What kind of men are likely to sexually assault women?

Statistics have shown that most rapes/sexual assaults happen to women who are vulnerable, not women who are attractively (‘provocatively’) dressed.

More than 90% rapes are preplanned and the perpetrator is someone known to the victim, an older relative, a teacher, a neighbour, an employee, a landlord etc.

The victim is generally someone who the rapist does not expect to complain or fight back. An easy target. Someone vulnerable or weak.

Amongst rapes by strangers, a meru cab driver who raped a girl working in a bar in Gurgaon; a gang of village men from a village near Noida; rapists planning to make an MMS in a car looking for some victim on a lonely road; upper caste men raping dalit women; custodial rapes; the mob in this video in Gurgaon, these are criminals who knew they were unlikely to be reported, arrested or punished.

Their actions were not provoked after seeing an attractive woman.

In fact most rapists do not expect the victim to complain.

Also many rapists do not see rape as a serious crime, because they have always seen the victim being blamed for being raped (Honor, wrong clothing, being with wrong people, wrong time etc).

The only way to change this is,

1. Those who are charged with citizen’s safety make clear statements that convey that the crime would not be excused or tolerated.

2. Victims be assured that they can report safely. (the police is feared the most).

3. If women start reporting,

4. And if rapes start being taken seriously,

5. If we see more convictions,

– then there would be fewer crimes against women and children. No matter how they were dressed.

But, all the restrictions on women’s life styles and clothing have only made it difficult for them to report rapes, and thus encouraged the rapists.

So, do normal, mentally sound men get provoked into raping women, children or babies if they are provoked by the way the way they were dressed?

And, can men who come from backgrounds where women are respected also get provoked into raping? Does rape begin in a man’s mind and in his attitude towards women? (thanks for this sentence Sangeeta.)

What kind of men are likely to molest or rape women and children?

Related posts:

The night I was not an easy prey.

Bare Statistics of Crimes Against Women in Andhra Pradesh and Delhi : A few questions to the Police Chiefs

When they don’t even understand crime, how are they ever going to begin controlling it?


78 thoughts on “What kind of men are likely to sexually assault women?

  1. Hi IHM!
    If a man can respect a woman, there is no way he can sexually assault her. Men definitely need to have a control over their unattainable desires. Are they dogs to rape a woman who is ‘provocatively’ dressed!?
    Rape definitely begins in a man’s mind and depends on how he thinks of women. Women must report these crimes. They must be assured that they can report to the police safely, which isn’t the case today.
    I think it’s mentally unstable, unsound men who don’t know how to respect and value women who rape them. They don’t see them as individuals with a life of their own, but as sex toys.


      • I think rapes are about unattainable desires AND the power to show women her place. If it was just about desires, there are call-girls who could give them what they want. But rape is just free! They just get to please themselves without worrying about money and most of the time, even STD. When a man forces himself upon a woman, it shows how lowly he thinks of himself. He wants to impose his right of belonging to the XY chromosome community. He wants to show that a women’s position was low and it was her duty to please any guy who throws himself at her! They think they are justified and don’t except the women to report, as it was an ‘impulsive’ act. They believe that a women’s place is at a guy’s feet.
        But martial rapes are about unattainable desires. They expect more and are unsatisfiable morons. They don’t respect their wives and love them, but treat them as objects of sexual harassment.


    • The sentence by AaeKay – “Rape definitely begins in a man’s mind and depends on how he thinks of women” – very well sums up the psychology behind rapes 🙂


  2. It is not provocative clothing (whatever THAT is) that leads to rape. This fact has been reiterated and proved. The fact is clear for even the dumbest among humans to understand though some like the person who put up this status message prefer to close their eyes to it

    “Woman, you show cleavage not for that blouse is comfortable for you, but for you want to attract attention of hot and attractive members of male species. But by doing so you attract not-so-desirable gazes too, which makes you feel insecure and threatened. Now you don’t want to take accountability for your part; therefore like a narcissist, instead of admitting your own intentions, you give entire male species the label of perverts!”

    What do you say to such moronic observations?

    ‘Provocation’ is in the mind, head of the provoked. Not in the clothes that women wear. And yet…
    Rapists don’t see their action as a crime because the society gives excuses for their behavior by blaming and shaming the women.


  3. @AaeKay – I also want to understand this, that is why I blogged about this.

    Marital rapes are not about the woman – her desirability or attractiveness, but about a sense of entitlement that the husband has. Many men and women see this as a right (mainly for men).


    • IHM, I come from a conservative Tamil Brahmin family where they believe that women is entitled to suffer and live with her husband, irrespective of his flaws and should do things after getting the permission of the husband. Love marriages and divorce are seen as taboo in the society. If you get married out of love, you are not allowed to attend family functions and follow Brahmin traditions.
      I have a family member who has been subject to domestic violence by her husband and MIL. Her husband sexually abuses her, while her MIL refuses to let her have a career and expects her to oblige to every demand of the husband. Here, it is a right the husband feels he has.
      But there are cases where husbands look for sex outside the marriage and the women isn’t allowed to comment cause she isn’t ‘desirable’ enough.


      • Hi….Really shocking…I am a ‘tambram’ too 🙂 and thought that our community has now moved beyond “women should not work” attitude.

        In fact, I thought they need a working woman….considering inflation, supposed recession et al.( all sarcasm intended!)

        But seriously, looking at the woman’s plight( is she in an arranged marriage or did she marry out of love?) , either ways, she doesn’t deserve such a treatment!

        Her husband seriously has an inferiority complex…always believed only men with severe inferiority complex get aggressive towards their weakest victims!

        But most of all I feel agitated towards the MIL.what is with these MILs? I can understand one’s DIL can never be one’s daughter…but I thought , even older women are educated enough to empathize with their DILs, if not love.

        As a single woman and all of 25, forgive my ignorance…but what is it that makes us women such a doormat towards society,who are otherwise engineers, MCAs and in some really independent careers?


        • I know an aged “Pattar” who posts on a community forum where I am a member.
          He usually fulminates against young tambram grooms and brides.
          His pejorative term for a typical tambram groom is “Venky”.
          His contemptuous term for a tambram bride is “Lalli”
          He constantly indulges in chest beating, bemoaning how modern Venkies and Lalliies are moving away from our traditions.
          Just thought AaeKay and Shruti would find this of some interest


        • “….but what is it that makes us women such a doormat towards society,who are otherwise engineers, MCAs ?”

          Fear, social conditioning and low, low self esteem.

          Many women internalise society’s negative perception of women and truly believe that they are less valuable, less capable and less deserving of respect and dignity.

          Many women never break the chains that imprison their minds.

          Once you break those mental chains, nothing can stop you.


    • Hi Shruti. 🙂
      True! I felt the same. 😀
      In the beginning, they were very supportive of her career. But as she moved up the scale and started to earn more then her husband, she was forced to quit her job and put up with the whims and fancies of her in-laws. She is in an arranged marriage and is young (she’s 27).
      Her husband is a crazy man (sorry athimber! :D) and the rest of the family is never in touch with that guy, as he hates anybody interfering in their life. He doesn’t allow my cousin to even maintain much contact with the family. He is not stable and currently doesn’t have a job, as he had an accident, where he lost his memory. He has recovered now, but due to his temper issues has been kicked out of work!
      The MIL is very fond of her son and believes that it was her DIL’s ‘luck’ that made him lose his memory. She’s a weird women too! 😀
      I believe it is the fact that my cousin succumbs to these pressures, instead of fighting them that makes her a soft target. She is attacked emotionally again and again, yet believes that it is her ‘duty’ to be and do good to the family that she has got into.


  4. Even I think its no way connected to the dressing. Because as mentioned its always the weak that is trapped.. the ones who are sure will not raise their voice.. reading many incidents in the newspaper like father raping the daughter etc have really moved me. I wonder how human can behave like this to another human. i dont think any other specie in this Planet Earth will behave likewise to its opposite sex..


    • I read the article .. made me angry .. and more angrier at the following
      “Accounts of people who saw him in the passenger train and near the Kalamandalam bus stop. Statements by railway guard Joby Scaria, passengers Tomy Devassia and Abdul Shukur and local people.

      Cries of a woman heard by a few passengers of the train and people who lived near the Vallathol Nagar station.”

      IS this the country we belong to where people are interesting in LOOKING and DOING NOTHING.. is someone heard shud they not get together nad do something about it .. WHAT good is this I heard shrieks .. well then SIR/MAM you are as bad as that RAPIST and muderer..


  5. The whole problem with the notion that “if women didn’t dress proactively they wouldn’t get raped” just feeds into the false notion that rape is about sex. You’re also right about how rape is often premeditated and mostly done by the person the victim knew. I don’t know what the stats are in India, but I do know that in the United States around 85% of rape victims knew their assailants.

    3. If women start reporting,

    You know, I was curious, if women were to start reporting rapes more often I would be interested in how something like that would play out. For example, I know here in the US when the victim reports being raped, she (or he) must undergo a physical examination, is there something like that being pushed for in India? I’m curious if there’s something such as rape shield laws being proposed.


  6. Wish I’d know what goes on in the minds of such creeps when they decide to attack a woman to quench their lust 😦 I loved that sentence by sangeeta. Rape actually begins in their mind, with their attitude towards women.

    The day we, women can assertively tell those lechers or anybody coming at us,attacking us that we are NOT soft targets, that we CAN ensure that we ARE heard then I think we can truly say we live in a safe world. But going by the sweeping comments by the very people like the police commissioner,etc whereby they lamely point fingers at us and what we wear, what time of the day we choose to roam around in our own country- imagine, how pathetic is it to be told as to how and when to go around in our own city 🙄 – I’m afraid that assertion and confidence will take a long to come about in us :(.

    Those 5 points you have listed down can surely ensure fewer crimes for women and children. If only they are implemented as stringently as they should be.


      • You’re right IHM, more than lust it’s man’s unabated hunger( even hunger seems too soft a word to describe in this context) to overpower a woman, to push her into submission and like you said – to put her in her place, to stamp his dominance that brings out the cannibal in him! How disgusting!


  7. I think that marital rape is the worst. It happens again and again and the victim (wife) has no protection from law of societal norms. Having sex with someone whom one does not love, or whom one detests, even if it is ones husband is rape. All in all its an unfair world.


  8. why do you have that title , those who have such intentions shud not be called MEN.. its a insult to the majority of men who dont know have such intentions..

    these people shud be UN-MAN cause in my eyes and books , a MAN would not do anything derogatory to a woman or vice versa…

    and regarding the state of woman well let me quote some lines from one of my favourite writer-singer

    aje nilaami hundi meri, main vikdi which mandi
    oh meri zaat dharam na mera , main kothe di randi
    mere pairaan ch aje zanjeeraan
    bhaven Desh AZAAD…

    ve lokko main naari hundisutaan di

    mard pune which luk jaandi hai mardaan di har khaami
    meri paak nazar v meri ban jaandi badnaami
    main haan ik JANAANI Mera inaa hi apraadh

    Ve lokko main naari Hindustan di


  9. Most customs in India whether it is Tamil Brahmin or otherwise is designed to exploit women. It is either domination based on caste, based on sex, based on income, or based on age. Control and domination is human nature, and this kind of exploitation is the curse of mankind.


  10. What kind of men are likely to sexually assault women?
    The ones who think they can do what they want and get away with it. Simple.
    Maybe because the blame can be conveniently shifted onto the female (way of dressing, late night outing) or onto society (men are like that only, women should be the ones being cautious).

    The need to assault a potentially vulnerable female…stems from the repressed mentality that accompanies it. Of having seen women being suppressed, oppressed in their own families, frustration at seeing women assert themselves – could be on the streets, at workplaces etc., and of not knowing what it is to respect female species in totality.


  11. (Warning: Long Comment, this subject needs serious inputs)

    There are two fundamental types of ‘events’ here:
    1. Pre-meditated
    2. Spur of the moment.
    Again there are two other types making a ‘quadrant’:
    1. Known persons (as in relatives. friends/ students etc.) and
    2. Unknown (a passerby on the road, a lonely woman on an empty train/bus etc.)
    Combination of the above two categories exist- e.g Unknown+ pre-mediated: someone who follows a pattern of moving about in empty/ lonely places, but unknown otherwise and so on. Of course, there are also cases of multiple women being concurrent victims, but those are cases beyond this discussion, I presume.

    In pre-meditated cases, often it is some sort of revenge that is the main theme, need not be against the woman in question, it can be against the family, father, community and so on as well. Here Dress is not a factor at all.

    Now, this issue of ‘Provocative Dress’ can happen ONLY in this case of “Unknown + “Spur of the Moment” cases, combined with lonely places and zero risk of crime perpetrator. If ANY risk of identification exists, then the rape will NOT happen, from any person in his senses. The ‘percentage’ here maybe very low, however, it does exist. And really speaking this is THE most dangerous type of risk, as one will have no idea of when and where a potential risk is opened up. The other situations are in many ways predictable and therefore possible to take precautions (or in worse cases, reconcile to it )

    While deterrent do exist, the biggest factor in favor of a rapist is that these do not get reported for fear of exposure/ honor/ or subsequent harassments by the criminal(s) in question. Here, the non-reporting is never a decision the concerned woman alone. The parents, family, relatives and several social factors come into fore. One cannot put the blame on the woman for not reporting.

    Since the core issue seems to be the ‘Dress’ of the woman and its provocative ness and the secondary issue that of punishing the rapist, we need to think of these:
    1. Would someone want to risk being in that small infinitesimal percentage?
    2. Would they feel satisfied if the perpetrator does get punished?
    3. Would their agonies end with that?

    We need to remember that a habitual rapist is someone who is not concerned of the consequences in the event of a punishment- either he is ready to face it, or he has some other mechanism to find an alibi or even find another person to ‘accept’ the crime! Remember, we are not talking of the ‘decent’ guys here. They can control themselves, if at they need to ‘control’ (!) It is the hardened criminal that one cannot easily escape from, dress being provocative or not.

    The real ‘risk’ that any woman has is that of being the victim of an unplanned, spur of the moment crime. Here, the dress does have a role, for the senseless guy without fear of consequence and without conscience. Let us be realistic about this. It is a minor percentage, but it is a reality.

    So, my opinion, mine alone and opinion alone: If one wants to wear the so called provocative dresses (whatever may be, I have no clue!), just ensure that they are always in places they can be seen/ traced, that they are not in lonely/ seedy places without proper safety and so on. Even in places that are well populated, avoid going alone to, say public wash rooms alone, or when otherwise not occupied or when alone… these are precautions everyone takes, I guess.


    • The kind of rapist who is likely to attack in public wash rooms – I think he would not be affected by how the victim is dressed. He is already ‘provoked’ and that is why lurking in such places and waiting, no?

      And I agree, there is a lot of advice for women to be careful against all kinds of attacks, and most women follow all these precautions. Sometimes all this advice fails to protect them, because cautioning the victim alone is not enough, it should also be made difficult for the criminal to get away with the crime.
      E.g. The women in the radio cabbie case in Gurgaon, did a sensible thing by taking a radio cab . Why was this radio cabbie, a rapist, not afraid of being arrested?

      //The real ‘risk’ that any woman has is that of being the victim of an unplanned, spur of the moment crime.//

      Which kind of cases do you think are there where the rape has been purely on the spur of the moment, at the sight of a woman who was ‘provocatively dressed’?


      • To add to that, how does one define what “provocative dressing” is?

        There are men who harass and molest burqa-clad women.

        There are men who apparently find even the “burqa” provocative.

        How exactly then, are women supposed to dress to ensure that they are not “provocatively dressed”?

        How can a woman possibly control another person’s reaction to her body?

        Can one ever do that?

        In any civilised society, the responsibilty for a crime rests on the perpetrator, not the victim.

        The logic of victim-blaming demands that we should stop prosecuting car thefts and murders because, well, the theft was caused by the owner’s negligence… and the murder?

        Maybe the victim was asking for it?


    • The problem with some of your points, such as don’t dress proactively, don’t go to places alone, etc. is they can present a false sense of security. I think that’s another reason why people are so quick to blame the victim. It’s usually along the lines of “if she hadn’t gone to this place, it wouldn’t have happened, if she hadn’t dressed in that way, it wouldn’t have happened.” The bottom line is, when a woman is raped, it was because she was in the presence of a rapist. Pure and simple. This isn’t to say women shouldn’t take precautions, but sometimes that’s not enough.

      There’s a problem with this as well, as it places all the responsibility on the victim to prevent rape.


  12. All kinds of abuse are about power, or perhaps sourced from frustration, and rape perhaps more than most. But, I feel that no man who has respect for women, or comes from a background where women are treated as equals, and respected in their own right as individuals will ever think of it. The irony here, of course, is how many do come from such families, backgrounds (cannot think of communities, for that is too wide a circle for this to happen!)
    No it is not about what she wears, because time and time again, one has seen how the victims are never those who may have been “provocatively” (arrrgh! that word again!) dressed.


  13. I don’t think there is a specific type of male personality that leads to rape. Different kinds of people have been rapists, some of them serial rapists. While some common traits can be found among certain subsections, none of them are universal. There have been instances of a person committing his first rape at an advanced age. Does this mean he always had this tendency? Or does it mean that something changed in his mindset and personality that causes him to cross that line?

    A lot of people associate rape with sexual suppression. Part of this theory is based on how rape is very much predominant in socially backward countries where sex is taboo. I am not sure how true this theory is, but in India, sex toys and pornography are both banned. Would un-banning these help develop a new generation of young men who would have lesser tendencies to sexually attack women?

    The Indian legal system is known to be a very slow process. Would introducing a fast-track court where if a person is found to have clinically raped a person he should be immediately sentenced to strict punishment?

    Rape is already a non-bailable offence in India, and onus is on the accused to prove innocence, and he is assumed to be guilty by default. I wonder why this alone does not give more rape victims the guts to report these crimes. Of course, there will be a small percentage of false rape accusations done for various reasons, but eventually a minority of people will have to suffer through a generation or two before these things get normalized. It’s rather ironic that there is usually a higher chance of an innocent man getting arrested for false-rape-accusation than that of an actual rapist going to jail. Pity!


    • Nish, pornography may be banned, technically speaking, in India but everyone knows that it is available in dizzying abundance on the net, and for free too. I am sure most rapists have had an exposure to internet porn. In any case I don’t see how unhindered access to pornography can help develop a generation of young men with lesser tendencies to sexually attack women.


      • “but everyone knows that it is available in dizzying abundance on the net, and for free too.”
        I doubt it. Internet penetration is still very low and of low bandwidth in India. Credit card penetration is also low. Besides, your average male with a ‘rapist psych’ is not as uninhibited and techno-savvy enough to get porn (with or without paying for it). I have known a number of Haryanvi Jat males with rape-positive cultural attitudes, who can barely navigate the features of their 144 kbps GPRS mobile connections, much less having access with a laptop with broadband and credit card numbers.

        Everyone knows the pre-marital sex is legal and available in India, but that doesn’t mean everyone is having it.


      • * knows that

        Having said that, I don’t think unbridled porn is the solution to the problem. Most molesters in India are not sex-crazed psychotics, but culturally conditioned loony bins who need to see women as humans, not objects. Porn unfortunately, would simply make it worse, but objectifying women not as alien creatures but as raving nymphomaniacs.


  14. Brilliantly put. But what shook me, was this line ‘most rapists do not expect the victim to complain.’. It sort of puts everything into perspective.

    Like Usha, I have begun to hate that word ‘provocative dress’. I wonder, what dress ENTITLES a man to rape?!!!


  15. hm…….i think when a young boy grows up in an environment wherein women have the role of second class citizens, he grows up without utter respect for them and treats them as he has seen his father etc behave towards their women. these are such entrenched thoughts since childhood that it is very difficult to alter their thinking. nevertheless, not that there is no area of improvement. what i do want to emphasize is that OUR generation and people like us , when we have children we inculcate the values of respect and yin and yang among them. so that when they grow up, they grow up as individuals who respect each others freedom and pursue equality. in turn when they have children they will inculcate those same values to them. this turns into a cycle of events, and ultimately, slowly but surely one can alter the social mindset. its a humongous task, will take time and isnt easy BUT it is a step. 🙂


  16. Hi Again…thats just my screen name from my blog…. 🙂

    @Aekey …..really sad….and I so thought our ‘elders’ have beyond such trivialities and are only hoping that we get our retirement plans in place, just like they do 🙂

    But I still think the situation is a tad too complicated….athimber seriously needs help and MIL’s just not accepting the situation….but I believe only your cousin can put a stop to this…..I think she needs to take a stand and voice out her concerns, get help from family or friends….unless the person wants to believe that everything is hunky dory 🙂


  17. And here is an interesting point of view. Loved this article!!!

    “Now, let us say someone is really, really turned on by the nine-yard saree – the traditional Maharashtrian attire. Would it mean that such a provoked man raping someone clad in it be understandable, if not justifiable? I am sure Saamna does not mean that.

    Rape, is of course, understandable in many psychological terms. So is serial killing. So is dacoity and corruption. The important thing is to ensure that rapists and criminals do not enter the police force. Removing every provocation for every kind of crime is not possible, and the idea behind the success of modern societies is that you don’t get provoked or insulted by what someone else does – you respect or ignore his choices, he ignores yours. Just because a few chauvinistic Sainiks get provoked, there is no need to take away the society’s freedoms. Probably there is a need for some people to be tied to lamp-posts and beaten till they learn to respect others’ freedoms, and I don’t need to explain who they are. ” Read more here, http://www.dancewithshadows.com/society/mumbai-police-rape-marine-drive.asp


    • Hi IHM

      Happy New Year to you 🙂

      “Probably there is a need for some people to be tied to lamp-posts and beaten till they learn to respect others’ freedoms” .. wish they had done this in Sunil more’s case

      But we are the ones(including authorities as well) ….who have turned a blind eye to his misdemeanors…I mean he was a known pervert and was “reprimanded” 44 times…..and was still working in the police force?!

      I remember how media blew the situation out of proportion and only then was some serious action taken against him


  18. men who are insecure – mentally diseased – have seen violence and the justification of it in their own homes – men who need an assertion of their superficial powers because they are failures in most other aspects of life – it is not “normal” for a man to want to rape any woman – whether he knows her or not, whether she is naked or not. There is no kind of physical or other attraction, not even sexual lust – it is a sickness to destroy and hurt what you think you can control and conquer.


    • @Yuvika,

      Very correctly said. One of my ex-roommates has been such a person who isn’t very successful in most aspects of life. And, I often saw him abusing his wife on phone in front of us, the other roomies. He is a perfect live example of the type of men you’re talking about 🙂


  19. Being new to Indian culture I am curious-
    Even if the rapist is convicted/prosecuted it would seem from what I’ve observed that the female victim still suffers the ‘taint’ of having been raped.
    Would (m)any Indian males marry a woman that has suffered a sexual attack under any circumstances?
    How many Indian husbands would stay with a wife who has suffered a sexual attack?
    It would seem by the number of suicides of female rape victims (or suspected rape victims) I read about in the Indian newspapers that the long term social stigma/humiliation of having been raped is too much to bear even IF the rapist is convicted.
    (correct me if I am wrong)


    • @Bibi, I think husbands would continue to stay with rape victims (I am not sure, but one hears of enough cases of men and women fighting such cases together, often in rural India).
      Unmarried rape victims’ families move to some place where nobody knows about the rape. Not sure if the victims get married…. and if they do, so they share the information about the rape? Maybe not immediately, but (again I am only guessing) eventually they do. Why do I think so? Because I have met many women who say their husbands were their biggest support in dealing with their trauma of child abuse. One woman said, her husband encouraged her to confront the molester (who was very old by then) and went with her when she did that.
      But in arranged marriages, it’s impossible (I think) for a woman to find a husband if she reveals that she has been a rape victim.
      So it seems, most young men and husbands are supportive, but the families, community and the elders are not. Maybe the biggest concern is not what happened, but how many people know that it did.


  20. Does rape begin in a man’s mind and in his attitude towards women?
    Wiser words were not spoken! I totally agree to this. In fact, everything begins and ends in the mind.
    Whether it is to exert his ‘power’/ego-satisfaction on the supposedly vulnerable woman or just to get physical satisfaction because the rapist sees women as mere objects meant to give sexual pleasure-it is indeed in the mind. True, things like the rapist knowing that reporting rapes is difficult, no stringent punishment etc just add fuel to the the fire already present in the rapist’s brain. So yes, early teaching of good values to children, teaching boys to respect women at an early age is crucial. And in the meantime, better law to deal with rapes (or at least better execution of the existing law) is required. Mandating some percentage of women police officers in the police station is also a good thing I feel. That way the victim will feel a bit more comfortable while reporting the crime. It is already a big deal of courage the victim is making by talking to the same gender that has committed the crime. It would help immensely if we keep the sensitivities of the victim in mind and understand that she/he has already gone through a mental (and physical) ordeal.


  21. your all posts are quite thought provoking and informative for me.
    What I feel is that the disrespect for woman is one of the major reason for this. Because only these people always think of harassing and eveteasing.
    I have a firm belief in one thing. Until and unless we don’t come forward to change the traditions and customs, it is very hard to stop these malpractices.


  22. Rape occurs when the perpetrator has power over the victim. Yes, the urge of a man to have sex with a woman will go up if she is dressed provocatively. But this provocation depends on that man’s own tastes and fantasy, not on any conscious choice of the woman. But that will result into rape thoughts only when he feels he has some power over her. This is the single deciding factor in rape. That is why most harassments take place in boss/subordinate relations. I am pretty sure the most harassed class of women is domestic workers, being the most vulnerable. Once you have power to satisfy your desires, and think that it is ok, then you will go ahead with whatever is available to you. That means it is the crime which has to be stigmatized, not the victim, whatever dress she is wearing. Its like if I see someone driving a nice car. I would definitely admire that car, but if I am conditioned to think that it is ok to snatch it and not only that but also no body would care, then obviously this admiration will go towards an act of snatching. But it is quite clear in this case who is to blame and what needs to be done to stop it in this case .

    I do take a strong exception to some of your assumptions. Rape and molestation is related to power. Not gender. Women, when having power are as much capable of violating the vulnerable as men. They get this opportunity in case of children usually. And in my opinion they are as much capable of hurting children and actually do it.


  23. It is only in the movies where rape is shown as an impulsive act. Some woman is accidentally showing her cleavage and bang the villain rapes her. Poor girl has no choice left but to kill herself! What about when a girl is dressed modernly, showing off her midriff? If the villain falls for her then its her fault to have forgotten her “Indian-ness”, but if the hero falls for her then she is considered hot??
    I have witnessed many many instances where girls were dressed modernly and yet were not harassed. At most they were eve-teased, just as any other girl. Actually I would say they were less harassed than the conservatively dressed. Girls who looked meek, teenagers who were naive, were the ones who were harassed more. One time a woman was groped in a bus station and she took off her sandals and started beating that man. You know what he did? he ran away! That is as far as these perverts can go.
    I don’t think any rapist would knowingly commit the crime if there was a very good chance of him getting caught and punished.


  24. Glancing through Shruthi’s.. I think the “Venky” is mostly imaginary…. But nonetheless interesting that thats how you chose to define yourself.

    “As a single woman and all of 25, forgive my ignorance…but what is it that makes us women such a doormat towards society,who are otherwise engineers, MCAs and in some really independent careers?”

    From my personal experience, I took a whole long year after the abuse (physical, emotional and sexual) started, to actually walk out.

    Why so long? Well, no one gets married preparing for this. For all the time you are preparing to get married (which is more or less since you first started playing “house-house” at age 5) , you dreams all sorts of big nice dreams and fixing up plans for your home together, your kids names etc etc … for the rest of your life with this person.

    I guess it takes some while to sink in and get past the denial that this isn’t working out, and that *this particular* plan is NOT happening.
    You think , just maybe if I do this one thing , I can have my dreams back… and so it continues….

    Moreover, you fall in love with the person flaws, quirks , eccentrics and all…maybe you saw signs of an abuser initially and fondly thought they were quirks… so then it hard to understand when those little quirks become abuse….!

    Sorry IHM for the long comment off topic.


  25. Rape is solely the responsibility of the person comitting it. But society is the most important factor for how common rape is. Societies where there is low respect for women, where the victim is blamed for what happened, where police follows up poorly rape-reports, and where the victim is made to suffer needlessly – for example by being considered less attractive as a wife – contribute to high rape-statistics.

    When one in four South-African men admit to having raped, while the number is less than one percent in Sweden, the reason is not that south-african men are born rapists. It is that they grow up in a society where women are not respected, and where rape is almost seen as normal, and where it is rare that anyone is convicted for it.

    The blame, and punishment, should be only for the guilty criminal.

    But the solution, what’s needed to prevent rape from happening in the future, requires changing the entire society and is the responsibility of everyone.


    • Yes AaeKay, extremely shocking. Most rapes are basically criminals attacking innocent citizens, these cases, which are a majority, are forgotten when those who should know better talk about what victims were wearing.


  26. Pingback: Women victims become culprits | media laundry- @Dhobitalao

  27. Pingback: What makes Men Rape? | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  28. Pingback: Everybody knows what women should do to not ‘get molested’ in India. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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