It seems a lot of Indians, even today, see marriage as a means to get someone to ‘look after’ the husband and his various requirements and responsibilities.
This is not an exaggeration or sarcasm.
Please read,‘Four kinds of marriages in modern India. Which ones would you ban?‘ about (amongst other marriages) a hundred year old man marrying a 60 year old widow to have someone to look after him in his old age.
Read this (link shared by a regular reader)
The farmers in its villages are resorting to polygamy, so that there are more hands to fill and carry water from wells that are over two hours from their villages.
CNN-IBN visited one such family, where the farmer and his three wives have lived happily for over 30 years now. The family said it was a practical solution to the acute water problem the village had been facing for decades.
For the farmers, more wives meant more hands to carry water, because it takes at least four hours for a single person to carry two pots of water from the only well near the village.
One of the women inside the house said, “One lady takes care of the house and two of us go to fill water. We make two trips a day so getting water takes up all our time.”
The farmer (name withheld) himself said, “Water is available only for one month after the monsoon. For the rest of the year we have to walk four-five hours to get water.”
Why do women agree to such marriages?
Here’s why. Marriages are sold to Indian women in a glossy cover…? In short women in Patriarchal societies are not really given much choice. Rules, religion, rituals, customs, family values have been created to ensure women (and their families) agree to these terms.
Women are not allowed to have sex, children, jewelry, festivities etc unless they get married, and then they must Get Married and Stay Married. Self reliance, freedom and divorce are seen as decadence.
Do you think these societies would give up their privileges easily? They don’t really need to worry because most people, including women (the foot soldiers of Patriarchy) have no idea that this exploitation can be challenged. All that’s needed is for Indian people and their parents to start seeing self reliance, and not Get married and Stay married as Indian women’s goals.
Edited to add:
Scaredy Cat’s email shows that the way modern, educated Indians see marriages is not much different. Here’s comment number 373 from Sufferer, in response to that email. Received just now.
@Another Scaredy cat’s girl yours situation sounds too familiar. Stuck in same kind of situation where i have to behave my in laws want me to right from how i eat/drink/see/act and the my so liberal n cool husband also thinks that this us the only way how things should go without even realizing what i go through with all of this. All he wants is a loving family where in he is provided with a comfort zone of his parents and parents are taken care of and I..well I work work n work, I have to sit with them after coming from office even when want to cuddle into my bed for sometime and just relaxxx and read which i love. Well this is considered as being rude and then my husband tells me that this way you will be left alone so should sit with us without releasing what i want and wish to do.
Lots of simple issues actually turn into daily hard chores and the problem is i simply cant blindly follow someone be it my husband/in laws as i have my own eyes and my own way of doing somethings.
For @SC :: please be more sympathetic with the girl you will be going to get married as we are also humans with our own little wishes that needs to be taken care of and we also need someone to whom we can just share our thoughts blankly without being judged for good/bad, things that pinched us that sadly your parents did as there are bound to be such situations. Even if all the people in your home (your parents) and your wife n you are all goody goody there are bound to be situations of conflict as each has their own way doing and seeing things. So give a shoulder and your 2 ears to listen to her worries as well as in the end its you too who will have to live together.
So enjoyee it