She has a job and she earns more than most people do with her education and at her age. She loves her job and leaves no opportunity to learn more (and earn more). She has a boy friend who she says she fell in love with only after she was sure he was the kind of guy she could spend her life with. So how was she so sure he was the one? She says he was good looking, didn’t have any ‘bad habits’ and he traveled by train to her home town in West Bengal to meet her parents and take their blessings, “Only after that I loved him“.
“And what if your parents had not approved of him?“”How could they disapprove, he came to seek their blessings and he took care of me when I fell ill here, so far from home!” (She sees his taking care of her during her recent illness as a sign that he would make a responsible and caring husband, unlike Anaya/Shravan Kumar who feels she needs to be grateful for this).
And how did they meet? It seems she called him from her cellphone and he was angry when she claimed it was a wrong number, and she apologized but they continued talking. His parents were initially not happy, “They know their son is good looking but they had to understand that he loves me.”
She has bought a refrigerator (which they switch off during winters), a desert cooler, a large screen TV, a food processor, a bicycle and hire a room which is on the main road and gets plenty of sun light. When the temperatures dipped to .1 C and I offered her some woolens, she accepted only a pair of jeans. She wore it with a kurta two days later. I asked her how her family and boyfriend would react to it. “What’s there to react, it covers the legs, has pockets to keep my pass, is thicker and warmer… when I wear it in my home town everybody is going to be astounded! Nobody wears jeans there!” But, “Worn like I have done, where’s the problem?”
So this young woman is earning, supporting her family and she brought her younger sister from her home town to NCR and got her a job in a Mall. She takes initiative in romance and ensures that parental approval is got (and has no doubt they couldn’t but trust her decision). She also gets her in laws approval in her no nonsense style. “At first they hesitated because their son is so handsome, but looks are god given, and if he likes me then where is the problem.” What if they had still not approved? “We would have waited. After they get to know me, how can they disapprove? What is wrong with me?”
She has broken traditional taboos. She initiated her romance with this young man, she uses a cell phone and wears jeans. She doesn’t think she needs to forget her family when she gets married, she expects her boy friend to respect and care for her family and is willing to reciprocate (“They will see how I am when I am married to their son, when he cares for my parents why would I not respect his?“)
Full of common sense, positivity, assertiveness and confidence – women like this are a Shravan Kumar’s nightmare. This young woman has studied till class seven and had to start working after that.
She works as a cook, and her boy friend is a driver.
Do you think she has just been lucky? Or is it the right attitude? Did it help that she moved away from home and is financially independent?
Updated to ask:
Did it also help that she has EXPECTATIONS, that she did not expect to be miserable? How do you expect to be happy if you are raised to be grateful for not being treated shabbily? What do you think?