Sharing an email and a song…

Sharing an email and a song… received in response to ‘If you had to to say something to inspire a victim of domestic violence to walk out, what would you say?‘ Thanks for sharing Abhivyakti!


Dear IHM,

Your post on domestic violence made me think a lot. I know that a song/poetry are mere words and can never completely describe or show understanding of the pain and trauma that a victim would have to go through. However, I did pen down some thoughts and wanted to request you to share them on your blog. I realized the poem was rather long for a comment and its in Hindi, so I thought about emailing it to you. It is not well-organized but just my random thoughts, but if my humble contribution can help any woman feel even a little bit better, I will be more than happy.


Thanks,
Abhivyakti

………………………………………………

नया  आसमान 

खुरच  खुरच  कर  यादों   से ,
क्यूँ  दुःख ही  बस  चुनते   हैं
क्यूँ  कभी  उस बेहिचक सी ,
स्वछंद हंसी की
खिखिलाहट को  नहीं सुनते हैंक्यूँ भूल जाते हैं
अपने कितने सारे सुन्दर एहसास
डायरी के  पन्नों की सलवटो  में
कुछ बंधे हुए शब्द ख़ासइस चर्कव्यूह में खुद को कहाँ खो दिया
दो पल के प्यार और फिर उस गहरे अन्धकार के लिए क्यूँ अपना स्वाभिमान दिया ?
क्यूँ वही सवाल  गूंजते हैं
जो मेरे लिए थे ही नहीं
क्यूँ  उन कुछ पलो में यथार्थ  ढूँढ़ते हैं
जिनके मायेने थे स्वार्थ के हीकिसी की बंधी सोच से
हम क्यूँ बंध जाते हैं
किसी के अहम्  की क्षुधा को
क्यूँ अपने आसुओं से बुझाते हैं

मेरे सपनों को रौंदकर
ना जाने तुम क्या सुख पाते हो
मेरा साथ बनकर नहीं, मुझ पर हाथ उठाकर
ये कौन सा पौरुष दर्शाते हो?

तुम्हे तुम्हारी सोच सौपकर
उसका बोझ तुम्हे ही देकर

अब मैं अपने सच को खोजना चाहती हूँ
इस खोयी सहमी लड़की की नयी सक्षम पहचान बनना चाहती हूँ

अपनी अँधेरी रातों की सिसकियों के लिए अब बोलना है मुझे

सन्स्कारों  और संबंधों के तले दबी अपनी आवाज़ को खोलना है मुझे

मेरी इस चुप्पी की घुटन तुम शायद कभी समझ नहीं सकते
बहुत से घाव है मेरे मन पर , जो तुम दिखाई भी नहीं देते

अब तुम्हारा ये व्यवहार मुझसे और दया नहीं पायेगा

अब इस झूठे समझौते में मुझसे और जिया नहीं जायेगा अब  मेरे तिरस्कार का दुःख जब कभी लौट कर भी आएगा

तो  मुझेमें हीन भावना नहीं बल्कि आत्म विश्वास ही जगायेगा
जानी पहचानी सी  गलियां छोड़ना
मानती हूँ मैं आसान नहीं है
पर मेरा जीवन मेरा  है
यह किसी का मुझ पर एहसान नहीं है

अपने परों  पे उड़ना
आपनी राहों पे मुड़ना
आपनी रंगों की बूंदों से
आपने जीवन चित्र को बुननायह अहंकार नहीं
मेरा अधिकार है

मेरी हर परिभाषा, मेरे अस्तित्व का आधार है
अब डूबने का डर नहीं ,
अब तोड़ के सारे बाँध चली हूँ,
इस पिंजरे के बाहर, खुल कर सांस लेने ,
अब अपने दम पर, मैं ढूढने, एक नया आसमान चली हूँ |

25 thoughts on “Sharing an email and a song…

    • Automated translation (Google) :

      Memories scratched and scratched,
      why choose pain just
      feel that why sometimes C,
      Swcnd laugh
      Hankyu? Kikilaht not forget to listen to
      so many beautiful feeling your
      diary pages in Slvto
      where some bound themselves in words Khasis Charkwuh lost
      love and the deep darkness of the moment, why did your pride?
      Why resonate the same questions
      that were not good enough for me
      why the search for reality in a few moments
      with the selfish Mayene Hikisi tied to thinking
      why should we bind are
      some of the major apps
      Why are disposing of their Asuon
      Rundkr my dreams
      to do what you will find happiness,
      not as me, on me hands and
      they reflect what is masculine?

      Supakr you think you
      have the burden with you
      Now I really want to find
      the lost nervous new girl want to be able to identify

      I now speak to the suffering of the Dark Nights

      Snskaron and relationships weighed down, I open my voice
      I can never understand this silence suffocating you probably
      have many scars on my mind, which you do not see

      Now this attitude of yours and I will not pity
      Now the false agreement and I will not live my disdain when the pain comes back too

      Inferiority complex, but not the self-confidence Jagayega Mujemen
      Be familiar to leave the streets
      is not easy to admit that I
      have on my life, I
      do not owe it to
      Fly on the bed
      on my paths turn
      drops my color
      picture Bunnaih your life no ego
      is my right
      My every definition is the foundation of my existence,
      no longer afraid of drowning,
      will now break off all packing,
      out of the cage, breathing freely,
      on their own now, I find out, I had a new sky

      Like

        • I never had hopes that Google will be able to translate poems!

          It might work for short simple sentences, polite standard conversations and exchanges, simple technical instructions in manuals etc. It is better when it handles translations from one European language to another. It fails miserably when it tries to handle oriental languages.

          As on date no creative writing, with flowery phrases, puns, proverbs, etc can ever be properly translated from one language to another using software. Tomorrow is another day. Let us see.

          I tried out Google translation quite a few years ago when it first appeared and have been following it closely and testing it to see if it improves. I am particularly interested in Hindi to English and English to Hindi.
          I am disappointed with google’s results. It can’t do what I need. It does what I don’t need.

          Here is an old joke about machine translation.
          A Japanese scientist was proudly displaying his computer to an American.
          It was supposed to be able to translate from English to Japanese and vice versa. The American fed in “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”
          The computer output something in Japanese. Since the American did not know Japanese, he fed the Japanese output back in and asked for the English translation.
          The machine responded with “The wine is agreeable but the meat has gone bad.”

          I was reminded of this when I read Nish’s translation.
          Regards
          GV

          Like

  1. From Abhivyakti:
    There was a request for the poem to be translated in English. Please find my version below. I might have digressed a little, but I tried to bring out the basic idea and the message of hope.

    Thanks,
    Abhivyakti

    The new sky …

    I sometimes helplessly search for that
    unbound, ringing laughter
    in a happy place somewhere far away
    nestled deep in memories

    Why do I choose to cling to this fear
    that blinds me so that I can’t even move
    Why can’t I go back and read those old pages of my journal
    and share a smile with a “me” that I lost
    forever

    How did I lose myself to this concocted spiral
    this cycle of violence
    again and again
    Why for a fabricated moment of affection
    did I choose to trade my very definition?

    Why did I hold myself responsible
    for situations that I could have in no way changed
    begging and pleading for a reality
    that was with a deliberate selfishness stained

    Why do I suffocate myself
    serving my sanity to your moods and wants
    Why do my tears pay the price
    That your insatiable ego demands

    As you carelessy plunder my dreams
    and mercilessly have your way
    In killing all my happiness with this weakness of yours
    What kind of masculine ardor do you display?

    This burden that hurts me every moment
    I want to leave it all with you now
    I want to find a lasting , stable reality
    give this quiet, shy girl a new voice somehow

    For all those nights when I would cry without a single sound
    For that lost dream of companionship which through these traditions I never found
    You can never understand, how helpless I feel
    When I realize that the scars my mind bears shall never ever heal

    Now I do not even have sympathy for you
    I can compromise no more , I am now through
    Whenever these memories will come back to haunt me
    I will go into that happy place within that you never chose to see

    I miss that carefree girl I was once
    I miss her hopes and her innocence
    I shall stand up for her right to be
    I vow my allegiance to her defense

    I know it is not easy
    to leave the comfort of this well-known pain
    But I owe it to my very core,
    to not let this life of mine go in vain

    To fly on my own wings
    to tread the path I choose
    To look up to the rising sun
    and say NO to this abuse

    This is not my pride
    This is my right
    It is not against you
    but it is “for” myself that I fight

    Outside this cage , I want to breathe free
    Rising beyond my doubt, a ray of confidence I see
    Now I fear no more , I can no longer please
    In search of a new sky, I now want a release

    Like

  2. Let us hope every woman going through domestic violence gets to read both versions. It could trigger off something never known possible……….the identification, effort and road to release from this vicious cycle.

    Like

  3. Awesome poem! Great job Abhivyakti!

    The last stanza reminds me of the first part of this Marathi song (that has subtitles):

    Like

    • Thank you everyone for the kind words. I pray these lines give some hope to some one who really needs strength to move ahead.

      This song also reminded of the movie “Arth”. Though it deals with marital infidelity, but it has a strong message about find one’s own arth(meaning) and seeking it beyond the definition that being married gives to a woman.

      Like

  4. Hi, i truly respect my parents for giving me opportunities in life that i might have missed if they had thought about family traditions! i am well educated, take home good salary manage my home and work both. happily married.
    But sometimes i wonder, whats happening outside. in AIIMS delhi, outside a lift there is a notice which says that “mahilayein akele na jaayein” … i mean this is crap, it seems there was some harassment case and after this conveniently this was put up!!!!!
    are we going backward or forward! my education makes me question things but why is ” Man’s” education not giving me a convincing answer.

    Like

  5. Super lovely , and love your translation also. Thanks for sharing.

    After your previous post, I have been thinking. I cannot recall a single story where a DV victim (or really anyone in an unhappy relationship or marriage) walked out and regretted it.
    Regardless of the circumstances after walking out , almost any situation is better , simply because it has no traumatizing violence in it. Maybe that inspires a DV victim to walk out..

    Like

  6. I read it first in Hindi and then the translated version…Its awesome..totally awesome..but I think the essence captured in Hindi is so so beautiful :):)

    Thanks Abhivyakti

    PS – just randomly not related to this post, but I loved your name as well🙂

    Like

  7. Pingback: Mera Tharki India : Can we have more such music please! | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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