What goes on in the mind of an ‘Eve Teaser’?

Is it just disrespect for all women in general or also jealousy of any man who women seem to respect or prefer the company of?

And do all ‘eve teasers’ also try to control their sisters, daughters and wives, warning them against offending the sensibilities of men like themselves in public spaces? Like the man in this email, do they believe all public spaces belong to molesters?

1. On 20th October, six young people in Bombay, Andheri had dinner and stepped out for paan at 11 pm. A drunk man, Jitendra Rana, attempted to ‘eve tease’ (sexually harass) one of the women in the group, her boyfriend pushed this ‘eve teaser’ away. Rana left threatening to return. He returned with a violent mob of 13 men and stabbed Keenan Santos (24), Reuben Fernandez (29). [Link]

Santos, 24 died that night, and Rueben died this Monday.


2. On 15th February this year, Rajib Das, a class XI student was killed brutally while his 21 year old sister screamed for help, beating at the gates of an IAS officer’s house a 100 meters away.

Every night, either Rajib or his father would wait at Barasat station to take her home. Rajib was cycling his sister home, at Banikanthanagar 2 km away, when the gang stopped them… They wanted to douse his sister in liquor and take her away. Rajib would not let that happen.

Read more about Rajib Das here, and here.

The news was reported as, ‘Barasat eve-teasing case: prime accused nabbed” or “Eve-teasing: One arrested in Rajib Das’ killing“.

Was this a case of ‘Eve Teasing’? Calling it Eve-Teasing trivializes Sexual Harassment.

3. Hashiya from Tardeo was eight months pregnant, going for a sonography with her husband, when a group of men started harassing her. They molested the woman, attacked the man, some even using cricket bats!

“My husband was holding on to my shoulder to support me as I walked. The men began commenting snidely at what they perceived to be an obscene display of affection,” said Hashiya.

So they thought display of affection was obscene, and molesting was ‘decent’?

4. In Jan 2009, Muthalik claimed two consenting adults (unless same sex)  dancing and drinking (and generally being happy together) was obscene, he would probably support the molesters in Tardeo.

Pawan Shetty who fought back against these molesters in Mangalore, faced threats.

Is it possible for a decent man, who respects women (including those in his own family, his colleagues etc);  and is generally a law abiding citizen, to ‘eve tease’ or molest a woman?

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77 thoughts on “What goes on in the mind of an ‘Eve Teaser’?

  1. I’ve happened to stay with a couple of guys who even used to talk about his ‘adventures’ in front my other roomies who sometimes laughed in return.

    Is sense of achievement (of having taken ‘risk’ of offending some girl/woman successfully) that drive them to do all these? I’m not sure.

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      • Not the eve teasing. People in college describing an eve teasing incident with such relish that I just couldn’t believe it. I was stunned. When I shouted at them, the reply that I got was “Teri ma-behen to nahi thi na. Chill maar!”

        Me – I have seen people who have such attitudes. And what they feel for their sisters or mothers is not respect but a sense of ownership, for example, they may not respect their opinions, freedom or happiness.

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  2. Eve-teasing is not what any of these crimes are. As you say, the abuser is let off easily and made to feel it as not a big deal by calling it eve -teasing rather than sexual harassment.

    And I do not think that if you respect women, you can eve – tease any woman. The woman being related to you or not, does not have anything to do with respect towards a gender.

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    • Maybe we should make a concentrated effort to get rid of this toxic term. Use of quaint language completely minimizes the horror of the situation. Any time we see this used in the news media, we probably should flood the newspaper / tv channel to alter their terminology and use the correct language. And encourage our friends/internet friends to do the same thing. After all, the internet is a great organizing tool!

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  3. Any decent man, woman or alien would not treat another human being in such a degrading way. It is not eve-teasing. It is sexual harassment, it is physical assault, it is rape, it is murder.There is no speck of decency in such people. There is only violence, a pathetic, pathetic sense of entitlement, and a huge bubbling vat of jealousy and discontent. Shoot them all I say.

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    • No, don’t shoot them, drown them in that huge bubbling vat of jealousy, entitlement and inhumanity.

      When I was reading these stories I could not help but place my self in the victim’s shoes.

      For a few moments, I became Rajib Das, lying prone on the ground, being beaten to death a few meters away from the houses of the police commissioner and the district magistrate,

      I became Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandes, into whose ICCU room the police forced their way in even as he battled death.
      (http://aamjanata.com/keenan-santos-could-be-you/)

      I wondered what Keenan and Reuben must have thought about in their dying moments.

      Perhaps they felt relieved to be leaving a world and a country where bystanders could watch while people were stabbed to death and still sleep soundly at night.

      Perhaps their spirits watched in horror as a Congress MLA scrambled to hire a lawyer for the killers, because they make up a lucrative vote bank.

      Sometimes, this country disgusts me. Our hypocrisy, our ineffectual handwringing, our politics and our politicians and “our moral values”

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  4. Many men in our country are glutted with contrasting principles,for them the dignity and nobility of the women in their family is cardinal,yet they are the ones intimidating and giving a hard time to women in general.They are just solicitous with protecting their sisters and wives,forgetting that those walking down the streets also appertain to some dignified family.

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    • “the dignity and nobility of the women ”
      I think this is only a pretence. For a lot of men, women have no dignity / nobility / humanity except in terms of how they can be of service (mother / sister bollywood stereotypes) They see women as subhuman / not really people (those who have a right to lives / opinions / wishes that are completely unrelated to the needs and opinions of any men around)
      The family honour thing is about ‘their’ honor in front of other men – Note their utter willingness to ‘honor kill’ family women when they do something unapproved. It is something like ‘my dog is better trained than your dog’ and if the dog in question has no master visible, throw stones at it. (Note: I am not suggesting that treating dogs this way is correct – it is a sign of the kind of mindset people have that they are in fact treated in this manner)

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    • I don’t think they respect the women in their own families either, they probably control them and regularly, habitually warn them about the filthy minds of men on the streets, and tell them that women must not lose the respect of these criminals. Such men are also likely to have a lot of respect for eve teaser’s opinion of ‘their’ women.

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  5. I don’t know what to say ..My blood boils at the way .. Usually the people who eve tease or molest are the ones who don’t have any luck with the women or are rejected by women this is what i think ..
    but this does not give them the right to do it to anyone .. HARSH punishment .. anyone caught eve teasing should be treated bad and shamed in public and maybe worse do a surgical procedure on them …

    There are some law which were made for this only an eye for an eye is good in such occasion , I sound very horrific BUT then that’s me ..

    I thank god and my luck that I have lived a good life But I remember a incident when we had all gone for a party and a friend and his GF were going home they were attacked for this reason only a group of boys tore the girls clothes.. and beat up our friend who was hospitalised for months… nothing ever came of that as police did not do anything .. but it made us angrier and whenever we went out and found anyone teasing Let me tell you we Beat the ___ out of the guy..

    it is really very shameful this happens .. And reading that the girl was pleading in front of a IAS officers house .. That officer needs to be asked a question and he should be thrown out of the job did they not take the OAT to protect when joining the position even is its only administrative …

    SAD to read all this …

    The answer to your question yes it is possible and all these people who do eve tease do have there sisters or mothers at home.. it is just the mentality as i said they don’t have any luck with women themselves so they use power and usually in a group..

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      • Maybe it is a matter of hierarchy – what I am trying to say is probably better exemplified by the olden days / village life where society is more strongly stratified. The zamindar / rana has the right to mistreat / assault the wives / daughters of the poor farmer, because might is right. If the farmer dares to protest, he gets beaten up or killed.

        The examples here look like the same thing, where because the aggressor is a polical thug / local hoodlum or some other thing, he perceives his right to harass women(also an assertion of his power) as more important than the lower status male’s wish to protest. Of course, in case the physical power wise lower status male is actually economically better off / better educated, all the more reason to pull him down and appease the sense of inferiority that the violently misogynist brute secretly feels.

        Not saying that these feelings are reasoned out this way by the perpetrator, but underlying motivations sound similar.

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    • Such attempts of harassment are very common, if the couple is young, if the place is isolated, if the molesters are in ‘safe’ numbers, they feel empowered. And of course knowing that the chances of being convicted are minimal, must embolden them 😦

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      • I do not think chances of being convicted are minimal. I agree there is a whole lot of corruption in India, but remember even bigwigs like Kalmadi are now in prison. The problem lies with the unsympathetic attitude of male officials at every step of the way, unless you have powerful backing. Otherwise, the grind grinds you.

        Me – I agree, in this case there is too much public anger and media coverage and conviction will happen; but in general sexual harassment is not taken seriously and it’s rare to see convictions.

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  6. I have often wondered about this – what exactly goes on in the mind of men who attempt sexual harassment – Perhaps they perceive women as sexual objects that can be toyed with at any time and there is a total lack of respect for another individual – I also wonder what kind of families they come from – Is their behavior a learned behavior – have they seen other men in their family/social circle behave in a similar manner towards women and hence accept that behavior as natural?

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    • They’ve probably never had positive role models growing up, neither male nor female.

      Most Indian mothers don’t really teach their kids basic life lessons, and don’t really exercise a moral/ intellectual influence on them.

      An Indian mother’s job appears to be confined to feeding her kids, waiting on them hand and foot and spoiling them rotten if they are male.

      Glaring generalisation, I know and my sincere apologies to Shail, Rituji and all the others who are exceptions to the rule. 🙂

      However, it often bothers me that for all our blustering on about “moral values”, most Indian parents do not really act as moral educators for their kids, not in the true sense anyway.

      One is moral if one marries a spouse of the parents’ choosing, avoids pre-marital sex and generally behaves according to socially sanctioned codes of behavior.

      Most Indian kids are not taught to respect others as fellow human beings, and treat everyone with fairness and respect, regardless of gender, religion, educational background and social standing.

      What I also find interesting is that most of these “eve-teasers” often belong to lower middle class families but are seldom from the poorest strata of society.

      I’ve always found that rather puzzling. After all, men from the poorest families should be the ones who feel the most insecure about their masculinity, since nothing emasculates a man as much as does poverty.

      But it is often men from upwardly mobile families, who appear to display the most deviant, hypermasculine behaviors.

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  7. Men who are insecure about their ‘masculinity’ choose to prove it by this kind of aggressive sexual behaviour. They believe it is their right to make a woman uncomfortable because of her own body and then justify their act by claiming ‘indecency’ on part of the woman. Some of them do it openly in this ‘hero-like’ way while others do it slyly. I was in Class VIII or so and had gone to a barely populated government library to get some books. This puny looking guy kept following me around and at one point took his penis out! I don’t know what he expected me to do- perhaps flee with fear or become ashamed, but I simply stood my ground and stared at him straight in the face, as if there was nothing weird about him standing like that. The guy got confused, zipped up, and left. I didn’t complain to the librarian about this since I was just a school kid myself, but I felt happy I didn’t lose my head.

    I think movies and advertisements justify ‘eve-teasing’ and give it more and more legitimacy, though I wouldn’t say it’s only the media that’s responsible for this. I’ve watched so many films where the hero harasses the girl or justifies a harasser’s action by citing the girl’s inappropriate clothing and telling her to take it as a lesson. And then the girl falls in love with this enlightened soul, of course. I have no idea why we even have a censor board. What’s to blame is an entire culture that is constantly making excuses for men and laying all the responsibility and guilt at the women’s door. And then we’re surprised to know India has such a poor score on gender equality.

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  8. I agree with some of the comments given above. Part of it has to do with social conditioning. They may come from homes where women are treated like dirt and taken for granted, hence the lack of respect for women in general.
    Naturally such an attitude will result being turned away from any woman they try their luck on….and it could be their frustration that they are taking out on others. It could also be the jealousy against other men who have women with them…who are probably doing all the right things and by this I mean caring for them, treating them right etc. It reflects against the inability to sustain a decent relationship with a women. Or maybe they couldn’t care less anyway.

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  9. This is really sad.. How can we even call in eve-teasing when it is actually physical assault and murder? Its not about the respect for women but respect for life that is lacking here as males are bearing the attack too. Men who are jealous, insecure and jobless have nothing to do but uphold Indian values at the right moments. The audacity is the direct result of our wonderful laws and the police attitude! They do not help in the tracking and even if caught the case gets dragged on making a mockery out of the victims.

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  10. Just completely, utterly sickening. I don’t even know what to say except that I’m glad to see the media outrage in support of these guys.

    I’ve had a brush with “eve-teasers” myself near New Delhi Railway Station. There was a short chap who banged into my sister again and again “by accident”. There weren’t any cops around on the platform, and by the third time, I was pretty much bracing to punch his teeth right in. But I guess he got the hint from our combined glare and stopped.

    Standing up to armed thugs is a whole different ball game. It’s like a nightmare scenario. There’s nothing you can do about it, because law enforcement is just so damn lax in this travesty of a country. There’s nothing you can do, because if you raise your voice, you’re sent back home in a coffin for your trouble, and the police just look on.
    It’s funny how fast the cops converge on a couple being “indecent” in public, and how long it takes them to get there when it’s something truly serious.

    Keenan could’ve been me. It could’ve been anyone. He was just a normal guy trying to protect someone he loved from harassment. And this is what he got.

    Very, VERY ashamed to be an Indian today.

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  11. I think it goes without saying that those indulging in street molestation have a very low self esteem. They’re always with other people so they want to be watched and praised for being “brave.” No one asks them to go and do the same to a well protected woman. So much for “bravery.”

    Second, Indian society restricts interaction between girls and boys right from the school level. When sexual maturity hits, these guys have no experience about how to handle it since they’ve never really had genuine female friends. The end result is that women become “objects” and not people. They would never allow this to happen to their sisters because they view their sister as persons (hopefully!)

    Things will change once girls mix more with boys at an earlier age – playing with them, fighting with them, making faces at each other…but as long as we have “girls schools” and “boys schools” and segregation of colleges, young boys will never learn how to handle themselves around girls.

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    • Agree with this completely! It is not just boys/ girls who have grown up in segregated schools. I’ve seen the same phenomenon many times in families who have all boys. These boys grow up, become men, marry, and then typically they have no idea how to behave with/ handle the bunch of women who enter their families. These wives are either infantilised- escorted everywhere, not allowed to travel by themselves, not allowed their own decisions, often not allowed a career- all in the name of so called ‘gentlemanly behaviour’. At the other end of the spectrum these hapless women are treated as inferior beings, to be controlled and kept in their place, often leading to domestic violence.

      In either scenario, it is the women who are at the losing end.

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      • Who do you think resists the strongest against any changes in tradition? Those who benefit from such traditions. Who do you think benefits the most from such traditions? No, not men, but families who have no girl children… Many (almost all) old traditions make it nicer to have male children and tougher to have baby girls. I would like to hear your views on the next post here, https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2011/11/04/do-you-think-this-video-can-make-indian-parents-want-to-have-daughters/
        Do you think girl child killing and ‘eve teasing’ are related? If we started valuing our girl children in our homes, do you think that might bring down (or end) street harassment for women? I think most ‘eve teasers’ have seen disrespect and bias against female family members in their homes. Their sisters are probably told to dress properly ‘or else don’t come crying if they are molested’.

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      • @IHM: I am totally against this point that those families which doesn’t have girl children resist change. Because in mine family there are there are very less girls (it’s not because we don’t want her) but I have never seen any of us having disrespect for girls. My whole family always like to have more girls in family and I also felt the same always wish about having my own sister.

        Again I would say you cannot blame anyone particularly. Well this was mine story. May be according to you, you are right. But now a days except for few villages and where the mentality of people has not changed a bit, I don’t feel that family are resisting the change in traditions.

        See eve-teasing cases are there in developed countries also where there is no such thing like girl child killing. So I cannot say that both are related until I have the solid reason for it. And being started valuing our girls at home or giving respect to them may work. But I don’t think that is also a perfect solution for it. It might work who knows. But nothing is absolute. and eradicating it completely will take lots of efforts.

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        • What kind of efforts do you think will work Vipul?
          And ‘eve teasing’ or street sexual molestation is directly proportional to the respect that women have in a society – so South East Asia, Egypt and Afghanistan is where it is more common. It is not a fact of life in the Western countries the way it is here, and even in India it is more common in places where there is more segregation and crime.

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      • @IHM: I don’t which efforts will bring the change. I am too looking for it not only for this issue but lots of other issues as well. I have mentioned this thing in one of the comment in this post only look at it.
        Yeah I am totally agree with you at the point of respect for women in Western countries in comparison to saudi and asian countries.

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  12. Is it possible for a decent man, who respects women (including those in his own family, his colleagues etc); and is generally a law abiding citizen, to ‘eve tease’ or molest a woman?

    I don’t think so. If he genuinely respects women, he won’t molest them. Molestation happens because men do not see women as humans having intelligence, wishes, desires and choice. They view women as objects of their own pleasure. Their world is centered around themselves. They ios no world called “Respect” in their dictionary.

    “Sexual harrasment is not about sex. It’s about power” …Disclosure movie,1994

    There are different types of molesters:
    1. Superiority Complexed:

    The outfit the woman wears, the control she has over her life and sexuality and the confidence she shows pisses them off. They feel powerless because they believe they are superior to women and “controllers” of women and this woman proves just the opposite. So, they molest her. It shocks her. She shouts back, expresses the shock, asks for help. They know they can get away with it because the society thinks it’s the woman’s fault for inciting a man and that she deserves being molested because that’s what she craves for.

    2. Inferiority Complexed:

    They like to hang out with women. But women don’t find them worthwhile spending time with. They feel powerless and want the power back. They molest the first docile girl they see. They like the shock and horror on her face. They know they can get away with it because the girl won’t complain/report it. They feel back in power.

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      • No not at all. All these are not because of inferiority complex.

        Me – Vipul, those men who have seen men as superior to women at home, (to their sisters and wives; and their fathers as authority figures and mothers as obedient daughters in law and wives), THEN when they come out of their homes and see women walking confidently and not behaving deferentially towards them, they might react with some shock and disappointment. They wonder, “Why aren’t these women behaving like the women back home are taught to behave?” Some react with attempts to intimidate, some think they must teach them a lesson. Some might feel intimidated by these women’s confidence (because they are not used to it). Inferiority complex comes because of their sense of entitlement, when they realize that the women are doing very well as equal humans, and not treating them as superior. They realize they are not really superior, and that’s a difficult thing for them to get used to.

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      • I would say something else is also there which makes a man for eve-teasing and all. And I feel you all guys now about it as well.
        Still I am not convince with this point completely that inferiority complex is the main reason, it might be one the reason but there are lot of good reasons as Bhagwad Jal has also mentioned.

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    • There is also the category of non-thinkers. Those who do not even realize that what they are doing is demeaning to the woman. They think it is a good joke, and are quite puzzled why some people are so against it. This is the group we have the hope of converting by sensitising them to human rights right from school days. But considering what kind of people run our schools …

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  13. Just don’t know what to say!
    Deeply distressed and ashamed of Indian males.
    The reasons why some men / boys behave like this are already outlined and I agree.
    When they see a girl better then them in everyway, with no hope of catching up, ever, they show their jealousy and frustration this way.

    Strange, we never see such behaviour in the animal world.
    What’s this about Human beings that make men behave like this?
    Are humans refined animals? Or are animals refined humans, I wonder.

    RegardsGV

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  14. I have read quite a few interesting discourses and been to a few discussions (including one with Kiran Bedi, years back when she came to LSR) on how eve teasers, molesters and rapists suffer from an inferiority complex – they perceive their acts as assertions of power, potency. They feel slighted by women who are more successful, confident, outgoing, career oriented – they are usually failures in their personal and professional lives and such sexual acts of perversion are their only mechanisms to fight that. While this argument seems very convincing, how does one justify the molestation and rape of the timid, “fully-clothed” and submissive women? Easy victims?

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    • Astonishing arguments. Is it so that the teasers suffer from inferiority complex? May be but there are many who doesn’t suffer from any of those but still do.
      And I never understood the term “Easy Victims”. What do you mean by it? How can a human be a easy victim for a teasing?

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      • Easy victims here would be those who can’t really fight back. And if they fight back it would be an unequal battle because the victim would be blamed for inviting the harassment by dressing provocatively, or walking, talking, smiling in ways that asked to be ‘eve teased’.

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      • Thanks a lot for the explanation. the way people use it is really disappointing. how can a girl be a easy victim? They may not fight back because either the male is too strong or because of fear. But no one has the right to say easy victim to others.

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  15. Agree with small town feminist – when you feel inferior, you do whatever it takes to feel better about yourself. The only way someone can subdue in these situations is physical force. Some people think the answer to all solutions lies in the extra appendage.

    I think one of the solutions is feminist parenting for which women need to start valuing themselves and as mothers never take crap from sons/husbands/men who disrespect. Respect for women as people will be imbibed if the environment provides it. A chicken and egg story.

    What I wonder more about is how sparky, smart, clever women change to be parodies of themselves, allowing people to speak to them with disrespect. Not talking of joint families or even conservative families where girls come to school/college but never out of mindsets but people who were friends, spoke of equality but followed patterns set for them by either parents/husbands. Another chicken and egg scenario – it all has to change but no one wants to take it up and do it themselves.

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    • Because it is tough! Oh, it is VERY tough when you have no support in family, and friends look at you as if you are a major sinner and keep telling you. “Aisa nahin hota. Thoda to adjust karna padta hai.” And you are fuming back with. “Why?” They have no answer, so they shake their heads sadly. It is very tough.

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      • Change has to happen somewhere, right? When we are given an education, access to information and independence, when we take it up in some spheres but can’t seem to take it all the way through, it’s that we don’t respect ourselves enough to not take stuff from our sons….agree it is tough. Some women have done it – there are several respectful men around too, so when do we start demanding of ourselves?

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      • Vipul,

        I don’t do adjustment that makes me unhappy, makes me feel worthless or takes my freedom away to decide something for myself. I am open to all other kind of adjustments made for love, friendship and passions.

        Men are allowed the freedom of the latter, women are shackled with the former in many, many cases. I was describing the former case.

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  16. Acts like molestation, eve-teasing, rape, domestic violence and bullying stem from insecurity and a belief that doing so will make them seem more powerful and more potent. It will sooth their ego and their lack of confidence in themselves. And people like these might not ‘harm’ the women in their own house, but I doubt they actually respect them. In some cases, the abuser might completely believe that such acts are completely normal and are ok to indulge in. I do believe a stricter punishment to eve teasing will help. Eve teasing is nothing but sexual harassment.

    Reading about the death of these two young me while the rest of the people just stood and watched reminded me of a post you had done on what we can do to use our wit and common sense to fight of danger. But in cases like these, where there was a crowd of people standing nearby and no amount of pleading, shouting by the girl budged them, what does one do in such case. How can one use their common sense to save the person who is being attacked. Would love to hear on what one can do to attract help and help ourself if one is face by a weapon yielding mob.

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      • I agree with you. We would have to punish more than half the male population in the country then! Spreading awareness, educating and living our own lives in a way to challenge stereotyping is the fastest way to change society.

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      • It is not the “only” solution, but one of the factors that will speed up the process. Why do you think then, rape, molestation, DV have punishments? Spreading awareness is surely the solution to eradicate the issue at the root cause, but if not coupled with some form of punishment, I think it will take a much longer time!

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  17. A thing worth noticing is men being killed or attacked who supported or tried to protect their women. When human life(regardless of gender) is not respected, how can one expect respect for a gender from them?

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  18. First of all kudos for the nice survey before putting up this post.
    Certainly the cases you have mentioned here seems insane to me.
    I have seen people doing eve-teasing in the college campus, on the roads, at restaurants and at several places. They do have sisters too but I too never able to understood how much respect their sisters and other females in theirs family.
    I would like to say one more thing here, writing posts on these topics never help us in improving the conditions. It is good to give opinions and ask opinions from others. But those people who really consider females as a commodity or a worker never read all these things.I too write about many social issues and read at many other places but I hardly found people ponder over these things. Many people doesn’t want to read it these too. Max to max they leave a comment like nice post, point to ponder, blah blah. But how many of us take it seriously, I seriously doubt about it.
    And the other things above all regarding feminine issues I feel our tradition is much more responsible for it. 80’s or 90’s women never considered as a respectable human which is really pathetic. But still at few places these things have not changed.

    P.S.: I too don’t know how one should impact on the thinking of others. because these people never wants to listen or read anything and cannot force anyone for anything.

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    • Vipul, the first step for changing anything, is to realize or/and to acknowledge that there is a problem. If we don’t write and discuss, we would not even know there are problems. Creating awareness or ‘Consciousness Raising’ is the first step to any change. If even a few of us read and discuss it’s not so bad, atleast we make a beginning. I have realized blogging and discussing helps me think with more clarity.
      How does thinking with clarity help? It helps us understand, for example that when we feel angry with a street harasser, we need not blame ourselves, which in turn makes us more confident and better able to handle such situations. Also when we talk to others, we share these views. All big changes begin with small changes, even if one mindset changes, we have achieved something. Sharing of opinions is essential for changing mindsets. And without a change in mindset, we can’t really change anything else.

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      • Yeah I agree with you that acknowledging, sharing, discussing,etc,etc is necessary and I too realized this think after I have started blogging that it helps you in thinking with more clarity. It’s true that all big changes start with a small one and one mindset change is a big change.
        But how can you make sure that this blogposts whatever we used to write make any changes in the society? Particularly in those who really need to change themselves. For example in this article, I doubt that any of the eve-teasers would have read this article. They never want to read anything against them. So it’s very difficult to change themselves who are already on the wrong track.
        But yeah one thing I would say that it may help to those who really feel about it and may tried to come back on correct path if they have went on wrong path or something like that.
        Anyways thanks a lot for responding to this comment and I have poked you a lot for this.Sorry for that.

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      • You are welcome Vipul, that’s how discussions happen 🙂

        The only way to end street sexual harassment is to respect and value girl children in our homes.
        Men who respect women (i.e. see a woman as another, equal individual) would NOT ‘eve-tease’ or sexually harass a woman.

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      • This reply is to Vipul’s point: “For example in this article, I doubt that any of the eve-teasers would have read this article. ” Replied here since there is no reply link on his post.
        Probably you are right, the person who does this kind of thing would not change by reading this, they would become more defensive. However, that does not mean that these kinds of posts are a waste of effort due to preaching to the choir.
        How about the mother whose teenage son is starting to behave badly by ordering her around and disrespecting her? Maybe she reads this post and sees where her son is headed?
        – How about a man / woman who reads this and recognizes the personality type discussed in a cousin / friend / brother? Maybe they talk to them.
        – How about a man who has no idea of how this issue actually affects society (And there are a lot of these – read on the street harassment blogathon that happened a few years ago) Maybe they become more aware, more empathetic, and start speaking out and taking action where requried.

        These posts are VERY valuable and I love that IHM continuously raises these issues and presents them in her own special style.

        Me – Thank You SS.

        Like

  19. I’m still in shock from reading these stories. The second story made me cry at the futility of it all – killing a 10th grader? Dousing a woman in liquor and taking her away? Why?

    These men are rabid beasts, not humans. Where did they imbibe their “values” from, if they have any? Will they get a life sentence, or walk free? Does India have a larger than usual share of psychopaths? Who taught them when they were children? And “society” will turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to all these goings-on, or even watch from a distance (!!) BUT take a personal interest in how his neighbor’s niece married a Muslim boy. I want to hit something right now.

    Something’s got to give. Indian “Culture” and its “Values” needs an overhaul, a revolution. Why are our people so proud of being prude and self-repressed, and state proudly that “this is OUR culture?” Why do we put up with it all? Why are we passive onlookers? How do we unbreed all this indifference? What can an ordinary person who’s sick to her stomach of all this do, to make a difference? Can we even make a difference?

    Like

    • //Does India have a larger than usual share of psychopaths?//

      I think we do. Our parenting and education system is based on control and obedience. It only creates monsters out of ordinary people, or makes them slaves to tradition. Very few people REALLY want to be told how to live, but our society is hell-bent on telling everyone how to live. I had noted in one of the previous posts about the excessively large proportion of Indian parents who are neurotic and controlling. It cannot be a natural thing, it is definitely the result of the control system.

      Like

  20. I think “eve teasers” suffer from low self-esteem and they probably get a kick out of doing what they do. After a point it almost turns into a disease. I remember a trip I had taken with my parents a few years back to Kerala. We were travelling by bus and I suddenly felt a hand feeling me up. When I confronted the guy, he got of the bus (the driver helpfully stopped the bus for him) and all the women in the bus scolded me for confronting the guy. They actually told my parents that they were sorry that I was such a “headstrong” daughter. 😦

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  21. i totally disagree with the word eve teasing here, teasing is supposed to be just teasing.. i think the word eve teasing should loose its meaning as and when a physical contact is made.. eve teasing should just mean whisteling, winking or passing a comment.. anything beyond that is sexual harassment.. ,

    Like

  22. Adding another aspect , I would like to magnetize your assiduity to the role played by Indian cinema in fostering this can of worms and illustrating it as something as a part of flirtatious beginnings of a courtship.We are deponent of many such films in which the hero starts approaching the heroine in such a comportment which could be appropriately tagged as bawdy often accompanied by songs and street dance ,which customarily results in the heroine knuckle to the hero’s advances towards the cusp of the song.And we all are au courant about the emulation of behavior ,fashion showcased on big screen.So young men in our country outvie such behavior.However minuscule and doltish this aspect be regarded, but it’s apparent and we cannot defy the accent of media on societal behavior.

    @Maya :Many feminist from time to time have termed “eve teasing” as “little rapes”.Many women volunteer organizations and feminist have solicited and advocated to replace the expression with a more appropriate term that could evince the essence of this social evil.As per many feminist considering the phonological footing of the word,it refers to the Lorelei nature of eve,hence treating women culpable as a tease ,and inciting the male aggression inappropriate behavior.Hence it becomes quite apparent why “eve teasing” is not looked upon as a serious issue and something for which the male society should be blamed for.

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    • This is why I dont watch bollywood movies because they just make me angry
      How many movies are there where a guy stalks a girl and its considered romantic, no its not romantic its creepy.
      Or when a guy “eve teasing” is potrayed as flirting
      woman are never taken seriously when they say no, they just keep pestering them until they give in.
      Its like thats what guys think, just keep “eve teasing” a girl and she’ll give in have sex with you. Its disgusting.

      Like

    • IHM,

      I’m commenting again after a long hiatus, following the link from Bhagwad’s. Thanks for linking Annie’s article. http://www.anniezaidi.com is a regular read for me.

      This incident also reminds me of wisedonkey, who said, very sincerely it seemed to me, that she would if she could, give up her own life or that of a child that was coming to her, if she could exchange it for the life of a person who died defending a stranger from attack. i dont recall the incident she was referring to. It was not Rajib, it was an individual man who went out of his way to protect a perfect stranger unrelated to himself and was stabbed to death.

      I deeply respect these heroes and agree with AnnieZ and like what WiseD said. But honesty requires me to admit that my own safety and that of my family are very important to me and my reactions in such a situation would depend on an assessment of risk. I’m sorry to say that I could react in a cowardly fashion unbecoming of any respect by AnnieZ, WiseD or you 😦

      thanks
      Jai

      Like

  23. Pingback: EveTeasing Leads to Dastardly Murder « MyWords MyWorld

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  25. I feel that “eve teasing” is used as a form of social control to keep woman at home or from going out on their own.

    From my limited experience of India, when I was alone or with other females I got harassed. When I was with a male cousin or uncle I didnt even get stared at.

    My mom wouldn’t let me go anywhere on my own not even to the bathroom when we were at a restaurant, she sent my cousin with me because it was on the other side of the restaurant. It felt so infantilizing that I was a grown woman and couldn’t go anywhere on my own.

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  26. Pingback: It seems not just women who are sexually assaulted, but also men who object to molestations are seen as ruining the Indian culture. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  27. Pingback: Allahabad girl Aarti Yadav beats eve teaser, sets bike on fire | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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