Man: “I can sleep with you, but I can’t marry you.”
Woman: “It’s okay I will find you a girl in the matrimonial.”
Man: “I am going out with Vanessa.”
Woman: “Shall I book you movie tickets?”
Man: “Aren’t you jealous?”
Woman: “I am not programmed for that.”
Man: “Wish every girl was like Aisha.”
What do you think of this advertisement?
I found it offensive, and let me try to understand why.
1. It seems to propagate the thought that men want sex without commitment or marriage. And women in relationships with such men, generally want to marry them. [Edited to add: And if they don’t, then they are seen as women of dubious morality or respectability.]
Now, patriarchal societies have high tolerance for men sleeping with women who are ostracized or condemned for sleeping with them (Sluts, sex workers, ‘moral-less women’).
It’s only when men have sex with women who they see as ‘respectable’ that it is considered ‘harmful to the society’. (More on such attitudes in the Related Posts below)
This stereotype is used to excuse sexual harassment and even violent sexual crimes by men. “The worst of all is this assumption of the unbuttoned, lust driven man who can’t control himself.” (click to read)
All this encourages double standards.
‘Got stared at’ poster shared on facebook. Click to see more posters.[If you do it you are a Stud, if I do it I am a Slut?]
2 – It seems to convey that all women pressurize unwilling men to marry them. (Stereotype: Men want sex, and women want marriage.)
Women are definitely under more pressure to get married (and stay married). It’s a matter of grave concern for many that this is changing – in a society with Gender Neutral Moral Values, some women might want men like Aisha.
3. It conveys that all women are irrationally jealous and men find it inconvenient.
Jealousy has no gender. Women are culturally permitted to express how they feel, while men, unfortunately, are discouraged from expressing any emotion except anger and violence. News like this is not uncommon – Jealous Indian cut wife’s throat eight times in Oz
And isn’t is sensible to want to have a realistic idea about a partner’s expectations from and commitment to a relationship, specially if they seem to be interested in sleeping with a partner while planning to marry somebody else?
4. It also seems to convey that men want to be in relationships with robots programmed for providing unquestioning service and obedience. [Kislay Usha Chandra blogged about Robotic Naari, here ]
Some men might want women who behave like they have no feelings or minds of their own, but a vast majority seem to prefer humans over robots.
What do you think makes this ad offensive?
An email: An Old fashioned boy friend and a Liberal girl friend.
We generally expect men to be afraid of commitment, but obviously women can have similar doubts.
Live in Relationships: The man gets a temporary disposable wife?
Live-in relationships in general are inherently advantageous to men and disadvantageous to women?
Rapist said that coming from Afghanistan meant he didn’t understand what ‘consent’ was.
So how does Delhi – NCR Police define Rape?
How Victim Blaming confuses rapists, police and the society about when exactly does non-consensual-sex becomes a crime.
18 Life Lessons I Want My Daughters to Hear. – By Rebecca Lammersen (being shared on facebook)