An email: I am not sure how my husband is going to react to this…

Sharing an email

Dear IHM

I really need some advice here and need an unbiased view.

I come from an upper middle class family.  My mom and dad are in every sense ‘self made’ as they did not have much financial support in their younger years.  They both are now retired and in their early 60’s. Suffice to say they live a comfortable life and like their peers/friends.  I have a married sister who is a SAHM.

I am married have a young son and have worked since I completed by MBA
(14 years experience in all ) with no breaks at all.  I strongly believe that I must have a financial contribution to the household as I am well educated, capable and believe I have to make the most of opportunities that come my way.  I also feel I am very fortunate to have got the education and opportunities I have got.  In-spite of being extremely stressed out at home and work, I pursue my career against all odds.  I enjoy my job only to a certain extent but pursue it as I believe we must all be financially able and independent.

I earn around 50-60% of what my husband does.  I do not have separate account for ‘my’ money and any investments we have made are with my as
well as his earnings.  If I look at my financial position now, I really do not have anything I can call solely ‘mine’ except my car and a few pieces of jewelry.  The house (one of the large investments ) that we have is held jointly though so I do have a share in the same, and also contribute to the EMI’s.  The other investments are sort of medium sized but none of them have my name as joint owner, probably only as a nominee, though some part of my earnings have contributed to the same.

My father has a new house and I would like to help my father financially in terms of helping him pay some part of his loan/interest.  One of the reasons for this is extremely long drawn and complicated, but suffice to say that I feel responsible for the substantial loan/interest he had to take to be able to buy his house. They both are now retired and paying this off would involve him dipping into his pension/provident fund and will affect their lifestyle to an extent.

I feel I must take up some of his burden.  My point is as I am their daughter who has her own earnings, I must help them.  I really feel there is really nothing wrong with this.  I am willing to make an adjustment to my lifestyle and cut down on my personal expenditure, while ensuring that the family’s lifestyle is not affected.  I do know that my family’s lifestyle (husband/me/kid) may be affected by this financial contribution to a small extent. I am not sure how my husband is going to react this and if it should
be something I try to explain to him and get his agreement on.  On the
other hand I feel it is my money and I should have the freedom to do
what I choose to.  I am in a quandary on how to approach this with him, and if at all it makes sense to do so.  One of the reasons I think it may be an issue with my husband is probably on which one of us (sisters) would then inherit this property.  To me it is the wish of my parents – I really would not care if it passed it on to my sister, but I am pretty sure he would not think it is fair if that happens.  I have always told my parents to enjoy the spoils of their hard work and not to bother about ensuring they leave any property/money to me.  They have enabled me to survive financially and it is upto me to do that – I am definitely not expecting/depending on what they may leave behind.

Would really appreciate your advice on if I should do this and how to go about explaining this to my husband.

Thanks –

In a quandary

Related post:

“My wife often rakes up property issues, or rues the expenses on my father’s ill-health.”

Can you be equal if you are not allowed to make equal contribution?

Another email. When an Indian daughter-in-law has no brothers.

“I don’t claim to be a spokesperson for all the men on this planet, but…”


So is sale and consumption of liquor related to crimes that take place in an area?

It’s a relief to see Gurgaon administration stop threatening women with negligence and victim blaming.

//Women can work 24×7: Gurgaon police chief

GURGAON: Gurgaon police commissioner K K Sindhu said on Thursday that women could work at any time, even night shifts, without fear.//

But  now take a look at this,

//Liquor vends that have come up around the mall are cause for more trouble . “People drink outside these vends and pose a threat to women going out of the mall . We have written several times to the administration to relocate the vends, but nothing has happened .”[link]//

Do women feel unsafe if liquor is being sold and consumed in an area? Why?

Almost every married domestic helper I have spoken to has had a problem with an alcoholic husband. The addiction and the effects seem to be the same as drug addiction – the victims (of alcoholism) don’t seem to be able to eat regular meals, hold jobs and they frequently react violence. A small number of women helpers were addicted too, and they too would be absent from work without any notice and then turn up at odd hours asking to borrow money.

Bollywood makes alcoholism look fun and funny, but does acknowledge the existence of the problem.

In real life women do seem to protest against liquor being sold.

Women attacked for protest against sale of liquor

Also note that Gujarat is one of the safest places for women (and men) in India – and it is a dry state.

So is sale and consumption of liquor related to crimes that take place in an area?

Related posts:

1. Alcohol: Age Limit, Gender Limit, Class Limit…

2. Which city in India, do you think is the safest city for women? Do women in that city stay at home after dark?

3. How does the Gurgaon administration make it even more difficult for women to find employment, and stay safe on Gurgaon roads?

4. No, not a dry day.