So are the men offended?

Believe it or not, there are many who think the Star Plus anthem is great because the woman is being allowed to work, to have a girl-child, fly kites, jog, wear track pants, dance, blow kisses at her husband from her terrace; her husband finds her worthy of his attentions, her in laws don’t object to this, (because) her mother in law is not abusive, and her family cares to celebrate her birthday.  What more can a woman ask for?

And in return of all these privileges (which the rest of the family always had anyway) all she has to do is be a never tiring, ever smiling, uncomplaining super woman.

GB explains why it’s okay for a woman to not be perfect and still expect to be loved.

I’m really tired of seeing women who don’t get tired. Or pissed. On some days, I just wake up feeling pissed. I make carping statements, I invite fights, I act like my hair is on fire. In short, I make life difficult for people around me.

But I also believe that I’m effing worth the trouble.

I don’t need to be an angel to be wanted or loved. Because the people around me are not angels either. And I put up with their drama because I care about them. So why in god’s name do I have to keep smiling … in order to be the perfect woman? (Click to read the entire post.)

Preeti Shenoy wants to know,

“Why is she so happy that she has to wake up before everyone else while that lazy lump of her husband sleeps blissfully and then she also has to give him his towel in the shower between cooking her children’s lunches!” (More on Buzz)

Amrita of IndieQuill wonders,

What’s the kid going to grow up thinking – “My mom works and cooks and cleans and dances and sings and is nice to all the birdies in the sky. My dad… um… he drinks tea and goes to work.” Way to be a hero to your kid….


Seriously, it’s men who should be offended.

I wonder what the men think.

____________________________________

To read my interview with ‘Spark’ click here.

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82 thoughts on “So are the men offended?

  1. Haha!…he drinks tea and goes to work…it sounds like ‘he drinks tea and goes to picnic’!…hum bhi kaam karte hai yaar, kabhi to credit de do. 😛

    Me – The woman also works, but she does everything at home too. Do watch the video Abhishek, I would like to know what you think.

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  2. I spent all day yesterday cribbing and barking at my family, coz I was really tired. Today they’re all out of my hair and wised up and doing what they’re supposed to be doing. Seriously, I’d like to see an anthem about the man, children, in-laws doing their fair share of work etc. and giving the woman. And I reserve the right to be grouchy and complaining…my family knows I will never settle for unfairness!!!

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  3. IHM, my husband was offended!
    He said that its a bad ad and expects too much!
    It not only shows the women in bad light, but also the men… Apparently, its giving out the wrong message to both men and women! Its offensive to both women and men!

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  4. I spent all day yesterday cribbing and barking at my family, coz I was really tired. Today they’re all out of my hair and wised up and doing what they’re supposed to be doing. Seriously, I’d like to see an anthem about the man, children, in-laws doing their fair share of work etc. and giving the woman a break. And I reserve the right to be grouchy and complaining…my family knows I will never settle for unfairness!!!

    The other day I called up a relative to wish ehr for her b’day, she told me the family had told her what to cook for HER birthday. and to wear a sari, because THEY liked her in a sari. I bit my tongue, because this woman thought her family was being really nice and loving to her! I wanted to tell her to put her feet up while the husband cooked and the kids brainstormed about what their mom would like for herself, not what they would like for her.

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  5. IHM Quite Frankly all the is just an attempt from Start TV to get their TRP a bit higher. They have o good television show so now to work on inducing some kind of guilt and “feel good campaign” to gather some attention.

    Shouldn’t be given anymore thought.

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    • On the contrary, it should be given a lot of thought. We get these kinds of subtle and overt messages all the time to sacrifice, serve and submit. Open dialogue is needed, because a lot of women and men buy these messages. The media is very very powerful…why don’t they show non-stereotypical non-patriarchal content…is it only about TRPs???

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      • Open dialogue between whom? Let’s divide the parties Media, Me, People who believe Media.

        Media: Is doing this to prove a simple point, build what sells. They understand this kind of propaganda would be eaten up by the people in 2-Tire cities(usually) and specially in small towns. This also given them a stickability factor. As people starts identifying with the characters.

        Me: I can’t give too hoots about a advertisement campaign and I care less about media. Came to know about this ad via IHM post and that is how much the “Media” reached me.

        People who believe in media: Are hopeless. If some one believes any this on tv they don’t deserve any more words.

        Now You can’t convince media, you don’t have to convince me and you can’t convince “people who believe in Media ” so what is the point.

        🙂 don’t get me wrong, I love IHM’s blog and not trolling just though. We should get too agitated by ad campaign.

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      • Why can’t we convince people, Chirag? It’s not just on IHM’s blog…I’ve seen posts dissing this anthem on several blogs, maybe even magazines and newspapers. People do read, and change their ideas, all are not hopeless. I know I’ve changed some of my ideas reading IHM’s blog!!

        Posts like this and the comments and discussion articulate what is exactly wrong with such ads…some people don’t realise it because the programming is so widespread and in everything they see, read and watch. We have to care more, not less about media and people’s opinions and attitudes. It’s dangerous to not care.

        My objection was to your advice to not give it thought. We have to…there aren’t enough people thinking! Only when someone gets ‘agitated’ do people actually start thinking!

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  6. According to the Times of India, Indian men are the most brutal in the world toward their women. “Indian men lead in sexual violence, worst on gender equality: Study” http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Indian-men-lead-in-sexual-violence-worst-on-gender-equality-Study/articleshow/7643154.cms

    OK, everybody sing along with me:

    I am Woman, hear me roar
    In numbers too big to ignore
    And I know too much to go back and pretend
    ‘Cause I’ve heard it all before
    When I’ve been down there on the floor
    No one’s ever gonna keep me down again!
    Yes, I am wise, but it’s wisdom born of pain
    Yes, I’ve paid the price, but look how much I’ve gained!
    If I want to, I can do anything.
    I am strong! I am invincible! I am WOMAN!

    Do you know this song in India?

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  7. IHM, sometimes little children can tear such anthems to shreds, with their comments.

    A marriage. The man, revelled in disobedience, in a financially comfortable house. The woman, aware of all the opportunties she had to fight for, supported by a perceptive, not very affluent father, cycled miles daily in medical college , so she could use the library because she couldnt afford the books. Became an excellent gynaec. After marriage, the husband continued his random irresponsible job switches, while she sacrificed a possible great career, for a position that would give her a decent accomodation, a government job, school benefits for the one daughter. Throughout all this she continued to welcome in-law relatives, being respectful to older folks, helping them, doing the “Kulachaars” expected of her on occasions etc.

    When her daughter was around 8, a bunch of “indulgent” free loading in-law relatives were sitting around, and they asked the little girl what she wanted to be when she was older. And she didnt even mention professions. Or maybe she thought “wife” was a profession . She shocked everyone by saying, ” I dont want to be a wife. All you end up doing is working, cooking, slogging and running around, solving problems, while the husband sits with his feet up reading the paper and asking for tea. Thats what my father does “.

    The faces of the in law folks were fit to be photographed. The doctor herself told me this after she heard it from one of her co-sisters, who secretly suported her but didnt have the guts to be open…..:-)

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  8. Just checked out the video after you posted it ,..I like the way you see it IHM. The video is also irritating because it reminds me of times when women are praised if they are too self-sacrifing and obedient just so as to enforce that kind of behavior in them and make them subservient. I wonder if the people who made this video would ever ‘get’ that what women want is to be treated like just other human beings (that includes enjoying all the rights that everyone has and not considering them as ‘privileges’) , we don’t really want to be put on a pedestal and made to look like super humans and be praised for that!….and the regressive soaps they show are even worse!

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  9. Women just want to be human being, not superheros.

    I am pretty mad at the lady in the anthem, she is not giving others in that household even an opportunity to do something. wise up women!

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  10. At first, I thought it was symbolic.. as in, they are not using this one person to characterize women but saying women today do these hundred apparently-new things (yay! we broke out of our tulsi virani mode in star plus’ minds!!) and we are too lazy to cast different people.. so yeah, this one woman is going to show you, yo! So I hadn’t given her superwomanly tirelessness a thought.

    But yeah, I had noticed the man of the house part in every act separately also. They make him look like such a mooch. If I was to split hairs, I’d say they’ve done that also to make the woman shine more in contrast… like her own magical act wasn’t enough 😀 And I must tell you, it’s not just star plus that’s this retarded.. there are such women too. Recently I was given well-meaning ‘advice’ by someone how the man of the house will see his duties when he does, you cannot force him to do what he needs to, by dropping what you have taken up. Subtle way of asking me to suck it up till he comes around! Oh, and when I did call it like it sounded to me, the person said that ‘while it was ok to not be retrogressive, feminism should also not be over-done’. Wah!

    PS: Now that we’re in the topic of this legendary video, if I was ever going to wake up early to pack lunch boxes for the children and hand over a towel to the husband in the shower, the least he can do is not get ‘naughty’ and expect a coy bride act.. or is that also one of our many superpowers? I’m just confused now!

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  11. Thank god, its not only me!
    I was starting to think am a caustic idiot 😦
    I was furious when I saw the album first, a smiling, un-tiring woman who just smiles through the day. What kind of expectations does it set? That if you want to work please finish the household chores first?
    Why is the projection of a superwoman so regressive IHM? Ever seen a superman in our movies projected like this. Be it Rajnikant, Hritik or Salman?
    And really I dont want to be a superwoman, am a normal woman, with my flaws, weakness and definitely not smiling all the time how much ever the day sucks.

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  12. “I’m really tired of seeing women who don’t get tired. Or pissed. On some days, I just wake up feeling pissed. I make carping statements, I invite fights, I act like my hair is on fire. In short, I make life difficult for people around me.”

    I second this….you don’t have to perfect superwoman to be loved.
    we have bad days,we cannot be always smiling and always running to finish chores on time and be the superstar at work too…

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  13. All this while wearing a foot long mangalsutra and a dupatta to bed (what is she protecting and why?)! I’m sorry I couldn’t watch more than a minute of it. It’s evident why the father-in-law has diabetes. If I had to live in the same house as this person every single day, I would!

    I know they say a woman can do everything a man can and in high heels but really this takes it a little too far. Happy Women’s Day IHM!

    ps: what about the pledge?

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      • What? A woman take care of her own parents? What is their son for?

        Seriously… I know of many families who don’t want their son to marry a girl who has no brothers (or God forbid, is the only child) because, when her parents get old, she’ll want to take care of them. And worse, she’ll want to support them financially! I know of many women who work only to be able to support their parents without having to account for every single rupee (although, that too might be considered “freedom”).

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  14. Our neighbor’s child (a boy of 13) once told his grandma that he will not allow his wife to work coz he has seen his mom handle both work and home and get very tired in the process. The grandma thought it was “so sweet” of this child to think so! If it had been for me I would have told the child that it’s better to share the work at home rather than stop your wife from working so that she can do all the house work properly and without getting tired! Obviously nobody shares the work of the poor wife in that household ! If this is his thought process at 13 what’s going to happen when he grows up !
    Enjoyed reading your Interview IHM !

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  15. I don’t watch star plus, I never watched this anthem. But I am sure their serials from past 10 years have reiterated the point you made about the video above and mind you they sell, and sell bug to the women.

    I find the concept of Star Plus outright idiotic and stupid and I don’t bother with it

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  16. Seriously, it confirms to all gender sterotypes associated with women. Ironically a lot of my friends like it and feel it highlights the amount of strength a woman possesses. They actually believe that such videos empower them and reflect how women can perfectly manage everything. When I ask ‘why is she required to be perfect’ I am labeled as too carefree and lazy to understand the importance of it all…smirk!!

    This morning my MIL called me to wish for Women’s Day, I was surprised, also happy to know that FIL had assumed all domestic duties fo the day. No points for guessing MIL was super elated. Then she asks me to make S’s favourite b’fast as it his B’day today (S is my brother in law, who stays with us). So here I am making S’s favourite parathas when the MIL & SIL bask in the glory of the day meant to celebrate ‘US’.
    HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY to all the beautiful women!

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  17. Not enrirely true may be in india this happens I live I uk and I do every thing that is mentioned cook clean and yes I drink too. And majority of mt friends who are married also do the same. I seen my dad working and helping mom in kitchen and morning tea was made by dad evweyday. I think we as indians have this habit to believe all that we see I would ask all ladies who comment does ur partner really not help if not then time ti change and get out of the relation. Dont you think.
    I also feel that a woman makes a house into a home …
    Mybe today it being women day it can be also the day to take stand 🙂

    And its not always who works more or harder or earns more the number of women who PREFER to be housewifes is still more then those who work:-)

    I guess if a couple are happy then the rest can get lost. It is upto the two who live together to decide what they do how they do.

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    • But most guys who cook and clean when they live on their own, stop when they ‘get’ a wife, or when they return to India!!

      And partners, don’t HELP, they do their fair share. See this post. http://carelesschronicles.blogspot.com/2011/01/stop-helping-your-wives.html

      And a man can also pitch in to make HIS and HER house THEIR home!!

      Women ‘prefering’ to be housewives is the end result of a lot of lielong programming and subtle approval, and a complete lack of help and support when she tries to work outside the home.

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      • Its true but then doesnot that depend on HOW the couple behave.. workingnot working , supporting does that not depend on the TWO .. rather then jsut one ..

        My dad taught me one thing which i beleive too that if you treat the other as you urself want to be treated then life can be a better place.

        and I did say a lot of my friends help out and they are married ..

        and most guys hmmm well maybe in India, I dont know how guys behave there I dont live there all i can say is what i see here and on people around me .. seems I live in a alien world ..

        By making a HOME i did not mean in a SEXIST way yes a man can do so, But a women’s touch is more NICER.. and I am sure even if a man does anything the wife/GF will probably come and change it all… Thats what i meant Not otherwise
        Sorry if you thought it that way …

        On other side dont you think this constant arguments a man do this a woman do this is THE BASIC PROBLEM .. Why cant the two everything/ anything depending on what needs doing … Something to think of …

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      • Bikram, most guys who did home chores and participated more in parenting abroad definitely fall back into the old ways once they’re back in India…it’s just the accepted thing here.

        And again, you said guys “help out”…it’s not help, it’s work, that is their fair share. By saying “help” it becomes the wife’s job that they’re graciously helping with…see what Careless Chronicles has to say in the link I left.

        And oh yes…why can’t both do what needs to be done? And yet the programming is such that most wives will not take care of the finance planning and most husbands will not take leave if the child is sick!! Agree about treating the other partner as you want to be treated…trouble is most women are TOLD from childhood how they want to be treated!! 😛

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  18. LOL at Amrita’s comment.
    MUST show this to the husband and other married men at work 😉
    Thanks for linking them 🙂

    And Oh, Happy Woman’s Day.

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  19. Star Plus is such an a**hole channel!!! And men and women who watch such programmes and build such stereotypes are even bigger a**holes.

    I swear, why would anyone be so happy about waking up early, doing all the chores, and I suppose when she threw the towel, are viewers expected to assume she got a ‘quickie’ as a reward for her good behaviour?!!

    I don’t understand what the f***ing ad was trying to say. That its OK for a woman to be ‘modern’ by wearing joggers and blowing kisses to her husband, as long as she can also double and triple up as servant, cook, cleaner, launderer, play-mate, dancer, entertainer, singer, humanitarian and everything else?!!!!

    Seriously, screw such narrow-minded people!!

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  20. Happened to watch Star Plus the day this ‘anthem’ was released and was so irritated by it. I was going to write a post today about this whole hullabaloo in general – Outlook’s IWD special is called ‘Uber Woman’ and one opens to Olay Glow ads, jewellery ads and other cosmetics ads and heiress business women talking of going to Wharton with their kid on their hip. Yeah, right – tell me another joke!

    So now being a woman is not enough, one has to be uber? Am super irritated by this and thought it was only me. Would like for some real equality where husbands can step in seamlessly for wives, be it with kids or in-laws or their own parents and just do what needs to be done. Like it just should be in routine, day to day, mundane tasks. Let’s start with that before we talk of uberness, shall we?

    Oh, ever seen an Ambani or a Mittal or a Bajaj man thank his wife for her support when getting an award? Anyone see Indra Nooyi give all the credit to everyone else except herself? What about ONE confident woman who can stand up without arrogance (or false humility) and say ‘Thank you for the award’ – because she worked for it and deserved it?! And deserved the support she got and gave at the same time!

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  21. But the advt world is full of such nuances that immediately make me see red… all of them apparently showing how great women have it and inadvertently reinforcing one such nonsensical stereotype! Tazaa, MTR ready to eat meals, HT’s Non TV day campaign that called the woman the Chef and said take your chef for a meal.. I have way too many examples and am sure you get the point.

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  22. Dear IHM,
    went back and read your interview with Vani of spark. All I want to say is ‘thank you for this selfless service you are doing to the world by educating people, feminism is not a bad word and actually good for all’.

    You have no idea how much strength I get from your posts. I am slowly getting comfortable in my skin and in my role. I am sure there are many like me. Thank you IHM. Let’s celebrate life.
    note: Every year few Rusaain guys at work give red roses to all woman collegues. They also take the russian girls out for lunch. Women’s day is celebrated with lot of fanfare in Russia. makes me want to find out, the status of women in Russia. any idea IHM?

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  23. Videos like this irritate me because they tell me that a woman is respected with songs sung in her honor and such ONLY if she spends every waking moment of her life doing something- at home, in the office and on her commute.
    I would love the message to be wake up, have tea, go to work- at the worst they won’t write a song for you, but you will not be overworked and over exploited!

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  24. Ok, I saw this “anthem” the first time on your blog, IHM..And I am irritated, to say the least. Why is it such a big deal to be the ‘super woman’?! I mean, so many advertisement portray women to be know-all, do-all types of people, who have unending energy to work, cook, tend to family members and on top of it keep a smile pasted on their face!! I agree if one can do this, its awesome..but why does it need to be a ‘statement’ of expectations from all women, and why is it just for women?!! It just builds too much pressure on woman kind. I have not seen even a single advertisement where they show a man waking up children, cooking their breakfast, passing towels to wife, and after all this going and doing his 9-5 jobs. I agree, there are men who do this in real life, but the media is hell bent strengthening the stereotypes. And unfortunately, media is too powerful a medium (especially for people who are easily brainwashed, and do not “think”).
    I will do a post on similar grounds on my blog, and link your page (if thats ok) 🙂

    Me – Do it Neha, the more voices there are, the better it is.

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  25. Goodness! What a video! I wonder how many women feel all loving when they wake up before everybody else, and do everything around the house – with a smile to boot! Why can’t women be shown as normal human beings, with failings, and with needs, instead of being that super person, on whom everything/everybody else depends. And then the subtle message that goes out to everybody who watches this and compares herself or her daughter-in-law or wife with such a super human! So annoying, even more so on a day which is supposed be celebrating women.

    Another reason I stay away from Star plus and its genre of channels.

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  26. Since when do people pay any attention to what TV channels come out with? That too a channel like Star Plus which caters to the lowest level minds out there? What may be really ironic is that it may be a woman who directed the video (although she was probably catering to the views of her target audience).

    BTW I did not watch the video, as I don’t understand Hindi all that well.

    Me – There are no dialogues, just a woman working, working, smiling, working, playing, flying kites… smiling, doing everything very efficiently… And a man who looks rather dumb, that is why the question – I think men might find this anthem offensive.

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  27. They say Rishta wohi soch nai but it seems like Rishta wohi soch bhi wohi. I wanted to say Thoo hi Thoo to their Tu hi tu! I think the ad is ridiculous and if they are marketing it as some sort of new age woman who is free and independent then THOO to them because see what they have done, the woman works at home, AND outside, and pleases everyone, calms the traffic and what not, and then she is appreciated!

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  28. Not sure what the ad is trying to convey. The woman is obviously fake. No person can have such a perfect great satisfying life day in and day out. If it’s meant to show how women are on an equal footing with men, it fails big time.

    If I was a woman, I would occasionally feel like being a bitch (there’s that word again – No equivalent for men!) just for the heck of it and screw the rest of the family. As a man I have the same right as well.

    In my opinion, this ad is just like a magazine cover where women have impossibly tight waists, flawless skin, and perfect hair. Far from making women feel good about themselves it makes them feel worse.

    But this is hardly limited to women. Our entire culture is filled with billboards showing the perfect man – successful, with loads of free time to go boating, great body, and super businessman. It shows the perfect son – coming home with a medal from school, acing his exams etc.

    Our entire culture screams to us that we’re supposed to be perfect beings (of course, the standards of perfection are pretty arbitrary.) It’s simply not ok to be “not cool” or “not well dressed” or anything else.

    I don’t often abuse, but in this case I simply have to say – Fuck it. I am who I am and if someone thinks I’m not “living up to the standard” , then that’s their bloody problem.

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    • Well you need something to aim for don’t you? It is easy to sit back and complain the pop culture. Can wielding a pepsi can make you Adonis?
      It is called stereotyping and living up to others expectations. Why bother what others think about us?

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    • Women have always been caregivers in society – for an infant , to the kid, to middle aged husbands, to old parents and parentsinlaw -24/7. She needs a break too. Did you forget that you are a human being ? And you are living with another human being who” cares for others ” ALL the time ?

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  29. Another fascinating discussion. Anywho, I understand totally. A lot of American women suffer from this “superwoman” syndrome. I think that’s why so many women here have become disillusioned with feminism, because at some point it stopped being about trying to change gender roles, but about “having it all.” What happens when a woman tries to “have it all” she just ends with a double work load. Not only do you have to deal with a career, but you still have to take care of the home and look good while you’re doing it. That’s a lot of work!!!

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    • But women who try to be superwomen don’t really have it all – how can working for others without any support (or their contribution at the least) be seen as having anything at all, let alone having it all.

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      • Reminds me of something I heard on the first day of my internship (in the US). A very senior executive, a lady, said to us, that for the first time since there were more females in the group than males. So, she would share something that would make more sense to women.

        What she said was: You can have it all. But never all of it at the same instant. If a woman comes and tells you that you can have a great career, family life, spend as much time with your kids as you want to, have hobbies and also do volunteer work. Don’t believe her. You need to prioritize so that you can have different things that are important to you at different times in your life. There just isn’t enough time otherwise.

        My mother-in-law, a successful doctor, always tells me two things. One, you will always regret not spending more time with your children when they are young. Two, you can’t do everything. Get help.

        This superwoman thing is as much about culture as it is of our own unrealistic expectations from ourselves. Yes, many families do push women to do more than they can. But at the same time, we let them! When I sometimes complain to my mother about various responsibilities that I feel I have to fulfill, she stops me and says, “Who asked you to do that?” And then she adds, “The more you do, the more you will have to do. You have to draw the line.”

        Three very different women but three very similar viewpoints. Don’t you think?

        Thanks for bringing this topic up, IHM. I feel very strongly about it because I think we all struggle with this issue of “balance” at some level.

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  30. Why should men be offended, IHM? Doesn’t this ad just reinforce the general perception of how women should be? And if you are referring to the ‘intelligent’ and ‘sensitive’ men, I am sure they would be too busy spending time with their family to watch such stupid ads 😉

    BTW I might not have liked the video, but I did like the song:)

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  31. Seriously, what has the woman in the ad got to smile about? If I had to do all that she does day in and day out with the only support from my family being appreciation, I would not be smiling. I would be running for the hills as fast as my legs can carry me.

    It would have been great if the ad went “tu aur hum” where everyone in the family pitches in their fair share to make it a happy household. Women in real life would like that much better rather than being put on a pedestal for trying to be a smiling, impossibly-hardworking, self-sacrificing super-human. What is utterly annoying is how they are projecting that this fictional human described above represents the ideal woman – grrrr.

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  32. I feel guilty my mom raised both me and my brother who were(are) infant terrible. While my father was deployed abroad toiling away. Being a working mother she would fly off the handle often and we would cozy up to our dad when he came to visit us.

    Looking back I feel so guilty to be so petulant against my mother and all that she has gone through. Your post is like a paper cut and rightly it should be.

    On the other hand the very woman don’t respect the men who treat his better half as equals. I have seen aunties calling such men as hen picked and its like the adage with men “Give the camel an inch” philosophy. For once why CAN’T we decide for ourselves and get rid of this dogma?

    Me – Patriarchy pitches women against each other, they are made to feel dependent on the goodwill of the men in the family. https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2010/11/28/a-woman-is-not-a-womans-worst-enemy-patriarchy-is/
    Do take a look at the JKG links on the side bar, JKG stands for Joru Ka Gulaam.

    Men and Women. Its a primitive quality of a man to attract other women by exhibiting dominating character and women should not encourage this.

    Your views?

    me – I think men and women both are admired for some positive characteristics – in real life, team work, sensitivity, courage, fair play, a sense of justice etc are admired by all in close relationships. A dominating man might look very attractive until he starts to control the lives of people around him. Not attractive at all. Leadership is about setting good examples, taking initiative and being supportive,encouraging, accepting limitations… what say?

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  33. The myth of the Super Woman that we sometimes unconsciously try to live up to. Even if men and the rest of society don’t always expect it, sometimes its just our internal voices that push us women. Glad you are drawing attention to it.
    I think feminism is about being yourself, warts and all.

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  34. Why are we bashing up the anthem or even Star Plus? They are simply holding up a mirror.

    Yes lots of men get up in the morning and make the tea-but they are still an exception.

    For a huge section of our society-this woman is the ideal bahu.
    Let the changes happen within us first, the messages on Star Plus will also change.

    We can’t expect them to drive the change. How will they get their TRPs
    Forums like this have to do that

    Like

  35. Pingback: It is all about me | Let the light shine from within you…

  36. The question is, are men even watching the channel, when this atrocity is playing especially. Likely they’ll dismiss it as more ‘women’s stuff’ and change the channel or go do something else till the commercials are over. So how likely is it that they’d get offended?

    I know of some men who do watch plenty of saas-bahu serials and indulge in as much discussion of them as the women-folk, but, without meaning to offend anyone, I think these people belong to the demographic that thinks this ad is right, showing you the woman’s place and what she’s capable of etc etc etc.

    Maybe change begins with women acknowledging that they aren’t superwomen and cannot do everything by themselves. Most often, this superwoman status is taken for granted because women don’t seem to want to give voice to the ‘I cannot do this, it’s too much’ thought. For whatever reason.

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  37. My friend sent this message :

    Just for the fact that you step out of home each day along us , work as hard , reach as late and still manage the whole house , manage us and our families – You are well deserved to be celebrated !

    And i liked it 🙂
    ’cause before this i thought it was no big deal for us to do all this – I know i thought wrong .. We are definitely doing more than our bit and yes i too demand to be allowed my share of tantarums and arguements !!

    Me – Not just tantrums and arguments ladynimue, also a bad day at work, just a tired morning, a wish to relax sometimes, maybe wish for a cup of tea in bed on a winter morning…

    Like

  38. You know IHM some time back I was reading a book (cud not complete it) abt the super woman of today and how she has been short changed due to the multifold roles she now dons!

    yes, we wanted freedom,same as a man, but not all working women get the same treatment as their lordly hubbies! Hubbies hit the sofa with a beverage when they get home! the woman discards the office role and becomes the housewife!and no one gives her a hand!

    I was appalled when the MIL asked me to make chutney the minute I entered home, very late one day, after a hard a day of helping hubby at his office! I refused point blank- I mean there is a limit!

    But unfortunately stupid ads like these just seem to unrealistically push the bar too high for women!It’s just plain nonsense!

    Me – I am glad you could refuse to make that chutney, little steps like these show one is not falling for the superwoman ideal – that ends up exploiting them.

    Like

  39. Hi, nice blog you have here. Came across it recently. This post made me delurk and comment.

    Though the tag line of the so called anthem goes ‘Rishta wahi soch nayi’ what goes well with the video is only ‘soch bilkul purani’. Only that the boundaries of how ‘the ideal woman’ should be is getting extended more. If in the olden days the ideal woman had to be the good wife, good cook, good daughter-in-law the ‘nayi’ soch only extends the list to ‘working professional’, ‘social activist’, ‘trained in arts’ , ‘romantic wife’ , ‘friendly mother’ and more and more..

    The world for it’s own selfish purposes , many and varied, is continuously raising the bar for the ‘ideal’ woman.. and this is selling too..

    In all this what has happened to the Man? He still remains the chai drinking, office going, dutiful son taking care of his parents.

    The media is powerful and if they only wanted and tried and thought they could have projected the ‘nayi’ soch in a different way.. as someone else pointed out why are the ‘ideal’ ladies’ parents missing in the birthday party , why have they not extended the man’s boundaries to show him more involved in the chores. Why is it always only the man’s parents who get all the attention and the love and the care. What has happened to the woman’s parents. Why is the man not shown performing some traditional music or dance??

    Me – Powerful points.

    Like

  40. Most of what I want to say has already been said in the various comments. 🙂

    @Chirag, such videos/ads do rub off on people and influence them ever so subtly. Sometimes reading about it, like on this blog does make those who hadn’t given it much thought, re-think and change their views.
    I agree with Starry when she says,
    “…some people don’t realise it because the programming is so widespread and in everything they see, read and watch. We have to care more, not less, about media and people’s opinions and attitudes. It’s dangerous to not care.”

    Like

  41. I don’t watch these channels and would have missed it completely but for the video link in your blog.

    Was I offended?
    No.
    Was I impressed?
    No.
    It’s just a TV ad after all and I don’t take them seriously.
    There are so many of these ads that could be objected to by some one or the other. Why pick on this alone?
    I would just ignore it.

    Yes, the music is good.
    The visuals are appealing.
    Technically, an excellent ad.

    The message?
    Controversial.
    I can understand why so many of you are outraged.
    But why have you wondered if men are offended?

    Considering how most men behave, wouldn’t they be pleased rather than offended at this ad?
    Bachelors eyes will pop up, watching the wonder woman in this ad.
    I can imagine some young bachelors telling their moms and dads to be on the look out for a bahu just like this!

    Yes, people with the thinking of the Taliban will definitely be offended.
    Everything that attractive bubbly young lady is seen doing must be anathema to them.

    This is a lively discussion and I am following the proceedings with interest.

    Regards
    GV

    Like

  42. You know, Star Plus should come up with another anthem that shows next day in this woman’s life where she is going to manage expectations better with everyone – her husband, her in laws, her boss, her kid and her community. She is going to put her foot down and minimize her Todo list.

    But Wait! isn’t achieving everything on every front professional, marital, home, kids, the ultimate goal and measurement of a woman’s success in life these days ? Isn’t it programmed into the every girl’s mind? And for that matter every boy’s mind as well? Being a martyr is hardwired in our brains for good of our family and everyone but us gets to decide what is good for our family!

    We have taken the ‘well rounded’ phrase to a new level and unless the community starts mending its ways, there would always overworked, overwhelmed people bursting at the seams.

    Like

  43. Pingback: Be a ‘Lady’ « Dew drop dreams through the looking glass

  44. Oh my goodness. Dear IHM and the rest please stop the bickering and just find for me the complete list of the vitamins and supplements, along with the brands, she is on. I would love to have them. And I think its pretty cool idea for women to take night shifts in jobs. That way they can easily do all the house work before the husband comes back. It would be lovely to find the home immaculate and dinner ready when you return at 5 pm.

    Like

  45. Pingback: An email: My principal fear is my wife is not going to be able to love my parents as much as I do. | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

  46. I have no idea why i studied so hard in boards and entrance exams just to end up being any other married l;ady who has to juggle between work and family. My husband is the laziest in the world! he cooked breakfast for 5 times in 6 moths and thats what he calls help! He seemed to be so forward before marriage. He loved girls who are independent and forward. After marriage he wanted me to spen every waking hour in kitchen or cleaning the house. When I clean the house he will be so happy as if his life mission has been completed! the bsatard! I took transfer to my parents place and i am living with them. I was surprised that my dad expected me to wake up like mom and do all the house work. In siz months of marriage i have changed from his daughter to a house maid? Helping by my own will is an entirly different case than being nagged to do so. This is the biggest mistake in cultures around the whole world. we arent a food gathering wandrer herd anymore. Women all over the world and esp in INDIA should realise that they dont need to bend on their backs to have a married life. I personally prefer to live whole life alone, maybe with a kid rather than being the wife of the ‘forward old school husband’.

    Even the girl’s own family wont support her. Its again an honor issue if their girl wants a peaceful life. I hate india men and indian culture for ruining lives of girls who are asked to be THE IDEAL WIFE while husband just eats sleeps and spends time on computer.

    Like

  47. Pingback: Patriarchal stereotypes and Human Brain Analysis – Men vs. Women… | The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

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