Obedient Wives’ Clubs: Insulting to both men and women?

If he needs sex, obey him. “You must satisfy your husband. A good wife should be a whore in bed,” (A tip for club members to prevent husbands from straying.)

And to imagine this coming from Rohaya Mohamad a 46-year-old doctor, whose husband has three other wives, not an average woman’s idea of a successful or happy marriage.

KUALA LUMPUR (AFP) – A group of Malaysian women launched an “Obedient Wife Club” on Saturday, urging members to be “whores in bed” and obey their husbands to curb social ills like divorce and domestic violence.

Shouldn’t women instead be informed that the only thing that prevents them from finding real life-partners for themselves (instead of those who marry them to curb social ills like prostitution), is their social conditioning?

Thankfully,

The club has come under criticism from Malaysian women’s groups who say the onus on keeping a family together is being unfairly placed on women.

With obedience comes submission, which may lead to domestic violence and marital rape,” Women’s Aid Organisation head Ivy Josiah told AFP.

We should really be forming equality in marriage clubs,” she added. [Click to read more]

I googled to read more reactions,

It turns out, the secret to a happy union is to let your husband have sex with you whenever he wants. If your marriage is sad or fraught with strife, simply fuck your way out. How novel.

This view is insulting to both men and women, and it’s not limited exclusively to countries with more strongly religious populations. It’s sadly pervasive in American society as well. [Click to read the article at Jezebel]

Picture of two members of Obedient Wives’ Club with their husband and children  linked to Jezebel

For Indian women (and their divorce rates), we have ‘Manju Sanskar Kendra‘ in Bhopal, where girls, often teenagers, are taught to ‘adjust properly‘ since ‘families are breaking up because girls nowadays have too much ego‘.

Hemnani says he was open to taking classes for men and their mothers too (Not fathers?) but there was no response. Maybe they didn’t want to know what caused tuberculosis?

The head of this institution (who, surprise, surprise is a man) has authored books on this topic “ Grahasth Mein Vyavaharik Jeevan (Practical Married Life) for one. For the uninitiated, this book scatters many pearls of wisdom, such as too much sex is the cause of diabetes and tuberculosis among men.[Click to read]

Here’s a letter from an Indian woman who is eager to join Manju Sanskar Kendra in Bhopal because she confesses she, started getting all bad, bad thoughts about Bill (her fiance) – I tried, I really tried to control myself but you must remember that I did not have the benefit of attending your school then…🙂

Does the fact that such schools have limited takers and face derision shows we have started putting common sense above old habits (euphemistically called traditions)?

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60 thoughts on “Obedient Wives’ Clubs: Insulting to both men and women?

    • If divorce is a social ill, marriage is too…The root cause of divorce is marriage…Therefore, instead of blaming divorce on women, the institution of marriage should be done away with…People should be allowed to cohabit and leave according to their desire…

      Like

  1. That’s just another spin of the clichéd “Sex-repairs-a-bad-relationship” belief. I would like to find out if the man with two wives (in the photo) gets himself another wife despite the, erm, strategies employed by his current wives.

    Too much sex causes diabetes and TB? Yes, we all know about his ilk. Their services are advertised on the interiors of Mumbai’s local trains and they claim that masturbation causes ED and what not. 😉

    Like

  2. I know this is a serious topic, but can’t help laugh my head off!
    Obedient wives club sounds like a animal farm!
    Reminds me of a movie “Stepford Wives”
    Though there the whole “obedient wife” plan was a woman’s initiative.

    Like

  3. excuse me while i bang my head 7 times against the wall. hopefully this will damage all logical cells in my brain and i will stop agonizing about the stupidity of the world in general and the obedient wives in particular. maybe i might become stupid enough to join them. infact i declare myself an honourary member. i have never refused sex to my husband (don’t tell them it’s because i enjoy it as much – they’ll disqualify me). infact i enjoyed it so much that the first time (before we were married – hawwww – shame shame), i had to convince him to be not so bothered about my izzat.

    Like

  4. I just finished reading a book today, a story which was all of strategies.. but mostly it was all boiling down to survival instincts.

    Obedience, Submission, Manipulative strategies, emotional blackmailing, backstabbing. Could these actions just boil down to the Survival Instincts of someone who has very low self esteem and confidence in herself/himself? Someone who feels she/he does not stand a chance otherwise? Someone who thinks these are the only tools at her/his posession.

    The thought is not limited to this topic alone. But while I was reading this post, I was surprised at what I just said out aloud. “Survival Instincts of women who think very less of themselves.” Rightly said, the social conditioning drills in the idea of their ‘aukaad’ too early in life, for them to think or do anything beyond it.

    Like

  5. Sometimes, I want to have sex, he does not
    Sometimes, he wants to have sex, I don’t
    Sometimes, both of us don’t want to have sex
    Sometime, both of us want to have sex and we have sex!

    See…it is a fail proof chart. And despite all these ifs and buts…my husband still wants to have sex with only me! What to do!

    Like

  6. from manusmriti to shakespeares ‘taming of the shrew’,women have always been subservient.it’s biological determinism largely that makes a woman keep finer emotions of love above power and ego.
    and is Ego really a male thing? why women with ego are defiant sluts?
    well two wives in Malasia and dowry issue in India-both stemming from same socially perceived so-called inferiority.

    Like

  7. How I wish I could simply laugh this off, but, no, I can’t.
    I am outraged.
    To voice my protest I wish to announce to these club members that I wish to start a rival Obedient Husband’s club and I cordially invite their husbands to become members.
    My advice to these husbands will be
    ===================
    If she needs sex obey her. “You must satisfy your wife. A good husband should be a rake in bed.
    =======================
    Allow her to have four husbands so that you need share only one fourth the responsibility to keep her satisfied.
    Any takers for this club?
    Regards
    GV

    Like

  8. Basically it’s like:
    women, it’s all your fault there’s an increase in domestic violence and divorce. You’re not pleasing your husband. It’s your job to be sexually available to him at all times, and forget about your own sexual needs, seeing how you’re a woman and you don’t have any. Also whatever violence you experience it’s your own fault, you have to have dinner on the table in time so he won’t hit you.

    Also I want to add you’re not allowed to have your own desires or ambitions, having these things only makes you selfish and you’re just denying your nature as a woman.

    Yeah, I feel bad for women who have attitudes like this.

    Like

  9. Sex is a potent (pun unintended)way to control a man,but to control a woman religion/society/rules/religious instructions are brought in- to crush women’s wilfulness and preserve chastity. Talk about virginity tests.
    Men know sex to be their weakness.So to balance it out,control or shift blame,women have to please them instead.Women are supposed to desire marriage but not sex.

    Never tell a man you enjoy sex-never,never,even in love smitten state
    let them know a favour is being done.Stereotypical,but a woman who cracks such jokes can be taken in a negative light-crass.

    Like

  10. And then men wonder why women withhold sex when pissed. They do go on and on about sex being such suckers for sex. Hola! Women also like sex. Its a no brainer! But say that to a man and you’re labelled a slut. These wife obedience clubs are just some poor man’s wet dream that is all. And those women that fall for such ploys are fools. Seriously.

    If a husband gives his wife respect, equality and shows that he cares for her, she won’t deny him anything, sex included. How hard is that to understand?

    Like

  11. IHM in gulf countries women opt for elective Cesarean cause they don’t want their husbands to go to other women.This is more prevalent in countries where a man can have many wives and each wife compete with other to keep the man with them.The parents of the girl teach her so many things to keep the man and sometimes do black magic (which i don’t believe) but heard from a local arab girl.

    Like

  12. Suffered from an exaggerated gag reflex in reaction to the teachings of the said club :&..
    Let us form obedient husband’s club actually:D and let us contribute to the teachings of the proposed club,contribution from men welcome!!:D.

    Me – GV suggested the same thing.. do you think we will see any response to this invitation? 🙂

    Like

    • How about a Facebook Poll, IHM? 😀

      You can give 4 choices. Male & willing to join OHC, Female & willing to join OHC, Male & willing to join OWC and Female & willing to join OWC. Should get us a good idea, lol.

      Like

  13. Outraged! What can I say, on reading this post and the one on Jezebel – I realize when you feel like you have heard the stupidest thing, you need to check yourself, because stupider things always exist!

    But I do admit that the notion that refusing sex to your husband too often might drive him into the arms of another women is not a new concept. Our movies and media are full of it!

    Like

  14. Yeah…just like I heard an older woman warn her d-i-l who was using contraceptives…”If you don’t conceive soon and please your husband, there are many pretty girls in his office.”

    Excuse me while I go punch a pillow.

    Like

  15. “In societies where men are truly confident of their own worth, women are not merely tolerated but valued.”
    — Aung San Suu Kyi

    Like

    • let us know what you think.Why all women occupy this space.What about men confronting women’s desires?
      women can rave and rant here but until men speak up half of the humanity just goes unheard.

      Like

  16. *shudders* eeeew!

    Why is sex still considered as a man’s right and a woman’s duty? Why does holding a marriage steady still speak about massaging the male ego and submitting to it? There needs to be sex-ed for adults, let alone students.

    Like

  17. Isn’t a woman’s sexual drive supposed to peak in her 30s and a man’s in his teens? By that logic, in 30s it’s the men who need to form that club. 🙂

    Like

  18. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7. Following Anna’s mom, banging my head on hard object 7 times.

    Oh and did you know that women working took away men’s jobs and meant that those families went hungry? Was told gem by elderly relative. Any working women here who are starving others’ families?!

    We all have a long ways to go, huh?

    Like

  19. my father does not talk to me , because i am not an obedient “wife” !
    the husband’s parents consider me rude, because i stand for my self – because my husband is a mouse in front of his parents – even after a decade of marriage.
    i assert my rights , therefore i am told i am arrogant.
    i do not bow down people who bully me, i am called “ladaku”.

    People standing up for themselves are given adjectives and — only my employers like who i am ! i am glad to be in the USA, where assertive women are respected and given a place in society. YAY !

    Like

    • I can’t believe that someone like me exists too. My father also doesn’t talk to me because he thinks I’m a bad wife. Why? Bcoz I don’t take my husbands insults lying down or consider his every wish to be my command.
      My husband and in-laws want to me to be an obedient DIL…….. Don’t express ur opinion or don’t defend yourself even if u r right. They compare me some of our relatives wives who they consider to be obedient or docile.
      PS: its an another thing that my FIL is absolutely terrified of my MIL as she abuses him and even beats him up in public. Once, she was even ready to beat him infront of me, had my husband not stopped her.
      I wonder why my husband doesn’t want me to emulate his mother?

      Like

  20. I’m kind of iffy on this one. I don’t agree with any of these organizations and what they stand for. At the same time, if consenting adults want to join really dumb (but private nonetheless) organizations such as the obedient wives club then it’s their choice. if that’s what they believe will make them happy, then I’m no one to object.

    Like

  21. Few decades ago there won’t have been
    any need for such ‘obedience’ teaching clubs
    for women as they were ‘naturally’ obedient.
    With new economic forces making women more assertive
    there arose a need for such clubs for those sections
    of the Society disturbed by the changes. Right
    Wing religio-political organisations are usually behind such moves

    Like

  22. When I first read it, I actually wondered if it was some joke! Something like ‘Faking news’ or something. I can’t still believe that people can actually think like this. As someone mentioned already, it has all to do with social conditioning, where if the marriage fails, it is always the woman’s fault. How can you blame the poor guy, who was ‘forced’ to find satisfaction somewhere else? Argh!

    Like

    • I am guffawing,letting out manly giggles knowing boudoir secrets of these er..ahem,honourable ladies.
      To my Brethen-Now we know.
      to ladies-I love you all

      Like

  23. Doormats are no good. You know what is really hot? An independent, free thinking, modern woman who willingly wants to be with you, where in the world will I find that women in desi-para.

    Like

  24. Obedience apart, here is a question for the guys. Would you really like sex on demand…without any foreplay, without getting the other other person interested? I mean…it would become very routine if there was no challenge or it was 100% sure thing every time. Would you want to live with someone who listens to you all the time, even if you are wrong? Would you want to live with someone who never disagrees with you? Would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who never has an opinion on anything? Would that not be boring? It would be like living with yourself and even if there is another person in the house, it would be lonely.

    Think hard. Would you want that?

    Like

  25. Being obedient to avoid domestic violence? From what I’ve seen, being too obedient is what causes the abuser to think that he/she can get away with doing whatever they want to you.

    A person can still stray even if you sexually satisfy them when they want. Some people cheat simply because they want something different other than you.

    Like

  26. Quote:
    ——————
    Yes IHM,I think we will have a thundering response! What say GV? My mind is already working overtime ;p
    ————————–
    ————————
    Waiting to hear responses from guys. 😛
    —————————————–
    Unquote:
    =================
    Sharmila, Renkiss,
    I already responded to this post. I was among the early respondents.
    Okay, let me have another go at it, having read so many other responses.
    =================
    ———————-
    let us know what you think.Why all women occupy this space.What about men confronting women’s desires?
    women can rave and rant here but until men speak up half of the humanity just goes unheard.
    —————-
    =============
    I echo that.
    I am tired of being in a minority here.
    Other than Bikram, I think I am the only male here who has become a “regular” in the past few months.
    Others males occasionally come and go and are not regulars.
    Of course, so many names are assumed names, and I am only guessing they are ladies
    Some could be males.
    I lookforward to more males participating in discussions here particularly from a generation younger to me.
    ===================
    ———–
    Obedience apart, here is a question for the guys. Would you really like sex on demand…without any foreplay, without getting the other other person interested? I mean…it would become very routine if there was no challenge or it was 100% sure thing every time. Would you want to live with someone who listens to you […]
    Waiting to hear responses from guys. 😛
    ————————
    ======
    Well here is a guy, willing to respond.
    So what if I am a spent force now.
    No, I would not have liked sex on demand. My weakness was food!
    Food on demand? Welcome! Sex on demand? No.
    Without getting the other person interested, sex is merely like an experience in barber shop where they massage my head. I of course enjoy the physical sensation of the massage on the head but I know the barber is doing it in a mechanical sort of way. I would much rather have a barber who want’s to massage my head for his own pleasure and doesn’t want money for it. Now where in the world is such a barber?
    Instead of sex on demand, sex by seduction is so much more appealing to the senses.

    No, I wouldn’t want to live with someone who listens to me all the time.
    Life is a lot more interesting and challenging when I live with a wife who listens to me only half the time and wants me to listen to her for the other half of the time. It’s a great arrangement but we sometimes disagree on who is to listen to whom in a particular case.
    ===============
    ————————————–
    Obedient Wives? Sorry!! This is like mental disorder.
    ——————————————————
    =============
    Ah, Sandeep Gupta! A male at last!
    Welcome Sandeep.
    I agree, it’s a mental disorder. I too prefer wives with a mind and heart and soul of her own and who realises it and insists on the man realising it too.
    When I want 100 percent obedience, 100 percent of the time, I will choose a dog.
    ====================
    —————
    did you read about this saudi nutcase woman who says men should be allowed sex slaves. suggested women from chechnya for this role!
    ————–
    =======================
    Possibly she was mouthing her lord and masters verbal gems.
    I can’t believe it was her own opinion. If true, then the poor thing has been brainwashed and is indeed a confirmed nut case.
    What can we do except to ignore her. May be send her to Chechnya?
    ======================
    —————
    A person can still stray even if you sexually satisfy them when they want. Some people cheat simply because they want something different other than you.
    —————————–
    ==============
    Yes, nolongerslave, I agree.
    Some men will stray, however much you give them.
    =================
    ————–
    I am guffawing,letting out manly giggles knowing boudoir secrets of these er..ahem,honourable ladies.
    ———————
    =============
    Welcome Amit! Another rare honurable male.
    Now that you are privy to their boudoir secrets, how about obliging them with some of our closet secrets?
    ============
    ————–
    Isn’t a woman’s sexual drive supposed to peak in her 30s and a man’s in his teens? By that logic, in 30s it’s the men who need to form that club.
    —————————
    =============
    Mors,
    A man’s sex drive peaks during teens?
    That’s news to me.
    I believed most men’s sex drives take off from teen age which is merely a spring board.
    Some never flag. Look at ND Tiwari.Look at Strauss Kahn. What about Hugh Hefner of Playboy, How about Berlusconi, the Italian premier.
    I am both amused and amazed by their exploits.
    ===========
    ——————
    I had written a long comment but thought otherwise of posting it .. lest people thought i was sexist
    —————-
    ============
    Bikram,
    Now you have really got me curious.
    I must read that comment. Will you please oblige?
    ==================
    —————-
    Yeah…just like I heard an older woman warn her d-i-l who was using contraceptives…”If you don’t conceive soon and please your husband, there are many pretty girls in his office.”
    Excuse me while I go punch a pillow
    ————————-
    ======================
    Starsinmyeyes,
    That was indeed highly provocative. I wonder how that MIL would react to a natural corollary.
    “There are many handsome boys in my office too”.
    It is this punch that that MIL needs. Please spare that innocent little pillow.
    ====================
    ————-
    But I do admit that the notion that refusing sex to your husband too often might drive him into the arms of another women is not a new concept. Our movies and media are full of it!
    —————-
    ==============
    Prathama,
    How many movies do we dare produce that show a woman who has been refused sex by her husband being forced to seek it from another man? Indian morality seems one sided.
    =====================

    Regards
    GV

    Like

  27. I was reading about this yesterday. Hmmm…specimens like these still exist in this modern world. What a disgrace to womanhood!! Just wondering how these people have all the time in the world to come up with such so called progressive clubs. That it was founded by a doctor reminds me of an old saying in Telugu that roughly translates into ‘too much of education sometimes affects people’s common sense in a negative way’. So true in this case.

    Like

  28. Pingback: A decent man who is overpowered by desire and who does not want to fornicate… should Rape? « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  29. WT..?? If you need obedience why not keep a dog? Or am I insulting dogs here? Im sure they have a mind too and would definitely not show any obedience if you dont care for it!

    And its so $%^%%& irritating that women would want to even join such a F..ing club! Arent they insulting themselves? Where is the self-respect?

    I can only think of more censored words at the moment!

    PS: Oh! Just realised GV had already commented about the dog…

    Like

  30. “started getting all bad, bad thoughts about Bill (her fiance) – I tried, I really tried to control myself but you must remember that I did not have the benefit of attending your school then…”
    Hilarious….!!! IHM how do you find all these topics for posts. On one hand they make me sad, while on the other I find them extremely amusing.

    Like

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