Sharing comment 353 by Sunshine in response to Scaredy Cat’s concerns in ‘An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do.‘
I agree with Sunshine.
This is the whole point of the entire email, his entire thought process by Scaredy Cat:
“I am the glue in their marriage. ” “They have come to have a largely perfunctory relationship without me.”
Its the same old story
Looks like Dad’s parents (Mom’s in-laws) lived with Mom and Dad
Dad was wrapped up with HIS Mom and Dad, probably had no emotional relationship or connection with his wife (Scaredy Cat’s Mom)
Scaredy Cats Mom probably poured all her love and affection into the son(she needed love and emotional connection from her hubby, didn’t get it from him, connected emotionally with the son Scaredy Cat)
Now Scaredy Cat knows his mum will be devastated emotionally if he moves away – either physically or emotionally – after marriage
Hence all his outpouring of not even moving upstairs/downstairs after marriage
Hence no mention of an emotional connection with the wife
And so the cycle perpetuates – Scaredy Cat will get married, his wife will have an unfilled marriage with her husband, give birth in due course, get emotionally over attached with her kid, and so the sad sad sad cycle continues into the next generation.
I’ve seen so many cases like this in Indian society, and some Indians have the gall to say oh the Americans and American culture – all of these Americans are psycho and crazy.
And we think cases like this are normal.
But the human psyche needs emotional independence to a degree
the human psyche needs romantic/sexual connections too
not just parental connections
and when this doesn’t happen the human psyche is irreparably damaged
I am not angry at Scaredy Cat, I am immensely sad for him, his mom (who never knew a happy fulfilling marriage), his to be wife (who will probably never know a happy emotionally and sexually fulfilling marriage/relationship, similarly his dad)…. and so the sad cycle continues
Cant see Scaredy Cat changing – to him this is normal, this is what he has known as normal as he grew up
Such a loss of human potential
Am sad all the best to Scaredy cats wife she will need it, hope Scaredy cat one day you realize this, but u will probably be too old too late by then(I think his dad realizes this now hence they r gently trying to get him to lead his own life take his own decisions)
Am sad at all this loss of human potential for happiness.
Related posts :
Why exactly are marriages in India disintegrating?
Don’t treat the cause, the problem will never go.
This is the root of the problem. Do you agree?
An email: My brother leaves it to my mother to decide if the families’ minds will match.