I am sharing the second one of the emails I received from Indian daughters. This is the other side of what the American Woman faced in an earlier post.
I have substituted the name of the American boyfriend with The American Man.
Hi,I got married when I was 25. I married a man whom I knew in school but mainly stayed in touch online for almost 3-4 years before getting married. After I started staying with him I realised that not only were we incompatible in many aspects but he always treated me like a child and didn’t really respect me as an individual. He kept saying I had the potential to be a better or more ideal person. I was hurled upon constant critisism which made me bitter, frustrated and low self esteemed person. I dealt with this for 3 yrs until I met someone (An American guy, I live in US) who initially was a friend but slowly I started to feel he had more respect for me than my own husband. I was more comfortable being myself and I thought I was a worthy person. Anyways I started liking him so much that I literally told my husband I wanted to leave him. I acted on an impulse cause I had found my freedom and my husband’s first decision was to divorce me. I am not discounting the fact that though I am with this American guy currently I am still grieving about my divorce. I have been struggling with the social stigma I have faced since then, the rejection, the remorse, the guilt.Though it was my own decision to leave my ex -husband I started doubting myself even though the American guy has been very very good to me all this while. Has treated me like an equal, has been affectionate and valued me as a person. Now almost 2 years has passed since my divorce and my ex husband wants to get back with me. He doesn’t know that I am with the American guy. He never asked me, I never told him. The question I wanted to ask you is I have doubts of making a life and also having children with this American guy. Though he actively participates in Indian culture like we go to Indian movies, he loves Indian food, we go for cultural shows etc. he has never imposed anything on me and has never put any restrictions, I still feel I will be struggling with him due to our cultural differences (specially when we have children). Also I don’t know if American guy will ever be socially accepted, matter of fact any guy will ever be socially accepted by my family, relatives. My parents even lie about my divorce in India and that makes me feel a very lowly person. They hide this information so I feel I should never get married to the American Guy because nobody is anyway going to accept him.I miss the feeling of being at home when American Guy’s parents visit because they are so different from my parents. I have no adjustment problems with the guy but I don’t know how I will deal with the cultural aspect in the future. Should I still continue with the relation knowing that we are so different in our backgrounds?Can you please advice? I cannot make another mistake in choosing the right person for marriage. Thanks for listening.PSI am happy with the American more than I was with the Indian guy but I can’t tell my extended family that I got divorced cause they will look down upon me and give grief to my parents.About the Indian guy, when you are young people leave a lasting impression and its hard to forget them and you are attached, even when its negatively affecting you. If the society accepts the American man I will be very satisfied and happy. I think they don’t accept him because I am divorced and he is the “second guy” and second he is American.
Thanks for listening to me, I have been struggling since 2 years and have developed health issues due to this indecision and stress related with the divorce.Excuse any typo since writing in a hurry in the middle of work.