This email validates what was said here, in, ‘Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.’ And why it is harmful for the society to associate sexual inexperience with the ‘purity’ and sexual experience with morality.
My hands are trembling as I type this. Thanks a lot for the response. As far as your queries are concerned, my cousin haven’t expressed regret. Whenever we have to meet for family occasions I act as if nothing has happened. As I said, it happened only 2 or 3 times and involved only inappropriate touching (I am not making the matter trivial),I am finding solace in thinking that may be it was a phase of his curious teenage days coz after I grew he never repeated it and behaved like a brother.To those who read ,in no way I am justifying his actions but its a way of finding peace or coming into terms with the incident.Even if he express his regret I will never be able to forgive coz that thing will haunt me till death.I can never avoid him coz not only is he my cousin but he is my neighbor also 😦 . About confronting him with the support of my parents,siblings etc…. well not even in my dreams I can think of it. I come from a traditional but educated background where we never talked about sex or things like that.The nearest thing which my parents did was to give me a book which dealt with the so called ‘taboo’ topics when my marriage was fixed(by the time I was 23!!)So just imagine the shock of my parents if I reveal it now.The first thing they will ask is why I didn’t tell them earlier .Even now I don’t have an answer.. may be I just buried it deep so that I don’t have to deal with it or I didn’t know what to say etc etc and the most important thing is that I am ‘happily married and settled’ with three young kids and a ‘nice’ husband and the cousin is also married and now a ‘family man’. If my parents come to know of this eventually my husband will also know then I cant even imagine the consequences.The consequences will be bigger than the ’cause’. I would have confronted him if I got support from my husband but if this thing comes out my husband will think my wife is after all not that ‘pure’ or is not that ‘untouched flower’ (I cant stop smiling.. this is 2012) and never will be comfortable with me again. One more thing, my husband will blame me for the incident and I will never be able to make him understand coz he really wont get it and my married life will never be the same. I am not making my husband an evil person he is just a typical Indian husband who is a great provider and a good father who sees me only as his wife.So if this matter comes out, I will be the biggest IDIOT of the century in my locality.Even this revealing scares me a lot coz I think I have opened a Pandora’s box…again the post is so long and thanks from the bottom of my heart for this platform GOD BLESS…
the lost little girl
The first comment is here.
Please consider, “…for this lady it happened 2-3 times and she is on tenterhooks for so long in life unable to come out of it. Imagine the state of victims who have suffered for prolonged period and in even worse form. Unfortunately the perpetrators rarely get to understand what they have done…” (Anil Singhal’s comment)
Here’s why I think the society should not obsess over a woman’s virginity.
Romanticizing innocence, chastity and related taboos for women.
Sexual abuse victim thrown out of school for being a bad influence on other students.
It’s child abuse not an ‘affair’.