I received this email from an American Woman.
I am from the United States. For the past 7 months, I was in a relationship with an Indian man who is living here. We have known each other for 3 years. We always knew our time together was limited, as his family expects him to have an arranged marriage. Recently, my guy requested us not to see each other anymore as he said he felt that what we are doing is wrong. I knew it would come down to this one day, but I am crushed. I resent the fact that we can never see where we could have ended up.
I stumbled across your blog when I was doing research on arranged marriages and Indian culture. I have been working hard to understand this tradition that is taking my man away from me, but I must confess, I still do not entirely get it.
My guy told me that he is not willing to disappoint his parents.
I am aware that my Western ideals taint my opinions, but I just don’t understand. I don’t think wishing not to disappoint your parents is a good idea to get married. Marriage is supposed to be forever, and this special bond between two people. I feel as if Indian children are being treated as commodities/business agreements. Why don’t their parents want them to be happy? Is it fair for parents to say that their happiness depends on who their kids marry? Falling in love with someone who loves you back is the greatest feeling. Obviously that feeling changes and shifts over time, but it can also grow deeper.
Do Indian parents not wish for their children to be happy? I know the family structure is different, but do you think love marriages will be more common place in the future? Also, what type of discussions should children have with their parents about this topic? I ask you because I know you are a parent, and I am hoping that you might have insight that would help me understand. Also, I confess I hope to inspire you to write a post on this 🙂 But if not, I would love a reply.
If you do decide to write a post, feel free to use any part of this e-mail.
Have a wonderful day!