Sharing an email and an opinion.
“IHM, I would like to share my experience.
My pregnancy wasn’t planned… I’m not a baby person and I never felt the need to have a child… Neither did my husband…Then some yrs. after marriage I got pregnant… I was scared… My husband wasn’t very happy… Anyway, there I was pregnant so we decided to have the child… I waited for maternal love to overcome me – it didn’t… After my baby was born, I didn’t feel anything… Neither did my husband… All the stuff about how a mother falls in love with her child at first sight was rubbish… In fact, when I saw my 2.5 kg baby,
I got scared… How was I going to take care of hen*? I didn’t know anything about babies… Anyway, to cut a long story short, the overwhelming maternal love came a few weeks later and now we are both so happy that we can’t imagine a life without our child… The thing is, we couldn’t talk about our feelings with anybody because it was a taboo subject… “
*Hen is the gender neutral term used in place of his or her.
And Sraboney Ghose shared these thoughts.
“Since motherhood has been the topic of discussion lately, there is
an aspect of it which is the ultimate taboo in most societies (and I
can’t understand why) – bonding… Mother-baby love is supposed to be love at first sight but a large proportion of new mothers do not bond immediately with their newborns leading to shame and inadequacy and since motherhood is put on a pedestal, these mothers cannot even talk about it…
Why is motherhood idolized and worshiped in all cultures but mothers not viewed as human beings in many? Why are mothers expected to bond with their newborns immediately?
Are images of motherhood a strategy to cover up oppression?
Does this idolization lead to many mothers being overwhelmed by guilt, blaming themselves for their children’s and/or their own shortcomings, feeling pushed to behave up to impossible expectations about what motherhood ‘should’ be?
From the moment they find out they are pregnant, expectant mothers are bombarded with messages all telling the same tale: that as soon as they hold their newborn child they’ll experience a deep, unconditional love… So powerful is this love that it will make any monotony, isolation and exhaustion they may encounter on their journey into motherhood worthwhile… What if this doesn’t happen? Mothers are human beings and like all human beings they have their own individuality… Why is this not taken into account?”