of 10 we generally find a culprit GOD. The rest of the Times its MEN.

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  8. I take particular offense to this one: “I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.” Why is a woman not expected to complain? I’d sure as hell complain a lot if I’m tired and “fatigued” and yet am expected to “go on” taking care of others!! I would “go on” taking care of others but not without letting them know that I need taking care of too.

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  9. I’d definitely ask to be un-created if god comes and tells me all this crap, which I highly doubt would happen. But the sad thing is that many women like it too. The sacrificing and giving nature of women is ingeneral considered as a boon. I know of a mother who said she was sacrificing her life to bring up her children and running the house. She definitely considered it to be a revered thing to be celebrated as a woman who sacrificed. We have all celebrated people who sacrificed something. Why? Why are we saying that just because they did what they wanted to, in the interest of someone else is greater than something someone does for his/her own good? All in the endare selfish.

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  10. Oh yeah! I believed in this hogwash a long time back. Crying only gives you a headache and exhausts you so you finally fall asleep. It blurs your vision and your thought process and resolves made during a wailing session never really last long.

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  11. You know what really creeps me out about these “God” statements? They sound like from the Victorian Age, with the concept of the “Angel of the House”. I. e. from the 19th century. Scary to think people still believe in it…

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  12. A woman’s strengths are then often labelled as her weaknesses.! It’d okie to cry but then only as much as men do, and not be a sacrificial scapegoat in the process.! Such stupid fb shares only create a stronger divide for us in the heads of men and more of the quieter leaner women who are worried to stand up for themselves.!

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  13. I’ve seen this on facebook earlier and it annoyed the hell out of me then, as it did when I read it again just now. It is this stupid argument about women being special which is used to oppress them and ‘keep them in their place’. Patriarchy has created a marvellous subterfuge to keep its hold on women (and the world) intact.

    S

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  14. ridiculous indeed ! But the fact is many women revel and get the momentary high from such crap camouflaged as hope statements ! Such unrealistic expectations from a woman is sure to put undue stress and create havoc on psychological front. Man and woman are equal partners and that needs to be understood

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  15. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

    Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?”

    Here, I have a reply for the little boy…for am I not God, if God is said to reside in every living being?

    Women cry so easily, ‘remembering’ all the times that she was hurt, deceived, cheated and ‘used’…the times she endured the injustices and smiled, hoping she would be given justice some day. She cries because the people who hurt and deceive her are the people she loves and trusts the most. They are the people who claim to be her protectors. She cries because she happens to be the mother of a son who she fears will grow up to hurt a woman or a daughter who might grow up to get hurt just like herself. She cries because she sees through a man’s soul…

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  16. I think this piece of saccharine crap could serve as a good litmus test for a prospective partner. Read it to them – if they sigh and get teary-eyed, then you’ll know you should run away. If they roll their eyes, then they’re a keeper.🙂

    I’ve had a good deal of experience with self-sacrificing women with martyr complexes, and generally, they’re not happy themselves, and they don’t contribute to the happiness of others. Their negative emotions (frustration, anger, sadness, resentment, etc.) don’t just magically dissipate, they go underground, and eventually come back up as manipulative, passive-aggressive behaviour. Women who are clear about what they want and need are actually easier to deal with than the bharatiya nari types.

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  17. the conditioning we all go through… and hence its so important to read blogs and view points like these !!!

    seriously ! I wish someone could wipe the slate of our brains clean and a new beginning can be made !

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  18. While I have no issues with days being celebrated (I mean, every day should anyways be everyone’s day – mother, father, woman, man, parent, grandparent….), these messages completely turn me off on these ‘special’ days. Special only for tripe like this. Worst of all, people wonder why you’re so ‘serious’ and can’t take this ‘easy’. The tears around don’t make it easy!

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  19. Pingback: ‘This issue might sound very trivial, any stranger talking to him for few minutes will undoubtedly think that his wife is very lucky.’ | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  20. Pingback: “He became more distant and sometime would verbally abuse me, call me names and then slapping and wrist twisting started happening.” | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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