Sharing an email… the email writer explained at the end of her mail why she thought this email should be shared. I agree 🙂 Tagged this email – ‘bravo’
I’m a 23 year old ardent fan of your blog. I wanted to tell you about my own experience with a relationship and if you feel it could help young girls, please share it on your blog.
I was 17, just done with high school, when my friend for three years, ‘K’ asked me out. I too had feelings for him and it all started. By then he had shifted to the US with his family. So it was a long distance relationship. I was alright with it because I’m not the kind of person who believes in going out hand in hand to prove my love. He too wasn’t of that sort. What was cute to him before we got “committed” (if that’s the term I can use), was no longer cute. He had a lot of issues with me if I wore jeans or sleeveless tops or cut my hair or had male friends or spoke in a language that isn’t “brahmin” or mingled with relatives from my mother’s side. (My parents had an inter caste and inter lingual marriage and I have always been taught to “never” discriminate people on the basis of their caste.)
I, being the only child, was very emotionally attached to this guy. It was hard for me to let go off him. I knew he was the wrong guy for me. I was scared to be termed as a “bitch” by friends, ’cause that’s how people around me were.
1) At 17, it’s wrong to see someone.
2) Even if you do, he has to be the one you marry.
3) If you don’t, you’re termed a “bitch”.
I had my engineering entrances lined up. I had prepared day and night for the IIT-JEE. He had issues with me going to IIT – the reason he gave was that he didn’t want me away from my parents. I said, ok, I’ll go with *** exam and get enrolled in *** college in our city. He had issues with that also. He then said, he did not want me to get into a co-ed college.
I said ok, fine! I mentioned another “women’s” college. Then came the actual reason. He did not want me to be “more” educated than he was. I didn’t pick up a fight then and said, let’s see what happens. (He was in his final year of engineering then).
Once, while discussion about my parents, something about dowry came in. And I proudly told him how my father denied taking dowry, which was a very essential “custom” on my mother’s side. I also added how my father keeps telling that he wouldn’t marry his daughter to anyone who asks for dowry. (Yes, I wanted to make it clear to him 😛 )
Hell broke lose.
Cutting the fight short, these were his exact words, “If you don’t bring in dowry, then imagine what kind of a burden you’d be to my family, because I anyway don’t want you to work”
Too much for an 18 year old girl to think about? I don’t think so. At 18, if she has the right to vote for the largest democracy of the world, she can chose whom she wants to spend her life with.
I had to decide to let go off him that very instant. It wasn’t easy for me.
There were occasions when I went back asking him if we could sort it out. He laid of a few conditions for me, which included that I bring dowry, flunk atleast one semester (I have been an honor roll student right from my LKG), stop talking to male friends, etc. In short, I was supposed to be his toy.
I sent him one message in reply to his nasty mail. “F*** Off”.
I have never spoken to him after that. He keeps stalking my face book profile. He tried obtaining my contact number through a lot of mutual friends. He tried calling up my parents (They had the same numbers). But I always was faster and cleverer than him. I blocked him from everything, dad and mum’s phone, cousins and mutual friends ids, my ids and my life.
I now have a very understanding man in my life, someone who can never be compared to him and I’m happy.
Why did I want to share it with you?
Because of one particular post that I came across in your blog about a 15 or 16 year old who got dumped because she refused to have sex with her boyfriend. I’ve been meaning to write this for a long time but just couldn’t gather everything and put it in words. I guess there are more such girls out there who need to realise that their life will be much better after walking out of relationship which do not bring joy to them.
Lots of Love,
An email: I was a person who thought Indian husbands will (and can) dominate their wives and there is nothing unnatural in that.