I hesitated in sharing this email and then realised the email would not have been there if we, as a society, did not refuse to discuss these issues. All the identifiable information has been changed. What would you say to the email writer? Do you think he deserves to be forgiven?
Why do you think did he feel and act the way he did?
“I had to go study at my maternal aunt’s place in a city, after passing my class 8 exams from a remote village. I had 3 female cousins, one of my age and 2 elder to me, as the place and environment was new it was very difficult for me to live the city life but since my cousins and aunty etc were very cooperative, it became lovely for me (14 years of age that time)…. I respected and loved my aunty, uncle and cousins too much.
After passing my higher secondary examinations, I started helping my uncle’s in his business while also pursuing my bachelors, me and my cousin used to fight and quarrel a lot but we loved each other so much that we used to literally pray to each other for hours to start talking once gain.
We shared a relation in which nothing was secret amongst us, If any of us did not have dinner due to anger, the other one left no efforts to make him/her eat. We used to talk for hours while holding hands… although we were of same age, she used to call me bhaiya and I used to call her didi.
Whenever I used to go to my hometown or on a work trip and by mistake i used to forget wishing her goodbye, she didn’t talk to me for days..even if I was out of station… call.. sms.. we were constantly in touch.
Years went by, we were now 21 ½ years of age and were in final year of graduation. My work required a lot of travelling and I used to catch a train at 5 in the morning. On one not so fine morning when I was leaving the town and went to wish her good morning, she was sleeping, it was never on my mind but I do not know what happened, I just ensured that she is in sleep and started touching her inappropriately, I went out of the room.. came again and did the same (My heart literally is tearing apart while writing this… feeling like to die) she came out of the room after 5 minutes and and said “Wow! What a nice way to awake someone (In so much anger)… I didn’t say anything… don’t know why.. and left to catch the train…. when I was in train, she informed everybody about my dirty act… everybody started calling me and when I came back at night, you can imagine what everybody must have done with me but I didn’t accept my fault and left the house.
From then onwards, I started burning in a fire… for which I believe there is no extinguisher………the guilt of that day is not letting me live….unable to put this feeling in words.
I moved to a metro and enrolled for higher studies, I accepted my blunder by sending thousands of e-mails and texts to her and to other cousins… but to no avail, I literally have spent more than hundred sleepless nights crying.
Sometimes I believe that it was for good because now I am too much into meditation and good deeds, me and my family can’t believe that I am the same person, for my family and younger siblings, I am an ideal, a hero…. but for me… I am no more than a cheapster…… my cousins have not spoken to me since then… but the grief I have is not of them not talking to me…the real pain I am going through is that ..I can’t believe how I could do that…. My life has become hell and I can’t believe that I have lost such good relations.
Whenever I topped my college in this new place, there was no happiness… when I am now awarded best employee…..there is no happiness either.
I very well know that I did a sin for which there is no forgiveness from GOD also……
WHAT SHALL I DO ?????
Edited to add: I just found out that this email was sent to one more blogger, I feel if the email is genuine then this discussion would be helpful, if it is not then the email writer would be disappointed to find the issue being discussed so clinically, either ways we are discussing a socially relevant issue.