Silent O’s email reminded me of Anon’s comment on ‘Love Marriages spoil the Family System of our Nation.’
Anon said, “The point is I have a wonderful marriage because of the man I married. Everyone tells me to forget in-laws, but can I forget them? They are an integral part and it hurts me when they pass stinging comments. I think I am paying price for a love marriage.” (Click to read).
I’m writing to you because there’s no one in my real life that I can talk frankly to about this, or get an honest, unbiased opinion from.
I’m almost 27, have been working for 6 years and currently live by myself. I like a guy, whom i got to know about 5 years back. He has been studying/working abroad for more than 4 years now. We like each other but his parents do not approve of the match because we belong to different castes. They are totally against it. This was always expected to an extent but we had assumed they would budge if this was told to them after he had established himself in his career, proved himself, and so on. But that’s definitely not the case. He’s visiting India, and will return in a few weeks. He’ll come back next after probably 9 months.
I had talked a bit about the guy to my mom a few months back and mentioned that his family wouldn’t approve easily. My mom was concerned about that, understandably. And later when she asked me, sometime last year, i told her that his parents wouldn’t approve and that was it. We haven’t talked about it since, she assumes that I’m fine with it being that way because she doesn’t know the details. I haven’t updated her about the recent events either (him visiting, actually talking to his parents about it)
Also, things in general have not been very normal at my home. Sort of dysfunctional. Dad used to be a drunkard, is even now to an extent, and that created a rift in the way things are in my family. I have a younger brother, and we (mom, brother and me) are close but don’t talk much to my dad, cos he just wont, and wont take any help, or change or even listen out and he is just very short tempered, to say the least. That’s just the general pic at home, a bit about where i come from.
I really like this guy, totally trust him, am sure things will be good if i choose to be with him. That is, things will be good for the two of us. But I’m not sure if i can handle his parents’ hatred or begrudging approval (that is if they do agree, this will be the best it will get) or if I can put my family through all this.
My family and extended family have been behind to get me married ever since my elder cousin got married earlier this year. But I don’t know what is the right thing to do here. It’s overwhelming for so many reasons. What would you suggest that someone do in such a case – one set of parents dead against the match? The best it will get is ‘fine, go get married to her if you want to, we don’t approve of it’. Which the guy is fine with, because he doesn’t see any reason in their disapproval. They wont agree to even meet me;/my folks just to meet once.
It’s not that I intend to get married within a deadline, or let others decide when/whom i should get married to. But am I holding on to something that i shouldn’t be? Should i let go, accept that things are for the good, and try to go on from here?
Am I even considering everything that a girl ought to be thinking about? What do you think? Please let me know.
Thank You for reading through:)