I received this email this morning.
I chanced upon your blog few days back and have been reading all the posts since then…
I should say reading all these has helped me a lot. I would like to take some help from you and all readers whether am going in right direction. I got married 2 years ago. We like each other initially because we found we both had the right mix of modern and traditional beliefs, but now i feel he is very traditional and i am not sure i want to do many of the things that is enforced on me!. As soon as we got married, he insisted that i wear the bindi all the time since otherwise he feels like he is dead!! I rebelled for a few days but later thought whats the big deal and I wear it now all the time. Then slowly he started saying that am wearing boring clothes at home and he doesn’t feel interested because of that. He restricted me from wearing nighties so I started wearing loose comfortable pants and shirts. Even that he doesn’t like and said I need to wear well fitted clothes… so I actually used to come back from office, change into something which he might like, be fresh, wear lipstick etc etc when he comes back home… then he started complaining that am not wearing saree even occasionally… so I started doing that…now its like he says why are you not wearing saree everyday at home? you are a married woman… you should behave like one … not just wear pants,skirts which is not looking sexy… I have told him that i feel as a sex object if i do all that… but he says whats wrong with me trying to behave in a manner he would like… he says what am i expecting out of this marriage if i cant even make him happy…
Another thing is I pray to god in my mind and its usually when i retire to bed…but he wants me to put flowers to god every day, light the lamp and pray and put kumkum and go…after a lot of fights i actually started doing that also everyday… but if I forget even a single day, he shouts and screams a lot saying he has done me a favour and he had to put the flowers himself… I said how can it be a favour…what’s is wrong in his putting flowers to god on some days?? He says how can I even question him like that…he is only angry that I didn’t pray to god that day..previously his mother used to pray for him and he used to get whatever he wanted …now he wants me to do that for him since am his wife!!!
Overall the last 2 years i feel I have become very subdued and submissive…. every few days he keeps telling that I should do better…. I should have done this or that… first 1 or 2 months my cooking was not good… he basically said without even knowing cooking how can I be a good wife… then slowly I started cooking very well.. and he said just cooking alone is not sufficient… you need to manage the household… so everything from bill payments, taking care of maids, driver, our house related problems-plumbing, electricity etc, filing all docs etc.. it came to me… I did that as well… then now he is saying am just doing all tasks only and am not showing him any attention!! Every 2-3 days he keeps saying I don’t show him attention, he had so many expectations, am not even trying to make this marriage work!!! I am just tired of it all…. I don’t want to be a “good” wife anymore!! In fact I want to say go to hell… I need freedom!
Am I right or wrong??
– Not a good wife.