What would you put in a Valentine’s Day Gift Hamper for the Indian Moral Police?

First, why does the Moral Police object to Valentine’s Day?

If young Indians meet freely they might start choosing who they want to marry or live with.

As more and more young Indians start choosing their life partners gradually it would become difficult to arrange marriages with dowries and matching horoscopes.

Gradually castes, age, religion, income, gender, obedience levels, ‘innocence levels’, macho levels, past relationships etc would become less important as criterion, and marriage would become a matter of choice, and not the only goal in every Indian’s life.

Then we would not hear jokes like ‘shaddi ka laddu jo khaye wo bhi pachtaaye, jo naa khaye wo bhi pachtaye‘ because with loosening of the hold of the moral police, young people would value life and happiness more than an institution.

Women would then be able to choose divorce over suicide, life long abuse or being burnt alive. Their families would then not see them as liabilities.

Young men would then choose careers they want, instead of becoming Providers. With marriage becoming a choice, self reliance would gradually become more important for men also. They would also be able to choose as their partners, women (or men) they really want to.

Those who support the Moral Police fear that the end of the traditional system – however horribly faulty, would leave them without support and care. The moral police loves their insecurity. (The fact is as a part of the society, they tooΒ  would benefit from the relaxing of unnecessary deadlines and controls)

So here’s what I would put in the Valentine’s Day Gift Hamper for the Indian Moral Police.

1. To remind them that nobody is really being fooled. A copy of the video of the three ministers watching porn in the Karnataka Assembly.

2. To show them the possibilities.

Free tickets to ‘Ek Main Aur Ek Tu’ [link]

A DVD of ‘Dev D'[link]

3. To continue their education.

Bol [link]

Khuda ke liye [link]

Delhi Belly [link]

4. As a warning

Because Chaddi are forever. [link]

A packet of pink chaddis?

This photograph of Pramod MuthalikΒ  πŸ™‚


42 thoughts on “What would you put in a Valentine’s Day Gift Hamper for the Indian Moral Police?

  1. ROFL! Because Chaddis are forever! That sure gave me the giggles, lol!

    I don’t much bother with V-Day, really. Or with the Moral Police and their restrictions πŸ˜€


  2. why does the Moral Police object to Valentine’s Day? This morning’s TOI says that Muthalik isn’t against love. He thinks that Valentine’s day leads to sex. drugs and mafia *rolling eyes*. It doesn’t even seem funny anymore.
    I would also add Minister Renukacharya’s picture kissing nurse Jayalakshmi πŸ™‚ I can almost see Muthalik saying Chee Chee Chee *grin*


  3. πŸ˜€ ROTFL

    Let me add to the list.
    Send them the biggest packet of condoms available (and lets hope they stop producing offspring totally.)
    A list of MEN they should harass and shout about (rapists, wife beaters, known sexual offenders, the pimps to the ministers), most definitely including that policeman from Bangalore.
    Free registrations to the various matrimony websites. (My theory is most of the Moral Brigade are people suffering from the Sour grapes syndrome.)


  4. I would put in a few sessions with a psychiatric counselor. The moral police really need to dig in further into themselves to find out why they are so insecure about the indian “culture”. Maybe it is all some deeper insecurities in themselves that need to be sorted out.


  5. Looks like me and the fundies have something in common! I’ve always hated Valentine’s day–it’s a dumb holiday invented by Hallmark.

    I’d probably send them a link to my blog which would freak them out. A girl who lived with her boyfriend, who became her fiance, who became her husband, who drinks alcohol, gets along great with her Indian MIL who’s divorced and remarried and who just got her an ipad for her bday–yikes. It’s the stuff their nightmares are made of.

    The best way to deal with the moral police [anywhere] is to laugh at them.


  6. I would add:

    5) free tickets to Khajuraho, Konarak( and also to Halebidu, in his own home state)
    6) A free copy of Vaatsyaayan’s Kaamasootra, autographed jointly by Mallika Sheravat, Poonam Pandey, Rakhi Sawant and Veena Malik



  7. Somehow, when I read the title I had guessed the hamper would include pink chaddis. They should also get a packet of condoms with a note: Don’t get V.D on V-Day.

    I don’t bother with V-Day, but I don’t appreciate the moral police either. They are the real prem rogue.


  8. Not a big fan of valentine’s day. But that doesn’t mean I support moral police. Actually I don’t like how everything is red, shops, malls, peoples’ clothes. And those red teddy bears and hearts and all that is weird, it hurt the eyes. Oh, and even TV channels only show lovey dovey films and music channels and radio are spitting rainbows all day.

    I am not a very romantic person.


  9. And how about general public following their every actions 24 x 7 very closely (with the use of cameras, etc. if necessary) to ensure that they practice what they preach, so that we realize that they don’t indulge in any ‘immoral’ activities whatsoever ranging from ogling at girls/women to watching porn and we come to know that he treats everyone around him including his wife and children maintaining highest moral grounds possible.

    I think they shouldn’t mind such a move since they can lead by example this way πŸ˜‰ Isn’t it? πŸ˜€


  10. A system like dowry cannot be prevented by allowing younger generation to choose their own life partners. Haven’t you heard of dowry in love marriages?

    The problem goes much deeper. Basically its the glorification of unearned money. As long as people keep believing in unearned money taking care of all their life-long needs, these systems will keep adapting. Only the name might change (if at all).

    Destination Infinity


    • DI if women have the choice of not marrying and having careers and social lives, many of them would refuse to marry with dowry. Also, their parents would not feel compelled to get them married by a fixed age and time to certain kinds of groom, so no pressure to arrange a marriage at any cost, dowry and all.
      And of course many people would choose to live in, so no dowry.


    • DI, dowry in love marriages happens when arranged marriage is the norm. Couples in love-marriages have a say and this is especially true in families where love marriage is the norm. Such parents just want their children to be happy.


  11. Hahahaha….love the comments here! An awesome list of gifts to give our moral police.

    One V-day in Hyderabad, the moral police announced that they would forcibly marry any couples they saw that day on the streets, parks, cafes etc! I was horrified. Our driver on the other hand was delighted – his parents had been opposing his marriage to his girlfriend for the longest time so he decided he would spend the whole day out with her so that the moral police could find them and ‘forcibly’ marry them both; that way, he could marry her without his parents feeling that he went against their will! Unfortunately for him, no moral police saw them, even though the couple went to many parks in the city that day. He eventually convinced his parents and married the girl of his choice. But whenever this discussion comes up, I am reminded of this story.


    • A few friends decided to meet up tomorrow before they parted ways for their internships. The deal’s that the girls and guys would travel separately πŸ˜›
      The Bajrang Dal in Hyd needs one proper kick on their backside. Where were they when the Telangana agitators destroyed the beautiful statues on Tank Bund?


        • If treating the couple as if they just planted a bomb in the city’s most crowded place and killed 200 people is violence, then yes. But like Ramya mentioned, a lot of them have started using it for their benefit when the family doesn’t approve of it.
          The Bajrang Dal here is a wing of those Moral Police who beat up girls who went to pubs in Karnataka. So you can imagine…


  12. ROFL at ‘Because Chaddis Are Forever’ πŸ˜€

    I personally couldn’t care less for Valentine’s day or sundry other ‘days’ invented by Archies/Hallmark and suchlike. I never cease to be amazed by this marketing coup which these companies pulled off with such ease, and the crass,bare-faced commercialization of it all . But yes, I too have come to feel that this day ought to be celebrated by all and with gusto, if only to cock a snook at the moral brigade.


  13. I don’t care much for Valentine’s Day, but I hate moral policing of any kind and someone’s right to celebrate what they want. Pink bras would be a good idea too :).


  14. I think the ones who indulge in moral policing are really frustrated in their own lives and have nothing better to do. Whats the harm if a couple wants to celebrate Valentine’s Day!?


  15. I would not waste a single moment thinking what ot put for the moral police…

    The one and only befitting reply would be NOt to vote for them or for the party they belong to Simple …

    What they do is waste of time and i seriously dont have time to waste on such idiots.

    also a SLAP would be good tooo


  16. That would indeed be nice, yes.

    I also enjoyed the suggestions in the comments.

    I assume money is no object. If so, in addition to the movie tickets and sexy underwear, we could perhaps demonstrate our goodwill to the more senior (and important) members, via a nice little kit which would contain:

    1. Grooming aids – a vial of cologne, hairspray and shaving foam)

    2. A small bottle of California Chardonnay

    3. A copy of the latest edition of “The Joy of Sex”, by Alex Comfort (kamasutra would be a bit too heavy, I think)

    4. Couple coupons for a two night stay in a nice relaxing hotel with complementary spa treatments.

    5. A pack of top-quality condoms

    6. A sharp off-the-rack suit with complementary cuff links

    7. A good romantic flick

    And most importantly:

    8. Some fantastically executed romantic poetry to read out to their partners

    I’m pretty sure such a kit would be highly effective in making at least some of these boneheads realize what they’re missing out – and we’d probably be doing their spouses a favor as well.

    Make love, not war. Aye.


  17. Why, oh, why do you hate Pramod Muthalik so much? All he wants is a little attention… or maybe a date. I feel for you, Pramod… I’ll be all lonely and alone myself, tomorrow :’-|

    Here, wipe your tears with this pink chaddi.


  18. I hate the concept of Valentines day and I hate more the moral policing by unconcerned people. I also hate how even 14yr olds these days think it is OK to sleep with someone and consider themselves progressive. The moral policing if any should be by parents for minors at least. It is none of anyone’s business.


  19. A stack of posters of pin-up girls in skimpy clothes.. because that’s what the moral police reallly want, as demonstrated by their representatives in the assembly πŸ˜›


  20. Don’t really get why everyone seems to hate V-Day so much. Not that I’m a huge fan of it, but I do find it a rather fun concept.

    I concede that it is crassly commercial. But so are Diwali and Christmas in this day and age. Commercialized holidaymaking is part and parcel of modern living. Got to get used to it.

    Personally, I couldn’t care less whether it was invented by Hallmark, Archies or Cadbury. No one’s forcing me to buy anything. A day for romance sure sounds like a fine idea on its own merit! Many cultures have their own traditional days for such things too. Days are what you make of them – I may be nearing forty now, but I definitely love the idea of having a special day where I can sit back, chuck work for a while and thank my lucky stars for having someone as wonderful as my partner in my life. And while I don’t necessarily need Valentine’s day to do that (in theory anyway), I certainly don’t grudge a little culture-mediated reminder for the same. πŸ™‚


    • I always associated Valentine’s Day with all the dumb a$$ things that went on my my high school on this day. The teddy bears, the candy grams, the stupid dance which always had someone crying in the bathroom and the gossip that ensued the next day.


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