Do you believe that each day promises a fresh beginning?

This morning I woke up with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Still not fully awake, I lay wondering what caused it. My mind, unbelievably, still in our life before Aug 2010. And then I realized (or woke up fully). Tejaswee. I tried to think what made this morning more difficult than other mornings, and then I knew.

I had opened Tejaswee’s laptop for the first time yesterday. It look a long time and many tries before I could remember the password. There was nothing new on her laptop actually, except that it was hers. Most of yesterday was spent going through photographs and videos not seen for a long time.

And hearing her voice after months.

Here she is with her favorite turquoise bracelet, also seen in the header and on the sidebar.

How easy it was to take for granted on 12th October 2009 that the child who sat on the kitchen counter, modeling her newest shopping, chattering endlessly, while I added tarka to her favorite dal, was going to be with us all our lives.

I am reading ‘When life changed forever‘ the author says, life was not meant to be predictable or planned, anything might change at any moment. And that the death of a child changes the parents forever. Accepting that we will never be what we were, might make it easier to live with our changed selves. I am realizing that some of the changes are subtle. Some changes come slowly as the realization sinks in. Maybe some of the changes are reversible. But this much is true, now we have two lives, our life before Aug 11, 2010 and this life after Aug 11, 2010.

Ricky Taylor says,

“Our friends and family, and we ourselves, wanted us to get back to ‘normal’. But ‘normal’ had been fiendishly changed….

But it also became very obvious to us that what he had thought of as ‘normal’ was phantom. It existed only in our minds. The reality was that each day promises a fresh beginning…”

The reality was that each day promises a fresh beginning...’
I don’t know how to see that. Sounds positive if one didn’t consider what one has lost.

Do you believe that each day promises a fresh beginning?

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50 thoughts on “Do you believe that each day promises a fresh beginning?

  1. Oh my.
    We take so much in our lives for granted and there isn’t a worse thing we could do.
    Made me re-think several aspects of my life, this post of yours.

    Me – I also realise now what they mean when they say live each day of your life! But that is one thing I have no regrets with, I did live each day of the past nineteen and half years… I used to say I was content with life.

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  2. you know IHM, Tejaswee’s death shook me up so much that now I make extra effort to spend time with my loved ones. Now I take nothing for granted.
    And yes each day is a new beginning. But then I also feel that we carry the baggage of all previous days with us. Is a clean start ever possible ?

    Me – It doesn’t seem possible, though one could work to accept the changes and still look at each day as a new beginning….

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  3. No IHM, you never have taken your daughter as granted, you just think it now, you have treated her very special and still you do. I think no mother actually take their kids as granted. We mothers, are more prone to take ourselves as granted. And for me each day, does not bring surprises. For me life is mostly in years than days, with some distinct days which are carved out. I think I will be too much demanding if I ask for surprises each day of my life. I live a slow paced life where for days I am all dark clouded in my mind for so many reasons happening all around or with in me. And for days I am chirping and happy for so many goodness all around me and with in me.
    My Aunt I wrote you before who lost her 21 year old son, due to unknown reasons in his college, is also coping, some days she concentrates on her younger son, on other things in life, but some days she seeks out for answer to the question why this happened to her? We people around her cannot answer her but are trying to value more what we have got in our lives.

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    • Please give your aunt a hug from my side. Grief is known to be a roller coaster ride, there are days when one feels one is recovering and ‘moving on’ followed by days that can be intensely painful. But it does get better with time.

      I didn’t take her for granted Chandrima, but I did refuse to ever even consider that she may not live forever…

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      • Yes, that is what we mothers learn to do, that is the strength we get from mother nature, we give our blood to our children and we want them to be there forever, and they remain there forever. T is there forever, your blogs, her blogs, her scholarship, her brother, her friends, in everything T is there.

        Me – Hugs Chandrima!

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  4. Yes every day is a new beginning, and it is up to us to decide how the day is going to go. Sounds unbelievably harsh and demanding, IHM, but it is the truth. The pains, the illnesses, the losses wound us so deep, and it is up to us to get off the floor and on to our feet again. Jeena issi ka naam hai.

    me – Phoenixritu I think each of us is made different and feels and deals with it differently… I am reading another book about Grief Recovery and it says we deal with death of a loved one, the biggest of losses, the same way we deal with any other loss in our lives. It says Time is not a healer, it merely numbs the pain, then goes on to explain how to heal ourselves… will blog about that amazing book.

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    • I completely agree with that. But most of living is made palatable only by sheer grit and determination, IHM. You have plenty of that. Sending you prayers and strength

      Me – Thank You… Hugs!

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  5. Hugs dearest, this was a heart-wrenching post. It must’ve been sweet anguish to open the laptop…it’s so so unbearable to miss a child. Hugs again.

    Me – Yes, Starry, it was sweet anguish, I was actually laughing at a video of Dumb Charades the siblings played …I hadn’t seen it being made, they were at my mom’s place, this May when they made it.

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  6. I don’t know. There’s no one answer to fit all situations. Some days one should soak in sorrow freely, some days snap out of it, some days be happy about what is left and can be improved upon… But in every situation, keep hope very strongly somewhere at the back of your mind. Love you, IHM. Take care!

    me – Yeah it does happen like this Gauri, without really being in control of it all…. though I am beginning to understand the triggers that cause the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and also what brings the days of relief, I guess over a period of time, one will learn to stick to everything that brings peace and hope.

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  7. That’s some food for thought really!
    Luv that bracelet and the pic! Hugs IHM!

    me – I loved that bracelet too! She had lost it in college and then we could only find a green one, which she didn’t like 😦

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  8. Hugs IHM…
    Each day brings a promise of a new beginning – for giving us a chance to try harder to live life in a better way…
    To help us deal with grief, sadness and hopelessness, we get a new day, which helps us take one step at a time with courage and strength…

    {{{hugs}}}

    Me – Yes dear Pixie, one day at a time, one step at a time…
    thanks, hugs!!

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  9. Hugs, dear IHM. Loss (Especially of a child) does make irreparable, irreversible changes in our lives. It’s like a hollow dent in our lives. And I really don’t knwo if we can make a fresh start, atleast once in a while. Seems impossible, atleast to me…

    Lovely picture there…The bracelet is cute!

    Me – She loved that bracelet too RS…
    Yes it seems impossible to me too… but one could walk a small step at a time and learn to live with the memories with a smile.

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    • Dear IHM,

      pls don’t refer to her in the past ….. if it helps, continue using the present for her … she still loves orange and turquoise 🙂

      Her spirit is still there …

      Me – Yes her spirit is there. I don’t feel she is completely gone now… I did in the beginning, but not now. I think acceptance makes it easier to live with her always being in my heart, thoughts, and every action… Hugs Deepa.

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  10. I don’t know whether each day promises a new beginning IHM, but yes each day does bring about a new process of discovery. Remember you finding that poem on Deviant Art the day before her bday – well didn’t it change your perception of dreams and add a new deimension to the mind that you inculcated for nineteen years? The laptop voice – didn’t you pay a special heed as you heard it to note how really she sounded.
    Loss of Y has made me realise one thing IHM – there are no beginnings just as there are no ends – all that is there is a loop. First we live the loop thinking that there’s no end to this companionship and the end that is there is to be natural and too far away to be imagined. Then when the end hits us, we give into the urges of being ‘normal’ and ‘moving on’ – but only for the world. Within ourselves we stand at the beginning of the loop – determined to play the entire tape again and again – the endless loop types and in the process attempt to pay attention to the minutest of details so that there’s a discovery of an unnoticed thing – unimportant then, but now it helps us believe that there is a signal that there’s more to discover of the person who’s not there but still lives on.
    As you say there’s no getting over – its only numbness and acceptance. Such discoveries assure us that there is more to death we know and that there’s more to the life left behind – that past also has seeds sown for the future and need not be a closed chapter. Each day brings in a discovery that helps us begin a new day.
    Hugs IHM .. super tight ones.

    Me – A big, super-tight hug to you too!!! I too feel there are no beginnings or ends here… and it helps to feel this way.

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  11. She looks pretty in turquoise. Time is no healer dear IHM. It numbs the pain and we learn to manage that pain and keep it under control in a better easier way. Hugs. Like Gauri says, there is no single answer to anything.

    me – I agree, time helps but it doesn’t heal really… the pain is always there…

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  12. YEs IHM i guess its in our human nature to start taking things for granted … I was watching a movie the other day WHATEVER WORKS … funny movie but in the end there is a dialogue which i rmemeber saying that
    We shud live each day, give some love ot someone take some love and not keep all that for a few days cause each day when we get up we have actually moved one step closer to our end…

    and we dont know when that step will be the last step

    SO I guess as your article says we shud stop taking things for granted …

    Tejaswee looks so good in that pic and turqouise wow, Makes me remember the days when i use to tie a turban and this was my favourite you know have a shirt and turban same color 🙂

    God bless IHM Take care of yourself

    Me -Yeah that is why we are always being told to live each day of our lives…

    I saw Phoenixritu’s family in turquoise recently, turquoise, matching shirt and turban, for festive occasions sounds great, specially if it’s in brocade.

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  13. Each day comes with a new promise too .
    It is so tough to be able to see that promise and to sail through it
    …. but at the end of the day the deep pit in the stomach has to be filled up…

    HUGS !!!

    me – I would like to try focusing on that promise Sangeeta. I agree, it just has to be there….

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  14. each day is new and does have the potential to bring about something new in our life. But we have to strive for it.

    me – It’s nice to believe in the promise and the potential which just has to be there… or else there is no hope at all…

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  15. It’s very painful even to imagine how a parent feels at the loss of a child that I intentionally avoid doing it. Everyday life would be too hard if we had to think about the possibility of our child dying before us. Wishing you lots of peace and happy memories!

    P.S: I recently watched the movie “Rabbit Hole”. You might like it too. It is about grieving parents and how their life changes forever after the death of their toddler.

    me – I have heard about Rabbit Hole, read reviews and watched the trailer too – and do really wish to watch it. Let me see if I can order it online…

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  16. Made me think IHM…each day does bring with it new possibilities, new challenges, new discoveries, …and our perspective will play a part in defining how it shapes up for us…

    me – Well said PD. I agree. And in the end we do have the choice of making whatever we make of each day – we can’t choose our pain, but we can choose how we deal with it. To some extent.

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  17. We are the sum total of our experiences! You are doing great! Look for activities/things that raise your spirit.

    Me – Yes I think we are the sum total of our experiences.

    Blogging, walking, reading a lot, watching movies related to parents dealing with grief and finding hope somehow (I loved ‘The Lovely Bones’) …though sometimes these too fail to raise the spirit.

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  18. Tejaswee looks great with the turquoise bracelet and seems to be a very happy child. When we think about her, this and other happy faces of hers, come into our mind, IHM! These happy memories will help to think positively.

    Take care, IHM.

    Me – Yes they do Sandhya… I am grateful for having been so close to her and for all the wonderful memories!!! Just 19 and half years!!! …but atleast happy nineteen and a half years…

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  19. I have no idea about that new beginning stuff. I’m still trying to figure it all out.

    My son’s laptop was in sleep mode when I got it from his apartment. It said he had 4 programs running. I’d like to know what they were, what he was doing on his last night on earth. I don’t know his password, never did, so I’ve just left it plugged in and waiting. I guess I’m hoping he’ll find some way to send the password down to us.

    I still haven’t been able to watch the old videos yet. I admire your courage for doing it so soon.

    That’s a great picture of your daughter. You can just see she was enjoying life, and you should feel good about that, because you had a lot to do with it.

    Wishing you peace.

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  20. You know.. i read the post, then came back, then read again… then thot some more.. and here, finally, is the answer that you may or may not want:

    Actually, we dont have a choice. Whether we like it or not, a new day will always mean something new. At the end of a sad day, we wish that the sorrow goes. it may or may not go. But it will be different tomorrow. Likewise, at the end of a euphoric win at the Oscars, we may wish that the feeling carries into the next day, and the day after.. but thats not how it happens.. the next day, we are happy in a different way..

    Time is like a river… it flows by definition.. whether we like it or not, the river looks different by dawn and by dusk, and in every minute in between..

    It is also true that both grief and happiness change us forever. That does not mean that this is not “normal” . It only means that today is the new normal.. in the new normal, some days are easier than some others..and some days are harder.. and some days appear to hard to get past…and some days, are full of smiles and celebration of what was. This IS the new normal.

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  21. Do you believe that each day promises a fresh beginning?

    Yes, I do. I hope and trust you do too.
    The tragedy cannot be undone.
    The only choice you have is to look ahead with hope.
    Remember her with pride, instead of remembering her with grief.
    I know it’s still only a few months and the wounds are fresh and feeling like this from time to time is understandable.
    But Time will heal the wounds.
    Be brave till then and be assured of our empathy.
    Keep writing as often as you can.
    Regards
    GV

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    • Thank You GV. Time is helping and the lows are less frequent than they were, and also an understanding about what causes the lows is developing so they are easier to control…
      I remind myself (doesn’t always help) that it will get easier with time. I think this is a huge error nature made, so much pain with no control is not right, when we can do nothing to change what caused it.

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  22. I was avoiding commenting in your blog as I was not sure what to say. It is easy to give advices…but only the person knows how it feels like. But I’d say, you must think of Tejaswee with a smile. I think, this would make her happy too.

    Me – I understand the hesitation… I do sometimes see some funny picture of hers and smile like I would have earlier. And I saw a video of the kids playing Dumb Charades this May at my mom’s place, and I actually laughed while watching it (and cried too, to be honest, but that’s fine I feel).

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  23. I had the same feeling this morning and its still there, because on the same day 11 years ago I lost my father and again on the same day 4 months ago lost my mother.
    I read your blog everyday for some unknown reason, but today your first few lines of this post somehow made me write this comment.
    By the way I am as old as your daughter and only child to my parents which in a way could be a reason for trying to find solace in your arms…..
    Miss my parents so much!
    Take Care IHM.

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  24. Thats a lovely picture of Tejaswee…such a beautiful bracelet too….every little thing which she loved or was fond of, is a living treasure of Tejaswee, right ??? They are the things through which you see her, day to day at home. She’s there around you. Hugs to you.

    I do believe that each new is a new beginning – to help the heart to heal, to think of her in a different way, to accept the pain….for many things….take care.

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  25. My heartfelt condolences to you. May her soul rest in peace. Its so true when you say that you have two lives to live one that was and the other that is after the fateful day.
    Take care

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  26. I know your pain. I lost my only daughter in May of 2008. Does each day bring a new beginning? Yes and no. I am truly changed forever and the eternal optimism I used to possess is no more. But other changes have occurred that perhaps are good. To paraphrase another bereft parent: I may not be changed for the better, but I are changed for good. I’d like to share my blog with you, as one sad mother to another. Let’s share… We belong to a very sad “club” that few others understand.

    Best wishes Rekha.

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