Be a wife like Sita, wear a sari but don’t get abducted.

It seems everybody in India knows what’s good for an Indian woman, better than an Indian woman does. Deny husband sex, relocate with the husband, dress in salwar-kurta and don’t get abducted. And it’s not just the neighborhood aunties who are saying these things.

How much do you think does hearing these voices affect the decisions women take?

1.

In Saharanpur UP, a DIG recommends honor killing. I wonder if his sister has read his remarks. (Link shared by Anil Singhal)

“Shaukeen’s 14-year-old daughter was allegedly abducted one-and-a-half-month ago by the musclemen in his village. The harried father was apprehensive about the safety of his daughter. He feared that his daughter could be raped and killed by the abductors, who have a criminal record.

Shaukeen came to meet the DIG along with scores of villagers. However, the DIG snubbed the father and said, “I don’t have magical power to recover your daughter. But if your daughter had eloped then you should be ashamed of it and end your life. I would have committed suicide or killed my sister if she had eloped.”  …   [link]

More about UP Police.
Where could this girl have disappeared?
Do you remember this murdered couple who made a ‘dramatic reappearance’?
“The rape victim had gone there willingly. She was not lured into it. They drank vodka.”
So how does Delhi – NCR Police define Rape?

2.

In Haryana, Women and Child Department seems to think working women need them to tell them how to dress. (Link shared by Nithya)

“Chandigarh: The Haryana Women and Child Department has issued a dress code for its women employees, according to which, they would not be allowed to wear jeans and t-shirts to work. According to the new dress code, the women employees can only wear salwar kameez and sarees to work.” [Link]
Not surprisingly Haryana Police views a husband beating his wife for wearing jeans as a family matter.

Related post:
Not just a pair of jeans…

3.

And I am not sure why any woman would want to be a wife like Sita. (Link shared by Shail)

‘A wife should be like goddess Sita: Bombay HC

The Bombay high court today observed that married women should take a cue from goddess Sita, who followed her husband Lord Rama even during his forced isolation to forest, while hearing a divorce petition filed by a man on ground that his wife is unwilling to relocate to his new place of work.

“A wife should be like goddess Sita who left everything and followed her husband Lord Rama to a forest and stayed there for 14 years,”  ….[Link]’

Edited to add:
Error corrected. Comments are enabled now.

Related posts:

If women should be like Sita, men should be like Ram (i.e. when he met Surpanakha)

30 thoughts on “Be a wife like Sita, wear a sari but don’t get abducted.

  1. I felt a sinking feeling on reading the news about what the Bombay HC had to say.😦 Immediate reaction: It seems the esteemed court has not realised that we no longer live in Treta Yuga to emulate Sita.

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    • And just think of the 14 year old who has been abducted, these UP police officers seem to have no concept that women and girl children are people… why should she be shot dead? How could he dare to say that to her father!?

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      • That is really shocking response from a DIG. I have no words.😦 And that dumb article about denying sex to husband, the writer seems an imbecile (I am being kind). who has no touch with reality.

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    • The character of the “role model” in question can be interpreted in many different ways. I personally don’t believe she’s the paragon of patriarchal virtue in the story. (Aubrey Menen and Meena Kandasamy both have refreshing interpretations of the lady in question)

      I’d have found her more of a role model worthy of emulating had she flipped the finger at her Husband when asked for an Agnipareeksha😀

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  2. Trust the poop heads to pick up a wrong example. Why can’t they take up Sita’s example in cases of harassment where they falsely blame women’s attire – Sita was after all in a saree, devoid of finery when Ravana abducted her.

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  3. Maybe the next step ahead is some court ruling that every abducted woman or girl has to go thru “agnipariksha” (whatever that is in modern terms).
    Can’t imagine a more male dominated society where even the judiciary is chauvinistic.

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  4. Divorce for relocation !!! way to go. whatever happened to compromise, meeting mid-way – both husband and wife and resolving disputes like adults.

    Of all the people to emulate , why pick Sita?? compromise for the child ?? and then what after the child leaves divorce again ? obviously the lady does NOT want to be married. people change their minds, as long as abuse or criminal charges are not involved i don’t understand why they comes up with ideas like this. they want a divorce, give it to them, be done. we have tons of more deserving cases.

    And the Ramayana- lesser said the better.

    on a lighter note my husband’s close friend a Brazilian was with us long time ago and i regaled him with the Ramayana supported by some amar chitra kathas.. and we were chatting and said explained that Ram is considered a ‘ek patni’ kinda guy etc., etc., and generally giving him the finer points of Ram.
    when he said, “This person Ram , blindly listens to his dad and subjects his wife to hardship, sets her up in a forest, gets her abducted , takes a while to find her, gets her back and subjects her to suspicion, makes her jump in fire, and after all this ordeal dumps her again in the forest!!!!!! ” of course he had only 1 wife ,who in their right mind would marry this chap again. — hmmmm i never though of it from that angle before then🙂

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  5. I sometimes feel am I really living in the so called “modern world”. Judiciary, Police Department – the institutions set up to protect the society and prevent crime/injustice – giving out such messages. What a waste!

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  6. What era are we in??😯
    To repeat what I commented on Sags’ FB post, its strange how with every two steps forward with a show like SJ we seem to take 3 steps backward with a regressive court-hearing like the one Bom HC has given!😦

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  7. Was shocked reading this one – if ladies should be like Sita, then I bet the court will say, men are allowed to be like RAM and they can very well DOUBT the sanctity of their wives and they can very well, upon hearsay by the world around them, force their “Sita-like wives” to prove theri sanctity – isn’t it????

    The Courts!! My God, what will happen to India???!!!

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  8. Whats wrong with the authorities in India? No, that’s the wrong question. We all know what is wrong.
    And what bullshit is this? If we start emulating every great mythological character then we’ll be left only with chaos. People in a position of influencing someone’s life with their decision should atleast have some commonsense in their heads. Or is it too much to ask for? If an adult woman is asking for a divorce, and if the case is genuine, then give it to her. If one partner is not interested in the marriage, it’s a lost cause. He has no right to ask her to stop her computer training to join her husband. It’s her priorities. There are her family members to give suggestions, why, we have a whole society to give suggestions. We can do without our law makers doing that.
    And I didn’t expect any better from UP police either. Somehow this didn’t stir me. I just feel sorry for the victims for they live there. I don’t know what to say about the DIG. I’m sure his sister is living in mortal fear. I’m sorry for her too.
    Sad state of affairs, really. And reading all this whole day has pissed me off, so much so that I’m ready to burst at the first provocation.

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  9. I think such people should stick to enforcing and upholding law instead of offering unsolicited advices. I am sick and tired of the nonsense that the law makers and police officers keep spewing.

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  10. I am not surprised by Bombay HC’s statement. The courts have given quite a few illogical judgments. What I am surprised about is – why do the courts use all the wrong examples from mythology to defend and justify their one-sided, sexist and incorrect judgment?

    I’d like to hear the courts tell corrupt politicians that they should follow Rama and be honest and impartial and should work for the people and towards a prosperous state.

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  11. Its really sad that such educated knowledgeable people are telling a woman to be like Sita…I mean Sita may have been a great lady and all that, but how can you compare someone from a totally different age and yug with a person of this age..

    Infact like Radha’s Brazilian friend, even my husband and I came up with this argument with my MIL and FIL yesterday evening when we were discussing this case…My husband was like ‘if the guy couldn’t trust his own wife, how was he going to trust an entire nation, tomorrow if someone sees my wife with another guy and comes and reports it to me, does it mean I throw her out of the house'(He forgot the fact in the heat of the moment that the house is in my name😉 ) – this was in response to my MIL saying that Ram took the decision for his people…

    While, I don’t want to hurt anyone religious sentiments, but honestly, the entire judgement just left a very bad taste in my mouth😦

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  12. The episode totally sucks – dress codes of this kind are undoubtedly regressive, but it appears like the dress code appears to men as well – I wonder if the media sometimes selectively quotes to make sensational headlines? maybe we (me included) are guilty of sometimes viewing things through feminist eyes, so everything looks anti-women? I also realize that all the hundreds of cases where modesty is preached to women makes this look like yet another case like that…I am just trying to introspect here, so I hope I’m not offending anybody.

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    • ugggh sorry, i was only commenting on the second link! About the first and the third, what can I say – makes me want to flee this country. i think 99% of the crap peddled in the name of “indian culture” is patriarchal b*s*.

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  13. We Indians are very selective about what we take from our ancient stories. When Sita had had enough of her husband’s crap, she went back to her natal home (and she was welcomed with open arms – in fact, her mother refused to relinquish her back to her husband even when he threatened her with violence). Maybe that’s the lesson modern-day Indians should take from the Ramayana.

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  14. Yes be a wife like Sita to a spineless husband who despite being a GOD(as per popular belief) ,the ideal man maryadapurshottam did not have guts enough to stand by her and accept her- wasn’t he asking the same question that we ask every woman victim-why did she let it happen to her?

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